Non ti pregherò di scegliere me, mi merito di più di questo

Amore mio, quanta strada abbiamo fatto.

Da quella dolce coppia che si era innamorata e voleva trascorrere ogni singolo momento insieme a questa. From that caring couple who was everyone’s relationship goals, to this example everyone uses for toxic love. How far we’ve come. But it’s time I move on alone; it’s time for me to go even further. But without you.

Non ti pregherò di essermi fedele. Qualcosa che eri così felice di fare, qualcosa che eri onorato di fare. Eri così felice di avermi al tuo fianco che non guardavi mai le altre donne. Mi sentivo l'essere umano più straordinario che sia mai esistito perché tu mi facevi sentire così. Ma onestamente? Quella sensazione è svanita molto tempo fa.

Non vi pregherò di rispettarmi. I used to believe that respect is natural to have in a relationship. I respected you, so I assumed you will respect me back. And for a while, you did. You respected my choices, my career and everything I was. You respected when I said, ‘No’ and when I said, ‘I’m scared’. When was the last time you showed me any of it? When was the last time you respected my decision? Expect for this one when I decided to leave. On this one, you had no choice.

Non ti pregherò di restare al mio fianco nei momenti difficili. You refused to be here when everything’s good, so I don’t really have any proof you’ll be here when they’re bad. I needed you, you know? I needed you by my side when I almost lost my job. I needed you by my side when my book was turned down. I needed you by my side when my mom was in hospital. But you were always so busy, struggling with deadlines, that you didn’t even notice my pain. You didn’t even care enough to notice how I’m drifting away. How my love is fading away in our empty, cold bedroom.

Non ti pregherò di amarmi. Per tanto tempo ho cercato di farti capire quanto sono straordinaria, intelligente e bella. Ma tu mi hai guardato dentro. Ho provato così tanto per farvi sentire amati, hoping that maybe, you will give some of that love back to me. Maybe you’ll finally hold me in your arms like you used to, look me in the eyes and make me feel loved right there, in that moment. With no words being said, just us, just our souls. But you never did.

Non ti pregherò di scegliere me over your friends, over your job, over your fears. Because that’s exactly what’s holding you back. Your fear of committing to someone, your fear of settling down for only one woman for the rest of your life. You’re so afraid of missing out on other things, that you never realized that you’re losing me. And I refuse to settle down, hoping that maybe you’ll come around. I refuse to stay in a relationship where I keep thinking when will you leave. I refuse to beg you to choose me, because I already did that. I already chose myself over you, over your almost love, over your toxic behavior and over your fears. I can’t fight your fears for you, I can’t fight your demons for you. But I can fight mine for me. Good luck, my love. This is one last step we’re doing together.