Mia moglie vuole il divorzio: Ecco cosa fare (e 8 cose da evitare)
“I remember her complaining before about some things that made her unhappy, but now my wife wants a divorce!
Never did I think that it would come to this, and now that it has, I have no idea what to do or what to say to her.”
If these or similar thoughts are running through your head at the moment, don’t worry – you’re not alone.
I problemi matrimoniali sono spesso trascurati dai coniugi e un matrimonio infranto doesn’t become broken overnight.
The fact that you’ve decided to seek virtual assistance speaks volumes about your determination and will to understand why she wants a divorce and what you can do (or avoid doing) to get your wife back.
Firmare i documenti per il divorzio è facile, ma lottare per salvare un matrimonio è qualcosa che solo un vero uomo fa (ammesso che tenga ancora a lei).
Come sempre, prima di arrivare al punto centrale e costruire una strategia, la prima cosa da fare è capire perché tutto questo sta accadendo, perché un problema definito è un problema dimezzato!
Capire perché vostra moglie vuole il divorzio
Sono molte le ragioni per cui, dopo alcuni anni di matrimonio, un coniuge può iniziare a pensare di divorziare.
Una relazione che un tempo era amorevole si trasforma in un brutto sogno da cui ci si vuole svegliare se non si vuole affrontare un processo di divorzio o di affidamento.
Ecco i motivi più possibili (e comuni) per cui vostra moglie potrebbe volere il divorzio:
1. La noia
La noia è il nemico numero uno quando si tratta di qualsiasi tipo di relazione. Il processo di noia si svolge in questo modo:
Il momento clou della vostra giornata/settimana è rilassarvi sul divano guardando Netflix e l'unica volta che vi sorprendete a vicenda è quando lasciate per sbaglio i piatti quando è il vostro turno di lavarli.
You can’t remember the last time you did something fun together and you no longer pay attention to the little things that matter (hugging, kissing goodbye, etc.).
And that is when a woman (or both spouses) starts feeling like something is missing, like something is utterly wrong because she’s no longer excited about being married.
Their exciting marriage has fallen into a rut and they’re no longer happy.
Questo vale soprattutto per le donne. Dovete pensare a vostra moglie come a un fiore.
Affinché lei possa prosperare ed essere felice, è necessario che la inondiate di amore, affetto e attenzioni e che continuiate a seguirla.
Otherwise, she’ll get bored and she will start thinking about finding those things somewhere else, which is the main reason why she might suggest getting a divorce.
2. Influenza esterna negativa
In ogni matrimonio ci sono due tipi di pressione: interna ed esterna.
Internal is about what is happening between the two of you in your marriage, whereas external denotes everything that’s happening outside your marriage (which you cannot influence).
For example, a negative external influence would be your spouse’s family member, a friend, or someone close who is not fond of you.
The truth is, we cannot get everyone to like us and there will always be people who will think that we’re not the right choice for their sister, brother, or friend.
Perhaps that’s exactly what’s happening with you at the moment.
If you know that there is someone (or a few of) who doesn’t really like you, chances are they will pressure her to file for divorce.
E le ragioni sono due:
• They think you’re incapable of making her happy and that you’re not good for her
• They want to make you feel bad (because they don’t like you)
Usually, it’s a mix of the two, so they become determined to do anything in their power to convince her that getting a divorce is the right decision.
They convince her that they’re worried about her well-being and so on.
It’s hard to fight against an external influence, but if you’re determined to get her back, you will have to convince her (and not them) that getting a divorce is not the right decision.
Correlato: Mia moglie mi ama ma non mi desidera: 8 ragioni per cui e cosa fare
3. Delusione
Un'altra ragione comune per cui vostra moglie potrebbe volere il divorzio è che lei è sentirsi delusi.
Now, disappointment is often connected with the things you haven’t done that you thought that you would, or with something that you promised her but failed to deliver.
La delusione è un'emozione forte che può cambiare la nostra intera prospettiva su una persona che un tempo amavamo e in cui credevamo.
So, it’s time to start reminiscing about your marriage and search for any clue of you making promises and disappointing her.
Did you promise her that you would start working on your bad habits, but you didn’t?
Did you tell her that you would spend more of your free time with her, but you didn’t?
Did you promise her that you would help her out with all those household chores, but you didn’t?
Come donna, posso dirvi una cosa: Quando si promette qualcosa a una donna, lei se ne ricorderà.
She will hope that you haven’t forgotten what you said to her and she will wait, until she reaches the point where she won’t wait anymore.
Perhaps your wife has reached that point, so it’s time to ask yourself whether you’ve disappointed her one way or another, because if you have, you will have to redeem yourself (if you don’t want to lose her).
4. Infedeltà
L'infedeltà è senza dubbio uno dei più potenti distruttori di un matrimonio.
It destroys trust, the connection between spouses, and everything they’ve built so far.
Se siete voi ad essere stati infedeli, probabilmente conoscete già il motivo per cui vostra moglie vuole il divorzio.
Even if you’ve done it on impulse and you regret doing it, it still cannot be justified.
Dealing with the consequences of infidelity can turn into a painful, long process, but it’s inevitable if you want to get her back.
You need to convince her that you feel terrible for what you’ve done, you need to apologize from the heart, and promise to her that you will give your best to be a better man.
Dovete ripetere tutto questo più volte se volete che prenda in considerazione l'idea di fidarsi di nuovo di voi.
More importantly, you need to show her that she can trust you and that you won’t hurt her again.
If it is her who has been unfaithful, and you suspect that she wants a divorce because she’s in love with another man, there’s not much you can do about it.
You can be the best version of yourself and if she still doesn’t see it, then you probably shouldn’t bother fighting to save your marriage.
Bisogna essere in due per ballare il tango, ricordate? Ci vogliono anche due persone per salvare un matrimonio.
5. “Lack of love”
Il vostro primo appuntamento è stato emozionante, la vostra relazione è stata appagante e vi siete goduti ogni singolo momento del vostro matrimonio.
Era evidente a tutti coloro che vi circondavano che eravate follemente innamorati l'uno dell'altra.
It’s just that romantic energy that you ooze and it is seen in your every word and action.
E poi, arriva un momento in cui tutto questo cambia improvvisamente o scompare nel nulla.
She’s acting weird half of the time, you no longer show affection to each other, you don’t say nice things to each other, and you no longer ooze that same romantic energy as before.
La prima cosa che viene in mente è: She doesn’t love me anymore. Yup.
The reason why my wife wants a divorce is because she doesn’t love me anymore.
Or perhaps you don’t love her either? Or you think that the real reason for your broken marriage is the lack of love, when it is actually a lack of something else which, whendiscovered, would change the whole situation between the two of you.
Perhaps you need some time and space for yourself to refresh, contemplate your marriage, and start working on finding a solution for the state you’re in.
As you can see, I put the term “Lack of love” in quotations for a reason because this might be true, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be.
La consulenza matrimoniale è un ottimo punto di partenza per aiutarvi a capire se la mancanza di amore è un problema reale nel vostro matrimonio o se si tratta di qualcos'altro.
Crede che la felicità sia lontana da voi in questo momento!
All the above reasons about why your wife might want a divorce can be summarized into one – and that is her believing that happiness is far away from you at the moment.
Qualunque sia il motivo per cui vuole divorziare, il retroscena e l'effetto collaterale del motivo sono sentirsi infelici.
It’s the emotion or lack of emotion that puts us into a state where we no longer feel wanted, loved, or taken care of.
And that’s when we convince ourselves that nothing will ever be the same, and that no matter what you do or say, you will always feel miserable and your marriage is doomed.
When we lose hope, we start doing things we normally wouldn’t.
Cominciamo a pensare che chiudere una relazione o divorziare sia l'unica via d'uscita e l'unica soluzione.
Well, sometimes it is, but sometimes it isn’t. If two people still care about each other, respect each other, and are willing to work on their marriage, then anything is possible.
Dovete ricordarle che la felicità non è lontana da voi, ma che è ancora qui e l'unico modo per attivarla è fare uno sforzo e avere la volontà di migliorare le cose!
Vedi anche: Come riparare un matrimonio in crisi: Un piano di salvataggio in 15 fasi
“My Wife Wants A Divorce, How Can I Get Her Back?”
Now that we’re done with all the possible reasons why your wife might want a divorce, it’s time to see what you can do to change her mind and get her back.
Ricordate che si tratta di un processo che richiede pazienza e determinazione.
I risultati potrebbero non essere visibili immediatamente, ma se fate tutto nel modo giusto, otterrete il miglior risultato possibile (o quello che è destinato a verificarsi):
1. Ascoltatela e valutate il vostro matrimonio
L'errore numero uno che commette ogni coniuge che cerca di riconquistare la moglie/il marito è pensare che parlare li aiuterà a risolvere tutto.
Se parlare è utile, ascoltare è ancora meglio.
Instead of forcing your own agenda and trying to prove that she’s wrong, listen to her.
Perché se la ascoltate, imparerete molto sul vero motivo per cui vuole il divorzio.
È necessario aprire tutti i sensi e spegnere la modalità di giudizio.
When she tells you everything that’s on her mind and how she feels about your marriage, put yourself in her shoes and try to see things from a different perspective.
Sometimes, when we’re solely occupied with our own thinking, we forget to see and feel what the other person is going through.
If you don’t listen to her, you won’t know what needs to be changed or fixed.
You need to acknowledge your mistakes (if there are any) and promise that you’ll start working on them.
Dovete valutare il vostro matrimonio e concentrarvi su ogni aspetto per poterlo salvare.
Quindi, invece di parlare soltanto, provate ad ascoltare e a contemplare.
2. Chiedere scusa (se necessario) e lavorare su se stessi.
If you’ve done something bad or if you’ve neglected her, acknowledge it and apologize for it.
Promettetele, e soprattutto promettete a voi stessi, che inizierete a lavorare per diventare la versione migliore di voi stessi.
Questo include entrambi gli aspetti di voi (interno ed esterno; sia la vostra mente che il vostro aspetto).
Apportate cambiamenti positivi all'interno di voi stessi e intorno a voi, leggete articoli/libri di auto-aiuto e chiedete aiuto e consulenza a un professionista, se necessario.
Ricordate che il vero cambiamento viene dall'interno, quindi se volete riavere il vostro coniuge, dovete iniziare a lavorare su voi stessi.
A happy marriage is not only about effort, sacrifice, and compromise, it’s also about constantly evolving.
Se si diventa stagnanti, si attraggono cose negative e anche il matrimonio diventa stagnante. Si rompe.
So, it’s time to wake up and see how you can improve yourself. It’s time to become active!
If you want to save your marriage and prove to your spouse that you’re lo stesso uomo di cui si era innamorata un tempodovete dimostrare che ci tenete.
Il modo più semplice per dimostrare che ci tenete è sforzarvi di migliorare le cose e investire nel vostro matrimonio.
Ci sono tante cose che potete investire nel vostro matrimonio e la più importante è il tempo.
Investire tempo significa essere presenti e disposti ad assumere il ruolo di marito che lei merita!
3. Lasciarle un po' di spazio
Questa è una delle cose più importanti che molti coniugi spesso dimenticano.
Yes, your wife wants a divorce because that’s what she’s told you, but she didn’t tell you that she also wants some space.
When she mentioned the word divorce, you probably froze instantly and you couldn’t think of anything else but asking her one too many questions. You couldn’t help but feel disappointed, mad, and helpless.
When you feel that way, you’re at higher risk of doing something stupid and accelerating the whole divorce process.
So, the wisest thing to do in such a situation is to give her some space to think because that’s exactly what she needs at the moment.
If you force her, nag her, or beg her, you will make things even worse, and you don’t want that, right?
So, control yourself, and by giving her some space and time show her that you’re a mature man who respects her.
That’s exactly what she wants and needs! And if you want to get her back, you have to give her what she wants and needs.
You have to show her that you’re compassionate and that you understand her.
4. Continuare a vivere
Come già detto, nel momento in cui ci si rende conto della dura verità che Sua moglie vuole il divorzio, your life probably feels like it has stopped and you can’t come to your senses.
Tutto ciò che si può pensare è: Cosa ho fatto di male? Pensavo che fossimo felici (o almeno lo speravo)?
How can I make things right? I hope she’s not serious about all this divorce stuff because I definitely wouldn’t survive that.
Now, if you want your wife back, you have to get rid of this negative mindset and continue living! If you’re constantly acting or feeling like a dead man, your wife will be even more determined to end things with you.
Voglio dire, chi vuole stare con un uomo del genere?
Nothing personal, but I certainly wouldn’t (and I doubt that any woman would).
You have to show her that you’re stable, that you understand what’s going on, that you accept it, and that you’re ready to start working and making things right.
Anything else would make you look like a cry baby and that’s the last thing you want.
Riuscirete a riconquistare vostra moglie quando vedrà che siete un uomo forte e determinato, quindi fate in modo di comportarvi come tale.
5. Essere l'uomo di cui si è innamorata un tempo
Think about the first time you saw her, went on a date with her, made love with her… Think about how you felt about her and your relationship back then.
Pensate a come l'avete trattata, a come vi siete impegnati per farla sentire speciale e così via.
Quando pensate a tutto questo, cosa vedete? Vede sua moglie sorridere e trasudare felicità? Scommetto di sì.
Vedete, molti uomini smettono di inseguire le loro mogli una volta che si sono sposati.
They start acting like they’ve finally won her and now all they have to do is enjoy the prize and boast about it.
Dimenticano che devono continuare a inseguirlaContinuate a farla sentire speciale e a riempirla di gesti romantici.
Because if they don’t, they will most surely lose her. She will start feeling neglected and she will know that they’re not the same man she once fell in love with.
So, be that man! Be the man she once fell in love with. Continue pursuing her like you did when you’d just met her and that’s the only way you’ll win her and keep her.
6. Comunicare, ma MAI litigare
Many people don’t differentiate these two concepts because there’s a thin line between communicating and arguing.
It’s really easy to switch modes without even being aware of it.
I know I said that you should give her some space, but this doesn’t mean cutting all contact with her.
You shouldn’t completely ignore her existence or avoid communication.
When you feel that the time is right, initiate a conversation, but only if you see that she’s not mad or stressed out.
Ask her about how she feels about the whole thing, ask her what she would change in your marriage, and let her know that you’re willing to cooperate.
Comunicate e ascoltatela, ma non discutete mai. Ho messo la parola "discutere" in grassetto per un motivo: discutere peggiora ulteriormente le cose.
Arguing is an immature way of dealing with a problem, and you’re not an immature man.
You’re a mature, grown ass man who is ready to listen to her, find a solution, and start working on making things better.
If you’re kind of sceptical about it, then repeat the previous sentence in the first-person until it kicks in and you start believing it.
Vedi anche: 5 modi efficaci per riportare la vecchia scintilla nel vostro matrimonio
Cose da non fare mai se si rivuole indietro la propria moglie
Per evitare di commettere errori o di peggiorare le cose, ecco un elenco di cose da non fare mai se si rivuole indietro la propria moglie (quindi assicuratevi di memorizzarlo bene):
1. Implorare, assillare o fare pressione su di lei
As I’ve already mentioned, you should avoid any behaviour or communication that includes elements of begging, nagging, or pressuring her.
Se la implorate, la assillate o le fate pressione perché resti, diventerà ancora più determinata ad andarsene.
It’s how human beings operate. If someone gives us an ultimatum or begs us to do something, we immediately start feeling threatened and we become protective of our freedom.
La comunicazione sana e la comprensione sono la strada da seguire!
2. Agire in modo bisognoso
Secondo me, comportarsi da bisognosi è ancora peggio che chiedere l'elemosina o assillare.
Il comportamento bisognoso include comportarsi come un piccolo cucciolo triste o addirittura piangere davanti a lei per farla sentire in colpa.
It’s like begging for compassion, which is really a cheap strategy when it comes to getting someone back.
Gli uomini immaturi si comportano da bisognosi, ma gli uomini maturi hanno rispetto di sé.
3. Idealizzare se stessi o il proprio matrimonio
Idealizing means listing all the positive things about you or your marriage to convince her that she’s making a mistake.
It’s important to understand that a perfect person or a perfect marriage doesn’t exist, so listing only the cose positive non è una cosa legittima da fare.
It’s always better to acknowledge both positive and negative sides and then start working on improving them.
4. Coinvolgere la famiglia, gli amici o altre persone
And, please, don’t use your family or friends as middlemen to encourage your spouse to stay with you.
Don’t go to your mother-in-law, or to a mutual friend and ask them to convince your wife that she is making a mistake.
This is a matter for you and her (it’s your marriage) and you shouldn’t involve other people.
(And if your wife finds out what you did, she definitely won’t be happy.)
5. Strisciare su di lei
When you start overthinking something, there’s a high chance you’ll come to false conclusions.
You might start thinking that she’s doing something behind your back and that’s the reason why she wants a divorce.
You might start creeping on her and following her every move thinking you’ll catch her in the act of doing something sinful, but the chances are that you won’t.
So, whatever you do, don’t creep on her and don’t play detective.
Otherwise, she’ll most probably notice it and get annoyed.
6. Inondarla di regali costosi
Showering your wife with expensive gifts will not get your wife back (unless she’s a gold digger).
A parte gli scherzi, non è il momento di sprecare il denaro in regali, ma di investire su se stessi.
Il regalo più bello per lei sarebbe che tu lavorassi su te stesso e non su un orologio costoso o altro.
Things are just things. They don’t have the capacity to compensate for what’s lacking in your marriage.
7. Manipolare la donna
Telling your wife that you’ll do something terrible if she leaves you is one of the most annoying and horrible things you could do.
Manipolare qualcuno perché resti con te è la cosa più bassa che si possa fare.
So, don’t do it. No matter how desperate you are, don’t play tricks on her and don’t play with her.
Again, show her that you’re a real man, and not a boy.
8. Andare a tentoni
I understand that going wild sometimes will seem like the only reasonable thing to do, but trust me, it’s not.
Even if she takes off her wedding ring, don’t go wild. Just because she’s taken it off for the time being, it doesn’t mean she cannot put it back on.
Think rationally and don’t let your negative emotions imprison you!
Show understanding, keep working on yourself, and don’t push her.
Do your best and hope for the best. And remember that she has to change her mind by herself. Manipulating her or nagging won’t help.
When you know you’ve done your best, there’s nothing you should feel bad about.
Sometimes, things work out and sometimes they don’t. In case they don’t, no fault divorce is the best option. Good luck!
Vedi anche: 15 uomini rivelano il momento esatto in cui hanno capito che il divorzio era la loro unica opzione
