Come superare il primo amore: 13 passi per il successo

Come si fa a superare il primo amore? Questa è la domanda a cui tutti noi abbiamo voluto rispondere almeno una volta nella vita. 

Potrebbe essere il prima persona siamo usciti insieme nel scuola superiore come 16 anni, qualcuno con cui abbiamo condiviso il nostro primo bacio con, il prima persona we said “Ti amo” to, or that special someone we thought was our anima gemella. Chiunque sia, perdere il proprio primo fidanzato o fidanzata non è mai facile. 

If this is something you’re dealing with right now, we have a solution to your problem. Here are 13 steps to follow if you’re trying to figure out how to get over your primo amore nel modo più sano possibile. 

1. Accept that it’s the end

Il passo iniziale per superare la primo colpo di fulmine è quello di convincersi it’s really over. You can’t expect to dimenticarli and to kick them out of your heart if you keep hoping that they’ll come back to you and that things will be the way they used to be. 

That is exactly what many people do when they first break up: they’re in denial and refuse to face the harsh reality. 

I know it’s easier to keep on pretending that nothing has changed than look at the truth and the pain in your eyes, but you simply have to do it sooner or later, if you want any progress, and it’s definitely better to do it right away than to give yourself more false hope. 

Destiny won’t magically bring you and your ex together (and even if it does, it would never be the same), this is not a phase or a test every relationship goes through. This is it-this is the end and the final goodbye. 

Quindi, invece di mettere il vostro tutta la vita in attesa mentre aspettate pazientemente questo una persona di tornare, investite tutte le vostre energie per superarle. 

2. Smettere di vedere la rottura come la fine del mondo

Questa è un'altra cosa che accade alla maggior parte delle persone dopo la loro primo colpo di fulmine: they think it’s the end of the world and that they won’t recover in un milione anni. Questo è il vostro prima esperienza when it comes to this type of emotional pain, it hits you right in the guts and it is perfectly natural that you don’t know how to handle it. 

At first, you think you’ll die. Your life is over and everything besides this person is pointless. 

However, this is far from the truth. The Earth will keep on spinning even though you’ve lost someone you love and you will continue living, even though it doesn’t seem that way now. 

Per favore, smettetela di essere così pessimisti. Le prime relazioni finiscono, people grow apart and it’s up to you to accept this as a part of life-nothing more and nothing less.

Besides, I won’t lie to you-these things will continue happening. You’ll make mistakes in love and you will be heartbroken again but the difference is, the next time it happens, you’ll know you’ll sopravvivere. 

3. Smettere di romanticizzare il primo amore

If you want the answer to the question: “Come posso dimenticare il mio primo amore?” it is actually pretty simple: you just have to stop romanticizing it. 

Cosa rende primi amori così difficile da superare è il fatto che le persone tendono a romanticizzarlo, in quanto è il vostro prima esperienza quando si tratta di romanticismo. 

Quante volte avete sentito dire da qualcuno che non si dimentica mai la prima persona you ever loved? That you’ll forever remember your primo bacio e prima esperienza con il sesso opposto?

Quanti film avete visto che parlano di persone che si riavvicinano a un'altra persona? scuola superiore storie d'amore quando invecchiano?

You might not be aware of this but we’re surrounded by the cult of primo amore. Tutti la considerano la forma più pura, più pulita e più intensa di legame romantico. 

However, it’s about time for you to break that myth. 

Lasciate che vi dica una cosa: i sentimenti che provate per il vostro primo amore only seem to be the strongest simply because you’ve never experienced anything similar. You give yourself entirely to the other person just because you still haven’t learned to be careful about the way you open your heart to others. 

Il prima volta you break up with someone seems to be the most painful because you still haven’t had the chance to learn how to process it. 

Therefore, there is nothing special about first romance. It’s actually just like any other relationship you’ll have during your lifetime. 

Infatti, l'ultimo è l'uno che conta!

4. Non avere contatti

After you’ve sorted out the basics in your head, it’s time for some radical moves. The first step towards your complete healing is going completely no contact with your ex.

I’m sure you’ve heard about the no contact rule: you block your ex’s number, unfriend and unfollow them on all social media,  e interrompere qualsiasi tipo di comunicazione con loro. Di solito si segue questa regola per far sentire all'ex la propria assenza e per riconquistarlo.

However, even though you’ll stick to the regola del divieto di contatto, you won’t do it for these purposes. Instead, you’ll do it because it’s the only way to kick your ex both out of your life and heart. 

Sì, rimanere amici dopo una relazione seria di lunga durata è una cosa bella e civile da fare. Tuttavia, è possibile solo nel caso in cui entrambi siate completamente indifferenti l'uno all'altro e non abbiate più sentimenti romantici. 

D'altro canto, non appena si inizia a cercare di capire come superare il proprio primo amore, it becomes more than apparent that you haven’t gotten over your ex. Therefore, the last thing you should be doing is tormenting yourself and pretending you can be migliori amici just to “do the right thing”. 

5. Cut all ties with “their people”

Many people don’t know this but there is a difference between going fully no contact and cutting all ties with your relazione passata. However, let’s be real here: is there any point in you finishing all communication with your ex if you’ll continue doing some other things to be around them?

Sì, questo potrebbe essere efficace se il vostro obiettivo è quello di farli paura di perderti and if you just want for them to think that you’ve moved on. 

However, if you really want to get over this person, you won’t care what they think-what will be important is how you feel and if you’re making any actual progress. 

That’s why your life has to stop revolving around this person. First of all, cut ties with their friends and family. I know that this is quite difficult, especially if we’re talking about some mutual friends you also love and who are important to you. 

On the other hand, when it comes to your ex’s family, you are probably too shy to start avoiding them or to block them everywhere because you don’t want to appear rude. After all, none of these people has ever done you any harm and it’s not fair for them to pay the consequences for your ex’s action. 

However, this is not about them-it’s about you. You have to find a way to make yourself feel better and this an amazing starting point.

Besides, this doesn’t mean that you have to erase these people from your life permanently. You can just explain the situation, ask them to understand and to give you some time, and I’m sure most of them will. 

6. Limitare il tempo in cui si pensa a loro

So, you’ve physically removed your ex and everyone who reminded you of them. You’ve narrowed down the people you can talk to about them, but despite that, this person is still constantly present in the back of your mind. 

The worst part is that you’ve started thinking that there is nothing more you can do about it. 

You’ve stopped going to places where you know you could meet them, you’ve cut ties with everyone they know, you’re not reaching out to them, you’re not stalking their profiles, you’re not asking around about them…

But despite all of this, it looks like you’re not going anywhere. This person is still l'uno Si pensa dall'alba al tramonto e naturalmente ci si sente impotenti. 

Well, the trick is in limiting the time you’re allowed to think about your ex. Of course, it would be ideal if you could just snap your fingers and smettere di pensare a loro. 

However, since that is impossible, it would be great if you could begin with some baby steps. For starters, give yourself let’s say half an hour a day when this person is allowed to exist in your brain.

Ogni volta che pensate a loro al di fuori di questo lasso di tempo, ricordate a voi stessi la vostra decisione e lasciate i vostri pensieri per dopo. Naturalmente, dovreste ridurre questo tempo ogni giorno o settimana che passa. 

7. Avere speranza 

Whenever you’re going through a tough time in your life, including the breakup of your prima relazione, the crucial thing is to not lose hope. Instead, try to be optimistic and to have faith in a better tomorrow, no matter the problems you’re facing. 

Questo aspetto è molto importante quando si tratta di superare il primo amore vero anche. A prescindere da come vi sentite ora, dovete essere consapevoli che amerete di nuovo e che la persona giusta verrà.

Whether you believe it or not, someone will come along who you’ll love more than you loved your ex. 

Qualcuno che guarirà il vostro cuore spezzato and help you raise you from the ashes; someone who will make you forget all of this pain you’re facing now and who will help you leave all of it in the past, where it belongs. 

I know that hearing this now makes you think that I’m just trying to comfort you and make you feel better but it really is the truth and you have to put all of your strength into believing it. 

Il tuo nuova vita awaits you and sooner or later, this will be nothing but a distant memory. In fact, you’ll remember your first amore vero con il sorriso sulle labbra e niente di più. 

8. Concentrarsi sulla cura di sé

Questo è il momento in cui è necessario concentrarsi su cura di sé prima. Per un un paio d'anniavete amato questa persona con tutto il vostro cuore e le avete dato primo posto nella vostra vita e ora dovete imparare a rompere questo ciclo. 

Forse siete cambiati per adattarvi meglio a loro. Forse avete perso la persona che eravate un tempo, ma ora è il momento di riconquistare il vostro autostima e di ritrovare se stessi.

Instead of wasting entire days on thinking about your ex, focus on self-improvement. Work on your appearance, intellect, emotions, career…whatever helps.

The bottom line is that you should invest your energy into becoming the person you’re destined to be. Work on personal progress, do all the things you’ve always wanted to do and please all of your heart’s deepest desires. 

Viziatevi, aumentate il vostro autostima, pratica cura di sé, e fate tutto il possibile per rendervi felici, perché nessuno lo farà per voi. 

9. Chiedere aiuto

Listen carefully: there is no shame in admitting that you can’t handle some life situations on your own and that you could use a hand while going through them. 

No, this doesn’t apply just to things like the death of a amata, a divorce, or job loss-you’re allowed to grieve someone who is still alive and over the crepacuore il tuo prima relazione sinistra.

You have the right to feel the way you do and nobody can tell you that your suffering makes you weak, immature, or that it’s irrelevant. 

Prima di tutto, cercate di chiedere aiuto al vostro migliori amici e famiglia. È probabile che la maggior parte delle persone intorno a voi abbia già affrontato la stessa situazione in passato, quindi la loro preziosa esperienza può sicuramente esservi utile come consiglio. 

I’m not saying that you should blindly follow their patterns of behavior, since we all heal in a different manner and at a different pace, but what you can do is look up to them. Besides, other people’s stories will make you see that everyone gets over every possible pain, sooner or later. 

If this doesn’t help, don’t be embarrassed to look for professional help. Go talk to an expert who will give you the push you need to start rationalizing things and to begin your healing process in a healthy way. 

10. Imparare dalla propria relazione

Invece di vedere la rottura come la cosa peggiore che potesse capitarvi, provate a osservare tutto quello che è successo da una prospettiva diversa. 

Prima di tutto, il vostro relazione d'amore wasn’t all cose brutte-it had its beautiful moments. Please don’t allow those moments to be wiped from your memory and for all the cose brutte che sono accaduti di recente per cancellarli. 

Non importa come sia finita, aveva comunque il suo valore e che una persona che avete frequentato per tanto tempo merita di rimanere nella vostra memoria. Sì, è finita, ma è stato bello finché è durato. 

Secondly, if you’re wise, you’ll use your failed romance as a tough but valuable lesson. It will help you learn about love, about the opposite sex, about life and relationships, and most importantly-about yourself. 

Considerate questa occasione come un'opportunità per osservare il vostro modelli di incontri tossici. Quali sono stati i vostri errori durante questa relazione? 

What are the things you’re looking for and quelli you won’t tolerate again? What is your preferable type of partner and what are your deal breakers? 

Come può aiutarvi a trovare il persona giusta? 

Out of all the lessons your break up can teach you, this one is crucial: you don’t need anyone to survive-you just have to convincersi of that. After all, for all this time, you were convinced that you couldn’t make it without your partner and that you would die if they left your side. 

However, there you are, safe and sound. Yes, you’re going through your primo colpo di fulmine but what matters is that you’re still whole and complete. 

So, I guess you’re way stronger than you assumed. 

11. Don’t rush yourself into a new relationship

Asking for advice from your loved ones doesn’t mean that you should go against your heart’s desires. This especially applies to the situation when everyone tells you to fight fire with fire and that the best way to forget your ex is to get yourself involved into a new, relazione d'amore ASAP – like that’s a piece of cake. 

Even though there is nothing wrong with falling in love again, please don’t force yourself into doing anything you’re not ready for. Don’t rush yourself into a nuova relazione perché questo non farà altro che farvi sentire peggio di prima. 

Oltre a consegnare il bagaglio emotivo del vostro relazione passata la possibilità di rovinare il vostro nuovo inizioMa non c'è modo che abbia successo se lo iniziate per le ragioni sbagliate. Dopo tutto, nessuno merita di essere il vostro punto di sutura: sarebbe ingiusto per voi trascinare una terza persona nelle vostre montagne russe emotive. 

It doesn’t matter that you have broken off for good with your ex-you still have some unresolved issues with yourself and that is not fruitful soil for a new healthy romance. 

12. Ma siate aperti a nuovi amori

Tuttavia, c'è una differenza tra alzare la guardia e condannarsi a una vita senza amore e non saltare da una relazione all'altra. Non ha assolutamente senso fuggire da un potenziale amore e questo tipo di approccio può causare molti più danni di quanto si possa pensare.

Therefore, if love knocks on your door, don’t push it away. Be careful but embrace it openly. 

Don’t get me wrong-I’m not here to promise you that you’ll never get your heart broken again. The truth is that there is no way to protect yourself from that possibility. 

Sì, l'amore è sempre un rischio. Tuttavia, è un rischio che vale la pena correre. 

Un'altra cosa a cui dovete prestare attenzione è quella di non paragonare le altre persone della vostra vita con il vostro ex. 

To be honest: I don’t know which is worse: thinking that they were the best and rejecting potential partners because they’re not your primo fidanzato o fidanzata, o essere convinti che tutti vi faranno del male come ha fatto il vostro ex. 

Either way, by doing any of these things, you’re only giving them power over you. You’ll sabotage your nuova vita and future relationships right from the start if you’re looking for your ex’s replacement. 

13. Datevi il tempo di guarire

Sì, tutto questo riguarda il superamento del vostro relazione passata and moving on. However, in order to know the answer to the question: “Come posso dimenticare il mio primo amore?”, you have to fix your cuore spezzato. 

Healing is a process which takes time, devotion, and energy. So, please don’t expect it to be done overnight. 

No, I’m not saying that you should dedicate your tutta la vita to this person and that you should allow yourself to grieve over them for the rest of eternity. However, you can’t repress your emotions and pretend that everything is in perfect order either. 

A good idea would be to set yourself a deadline. Mark a certain date on your calendar and allow yourself to suffer up to then. Then, when that date comes, you’re no longer allowed to think or talk about that person. No, you won’t be completely healed then either, but you will have made significant progress and you’ll have the answer to the question: “How do you get over your primo amore“?