Quando gli abusi subiti in passato vi fanno allontanare un brav'uomo, leggete questo articolo

C'è un vecchio detto che recita così: Un bambino bruciato teme il fuoco. Anche voi, come un bambino, siete stati bruciati così duramente che ora anche la più piccola scintilla vi ricorda un grande incendio.

Temete che ciò che vi è accaduto in passato possa ripetersi.. Temete che l'abuso non sia finito e che da qualche parte un altro psicopatico narcisista stia aspettando la sua preda.

You’re scared to become the victim of such torment again that you would rather choose not to let yourself fall in love again.

You’re making each and every new person who tries to walk into your life pay the price for the man who broke you in the past. God knows how long you’ve been doing this injustice to those who don’t deserve it.

I don’t think there is any need to ask you why you are doing it. You forgot your worth. Your past abuse made you feel worthless, made you feel weak and convinced you that you’re unable to take care of yourself.

Ma queste sono le vostre bugie. Quelle sono le tattiche di spionaggio che tutti i narcisisti utilizzano per succhiarti l'anima.

You are a strong woman who’s more than good enough. You’re an amazing human being who just fell for the wrong guy and that’s it. There is nothing wrong with you.

Sei stata convinta a dare tutta te stessa alla persona sbagliata e ti sei spezzata. Ma devi imparare a lasciarti andare.

So che le conseguenze dell'abuso è orribile. I know it hurts and I know you’re lost. But you don’t have to be lost.

You have someone who’s willing to guide you toward the light. Basta essere disposti a lasciare andare l'oscurità.

Trust me, I know how it all feels. And I don’t want you to mess up a good thing because of the past. Missing a great man because of a toxic one who emotionally drained you is something you’ll regret for the rest of your life.

See, after my abuse, I just wanted to be left alone. I was so tired and so shattered that even all the glue in the world couldn’t put my broken pieces together.

Ho costruito muri, ho protetto il mio cuore e ho promesso a me stessa di aver chiuso con l'amore per il resto della mia vita.

There was a whole life going on out there, outside of my walls but I wasn’t curious to peek out and see what it was all about.

There were people worthy of my attention wanting to get in but I wouldn’t let them. I just wanted to be left alone to drown myself in my own misery.

But then someone shook me out of my own pity. Someone took me by the hand, sat next to me and told me something I’ll never forget.

He told me: “Darling, life is meant to be shared and not lived alone. We’re all created from one soul divided into two parts. I know what happened to you makes you think that being alone is the best thing in this world and I know it feels comfortable now but one day it will be so lonely and dark, and by the time you realize that you would’ve pushed away all those who wanted to be there next to you.”

He also told me that I shouldn’t let my past destroy me but that I should make it a lesson I’d never forget.

He told me that there was more to life than allowing those who wanted to destroy me to see me at the bottom. He said: “That’s not how you win in life.

You win by being happy and continuing to live and love even after you’ve ha attraversato l'inferno.

You win by showing that nothing can break you and that nothing can destroy your spark. You win by deciding to love again but this time by choosing the right guy to give your love to.”

After hearing these words, I was shook. I was shook because I didn’t even realize that guarding myself and choosing to live the rest of my life alone was the place where my abuser wanted me to be.

I was allowing him to win. And you’re making the same mistake. But I’m here to stop you from making that mistake.

I know something small triggers your memories. I know you don’t know how to react to love, kindness, warmth and dedication. I know commitment to you equals being trapped in a cage with the possibility of being abused once again. But there is a way around this, I swear.

Abbracciate il vostro io imperfetto. Love your flaws. Cherish your broken pieces. Appreciate the long road you’ve been down because it taught you something.

It taught you that you’re way stronger than you could ever think. It taught you that no matter what happens to you, you’re a fighter and you will survive. But please, don’t turn yourself into a living corpse.

You were convinced that you were not the kind of woman who’d ever be abused. You thought it’d never happen to you and you were caught off guard. It happened to me too. And to thousands of other women.

Honey, we’re all walking targets for narcissists, sociopaths and other abusers because we never see it coming.

Ci prendono alla sprovvista e per troppo tempo rimaniamo in relazioni tossiche, incapaci di capire cosa sta succedendo, incapaci di andarcene.

E quando finalmente ce ne andiamo, finiamo per essere consumati dalla vergogna, dal fatto di essere stati trasformati in vittime.

Ma potete scegliere di non essere una vittima. Potete scegliere di diventare un combattente.

Si può scegliere di superare il passato. Potete liberarvi da queste catene e scegliere di amare nonostante le vostre paure.—Solo questa volta, fate attenzione a chi date il vostro cuore.

I know you’re scared and that you think it might happen again.

But what if your fear is pushing a good man away? What if all that’s going on in your head is making you pull back from a man who’s actually worthy of your love?

Years from now, we’ll be sorry we were so naive to fall for our abuser. Years from now, we’ll feel ashamed for allowing someone to treat us so badly. But I swear that years from now the thing we’ll regret the most is pushing away the one man who’d do anything, literally anything, for us.

Il lato positivo dell'abuso è che ora siete più saggi. Ora sapete come riconoscere un abusatore e come affrontarlo.

Don’t allow the fear of repeating the past stop you from living your life. Don’t cross love off of your life’s list just because you’re scared.

Non tutti gli uomini sono abusatori. Non tutti gli uomini vogliono prendere senza dare nulla in cambio. Ci sono uomini che si preoccupano, che si preoccupano veramente di voi e dei vostri sentimenti.

Ci sono uomini che vi ameranno al punto da farvi dimenticare di aver subito abusi.

There is a man who’s ready to tiptoe around you until you’re ready to let him in. There is a man who’ll slowly put your demons to bed. There is someone whose love will light up your whole world.

Don’t let sparks of new love frighten you. Now you know which sparks will burn you alive and which will keep you warm.