Mio marito è cattivo con me e sta lentamente rovinando il nostro matrimonio

“My husband is mean to me” is, unfortunately, a sentence we hear so often these days. Non c'è niente che faccia più male dell'essere mancati di rispetto e maltrattati dalla persona che amiamo e a cui teniamo di più.

Questi sentimenti li conosco bene. Ho già vissuto tutto questo. Mi chiedevo continuamente perché mio marito fosse così cattivo e irrispettoso con me.

And you know what? No matter what I did or how much I tried, I really couldn’t find the right answer. I couldn’t understand how that good man I married had turned into such a toxic and bitter person.

I know I wasn’t always the perfect wife. I have my flaws just like all human beings do but I really tried hard to be a better spouse every single day and to make him happy.

I really tried hard to save our marriage and fortunately, my efforts paid off in the end. We went through that crisis, learned our lessons from it and left it all in the past. We’re still happily married.

Lo sai, La cosa peggiore è che iniziate a credere a tutte le cattiverie che vi dice ogni giorno.

You start thinking about how the real problem might be you. It all just makes you feel like you’re unworthy of love.

In the beginning, you are in the process of denial. Even though you’re aware of the fact that he doesn’t treat you well, you deny it because you don’t want to admit it and you’re afraid of ruining your marriage.

Then, you start comforting yourself with how it’s all a phase, one little crisis you have to go through to strengthen the bond between you and how it’ll all pass very soon.

Non fate altro che tacere a tutti i suoi insulti perché pensate che il vostro amore lo farà cambiare.

You constantly feel like it’s all a bad dream and how you’re going to wake up soon and find your good man, the man lying next to you, whom you fell in love with and married,.

Alla fine, you don’t have any other option than to accept that something has changed, that your husband has changed.

You’re aware that you must act fast and try to fix your marriage while you still have time.

Perché mio marito è così cattivo con me? 14 possibili ragioni

Non sono mai riuscita a capire perché mio marito fosse così cattivo e irrispettoso con me e gentile con tutti gli altri. Vederlo comportarsi bene con tutti tranne che con me mi spezzava il cuore.

Before dealing with your husband’s anger, you have to understand the reason why he is angry and being disrespectful to you all of a sudden. Here are some possible causes for his angry outbursts.

L'amore che un tempo provava per voi sta svanendo

We can’t say that your husband never did love you. He probably did because he married you but there is a possibility that his feelings might have changed.

It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you at all anymore, it just means that he doesn’t love you the same way he did at the beginning of your relationship.

C'è sicuramente qualcosa di diverso nelle sue emozioni. Se ti amasse davvero come prima, non sarebbe mai cattivo e non ferirebbe i tuoi sentimenti con il suo comportamento irrispettoso.

He doesn’t care for you at all

If he keeps mistreating you and keeps saying mean things on a daily basis, there is only one conclusion for that behavior. He doesn’t care for you, nor did he ever.

Accept the truth. This is not just one of those little marriage problems. This is huge and it won’t pass just like that. Time won’t help you to ease the pain of being mistreated, nor will your love.

Come vivere una vita felice con un uomo che è costantemente cattivo con te e ferisce i tuoi sentimenti ogni giorno, senza nemmeno pensare a come potresti sentirti dopo?

Se pensate che ci sia anche solo una piccola speranza di lottare per il vostro matrimonio, vi dico di farlo.

But the best thing would probably be to leave the man who doesn’t care about your feelings or your well-being. To leave the man who doesn’t love or deserve you.

Ha problemi di rabbia

Is your man always up for a fight? Does he blow up at the smallest things? Does he always try to avoid talking about his angry outbursts once he’s cooled down?

If your answers to all of these questions are affirmative, you’re probably dealing with un uomo che ha problemi di rabbia, even though he won’t admit it, of course.

Those issues won’t pass with time if you don’t deal with them together.

Actually, anger is very contagious and it’s very easy to create a habit out of it, a habit to be angry most of the time, without any reason.

Dovete gestire questi problemi e parlarne con il vostro partner perché potrebbero avere molti effetti negativi sul vostro matrimonio e sulla vostra famiglia. Se uno dei due partner ha problemi di rabbia, questo porta a una relazione tossica e abusiva.

Ha una bassa autostima paralizzante

Whenever we were out with our friends or at some family gatherings, I couldn’t wrap my head around why my husband was mean to me and nice to everyone else.

Più tardi ho capito che era soprattutto a causa delle sue insicurezze e della sua sorprendente bassa autostima.

I also understood that being angry or mean to someone is actually a sign of weakness. That it’s just a coping technique against some fears we all have.

In quel periodo mio marito stava attraversando crisi molto gravi, sia personali che professionali.

Pensava che fossi migliore di lui e che meritassi qualcuno di meglio, qualcuno che fosse in grado di provvedere a me e di realizzare tutti i miei sogni.

He’s just selfish

This is probably the best and only correct answer. He’s definitely selfish because he doesn’t care how you’ll feel when he hurts you with his mean behavior.

I know it’s difficult to accept but it’s absolutely true. Why can’t you get your revenge or do such things he did to you to hurt your feelings? Precisely because of that, not to hurt someone’s feelings.

Maybe he’s even being unfaithful to you

One of the possible causes of his disrespectful behavior may also be his infidelity. Maybe he isn’t brave enough to tell you the truth.

He probably doesn’t have the guts to tell you how things really are and he actually wants to make you end your marriage by being mean to you.

You’re married so you’re in a long-term relationship with your partner, so you know him well. Do you find anything awkward in his behavior, any signs that may tell you that your partner is being unfaithful to you?

Ultimamente è iperprotettivo nei confronti del suo cellulare, si arrabbia e si comporta male con voi ogni volta che gli prendete il telefono o avete notato qualche cambiamento sui suoi social media che vi è sembrato strano?

Se avete qualche motivo per dubitare della sua fedeltà, cercate quelle piccole cose che potrebbero essere la prova che il vostro partner vi tradisce.

Potrebbe essere un misogino

If this is the reason why your husband is mean to you, don’t be too hard on yourself and blame yourself for not noticing it before you married him.

It’s true that misogynists are everywhere around us but it may be very difficult to spot them perché sanno come nascondere il loro lato oscuro finché non ottengono ciò che vogliono e allora mostrano il loro vero volto.

On the other hand, most of them aren’t even aware that they are a misogynist.

Il loro odio per le donne è stato probabilmente causato da qualche trauma infantile o perché una figura femminile molto importante nella loro vita li ha traditi e feriti profondamente.

La loro caratteristica migliore è il fascino arguto, che è l'esca perfetta per le donne. Una volta trovato un bersaglio, la fanno innamorare di loro, iniziano a manifestare il loro odio e cercare di renderla il più infelice possibile.

Sta attraversando un momento difficile

He started getting home really late from work and he was always bringing some work projects home and working late in his home office. That was the first red flag but unfortunately, I didn’t interpret it well.

Per tutto questo tempo ho pensato che mi stesse tradendo. Ho notato che era stressato, ma ancora una volta ho pensato che fosse la pressione dovuta al fatto che conduceva una vita piena di impegni.

I’m still very sorry for doubting his fidelity but he was so mean to me and every time I asked what was happening, he avoided talking about it. You have to admit, he gave me good reasons to doubt him.

Tuttavia, fortunatamente, mi sbagliavo di grosso. Era a capo di un'azienda privata e in quel periodo la sua società stava attraversando una grossa crisi, era sottoposta a enormi pressioni e per questo era molto stressato.

I will never be able to apologize enough for doubting his fidelity but on the other hand, he also made a mistake by not telling me the truth because we swore to be each other’s support in both the good and bad times.

He’s a control freak

Avere a che fare con un marito arrabbiato e maniaco del controllo è molto difficile ed estenuante.

It emotionally drains you because you try and try to be a better spouse for him but no matter what you do, it’s never good enough for him.

He is Mr. Always Right and every time you do something wrong, he’ll create an unnecessary drama about it and be really mean to you.

It’s the kind of man who always thinks he is smarter than you and he doesn’t care about your opinion, nor does he want to hear it from you.

He’ll cross over all of your boundaries and hurt your feelings purposely without having any second thoughts about it, just to get what he wants.

He’s just taking advantage of your kindness and your honest feelings

He knows you. He knows how you think, how you feel and how you act in specific situations. That’s why he is being so mean to you.

He is aware of the fact that you love him, maybe even more than you love yourself, and he knows that no matter what he does or says, you won’t get mad at him.

Even if you do get mad, he knows that you won’t stay angry for too long. He knows you are a good and kind woman with a big heart and that you’ll forgive him every time he disrespects you.

Ebbene, dovreste tracciare un limite da qualche parte e sorprenderlo. Non importa quanto amiate qualcuno, non dovreste mai permettergli di prendervi in giro o di trattarvi male.

If he’s playing this little game with you, show him how it should be done properly.

Correlato: Perché la mia ragazza è così cattiva con me (16 motivi + modi per affrontarla)

Maybe it’s actually his very weird way of seeking attention

Se il vostro uomo ama essere sempre al centro dell'attenzione e voi lo avete trascurato per qualche tempo, forse questo è il suo modo malato di cercare la vostra attenzione.

I really don’t know what to say about this one. It’s a little bit creepy but also romantic and funny at the same time.

If this is the reason why your husband is being mean, then he’s so childish and spoiled too.

Of course, you shouldn’t neglect him, no matter how many other obligations you have, but still, he must understand that he can’t always be the center of your attention.

Ha un disturbo narcisistico della personalità

Alcuni tratti che definiscono quasi tutti i narcisisti sono la mancanza di empatia per gli altri, il profondo bisogno di attenzione e il comportamento arrogante.

If your husband is always showing a little bit of each, then I’m sorry for having to break it to you but you married a narcissist.

People like that are only focused on themselves and only they are what’s truly important. He won’t be careful with your feelings because he doesn’t give two hoots about them.

He’s an abuser

Sometimes it’s possible that you’re being abused without even noticing it. Also, many people think that there is only physical abuse and that’s untrue.

La verità è che chiunque dica spesso cose offensive e cattive o cerchi di controllarvi sta abusando emotivamente di voi.

Abusers are great manipulators. They can very easily make you think about how it’s all your fault. Questo è noto come abuso mentale.

However, you must know that it’s never your fault. No matter what you did or said to him, he doesn’t have the right to disrespect you.

If you’re asking yourself, “Why is my husband mean to me and nice to everyone else?” the answer is simple.

It’s that abusers like to behave charming and nice in front of other people because they want to leave a good impression on the people who know you, so no one will believe you when you decide to admit you’re being abused in your relationship.

If you’re really in love with that man and you’re ready to do just about anything to improve and save your relationship, you must know that you’ll have to put enormous effort into salvare il vostro matrimonio.

Even though there is just a little hope for an abuser to change, it’s not impossible. If your love is real and honest, it can be a great motivation for them to change.

If he starts abusing you physically too, then you definitely mustn’t put up with it and keep hoping he’ll change and that it’ll pass. You must end your marriage immediately.

Voi amate quell'uomo e sarà doloroso divorziare da lui, ma sarebbe ancora peggio rimanere sposati con un abusatore.

You’ll need time and you’ll heal and move on with your life, while your soon-to-be-ex-husband will regret losing you forever.

Forse le sue recenti azioni sono la causa di questo improvviso comportamento irrispettoso.

Tuttavia, se suo marito è improvvisamente cambiato e si comporta male con lei, deve chiedersi se ha fatto qualcosa che possa aver provocato questo tipo di comportamento.

Se è la prima volta che suo marito le dice cose cattive e le manca di rispetto, il problema potrebbe risiedere in qualcosa che lei ha fatto.

Maybe you said or did something that really hurt his ego and I think we all know how important a man’s ego is to them.

It’s a huge part of their self-esteem and we already talked about how a man with a lower ego can sometimes be disrespectful in a relationship.

Again, I’m not saying that him mistreating and disrespecting you is your fault.

I’m just saying that you should think about your actions over the past few days and see whether you did anything that might have provoked him to be mean to you.

Vedi anche: 14 motivi per cui mio marito non fa mai niente di speciale per me

8 modi efficaci per affrontare la sua mancanza di rispetto

Avere a che fare con un marito arrabbiato e con i suoi tormenti emotivi e mentali quotidiani può essere davvero doloroso ed estenuante.

Tuttavia, ci sono alcuni modi per affrontarlo. Aiutatelo a capire i suoi problemi di rabbia, aiutatelo a cambiare e a salvare il vostro matrimonio.

It’s high time to set boundaries in your marriage

Okay, you’ve been dealing with his angry outbursts for some time now and you haven’t done anything about it because all this time, you thought he’d change.

However, now, it’s high time to put an end to it. Enough is enough. You know you don’t deserve it, so why should you keep putting up with and tolerating his toxic behavior?

Reset the boundaries in your marriage. Confront your husband about his disrespectful behavior. Tell him how it’s bothering you and how it’s slowly ruining your marriage.

Chiedetegli di essere più collaborativo in tutto, anche in alcune cose semplici come le faccende domestiche.

Doing some simple things like that together might be fun for both of you and it’ll also strengthen the bond between you and improve your relationship.

Be open and honest with him. Don’t try to change him by yourself but demand him to change his behavior if he wants to save your marriage.

Don’t add fuel to the fire

One of the best pieces of advice I was given when I was dealing with my husband’s temperament issues was that when one partner is fire, the other one has to be water.

Ciò significa che ogni volta che vostro marito si arrabbia e inizia a litigare con voi, dovreste cercare di calmare la tempesta e cercare di risolvere la questione in modo sano.

Of course, it’s not always possible to do that. Sometimes, he really provokes you and you get angry too.

However, you should try to calm yourself in those moments as much as possible. Don’t be upset just because he’s upset or angry with you.

Se vedete che qualcosa lo ha fatto arrabbiare molto, fatevi da parte e cercate di parlarne di nuovo quando si sarà calmato.

If you start participating in a fight, you’ll end up saying really mean things to each other and you will both later regret it but by then, it may be too late.

Cercate di arrivare alla causa principale della sua rabbia.

Before you start dealing with his bad temperament issues, you first must get to the bottom of what’s causing his angry outbursts.

There’s probably a reason for it, especially if it starts happening all of a sudden. You know that he isn’t the man you married but you must find out what caused him to change so negatively.

If you can’t figure out the cause by yourself, confront him about it and ask him to tell you.

If he tells you how you’re just imagining it or keeps avoiding talking about it, seek professional help or ask your or his best friend to help you find out.

The fact is that his toxic behavior is ruining your marriage and finding out what’s making him treat you that way is the only way you’ll be able to handle it and save your marriage.

Don’t try to change him because it’s a mission impossible

La regola più importante da seguire se volete salvare il vostro matrimonio è che non dovete mai cercare di cambiare vostro marito.

Potete essere diretti con lui, dirgli che i suoi problemi di rabbia stanno davvero danneggiando il vostro matrimonio e potete aiutarlo a cambiare il suo comportamento, ma la cosa più importante è che vostro marito deve rendersi conto di quanto il suo comportamento stia danneggiando il vostro matrimonio da solo ed essere disposto a cambiare.

This is the only way he’ll show you how much he cares for you and your marriage. And trust me, even if you try to change him, which would be a terrible mistake, you wouldn’t succeed in it.

Open up to someone about your husband’s anger issues

You don’t have to go through all of it alone. Open up to someone about the problems in your marriage. Talk to your best friend and ask them for advice.

Even though they might not give you any guidance, they’ll try to comfort you and make you feel better.

Forse potete anche chiedere al suo migliore amico o a qualcuno di cui si fida di più, oltre a voi, di parlargli e di avvertirlo di come il suo comportamento tossico stia influenzando e danneggiando il vostro matrimonio o semplicemente di scoprire il motivo dei suoi frequenti scatti d'ira.

Maybe he’ll listen to that person and realize it’s time for a change.

Suggeritegli una terapia di gestione della rabbia

You shouldn’t just accept his behavior without doing anything to help him realize he has to change.

Sia diretta con suo marito e gli faccia notare come i suoi problemi di temperamento stiano influenzando negativamente il vostro matrimonio e la vostra vita.

Ask him to try anger management therapy and tell him that you’ll be there for him every step of the way, supporting him and believing in him.

If he or you can’t identify his stressors, then he definitely needs professional help and this therapy will help him find the real cause of his anger issues and help him realize those negative emotions.

Provare a ridere della rabbia

L'umorismo è sempre la migliore cura per tutto, quindi potete provare. Ogni volta che vostro marito si arrabbia, cercate di distrarre la sua rabbia con l'umorismo.

Lo conoscete troppo bene e dovete sapere cosa lo fa ridere. Quando inizia a discutere per qualche stupidaggine, nel bel mezzo della conversazione, raccontate una barzelletta che sapete lo farà ridere.

Vedi anche: Perché sono tutti così cattivi con me? Non sei tu. (O forse sì?)

La consulenza matrimoniale può aiutarvi a salvare il vostro matrimonio

Se entrambi volete salvare o sistemare il vostro matrimonio, dovreste provare la consulenza matrimoniale. Un terapeuta può aiutare entrambi a rendersi conto degli errori che stanno danneggiando il vostro matrimonio e aiutarvi ad affrontarli.

Questa potrebbe essere solo un'altra crisi coniugale e con l'aiuto di un professionista potreste riuscire a superarla facilmente.

You’ll both have to put some effort in and be ready to work on your differences and issues to overcome that crisis.

D'altra parte, può anche essere un ottimo modo per rafforzare il vostro matrimonio e il legame tra di voi.

Ogni crisi e ogni problema tra di voi può essere superato se l'amore tra di voi è forte e onesto e se volete davvero migliorare o salvare il vostro matrimonio.

However, sometimes it’s impossible to tolerate specific behavior from your spouse and the best choice for both partners is to divorce.

Some things can’t be fixed or regained, after all. Lost trust and lost respect are just two of those things.