Quando la mia ombra non ha più camminato accanto a me, è stato il giorno in cui ho capito che la vostra oscurità, di cui avevo fatto parte, stava prendendo il sopravvento su di me. Mi sentivo come una pianta che stava morendo. Dentro di me, stavo morendo per la mancanza di illuminazione che non riuscivate a proiettare. Stavo appassendo e mi sentivo così incontrollabile. Non potevo sopportare un altro momento di essere circondata da un estraneo che risiedeva nel mio stesso corpo. La parte più dolorosa era che la mia famiglia non capiva la persona che stavo diventando e nemmeno io. È stato allora che ho capito che avevi quasi vinto. È stato allora che ho scelto di riprendermi la mia dignità e di alzarmi in piedi, per quanto tremante fossi. Avevo bisogno di recuperare la persona che ero una volta, senza di te.

The feeling of that day was glorious. I felt like a queen. I felt like myself again…

I know in the beginning it’s natural to recognize the pain that brought us to this very moment. It’s natural to spend time, thought and energy on those horrible things that were not only said but done. I do believe there is a certain amount of tempo che abbiamo bisogno di dedicare a noi stessi per guarire ma passando troppo tempo a rivivere l'orrore, ignoriamo il vero lavoro che deve essere fatto. Il vero lavoro consiste nel concentrarsi su se stessi. Il vero lavoro consiste nell'imparare a diventare la persona che eravate una volta senza quel veleno nella vostra vita. Il vero lavoro consiste nel realizzare ciò che si vuole nella vita e nel rendersi conto che si è molto di più di una persona che ci ha fatto sentire così.

That very moment you realize you deserve love and respect is the very moment you are set free and are no longer shackled by his chains. That’s the very moment when you are no longer the victim but the victor.

I found solace in writing about how I felt. I also saw a pattern when I wrote down what had occurred in the past and what I wanted for the future for me. I no longer wanted him to break me. I no longer wanted a place for him in my heart. No longer was I going to focus on the demons of his past and what he had done. I took what I learned and created my own self-guide to becoming the person I was once before him…

Essere grati per le lezioni che si sono apprese da lui

Credo che le persone vengano inserite nella nostra vita per un motivo specifico e che ognuna di esse abbia cause e risultati specifici. Alcune restano. Alcuni se ne vanno. Credo che il suo ingresso nella mia vita sia stato la lezione più difficile I’ve ever had to learn but one thing for certain is I’m forever grateful for this. I went through hell but I do believe without him weakening me to almost nothing I would have never seen my full potential that I deserved to show myself. I would have never seen what a truly strong woman I am and I would have never met my expectation of becoming the woman I wanted to be. For that, I am grateful. I learned a very important lesson from all of this madness and this was that happiness is something that comes from within, happiness is not something you should allow someone to take hostage of and happiness should be shared but never taken advantage of.

Essere pazienti e gentili con se stessi

I know this may seem impossible after dating someone who’s a grandiose narcissist. So stop yelling at yourself about the past and remember what’s done is done. You cannot change the past but only move forward. You are allowed to grieve, you are allowed to cry, you are allowed to get mad. It is so important that you understand that the same kindness that you give to others you have to give to yourself. I had found I had to distance myself from my friends and family because I felt so pressured to just get over someone so quickly. You cannot lose sight of being patient with yourself. I know it’s frustrating every waking moment as you feel as if all your energy is going to someone else but remember that wounds take time to heal.

Liberarsi dal passato e perdonare

I know it will take a while to forgive the person who destroyed you but in order to move forward with your life, it’s best to put the past behind you. I had to remind myself that I should always shower people with kindness no matter if that action cannot be shown to myself in return. Once you realize you are a much better person, you are able to focus on what your future holds. Remember that although this was not your fault, it is always important to forgive, because if we hold onto some part of the bitterness, we only become the person he wanted us to be. You are much stronger than that.

Riconnettersi con chi si è

I spent many nights alone by myself. Thinking about my past before I had met him. Thinking about the person I once was. Thinking about how to get back to that person that not only my friends and family craved but I also desired. I found comfort in being alone, because this helped me put my thoughts together. I’m not saying stay at home and shut everyone out because everyone is different. However, what helped me get back to myself was remembering the things that brought joy into my life. I loved to write, I loved to dance, going out for drinks with my friends, and making the decisions I wanted to make, but I have never felt so free and unbound by anyone as when I was out running alone. I remembered that those things made me who I am and those things brought happiness to myself.

Stabilire obiettivi per se stessi

I always had goals in all aspects of life; work, friends, and family. But the hardest one was for myself. It took me speaking to my sister about this. She said to me, “What does Annie really want?” I knew what I wanted but I didn’t know how to get there. I knew I wanted to make a list but every list I had always created was based solely on another person. Doesn’t seem like much of a goal does it? I took myself back to what made myself happy, learning that I needed to set exceptions for myself and myself only. I chose to complete an Ironman. To start a charity that gives back to others because my heart yearns the feeling of giving back to others. And to write to help others who have never felt as lost as I have. To stop looking for the perfect husband and focus on the goals I wanted to accomplish, because the only person I know who can help me accomplish these are myself. That within itself is the best feeling anyone can have.

Don’t let his darkness consume you, let his darkness be the very beginning of your realization. You are a queen. You are a force to be reckoned with. Choose your own destiny and give yourself your own strength. You are the only one who can heal your broken heart. Siete gli unici a poter creare la felicità dentro di voi..