Lui mi dà per scontata: 9 ragioni per cui (e cosa fare)
Mi dà per scontato. Senza dubbio, questa è una delle frasi più popolari che circolano da un po' di tempo a questa parte.
Is he seriously taking you for granted? That’s a serious accusation to make, and you shouldn’t make it without the solid proof he is really doing that.
Purtroppo, nelle relazioni moderne è molto più frequente mettere qualcuno nel Piano B. Che lo si voglia ammettere o meno, la sindrome dell'erba più verde è diventato il più grande distruttore di relazioni.
Questo è uno dei motivi per cui dare per scontata una persona si insinua in una relazione un tempo felice.
Per essere davvero ottimisti riguardo ai vostri sospetti, dovete innanzitutto essere obiettivi e cercare di non coinvolgere troppe emozioni nella valutazione se lui è trattandovi come un'opzione invece che come una priorità.
Besides looking for signs he’s taking you for granted, you need to understand what exactly means when someone takes you for granted, why they are doing that, and what you can do about it. We’ll cover all that (and more) below.
Significato di He Takes Me For Granted
If he takes you for granted, it basically means that he doesn’t appreciate you enough. It implies a lack of gratitude where he’s taking advantage of you or undervalues you.
You know he’s not appreciating you enough if he doesn’t reciprocate, doesn’t acknowledge the things you do for him, and isn’t putting enough effort di essere lì per voi quando ne avete bisogno.
You know he’s taking you for granted when you feel like you’re the only one going out of your way to make things work in a relationship.
Tutte le piccole e grandi cose che fate per lui spesso passano inosservate e vi sembra che la vostra presenza sia nell'ombra del suo egoismo.
Perché i ragazzi ti danno per scontata?
Uno dei motivi principali per cui i ragazzi vi danno per scontate è quando iniziano a pretendere che vi comportiate in un certo modo. Si abituano a ricevere un trattamento regale senza dare nulla in cambio.
Ecco i motivi più comuni per cui i ragazzi vi danno per scontate:
You have troubles saying ‘no’
Vi sentite come se voleste assumervi più compiti e responsabilità than say ‘no’ to your partner or other people? Then you officially have trouble saying ‘no’ and you’re officially going out of your way to please others at your own expense.
You’re a people pleaser
You just can’t be rude to others no matter how rude they are to you because you’re a legit people pleaser.
You’re too sweet and nice which guys immediately recognize and then, through time, decide to ‘turn your sweetness against you’ aka take you for granted.
Gli altri possono prevedere il vostro comportamento
Predictable behavior can be easily manipulated by others. If you’re predictable, it means others can know your next few moves in advance.
In questo modo è facile per loro manipolarvi e farvi fare ciò che vogliono. Questi tipi di manipolazioni sono sottili, quindi potreste non accorgervene.
Avete problemi a confrontarvi con le persone
You have trouble confronting issues with others (be it your partner or someone else). If you don’t tell them how their actions make you feel, you end up unhappy and they keep dandovi per scontati.
They do that because they’re convinced that everything is fine and you’re okay with their behavior. Well, are you?
You’re not being honest with yourself
Invece di ammettere a se stessi la famosa frase, Mi dà per scontato, si giustificano i suoi comportamenti.
Invece di chiedersi Aspetta, perché mi sta dando per scontato nel primo posto? you turn a blind eye thinking that you’re overreacting and it’s all in your head.
Giustificare il suo comportamento di merda è diventato la nuova normalità.
Cercate costantemente l'approvazione degli altri
Permettete agli altri di emozionare controllarvi e manipolarvi because you’re determined to get their approval at any cost. You ask for their approval on almost everything you do and that’s how you lose yourself.
Quando iniziano a darti per scontato, spesso non te ne accorgi perché hai già perso il senso del giudizio.
Avete basse aspettative
Vi siete abituati a essere delusi dagli altri così tanto che le vostre aspettative nei loro confronti sono diventate molto basse.
You give too much from yourself and receive little or nothing at all but you don’t incolpare gli altri per questo. Perché?
Because you have low expectations and you don’t expect others to treat you the way you treat them.
You’re scared
You’re scared of people who act bossy, confrontational or are too loud. Because of that, you refuse to confront them.
You’d rather do as they say and accept what they say than ever go against them. They know that, too, and that’s why they decide to take you for granted.
Dai più di quanto ricevi in cambio
Somehow, you’re always the one who gives too much without even realizing that you’re doing that.
You never question the matter of reciprocity in a relationship because you’re used to being the one who gives more than they get back.
Anche se si decide di allontanarsi, they’d be upset, accusing you of being the one who changed for the worse.
He Takes Me For Granted: 7 Clear Signs He’s Taking You For Granted
Quando mi sono chiesto per la prima volta Mi sta dando per scontata? Ero pronta a trascorrere un anno alla ricerca di segni che lo indicassero. Con mio grande stupore, questi segni sono stati davanti a me per tutto questo tempo, ma ho deciso di trascurarli.
As always, it’s best to learn from other people’s mistakes, so here are the signs that will open your eyes by showing his true nature:
Ha smesso di trattarvi con rispetto
Il rispetto è una cosa, oltre all'amore, che non dovrebbe mai esaurirsi in una relazione.
Your partner has to acknowledge you even for the small things you’ve done. It’s important that you know he appreciates you and your effort.
Once he stops doing all that, consider it as not a good sign. It’s the beginning of ‘’dandovi per scontati’’ journey you don’t want to be on.
If he’s making plans without you knowing, then you have a big red warning sign that something is seriously wrong.
Fare progetti da solo invece di coinvolgervi significa che non gli interessa nemmeno se potete partecipare o meno a quei progetti.
What you want in this case is not an option. Ask any relationship expert if this behavior is worthy of putting up with, they will all give you the same answer—you’re being taken for granted and something needs to be changed.
He doesn’t care what you think
Sperimentare questa sensazione può compromettere seriamente la propria autostima. Le sue reazioni indifferenti vi fanno sentire insignificanti e senza importanza.
Nessuno dovrebbe mai sentirsi così, soprattutto in una relazione in cui il partner dovrebbe farvi sentire speciali e amati.
He’s not making you feel anything except shame and a sense of less worth. If your significant other is faced with difficult choices in life, it’s normal and natural for them to turn to you for advice.
Il vostro ragazzo ha smesso di rendervi partecipi dei momenti e delle decisioni importanti della vita.
It’s because you don’t matter to him as much as you used to. Relazioni sane implica l'amore incondizionato e, soprattutto, la fiducia. Avete perso la fiducia e forse anche l'amore.
Ha smesso di provarci con te
He’s not taking you to nice dates anymore. He’s not even trying to do anything romantic anymore. I don’t want to scare you but these are huge red flags in a romantic relationship.
La vostra relazione è rimasta bloccata in una situazione di stallo, and he doesn’t seem to be bothered by it.
He’s even stopped trying to look good for you. I’m not saying he should groom himself all the time to look like a model when he’s with you, don’t get me wrong.
He should be relaxed around you, but isn’t there a line between being relaxed and not giving a damn?
I mean if boxers are the only thing he ever wears around you and you’re home all the time…is that really nice of him to do?
Or is it the result of a lack of trying? I’ll let you be the judge of that.
Riflettete bene: la vostra relazione di lunga durata è entrata in crisi e avete bisogno di cambiare qualcosa al più presto oppure è che he’s just not into you anymore, so he’s taking you for granted?
He doesn’t listen when you talk
When you talk, he does his own thing. He is not paying attention to anything you say, and the reason is more than simple. He doesn’t care about you, things that you say, or things that you think about.
La vostra comunicazione sta andando a rotoli, il che è un altro bandiera rossa in una relazione.
Come esseri umani, abbiamo l'esigenza di entrare in contatto con gli altri a tanti livelli. Quindi, quando la comunicazione cessa di esistere, sapete che la vostra relazione sta affrontando dei problemi seri.
I suoi amici sono più importanti di voi
I’m not saying he should be by your side and hang out with you all the time but if there ever comes a point in your relationship where he chooses to spend time with his friends rather than you, he’s most definitely taking you for granted.
Don’t blow this out of proportion. If he rejects you once to go with his friends, it doesn’t have to mean ha smesso di preoccuparsi su di te. Dovete lasciargli la sua vita sociale al di fuori della vostra relazione.
Ma se ciò inizia a verificarsi regolarmente, è il caso di iniziare a preoccuparsi. La prima cosa che viene in mente è che sta lentamente perdendo interesse per voi.
Evita l'intimità
Quando è stata l'ultima volta che siete stati in intimità? Ve lo ricordate? La mancanza di intimità fisica è sicuramente uno dei segnali allarmanti che indicano che la vostra relazione è in difficoltà.
Passion is one of the things that should always be present in a relationship, no matter what. If you don’t attract each other physically, that relationship is doomed to fail sooner or later.
Lo stesso vale per l'intimità emotiva. Dovete essere in grado e liberi di parlare dei vostri sentimenti con il vostro partner.
Being vulnerable is not something you should be ashamed of, especially when you’re with your loved one. He has to give you emotional support and ensure you feel safe and protected when he’s around.
He hasn’t introduced you to his family
My family is everything to me, as I’m sure yours to you, too. He is no exception either.
Wouldn’t it be completely normal for him to introduce you to his loved ones if he was serio su di te? I would do it, and you would do the same. Why hasn’t he done it yet?
The answer is not so pleasing. It could be that he’s not interested in anything serious with you or he’s simply taking you for granted.
Questi problemi sono piuttosto seri e non c'è una soluzione semplice che venga in mente.
Although you can always try to talk to your boyfriend using complete honesty to try to solve what’s holding him down in your relationship.
Cosa fare quando un uomo ti dà per scontata?
When a man takes you for granted, it’s best to give him the taste of his own medicine if you want to teach him a valuable lesson.
Ci sono sempre delle opzioni che potete considerare. Quando lui vi dà per scontate, potete ignorarlo e concentrarvi su vivere al meglio la propria vita.
You can cut off contact for good. At least, you’re getting the satisfaction of winning and walking away from him, instead of him from you.
But, there are other options, too, which might intrigue him and get him hooked back…
Divertirsi da soli
Mi dà per scontata. E allora? Puoi ancora divertirti da sola e concentrarti sulla tua vita, giusto?
Don’t even bother to ask him what he’s doing that night if you know that he’s going to have some lame excuse for not going out with you.
Instead, go out on a date with yourself or find new hobbies. Do something that you will enjoy doing even when you know that he wouldn’t enjoy it with you.
There are so many things you stopped doing since you two started your relationship, so it’s time to do those things right now.
Oh, and don’t forget to take a picture and post it somewhere he will see it. Let him ask himself why you didn’t even invite him.
Don’t answer his messages right away
Women have this urge to answer messages right away. I mean it’s polite, and that’s how it’s supposed to be done if you have your phone by your hand.
But now that he’s taking you for granted and he doesn’t know how hard it is for you when you have to wait a whole day before he answers, ignore the urge to rispondetegli con un messaggio. Don’t text him and he will text you.
Riappropriatevi del vostro rispetto di sé. Make him feel your pain. Don’t answer him.
You could even leave him on ‘read’.
Vestirsi per fare colpo
Non importa quanto spesso vi vestiate bene, raddoppiate! Vestitevi così bene che lui sbava ogni volta che passate.
Let him see what he’s losing. A little red lipstick and mascara will make you feel good about yourself, too.
Needless to say that men are visual creatures, so if he sees you that hot, he’ll instantly come after you. But don’t let him touch you.
Il contatto fisico è off-limits fino a quando lui non inizia a apprezzando la vostra presenza nella sua vita.
I know that this sounds like manipulation but if he doesn’t see what he’s losing, he won’t realize what’s going on and he won’t be able to ‘read the signals’ you’re trying to send him.
Uscire con gli amici
Il vostro ragazzo vi dà per scontate? Nessun problema.
Andare alle feste, divertirsi con i migliori amicicolleghi di lavoro, eccetera. Fategli vedere che siete in grado di avere una vita meravigliosa senza di lui.
Plan an all-girls weekend for your birthday, and don’t allow him to join the party.
Let him know that he’s not invited. He doesn’t deserve to be there in the first place, right?
Annullare i piani con lui
Believe me, I know it’s hard. You want to spend more time with him because you love him, but this is the best way for you to let him know that something isn’t right.
È necessario make him realize he’s losing you!
If he calls you to go out, politely tell him that you don’t want to. If you have already made plans with him, then cancel the date night and tell him that you have something important to do for work. Either way, it will pay off.
Don’t talk to him about your life
Mi dà per scontata. Forse devo moltiplicare i miei sforzi ed essere più aperta con lui.
That’s exactly what I was thinking a few years ago. Don’t make the same mistake. Withhold information about your life right now.
At one point when you’re talking to him and he asks you about why you haven’t told him that before, choose a passive-aggressive answer like, “I saw that you were too busy to actually care.” These sentences hit the spot even though they may sound a bit rough.
Dopo tutto questo tempo dandovi per scontatidimostrargli che non siete d'accordo con il suo comportamento.
Parlategli di come vi sentite
Dopo aver deciso che i giochi sono sufficienti, provate la vecchia ma preziosa tecnica del dialogo.
Forse ci avete già provato prima di tutto questo, ma ora è il momento giusto per parlarne.
Tell him how you have been feeling lately, and tell him that you aren’t happy in your relationship because he doesn’t appreciate you and what you’re doing for him.
I’ve said this already—communication is the key to every relazione felice.
Ditegli che prende solo dalla relazione senza dare nulla in cambio e vedete cosa succede. Ditegli che ogni relazione è una strada a doppio senso e che non funziona se uno dei due partner si impegna più dell'altro.
Pensate se merita una seconda possibilità.
If he says that he is going to change his behavior, then you should give him a chance, but be careful with how many chances you’re giving out and is it worth the trouble?
Come posso impedirgli di darmi per scontata?
You’ll stop him from taking you for granted when you stop doing those things he takes for granted and stabilire dei limiti come la donna di alto valore che siete.
Let him know that you won’t tolerate him not appreciating your effort. Let him know that you’re fine without him.
This is how you’ll stop him from taking you for granted ever again:
Stop doing those things he’s taking for granted
Mi dà per scontato. Well, then stop doing those things he’s taking for granted.
Questo è qualcosa che ogni coach di relazioni vi direbbe: Smettete di fare di tutto per fare cose carine per lui. Punto.
The more you’re going out of your way to please him, the more he’ll take your effort for granted. You need to break this evil art of lui che si approfitta di lei and you’ll do it by not giving him the things he used to receive from you.
Let him know that it takes two to tango. You will not be the only one trying to make things work. It’s high time that he chooses between reciprocity or nothing.
Richiamarlo per il suo comportamento
Don’t omit anything he does, and most importantly, don’t make excuses for him in the process of evaluating what his deal is.
Guardate tutto, dalle piccole alle grandi cose, perché sono tutte ugualmente importanti.
I’m sure you’ve realized by now that you’ve missed so many sure signs telling you that he is not appreciating you as he used to.
If you did, don’t let that lower your spirits and discourage you.
It’s not your fault that you missed out on whatever was going on right in front of your nose. You’re not the one to blame that your significant other is not treating you the way you deserve.
Stabilire i confini
It’s time to set yourself some boundaries. Choose the things that you’ll do because you want to do them and accentuate the things you won’t do because he’s obviously taking them for granted.
Once he sees that you’re no longer going out of your way to please him, he’ll start to question his behavior. (Well, I hope he will.)
Stabilire dei limiti è di fondamentale importanza se si vuole proteggersi dal suo comportamento manipolatorio.
It will help you realize the things you’re doing for yourself and the things you’ve been doing for him that he didn’t appreciate whatsoever.
Concentrarsi su se stessi
One of the greatest relationship advice of all times: When everything else fails, focus on yourself. When you’ve done all you could and you see that he still doesn’t realize the mistake of taking you for granted, just ignore him completely.
Do what makes YOU happy at the moment. Don’t worry about how he’ll perceive your decision to no longer settle for his selfish treatment.
A man cannot realize what he had if you don’t let him know what he lost. In this case, I refer to what he ‘temporarily’ lost.
Naturalmente, se vedete che la vostra relazione non ha futuro and the problems are beyond fixing, you can easily replace the word ‘temporarily’ with ‘permanently’.
Let him know you’re TOTALLY fine without him
I’ve heard many women say: He took me for granted so I left him. He didn’t appreciate my gestures, so I stopped trying.
Here’s one for you: He took me for granted, so I showed him that I’m TOTALLY fine without him.
Live your best life and don’t think about him even for a second. Let him know that if you had to leave, you definitely would and that you would be fine without him.
Questo gli ricorderà che you’re an independent woman who knows how to take care of herself. You don’t need his lame behavior in your life because you know better.
You put up with his behavior so far because you wanted to and not because you had to. Now that you see he still hasn’t changed his game, you’ll give him a checkmate.
He’ll either open his eyes and realize what he’ll lose or he’ll keep taking you for granted. The only difference is that this time he knows you won’t tolerate the latter.
Don’t Take Me For Granted Quotes
Se volete che lui (e gli altri) smettano di darvi per scontati, dovete ricordare loro di smettere di comportarsi così.
One of the surefire ways to do so is by posting or sending them quotes about taking you for granted. These words of wisdom have the power to change everyone’s perception and he is not an exception.
1. “Learn my VALUE or earn my ABSENCE. Don’t take me for granted.” – Unknown
2. “When I give you my time, I’m giving you a portion of my life that I will never get back. So please don’t make me regret it.” – Unknown
3. “Never take a woman for granted because one day another guy will come along and appreciate what you didn’t.” – Unknown
4. “Don’t take me for granted because unlike the rest I’m not afraid to allontanarsi.” – Unknown
5. “Women are often overlooked, taken for granted. They can slip easily through a man’s defense.” – Stan Lee
6. “Just because I’m here for you all the time, doesn’t mean you can take me for granted.” – Unknown
7. “You need to stop doing things for someone when you find out it’s expected rather than appreciated.” – Unknown
8. “If they don’t appreciate your presence, perhaps you should try giving them la tua assenza.” – Tinku Razoria
9. “Even the most caring people can get tired of being taken for granted.” – Nishan Panwar
10. “If they don’t respect, appreciate and value you, then they don’t deserve you.” – Robert Tew
11. “It is sad when you realize you are not as important to someone as they are to you!” – Nikhil Andy
12. “Kindness should never be taken for granted because even the nicest people have their limits.” – Unknown
13. “Never take someone’s feelings for granted. Because you never know how much courage they took to show it to you.” – Unknown
14. “Don’t be mad because I don’t care anymore. Be mad because I once did, and you were too blind to see.” – Unknown
15. “Every time you take them for granted, you’re teaching them to live without you.” – Unknown
16. “Once you take me for granted, you’ll miss me when I stop doing the things I used to do for you.” – Unknown
17. “She used to love his kisses, but not anymore. She had lost him, somewhere along the way, and this man was a stranger-a stranger who took her for granted.” – Caroline Anderson
18. “When you have taken for granted the things that are important, you lose them eventually.” – Unknown
19. “I do not judge people at all, and I’m ALWAYS here to help anyone at any time. But please don’t take my help for granted.” – Unknown
20. “Don’t take me for granted. Cause when you lose me, I won’t come back.” – Unknown
21. “When you’re always there for people they stop appreciating you because your favors are now an expectation.” – Unknown
22. “You don’t need to waste your time on someone who only wants you around when it fits their needs. ” – Rajat Dogra
23. “If we don’t feel appreciated, we don’t feel loved.” – Jonathan Lockwood Huie
24. “As I was fighting for you, I realized I was fighting to be lied to; fighting to be taken for granted; fighting to be disappointed; and fighting to be hurt again…so I started fighting to let go.” – Unknown
25. “If you take someone for granted, you don’t deserve them. Be mature enough to let them move on to someone else who knows their worth.” – Unknown
Il verdetto
Mi dà per scontata. Smetterà mai di farlo?
Se gli fate capire con le azioni e le parole che non tollererete più che vi dia per scontate, potete aspettarvi uno dei seguenti risultati:
a) He will continue doing so (because he doesn’t care).
b) He’ll open his eyes and realize that he’s losing you (because he cares).
Una cosa è certa: se ti amaLui ti cercherà e troverà un modo per far funzionare la relazione. Tutto il resto è solo una scusa.
