Perché facciamo del male alle persone che amiamo: 11 ragioni nascoste
L'amore è davvero l'arma più potente. Può farvi sentire al settimo cielo, ma ha anche il potere di distruggervi. Tutti dicono che l'amore è il sentimento più bello del mondo.
Well, there is nothing beautiful about pain and I’m sure we have all been hurt by someone we loved – or we have unintentionally hurt someone we loved.
Se l'amore è così bello, perché a volte fa così male? Vi siete mai chiesti perché facciamo del male a chi amiamo?
The fact is that love can’t exist senza ferite emotive.
A volte ci capita di essere feriti dalle persone che amiamo di più, e a volte feriamo i nostri cari involontariamente, anche se in realtà sono quelli che vogliamo proteggere di più.
È scientificamente provato che le persone fanno più male ai loro familiari o alle persone con cui condividono relazioni intime.
This is because we know that, because they love us, they’ll forgive us in no time and we’ll be able to move on without looking back.
If you want to know why we hurt people we love the most, I’ve listed some of the most common reasons below.
Bagaglio emotivo
Ogni volta che si chiude una relazione, bisogna prendersi del tempo per se stessi. Bisogna stare un po' da soli e pensare ai propri sentimenti.
You need to forgive your exes for all of their broken promises, for all the times they let you down, and for the heartbreak they’ve caused you.
Prima di decidere di ricominciare a frequentare qualcuno, bisogna lasciarsi alle spalle il passato.
You should never enter a new relationship if you have any unresolved matters from the past. Trust me, starting a new relationship when you aren’t ready never ends well.
Also, it’s not fair to the other person. It’s not their fault that your ex betrayed and hurt you. Your new partner shouldn’t pay for someone else’s mistakes.
If you don’t move on properly, you’ll only hurt your next partner. You won’t be able to trust them. You won’t be able to relax and enjoy your new relationship.
Certo che il tuo bagaglio emotivo can teach you some things but don’t take it too seriously.
Don’t let your childhood experiences shape your opinion about love. Every love story is unique. The love story of your parents isn’t how yours should or will be like.
If you let those experiences control your love life, it’ll only restrain you. It can confuse you or cause you even more pain than the heartbreak itself.
That’s why it’s important for you to take time.
Dovreste prendervi tutto il tempo necessario per guarire adeguatamente, per riflettere su tutto ciò che vi è accaduto e poi per andare avanti senza serbare rancore e amarezza.
You aren’t sure if they’re “the one”
You are in a relationship and you honestly love your significant other. However, you can’t get rid of the feeling that something is missing.
You can’t imagine your future together and soon you start doubting whether you even want to spend the rest of your life with them.
Iniziate ad allontanarvi dal vostro partner perché volete pensare alla vostra relazione.
Maybe you want to think about it so you don’t waste any more of their or your own precious time on a relationship that doesn’t have any future.
The mistake that most of us make is that we don’t sit and talk honestly with our partners. They deserve to know what’s happening.
You hurt your significant other, even though, sometimes you aren’t aware of it. They spend a lot of time looking for a reason why you’ve become so cold all of a sudden.
It also affects their self-esteem and self-worth. They start thinking they are the problem, that maybe they aren’t good enough for you.
That’s why you need to think about your relationship and decide whether you want to break up or continue dating that person. Right after you’ve made the decision, you have to tell your partner.
Paura di impegnarsi
This is the most common reason for hurting the ones you love. It’s a feeling that’s not so easy to control.
Molte persone (soprattutto ragazzi) hanno un paura di impegnarsi quando vedono che la loro relazione sta diventando seria.
Most are avoiding relationships in general or they only date short term. They don’t want to be tied down yet and they want to keep enjoying their freedom.
Things get difficult when they fall in love. They can’t leave a person they love, but they also don’t want to take the next step.
They get confused. Their mixed feelings don’t allow them to think clearly. It causes them to suffer from anxiety.
It seems like they can’t explain to their partner that they don’t want to break up, but they also don’t want to commit to something more serious.
Cominciano a evitare di parlare del futuro della loro relazione.
Their partner is also confused because they don’t know what to think about the relationship – whether it’s doomed to fail or if they should give the other person some space.
Paura dell'intimità
If you’ve been dating someone for a while but still don’t feel comfortable around them, or you still can’t show them the real you, it means that you’re afraid of intimacy.
La paura di condividere un legame emotivo stretto con un'altra persona può essere causata da esperienze del passato.
Le ragioni più comuni sono le esperienze dell'infanzia o le esperienze negative dell'ultima relazione.
You always hurt the one you love because you’re afraid to indulge completely in a relationship. Your partner feels it and it seems to them that no matter what they do, they just can’t gain your trust.
Eventually, they’ll stop trying. They’ll get tired and the only option for them will be to break up with you.
That’s why you’ll never be able to achieve a real and deep connection with someone until you overcome your fear of intimacy.
Fortunately, it is possible and it’s not difficult at all. The most important thing is that you always have to be honest with your partner about your past.
Inoltre, dite loro come vi sentite e cosa vi aspettate da loro.
Problemi di autostima
Il rapporto che avete con voi stessi è il fondamento di ogni altro rapporto della vostra vita, il che significa che influenza tutti gli altri rapporti della vostra vita.
Se avete un rapporto buono e sano con voi stessi, questo si rifletterà in modo significativo su tutte le altre relazioni.
Purtroppo oggi molte persone hanno problemi di autostima e questo crea aspettative negative nei confronti di una relazione.
If you don’t have self-confidence, you’ll always feel like your partner isn’t being honest with you and that they’ll eventually hurt you.
That’s why you’ll also be afraid of showing your vulnerability in the relationship.
You’ll hurt your partner by not trusting them or not being able to form a deeper connection with them, even after a while.
Se state soffrendo da una bassa autostima and you don’t work on yourself, you’ll be open to many negative feelings.
You’ll have trust issues, you’ll feel depressed, jealous, and anxious all the time.
Gelosia
Too much of everything isn’t healthy. It’s the same with jealousy. It’s never a good thing when you let jealousy blind you.
The way you behave when you feel jealous is never predictable. It’s also one of those feelings that are hard to control.
La gelosia è un sentimento negativo. Rende infelici e fa soffrire la persona che si ama. Quasi sempre rovina la relazione.
Se vi comportate in modo geloso per qualcosa nella vostra relazione, dovete parlarne con il vostro partner. Tuttavia, è necessario prestare attenzione al modo in cui si parla con lui.
You mustn’t express anger or any other negative feelings. You have to calmly explain to your partner what is making you feel jealous and how you can find a solution to fix it.
If your partner has betrayed your trust, then your jealousy is justified. But when you get jealous over little things, then you’re not showing love; you’re only revealing your own insecurities.
You’re hurting the other person because of your own insecurities, not because they did something wrong. You’re making them pay for something they didn’t even do.
If you have been hurt and betrayed by a person you loved in the past, it’s perfectly normal that those bad experiences have left you with trust issues.
Tuttavia, non dovete mai lasciare che questo influisca sulla vostra nuova relazione.
Se gelosia per something stupid or without any reason, you’re just making yourself and your loved one unhappy. It is a complete waste of time.
Mancanza di capacità di comunicazione
Una comunicazione efficace è la parte più importante di ogni relazione sana.
Se imparate a risolvere i vostri problemi e i vostri litigi in modo sano, non sarete mai feriti né farete mai del male al vostro partner.
Se voi e il vostro partner litigate per qualcosa (e lo farete, perché i litigi fanno parte di ogni relazione sana), dovete essere in grado di controllare le vostre parole e i vostri sentimenti.
If you say something in the heat of the moment, something that might hurt your loved one, you may regret it later but it will be too late because you’ll have already hurt your partner.
Spoken words can’t be taken back and they’ll always be remembered.
Words are also powerful and that’s why you have to choose them carefully. They can crush someone’s heart.
Non importa quante volte vi scuserete e anche se decideranno di perdonarvi, il vostro partner si ricorderà sempre di quelle offese.
If you see that your partner isn’t communicating with you like they used to, the first thing you have to identify is “why”.
Dopo aver scoperto il motivo, è necessario sedersi con il partner e risolvere la questione.
Dovete anche imparare a essere un buon ascoltatore. Dovete assicurarvi che il vostro partner sappia che lo state ascoltando e che gli state dicendo quello che ha da dire.
Quando manca la comunicazione, ci si concentra più su se stessi che sul partner e viceversa.
You only think about your problems and the things that you don’t like – you don’t think about all the things that are bothering your significant other.
Per testare i loro sentimenti
This might sound strange or funny, but it’s true. We want to make sure that our partner loves us as much as they say they do or as much as we love them, so we put their feelings to the test.
We think if they honestly love us, then they will also be afraid of losing us. Consequently, they’ll be able to forgive us if we hurt them.
In a way, that’s how we want them to prove their love to us. There are so many ways you can test your partner’s feelings and this is probably the worst one.
If you have doubts about your partner’s feelings, you should be sincere with them and admit to them that you may have to be reassured at times.
The next time you think about testing your loved one’s feelings by doing something that could hurt them, just imagine how you would feel if they did the same thing to you.
Aspettative irrealistiche
Having expectations is great because it shows that you have some standards and you appreciate yourself. But, there’s a huge difference between knowing your self-worth and being overly demanding.
Avere aspettative elevate è un killer per ogni relazione. Prima di tutto fa male a voi stessi, poi vi fa venire voglia di ferire il vostro partner per non essere in grado di soddisfare le vostre aspettative.
You can’t expect your partner to behave the way you want them to all the time. They also have their own standards and there are some things that they won’t do, no matter how much they love you.
Naturalmente, non dovreste mai abbassare i vostri standard e permettere a qualcuno di trattarvi male.
Anche se, per il bene del vostro benessere emotivo, dovreste smetterla di porre aspettative così elevate.
You should set some basic and important boundaries that you mustn’t let anyone cross. For everything else, you can talk and compromise with your partner.
When you realize that your partner is not able to fulfill all your expectations, you feel disappointed and hurt and you start thinking that they don’t even love you.
You get mad and your intention becomes to hurt them. Can you see it? In the end, It’s only your fault you’re hurt and disappointed.
Prima di stabilire queste aspettative per il vostro partner, dovete sapere che le aspettative irrealistiche portano sempre a grandi delusioni.
Cercate una via d'uscita da una relazione
Porre fine a una relazione non è mai facile, ma l'unico modo giusto per farlo è dirlo al partner di persona.
If you hurt them so as to manipulate them into leaving you, it only means that you’re a coward for not being brave enough to tell them to their face.
Maybe you’re hurting them because you can’t admit even to yourself that your relationship has come to an end.
Maybe you’re doing it unintentionally.
However, that’s not an excuse. If you’re not sure how you feel about them anymore, you can always ask them for some space to be alone with your thoughts.
Dopodiché, l'unica cosa giusta da fare è trovare il coraggio di dire loro ciò che avete deciso.
La vendetta
Your partner has hurt you and you have chosen to forgive him and move on with your relationship. However, you aren’t at peace and you might start thinking that only revenge can make you feel better.
Some people believe in that kind of ‘an eye for an eye’ justice.
Credono senza alcun dubbio che se fanno qualcosa che fa soffrire il partner, questo lo farà sentire meglio e che il suo dolore emotivo diminuirà.
Wrong. Revenge only brings more negative feelings and you still won’t feel any better. Your pain will still be there.
La cosa più importante è che quando decidete di perdonare qualcuno per qualcosa che vi ha fatto, dovete essere sinceri.
Trust me, if you’re still holding grudges, even though you’ve said that you’ve forgiven your partner, you’ll only hurt yourself.
Ci sono molte ragioni per cui feriamo le persone che amiamo. La cosa più importante è che quasi sempre lo facciamo involontariamente.
After all, there’s one thing we should all know; we can’t intentionally hurt the person we love without hurting ourselves, because when we truly love someone, we feel their pain as our own.
