Una donna espone la condizione maschile che può sabotare il matrimonio e nessun umorismo può risolverla

That day I got furious because he had forgotten to stop by Target AGAIN, and get the ingredients for my cake. It was for our son’s birthday and I planned to make a cake the day before. I gridavano e lo chiamavano per nome e notavano che il suo viso era tutto raggrinzito. but he didn’t say anything.

After a few weeks, his colleague’s wife told me they had a very upsetting situation at work. He was stressed out and disappointed but wouldn’t say a word about it. Se solo mi avesse detto cosa è successo. Avrei capito e l'avrei sostenuto.

It’s a well-known fact: men are incapable of speaking about their emotions. A male vocabulary doesn’t contain words that describe their inner impressions e sentimenti.

Gurl, pay attention – lack of verbal exchange creates a crack in your relationship!

Le relazioni sono una perpetua danza fisica, verbale ed emotiva (bisogna essere in due per ballare il tango!) O almeno, così dovrebbe essere. Quando c'è uno squilibrio nello scambio, la relazione può diventare malsana, dove Una parte soffre in silenzio e l'altra fa la dura.

Una donna, Katie Hanlon, mi ha aperto gli occhi. In un filmato su TikTok, mette in evidenza alcuni fattori probabilmente non ovvi che possono causare l'interruzione di una relazione. Si riferisce a ricerca circa “normative male alexithymia”, and explains it’s a termine psicologico per “not being able to name or talk about your emotions.”

In short, men do have feelings but they’re unable to name them and verbally express them. As if they are emotionally illiterate, I would add. Katie is quite convinced that men’s restrizioni nell'articolare le emozioni sono il motivo per cui a volte le relazioni galleggiano in un mare agitato.

“Men feel the emotion and they just don’t know how to talk about it, or how to garner empathy from each other about said emotion.”

Sottolinea inoltre che il problema non scomparirà con il tempo e che le coppie non dovrebbero ignorare o sottovalutare il pericolo che si cela dietro di esso. 

Also, men who are prone to holding in emotions tend to pass on this habit to their spouses too. That’s why alcune donne scelgono di sopportare la tempesta and hide the emotional grief as they can’t expect any understanding or dialogue with their partners.

“All the couple’s humor in the world does not take away from the fact that you’re just not interested in us.”

This sounds like she believes men are actually not really interested in women and that’s the reason why they rather make jokes instead of having serious talk about what bothers them.

Vi sembra familiare? So che quando cerco di parlare con il mio maritino di come si sente, lui inizia a scherzare o cambia argomento. Non si sentirà a suo agio nel parlare di emozioniné mi dice se lo ferisco (accidentalmente) con una scelta di parole sbagliata.

He won’t communicate the emotion and I’m unfortunately not a mind reader. That creates a una crepa che diventa sempre più grande ogni volta che la tiene tutta per sé. Con il tempo diventiamo più distanti e la nostra relazione ne risente.

What he won’t admit is this: distrugge la sua autostima maschile. We know well, that it’s all rooted in the patriarchy and traditional masculinity. While at the same time:

“I know for a fact there are wives all over the world who regularly cry themselves to sleep over their marriages”

My husband thinks he needs to withhold his feelings and be tough, and it’s forbidden to show any “female-like” traits such as sensitivity or crying, etc. Autocensurarsi o nascondere qualsiasi debolezza impedisce agli uomini di instaurare relazioni significative. e soffoca qualsiasi scambio emotivo all'interno.

Katie ritiene che se gli uomini non sono desiderosi di parlare dei loro bisogni emotivi, allora couples can’t start resolving some other common issues such as unequal involvement in child care or housework, and mental workload (project manager of all family activities!) that’s usually more of a woman’s burden in marriage.

A public opinion on TikTok strongly agrees with Katie’s assumptions, and one of the commenters, a woman, named Anu, shared her story: 

“I left a 25 year marriage because of this. I cried on the regular and was always sick. It’s been 6 years and I’ve never been better.”

Un utente chi èandrewblack ha sottolineato il problema delle norme sociali che spingono gli uomini a comportarsi così:

“Not only are these things not taught/modeled to men, but they are also actively repressed by our society. Each man is completely on his own in this struggle.” 

Another person, jpickle3, made a comment about how men usually don’t start talking about emotions first, but they do react to woman’s emotions:

“When they do talk about emotions it’s when you talk about yours first and they’re upset and express how bad that makes them feel about themselves.”

In the end, I will say that men really need to become friends with their emotions and understand their masculinity will not be compromised by showing vulnerability. You are humans, for God’s sake!