17 Regole per gli amici con benefici per mantenere le cose in ordine

Tutti noi abbiamo visto la commedia romantica "Friends with Benefits", in cui Justin Timberlake e Mila Kunis fanno sembrare questo tipo di relazione molto semplice.

Ma hanno dimenticato tutte le regole degli amici con benefici quando si sono innamorati.

Esistono due possibili scenari con un amici con benefici relazione.

This is the first one, where both partners fall in love and realize they can’t continue with this type of relationship and decide to make their relationship official.

TIl suo è quello a lieto fine.

Il secondo scenario, con un finale non così felice, è quello in cui uno dei due partner inizia a catturare i sentimenti for their FWB and that makes them end their relationship before it’s too late.

This doesn’t mean that a FWB relationship can’t work. It really can but it’s almost always short-lived. You can’t be in such a relationship forever.

You can’t be with someone for pure physical pleasure for too long. After some time, one of you will fall in love with the other person or will want a more relazione seria.

You’ll want someone with whom you’ll be able to talk about your day, someone to confide in and someone you’ll be able to date without any ground rules or anything like that.

It’s so much easier for guys to follow the friends with benefits rules. They’re used to no-strings-attached hookups.

Women are a lot different. We fall in love much faster than guys and that’s why it’s much more difficult for us to maintain a relationship without any romantic feelings being involved.

17 regole necessarie per gli amici con benefici

Ecco alcune regole importanti se volete avere una relazione di successo con il vostro amico di divertimento e non innamorarsi con loro dopo un po' di tempo e rovinano tutto.

Dovete essere 100% pronti per questo tipo di relazione.

Prima di intraprendere questa relazione, entrambi dovete leggere ed essere pronti a seguire tutte queste regole e dovete comprenderne il vero significato.

If you fall in love easily or catch feelings too quickly, this relationship definitely isn’t for you.

However, if you want to have fun without any commitment or if you’re looking for some random aggancio, aprite il vostro profilo Tinder e date il via alla ricerca.

Scegliete il vostro partner FWB con saggezza

You must find a person who’s also willing to accept all of these rules. Before you get involved in anything, you must define your relationship and be sure that you both want the same thing.

I wouldn’t recommend for you to be involved in this type of relationship with your co-worker or best friend; actually, it would be better to choose someone you’ve just met.

If you start a FWB relationship with someone you know, it’ll just complicate the relationship between you once the affair ends.

The ‘friends’ part is really important

Don’t just pay attention to the ‘benefits’ part. You should also have a friendly relationship even before getting physically intimate.

You don’t have to be migliori amici who’ll share all of your secrets and keep in touch 24/7 but it’s nice to get to know them a little bit more.

You’ll then both feel more sure that it’ll positively affect your intimacy.

Avere aspettative molto chiare

Quindi, la prima cosa da fare è definire la vostra relazione.

There shouldn’t be any unrealistic aspettative and you shouldn’t expect for the relationship to become official after some time, even if you do develop some feelings for your fun buddy.

The only expectation you should have is that there shouldn’t be any expectations or obligations. It’s a relationship without any commitment and that’s the way you should keep it.

Stabilire dei limiti è un MUST

Come in qualsiasi altra relazione, stabilire dei limiti chiari è fondamentale per far funzionare questo rapporto.

Definire i confini vi aiuterà a sapere che entrambi siete sulla stessa pagina emotiva.

Both partners must be clear about what they want from the relationship and both of you have to respect each other’s boundaries.

Effettuare regolarmente il check-in

You don’t have to be in contact all day long but you should check in regularly, at least every other day.

Texting your fun buddy only when you want to meet up with them is a little bit disrespectful and even if it’s not a real relationship, you should show them respect and appreciation.

You aren’t dating, therefore dates are off-limits

Going out for a coffee or to the cinema or preparing them dinner at your place is something you should definitely avoid because that’s a sure way you’ll catch some feelings.

This isn’t a real relationship and you aren’t dating, that’s why you shouldn’t go on dates. The only date you should have is the one in the bedroom.

Le coccole non sono ammesse

Poiché si tratta di una sorta di relazione romantica, molte coppie FWB pensano di doversi coccolare durante i preliminari o dopo l'intimità.

Actually, it’s better to avoid coccole perché produce ossitocina (l'ormone dell'amore o delle coccole) e le vostre emozioni si intromettono e rovinano l'accordo che avete.

Remember, you aren’t dating and cuddling will probably just confuse you both and complicate your relationship.

Essere aperti a provare cose nuove

While you’re having fun with this kind of relationship, this may also be a perfect time to try some new things you always wanted to do in the bedroom.

Chiedete al vostro amico divertente quali sono le sue fantasie o se vuole provare qualcosa di nuovo.

If they suggest something new without you even asking them, don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone and have a little bit more fun.

Cercate, ma davvero cercate, di non cogliere i sentimenti.

This won’t be difficult if you both do follow these rules. Keep in touch but don’t spend too much time together.

It’s okay to become friends with them and get to know a little bit more but you shouldn’t tell them everything about your life.

Mantenete la relazione leggera e giocosa e cercate di non andare troppo a fondo.

Respect the ‘no sleepover’ rule

Passare una notte insieme potrebbe complicare la vostra relazione.

You’ll see how confused you’ll be the next morning, when you wake up by their side.

You won’t know whether you should stay and wait for them to wake up or just sneak out of their place. It’s unnecessary and definitely not good if you want to keep things casual.

You’re both allowed to date other people

With all FWB arrangements and rules, both sides have the right to date other people because their relationship isn’t esclusivo.

Being in a casual relationship like this doesn’t mean you’re taken.

You’re still single and in the dating game and whenever you meet someone new, someone you would like to date officially, you have the right to end the affair with your fun buddy.

Forse può sembrare ingiusto, ma queste sono le regole.

La gelosia è fuori discussione

No strings attached means that there shouldn’ be jealousy either.

You’re both allowed to date other people, meet new people and go out with whomever you want.

Se iniziate a sentirvi geloso because your partner finds someone new and starts dating them for real, it’s a good sign that you do have some romantic feelings for them.

If you keep being emotionally unattached, you won’t probably have any problems with the other side dating someone else.

It would be better if you didn’t meet each other’s family and friends

You’ll probably want to tell someone about your little affair and you should but only one of your best friends. Be aware that the fewer people who know about it, the better it is for you.

Pensateci. Cosa diresti alla tua famiglia del tuo amico? Non è solo un amico e non è solo un amante.

Would you have the guts to tell them the truth, that he’s your fun buddy?

Meeting each other’s friends and family members would just unnecessarily complicate things.

Inoltre, sarebbe più difficile per voi affrontare la rottura una volta terminata la relazione, perché la vostra famiglia o i vostri amici potrebbero chiedervi spesso di loro e voi potreste non sapere cosa dire loro.

Don’t create unnecessary drama

If something happens, like if you disagree about something or your partner starts dating someone, don’t immediately start creating unnecessary drama.

Most people like this kind of relationship exactly because they’re completely drama-free or at least they should be.

Bisogna sapere perché si è lì. Solo per il divertimento, giusto? Non c'è divertimento nel creare drammi inutili.

Usare sempre una protezione

You’re aware that this relationship is just temporaneo, right? You know you’re there for fun and excitement only, right?

Then stay safe and always use protection. It will keep you STD-free (as you’re in a non-monogamous relationship) and will also prevent the risk of pregnancy.

Don’t ruin all the fun and excitement there is just because you’re in a hurry or you simply forget to use protection.

Un momento di sconsideratezza che potreste rimpiangere per il resto della vostra vita.

Seguire ciecamente tutte queste regole

Trust me, I know what I’m talking about. I have been there already and it didn’t end well because I thought we’d be able to function like that without any rules.

We still don’t talk, even though it was so long ago. And the worst thing is that person is my co-worker.

Devo vederli ogni giorno sul posto di lavoro e c'è ancora un po' di tensione tra noi.

That’s why I would honestly advise you to follow these ground rules that will help you get a better understanding of this kind of relationship and maintain it for as long as you want.

Gli amici con benefici funzionano?

A FWB relationship is really trending nowadays and it’s becoming more and more popular every day because of many reasons.

It’s popular with people who aren’t ready for a relazione impegnata e sono in realtà quelli che si impegnano di più in questo tipo di relazione.

This option works best for them because they need that ‘no strings attached’ fun and they don’t really even want to think about getting into more serious relationships yet.

The other day, I read the question, “Can friends with benefits work in real life?” and it made me really laugh.

Come qualsiasi altra relazione, anche la FWB può funzionare se entrambi i partner si impegnano per farla funzionare.

Of course, it doesn’t require saso much effort as a more serious relationship; however, there are some very important rules that both sides must respect if they want to maintain their relationship.

Avete mai sentito parlare di un contratto di amicizia con benefici? Sì, esiste anche questo.

If you feel it’ll be better for you both to make your arrangement official, this is a great solution.

Potete trovare online alcuni modelli di contratto e modificarli in modo che vadano bene a entrambi.

Remember, if both sides are ready to stick to their part of the arrangement, you’ll be able to maintain your FWB relationship without getting attached for sure.

A volte può durare anche più a lungo di alcune relazioni reali.

Come porre fine a una relazione di amicizia con benefici?

La fine di una relazione di amicizia con benefici diventa quasi sempre molto difficile e dolorosa per uno dei due partner.

A volte una parte dimentica la regola più importante del FWB e si innamora dell'altra parte.

A volte, uno dei due partner desidera qualcosa di diverso, qualcosa di più serio, e questo lo spinge a porre fine alla relazione in corso.

If you want to get out of your friends with benefits situation, here are some dos and don’ts that will help you to end it in the least painful way possible.

È necessario farlo di persona

Don’t be a coward and stand behind the decisions you make.

Don’t start avoiding your FWB partner all of a sudden just because you don’t have the guts rompere.

Don’t hide behind text messages or social media. If you make a decision to end your FWB relationship, you have to do it face-to-face.

Maybe you’re afraid of the other’s side reaction or how they’ll deal with the breakup but still, it really is the best choice to do it in person.

Also, you shouldn’t do it in public because your partner might be hurt and they might deal with it even worse if you do it this way.

They might be surprised by your decision and they won’t know how to react to it while there are other people around you.

Sedetevi e parlate onestamente con il vostro partner FWB.

Qualunque sia il motivo che vi spinge a porre fine alla vostra piccola relazione, dovete essere onesti con l'altra parte e dirglielo.

Anche se non avete un motivo o vi siete semplicemente stufati di quel tipo di relazione, dovreste dirglielo onestamente.

Don’t leave the relationship open-ended or give them any false hope.

Even if you aren’t sure about your decision, you mustn’t lead them on until you’re completely sure or until you find someone else.

After all, you’ve spent a part of your life with that person and even though it wasn’t a committed relationship, you must be fair to them and end things in the right way.

Ma mantenete la rottura leggera

You’re both aware that you agreed on a casual relationship with no strings attached. That’s exactly how your breakup should be.

L'altra parte potrebbe aver iniziato catturare i sentimenti for you and the breakup might be painful for them but you shouldn’t feel like it’s your fault.

Sapevano fin dal primo momento a cosa andavano incontro e sono entrati in quella relazione di buon grado.

They made a mistake by not respecting your FWB rules so you shouldn’t feel bad if they don’t take the breakup well.

Don’t try to comfort them in the moment with some silly words like, “You’ll be fine,” “You’ll move on,” “You’ll meet someone new soon…” No, you are the last person they need in their support network right now.

Dite loro che vorreste rimanere loro amici

Don’t push it but ask them how they feel about staying in contact and hanging out as friends sometimes.

If they haven’t fallen in love with you, they’ll probably take the breakup well and they’ll be able to stay friends with you.

Of course, because of your history, you won’t be able to be best friends immediately but who knows… Forse con il tempo diventerete migliori amici e riderete della vostra piccola avventura nel passato.

If they don’t take the breakup well, they probably won’t want to rimanere amici con voi dopo.

They’ll know that it would be impossible to become friends with you without hurting their own feelings.

Also, when you mention how you would like to stay friends with them, don’t do it in a stupid way, like asking them, “Can we stay friends?” or just by stretching your hand out to shake hands with them and simply asking,

“Friends?”

Se lo fate in questo modo, dovreste aspettarvi che vi schiaffeggino o almeno che vi voltino le spalle e se ne vadano senza dirvi una parola.

Ascoltate quello che hanno da dire sulla rottura

After you tell them the news about the breakup, sit down, as it’s now your time to listen.

Le loro opinioni non devono influenzare o modificare la vostra decisione, ma dovete mostrare loro rispetto e ascoltare ciò che hanno da dire.

If they feel like you did something wrong to them or how you didn’t respect your part of the FWB arrangement and you realize they’re right, you should apologize to them and ask for their forgiveness.

Se chiedono di non chiamare or check in with them for a while, you should agree to that and promise them that even though you would like to stay friends with them, you won’t do it until they’re ready to talk and hang out with you.

Okay, it wasn’t a serious and committed relazione romantica ma può essere comunque doloroso per il vostro amico.

Maybe they got used to you or maybe they became attached to you even though they knew they shouldn’t. Sometimes, we can’t order our heart what to do or whom to love.

Don’t devalue them

You’re breaking up with them and it’s probably because you no longer like them or you no longer enjoy the thing you have.

Tuttavia, avete trascorso del tempo con quella persona e merita il vostro rispetto e apprezzamento.

Don’t make this FWB situation more difficult than it is already, especially if you see that they’re suffering because of your decision to split up.

Devono sapere quanto li apprezziate come amici e quanto significherebbe per voi rimanere amici.

Dite loro che anche voi apprezzate il tempo trascorso insieme e tutto quello che avete passato.

Also, tell them how your relationship was really fun and that you’ll always cherish those good moments and memories but now the time has come for you to move on.

Mantenete la vostra decisione, qualunque cosa accada

Some people can’t affrontare il rifiuto bene. Your partner may be one of those people and even if they don’t have romantic feelings for you, they might get angry after you end your affair.

However, once again, that isn’t your fault so don’t let it affect your decision.

If they start crying or begging you not to break up, that shouldn’t change your mind about ending that little affair you had.

Avevate il vostro accordo di amicizia con benefici e loro sapevano che la vostra relazione sarebbe finita prima o poi.

Avete le vostre ragioni per rompere con loro e dovreste attenervi a quelle, a prescindere da come loro prendano la notizia.

Tagliare tutti i contatti dopo la rottura per qualche tempo

It’s okay to ask them to stay friends after the breakup. However, you should give both them and you some time to process it all.

If they are emotionally attached to you, the breakup will hurt their feelings and it’ll be more difficult for them to process their emotions.

You should give them some time to grieve and to decide whether it’s really a good decision for you to stay friends or not.

Potrebbe esserci un po' di tensione tra di voi dopo la rottura e sarebbe probabilmente meglio che entrambi rispettaste la regola del divieto di contatto.

Dopo un po' di tempo, probabilmente entrambi andrete avanti e, se vi manca come amico, potrete contattarlo e chiedergli di incontrarsi per un caffè o qualcosa del genere.

Don’t immediately get back in the dating game

After you end your FWB relationship, don’t immediately activate your Tinder profile again and start looking for a new FWB partner.

Anche se siete stati voi a rompere con loro, dovreste concedervi un po' di tempo per pensare alla vostra precedente relazione e per riconsiderare se volete davvero una relazione. casuale una relazione del genere o se siete pronti per qualcosa di più serio.

Inoltre, dopo un po' di tempo, potreste rendervi conto di aver provato qualcosa per il vostro ex partner e di aver rotto con lui perché avevate paura di quello che sarebbe successo dopo.

Potreste rendervi conto che la rottura è stata un grosso errore e potreste voler riconciliarvi con loro e portare la vostra relazione al livello successivo.

Give yourself some time to clear your thoughts and your feelings. Give yourself some time to see whether you’re going to miss that person.

Maybe you’ll regret the breakup and be able to save the relationship before it’s too late.

Vedi anche: Più di un amico con benefici ma non una relazione

Godetevi la vostra relazione FWB finché dura

Avete iniziato questo tipo di relazione solo perché volete divertirvi senza avere obblighi reali l'uno verso l'altro, giusto?

Then don’t think too much about whether it’s going to work out or not and just enjoy it while it lasts.

However, don’t get into such a relationship if you don’t think you will be able to be with someone and spend time with them without your feelings getting involved.

Questo tipo di relazione può sembrare eccitante e divertente, ma può anche portarvi ad avere il cuore spezzato.

Entrambe le parti devono seguire le regole dell'amicizia con benefici e solo così sarà possibile mantenere la relazione.

Tenete sempre a mente il motivo per cui vi trovate lì. Se iniziate a provare dei sentimenti per il vostro partner FWB, uscite da quella relazione e cercate di andare avanti il più velocemente possibile.