Navigating the waters of in-law relationships can be tricky. Whether you’re newly married or have been part of the family for years, certain phrases can unintentionally cause friction.
The following are phrases you might want to avoid saying to keep the peace and ensure harmonious relationships with your in-laws.
Tread lightly, and you’ll find that maintaining a good relationship with your partner’s parents isn’t as daunting as it seems.
1. “That’s not how we do things in my family”
Families are unique in their traditions and ways of doing things. Telling your in-laws that their methods differ from your own can sound dismissive. It’s natural to want to stick to familiar routines, but this statement might come across as a refusal to embrace new traditions.
Instead of drawing comparisons, try embracing the differences. Learning from each other’s family customs can be enlightening and even enjoyable. Who knows, you might find a new tradition worth adopting!
While it’s crucial to stay true to your values, acknowledging and respecting your in-laws’ practices strengthens bonds. This approach opens the door for shared experiences and mutual understanding.
2. “Your child told me you can be difficult”
Sharing intimate or critical details your partner has confided to you about their parents isn’t advisable. It puts everyone in an awkward position and can harm the trust between you and your partner.
Instead, if issues arise, try discussing them directly with your partner. Open communication within your relationship is key, and dragging in-laws into personal matters can complicate things further.
Remember, your in-laws are a significant part of your partner’s life, and maintaining a respectful relationship with them is paramount. Keep conversations light-hearted and positive to foster goodwill and avoid unnecessary tension.
3. “We’ll do holidays our way this year” (without warning)
Holidays are often seen as sacred family time, and deciding to change plans without consulting your in-laws can hurt feelings. They may have long-standing traditions that they look forward to each year.
Instead of making unilateral decisions, discuss holiday plans well in advance. This allows room for compromise and understanding. Suggest alternating holidays or even combining traditions to create new memories.
By approaching holiday planning with sensitivity and openness, you show respect for your in-laws’ cherished customs while also carving out your own family traditions. Open dialogue leads to happier holidays for everyone involved.
4. “Why do you always do that?”
Questioning the habits of your in-laws can seem confrontational, even if you mean well. This phrase can imply annoyance or a lack of understanding for their routines, which might have been their way of life for years.
Instead, express curiosity. “That’s interesting, can you tell me more about it?” is a more open-ended way to inquire without judgment. This approach fosters dialogue and sharing rather than defensiveness.
Understanding where your in-laws are coming from can lead to deeper connections and appreciation for their life experiences. It’s a moment to learn rather than criticize, showing respect for their individuality.
5. “We don’t really need your help, thanks”
While independence is admirable, declining help from in-laws can seem dismissive of their desire to be involved. They often offer help as a way to bond and show care.
Instead of outright refusal, graciously accept their assistance from time to time or suggest alternative ways they can contribute. This gesture shows that you value their involvement.
By finding a balance between independence and inclusion, you strengthen your relationship with your in-laws. It’s a way of acknowledging their willingness to support you while still maintaining your autonomy as a couple.
6. “That’s outdated advice”
In-laws often share wisdom from their own experiences, which may not always seem relevant to you. Labeling their advice as outdated can come across as dismissive.
Instead, show gratitude for their perspective, even if you choose not to follow it. Phrases like “That’s an interesting point of view” can keep the conversation respectful and open.
Understanding that their advice is rooted in care and experience helps in forming a bridge between generations. Appreciating their input, even if not adopted, fosters respect and encourages future open exchanges.
7. “I heard what you said last week…”
Bringing up past conversations out of context can be a recipe for misunderstandings. This phrase might seem accusatory or indicate that you’ve been harboring grievances.
Instead, focus on the present and express your feelings when they arise. If something needs to be addressed, do so with tact and at the appropriate moment.
Healthy communication involves addressing issues directly and constructively, without allowing them to fester. Keeping conversations current and relevant helps in building trust and openness within the family dynamic.
8. “Your other grandkids are easier to handle”
Comparing children, especially in front of them or their grandparents, can create unnecessary tension and hurt feelings. Each child is unique and celebrated for different reasons.
Instead, highlight the individual strengths and qualities of each grandchild. This approach emphasizes positivity and appreciation without drawing comparisons.
By focusing on what makes each grandchild special, you foster a loving and inclusive environment. Celebrating differences rather than comparing them strengthens familial bonds and reminds everyone of the unique contributions each person brings to the family.
9. “They get that from your side of the family”
Assigning traits to one side of the family can feel like assigning blame, even if it’s intended as a joke. This can inadvertently offend or create division within the family.
Instead, celebrate the blend of characteristics that make your family unique. Acknowledging how both sides contribute to the family’s richness promotes unity.
By focusing on shared qualities and experiences, you encourage a sense of belonging. It’s the differences within a family that often bring the most joy and laughter, and embracing them can enhance relationships.
10. “I’ll talk to [partner] about it later”
Deferring a conversation with your in-laws to a private discussion with your partner might make them feel excluded from the decision-making process. It could also imply a lack of willingness to engage openly.
Involving them in discussions can foster a sense of inclusion and respect. Even if decisions are ultimately made between you and your partner, acknowledging their input is valuable.
Open communication with in-laws can lead to more harmonious relations. By showing them that their opinions are considered, you build a foundation of mutual respect and appreciation.
11. “We don’t really eat that kind of food”
Food is a heartfelt way families connect, and dismissing traditional dishes can feel like rejecting their culture. This statement might unintentionally hurt your in-laws’ feelings.
Instead, express willingness to try and appreciate new dishes. You never know; you might discover a new favorite! This shows openness and respect for their culinary traditions.
Embracing a variety of foods creates opportunities for bonding over shared meals and stories. It’s a way to bridge cultural gaps and deepen your connection with your in-laws.
12. “You’re not babysitting unless you follow our exact rules”
Setting strict rules for in-laws when they’re babysitting can seem like a lack of trust in their parenting abilities. It might make them feel controlled or undervalued.
Instead, share guidelines with the confidence that they understand your parenting style. Trusting them with your children fosters a caring and supportive environment.
By allowing them some flexibility, you show appreciation for their experience and willingness to help. Building trust in this way strengthens family relationships and helps everyone feel valued and respected.
13. “That’s not what we’re teaching them”
Telling in-laws that their teachings don’t align with yours can come off as dismissive of their beliefs. It might feel like a rejection of their values.
Instead, discuss your parenting approach openly and seek common ground. Sharing values and ideas ensures everyone is on the same page and respects differences.
By fostering an environment of mutual understanding, you create a supportive network for raising your children. It allows for shared lessons and values, enriching the upbringing of the little ones in your family.
14. “We’re actually doing things differently now”
Announcing changes without context can sound dismissive of your in-laws’ ways. It’s essential to approach such topics with sensitivity and explanation.
Instead, share your reasons for choosing different methods and invite their input. This encourages a dialogue that respects both old and new approaches.
Embracing change while valuing past methods creates a balanced family dynamic. It shows that while you may be evolving, you still respect the foundation your in-laws have built.
15. “You wouldn’t understand”
This phrase can come across as dismissive and implies a gap that cannot be bridged. It undermines the potential for understanding and empathy.
Instead, attempt to explain your perspective and involve them in your experiences. Building understanding and trust requires patience and open communication.
By fostering an inclusive environment where all viewpoints are valued, you create a shared experience that enriches family connections. Understanding often comes from seeing things through another’s eyes.
16. “You’re just being dramatic”
Labeling emotions as dramatic can invalidate them, leading to hurt feelings. It might make your in-laws feel misunderstood or dismissed.
Instead, listen actively and validate their feelings, even if you see things differently. Phrases like “I see why you might feel that way” can pave the way for understanding.
Valuing emotional expressions strengthens family bonds and encourages open dialogue. By showing empathy, you contribute to a nurturing and supportive family environment.