20 segni di sofferenza dopo la rottura (e cosa fare)
Breakups bring heartbreak or relief, sometimes both at the same time. You might part ways on friendly terms or your relationship might end in a vicious fight – whatever the reason or the way you broke up, it’s never easy to deal with a breakup.
If you’re wondering whether your ex is hurting, you’re still not over it. Ending a relationship takes time to deal with, so curiosity about how the other side is doing is natural.
It doesn’t matter if you’re wondering because you worry about him, because you want him to be in as much pain as you are, or because you want to get back together. Whatever your reason, you’ll get your answer by paying attention to his behavior per individuare i segnali di sofferenza dopo la rottura.
20 segni di sofferenza dopo la rottura
How do you know if your ex-boyfriend is hurting? It’s not difficult to pinpoint the signs he is hurting after the breakup because they all have one thing in common: he’s not staying away.
When someone is over you and doesn’t want anything to do with you, he goes on with his life without concerning himself with what you’re doing. Tutti i segnali che lo fanno soffrire dopo una rottura mostrano anche quanto sia ancora coinvolto nella vostra vita.
1. Vi blocca
If he blocked your number and on social media, he’s hurting and most likely wants to get over you. Cutting off all contact is one of the signs that he’s in pain e cerca di stare lontano per proteggere i suoi sentimenti.
La regola del non contatto è uno dei modi più efficaci per gestire i sentimenti feriti dopo una rottura. He’s trying to stop himself from contacting you by blocking your number and he’s trying to avoid seeing updates about your life on social media.
If he didn’t care about contacting you, you’d know that il tuo ex è andato avanti.
2. Vi ignora
When he ignores you when you contact him or when you run into him, he’s trying to hide his true feelings. He’s hurting and seeing you brings him even more pain, so he’s avoiding you.
If you run in the same circles and can’t help seeing each other, this will be even more obvious. It might seem childish when he just passes by you pretending you don’t exist – he’s sulking and ignoring you because he’s hurting e vederti non fa altro che farlo sentire peggio.
3. Si allontana da tutti
Uno dei segni rivelatori del fatto che un ragazzo sta soffrendo è che scompare completamente. His ego and his feelings are both hurt, so he’s hiding from everyone until he’s recovered. If he’s not only hiding from you, but also ignoring his friends, he needs time to process his feelings.
He’s hurt and ashamed, so he doesn’t want to talk about it to anyone because it will only make him feel worse. If anyone gets in touch with him, he’ll probably lash out at them or be completely listless.
4. He’s in denial about the finality of your breakup
Denial is one of the sure signs that he’s hurting. If he’s acting like your breakup is temporary and not a big deal, he’s not taking it seriously. He’s either going through the fasi di una rottura and will eventually accept it, or he’s just incapable of dealing with how he feels about losing you.
If he’s the dumper, it might also be a sign that he’s playing with your feelings. If he thinks that he can break up with you only to have you wait for him to change his mind, he’s in denial and considers your breakup a game without thinking about what it’s doing to you.
5. He shows up where he knows you’ll be
You go to your favorite coffee shop at your usual time, and he’s there. You’re meeting a friend for lunch, and he shows up at the same restaurant. You see him hanging around your neighborhood or near your workplace.
Uno dei segni che lo can’t stop thinking about you is if he’s always around. If you’ve blocked him, he might be trying to get in touch with you. If he’s the one who broke up with you, he’s regretting it and trying to catch a glimpse of you or talk to you.
6. He won’t stop texting or calling
Looking for excuses to contact you and can’t move on with his life is a definite sign that he’s in pain. He doesn’t know how to deal with his feelings and he’s trying to keep you in his life.
If he’s texting or calling you as much as when you were together, or even more, he’s unable to accept that you’re over. He either thinks that he still has a chance or he’s hoping to convince you to give him one.
7. Vi dice che gli mancate
When he outright tells you that he misses you, it’s a sign that he can’t deal with his feelings any more. It might be a moment of weakness and he still wants to be over you or he’s really reached a point where he doesn’t want to be without you any longer.
On the other hand, it could be a manipulation tactic, so be careful. If he’s the one who broke up with you and left you heartbroken, then suddenly inizia a sentire la tua mancanza, you can’t trust him until he proves to you that he really means it.
8. Implora un'altra possibilità
Implorarvi di riprendervelo è un segno evidente che lui rimpiange di averti perso e gli fa male stare lontano da voi, ma you shouldn’t take his words at face value.
If you decide to give him another chance, he should first earn it, starting with a proper apology. The purpose of an apology isn’t to make him feel better or to acknowledge your reaction. A real apology shows that he’s genuinely sorry per le sue azioni e che vuole farsi perdonare.
9. Ha una relazione di ripiego
Una nuova relazione subito dopo una rottura è un meccanismo di coping volto a distrarre dal dolore. If he’s dating someone else before a certain amount of time has passed, it won’t end well for anyone involved.
First of all, it won’t help him deal with his feelings – it’s well known that rimbalzi che ti fanno sentire di più la mancanza del tuo ex. Not only that, but he’ll also hurt the other person he’s dating and, se lo permettete, questa situazione farà male anche a voi.
La cosa migliore che potete fare per voi stessi è ignorare le sue azioni e stare alla larga da tutto questo casino. Don’t let him drag you into it. Your ex and his new relationship are none of your business because you have better things to do.
10. Parla male di voi
Anyone who’s trash-talking their ex-partner is angry and trying to hurt the other person’s feelings. Unless he’s a narcissist running a smear campaign, badmouthing you isn’t a calculated plan to make your mutual friends hate you, but a reaction to his pain.
He’s overwhelmed with how much he’s hurting, so he’s trying to make you feel the same. He also might be desperate to believe in the words they’re saying or looking for sympathy. Don’t let the things he’s saying get to you.
11. Distorce la verità sulla vostra rottura
There are plenty of reasons for breakups, some of which are more painful than the others. Sometimes things seem fine, but underneath it they’re not working and you realize that it’s time to break up. Può essere reciproco o può essere il risultato di qualcosa che una persona ha fatto.
Qualunque sia il motivo della rottura, se he can’t deal with his emotional pain and he’s trying to make you seem like the bad guy in the breakup, his behavior is toxic and you shouldn’t accept it.
If he’s trying to paint himself as a victim and blame you for everything that went wrong in your relationship, potete parlargli e chiedergli di smettere, oppure potete ignorarlo completamente.
He can try to put it all on you, but people who know you won’t believe him. If he manages to convince them, you can talk to them and tell them what’s going on, but it’s best if you don’t get involved at all. Vivete la vostra vita senza essere disturbati.
12. Cerca di ferirti a sua volta
If he’s infelice senza di te e l'unico modo per affrontare il suo dolore è cercare di ferirti a sua volta, you shouldn’t give him the time of day. Some ways he could be doing this is by damaging your reputation or property, threatening you, harassing you or sabotaging you.
Watch out if his way of thinking is “If I am hurting, so should you”. He’s a toxic person who won’t stop hurting you even if you reconcile. He might be in pain, but that’s never an excuse for hurting others.
Seeking revenge for the breakup and trying to teach you a lesson are signs that he’s someone you should stay away from.
13. Vi perseguita
A clear sign that he’s not over you and that he’s hurting is if he’s up-to-date with everything that’s going on with your life. If he’s taking notice of all the small details that someone who doesn’t care about his ex-girlfriend or boyfriend would ignore, it’s obvious that he’s still very much invested.
Whether he’s stalking your social media or if he’s everywhere you go, è necessario prestare attenzione. If his pain is combined with anger, he might not stop at keeping tabs on you. If he disturbs or harasses you, don’t try to deal with it alone.
14. Si intromette nella vostra vita
Come si fa a sapere se il vostro ex è ancora innamorato di voi? If he can’t seem to stay away. Può farlo in molti modi, ma una delle cose più fastidiose e forse sconvolgenti che può fare è intromettersi nella vostra vita.
Potrebbe chiedere in giro di voi, cercare di contattare il vostro nuovo partner, fare commenti giudicanti, infastidirvi, mandarvi messaggi eccessivi, entrare in contatto con la vostra famiglia, cercare di coinvolgervi nella sua vita e così via.
Cosa si può fare se si vuole andare avanti con la propria vita? Dovete essere molto severi nel far rispettare i vostri limiti. Let him know that it’s over and that his input is not welcome.
Se volete tornare insieme, dovete parlargli e discutere apertamente dei vostri sentimenti.
15. He pretends that he doesn’t care
Pretending that he doesn’t care is one of the more subtle signs that he prova ancora qualcosa per te, ma alcune delle sue azioni lo tradiscono. If he’s trying too hard to make it seem like he’s over you, he probably isn’t.
Unless you’ve hurt him in a vicious way, he has no reason to pretend like you don’t exist. Insisting that he’s okay and trying to prove to everyone that you don’t matter is a way of coping with his hurt feelings.
16. He’s lashing out
If he’s hurting and has no one he can reach out to after the breakup, he might be feeling isolated and alone. If he has no outlet for his feelings, it’s possible he doesn’t know how to deal with them.
Anger is one of the most common reactions to a broken heart. If he’s lashing out or being mean, it’s possible that he doesn’t know how to handle his emotions. He might also become withdrawn and unapproachable.
A seconda dei vostri sentimenti e desideri, potreste stare alla larga o contattarlo. Se prova ancora dei sentimenti almeno amichevoli per lui e vuole aiutarlo, potrebbe incoraggiarlo a parlare con un terapeuta.
17. Ricade nelle sue cattive abitudini
Le relazioni cambiano le persone. Tutti noi ci adattiamo e scendiamo a compromessi, anche cambiando le nostre abitudini per adattarci all'altra persona. If he used to do something that bothered you and stopped and is now back to doing it, it might be a sign that he’s hurting.
This is especially true if it’s something self-destructive that he’s using to deal with negative emotions, come il bere eccessivo, il fumo o l'abuso di sostanze.
If you’re worried about him, but don’t want to get involved, you can tell one of your mutual friends to pay attention to his behavior.
18. Cerca di farti ingelosire
Is he flirting with others where you can see? Are you specifically informed about him being with someone else soon after your breakup or are your mutual friends telling you how he’s going out every night and hooking up?
Trying to make you jealous is one of the biggest signs that he didn’t dimenticarti e andare avanti. If he was, he wouldn’t feel the need to let you know about it. He wants to manipulate you by trying to make you regret the breakup.
19. Fa un grande cambiamento
A big life change can be a sign that he’s hurt and trying to deal with his feelings. If he changes his job, moves long distance or makes a radical change in his appearance or behavior, he’s going through heartache and trying to deal with it.
This way of handling his pain can be effective. Post-breakup, everything reminds you of your ex, especially if you were in a long-term relationship. If you went through many experiences together, he’ll want to create new memories that don’t include you.
20. I suoi amici vi chiedono di parlargli
If his best friend or your mutual friends contact you asking you to talk to him, it’s a sign that he’s been hurting and that they know all about it.
Maybe he’s been wallowing in his pain because he rimpiange di averti perso or he’s been self-destructive, but either way, if his friends are concerned enough to ask you to interfere, it’s serious.
It’s up to you to decide what to do. If there’s no bitterness between you and you want to help him deal with his feelings, you can accept their request and talk to him, but dovete essere emotivamente preparati e sicuri di ciò che si vuole dalla relazione.
What To Do If He’s Hurting After The Breakup?
Dopo una rottura, o si vuole rimanere separati o si vuole tornare insieme. A seconda di ciò che si vuole, ci sono diverse strade che si possono percorrere, but whichever you choose, it’s important to do the following:
1. Stabilire i confini
The most crucial piece of relationship advice you’ll ever get is that dovete conoscere i vostri limiti, comunicarli all'altra persona e farli rispettare. Questa è la base di relazioni sane e del mantenimento della salute mentale.
Qualunque sia la cosa di cui avete bisogno dalla relazione con il vostro ex, dovete fargli sapere come vi sentite e ricordargli di non violare i vostri limiti se se ne dimentica. È così che proteggetevi e tenete la tossicità fuori dalle vostre relazioni.
2. Prendersi cura di sé
La cura di sé e la propria autostima devono avere la precedenza su tutto il resto. Fate cose che nutrono la vostra salute, che vi danno un senso di scopo e che vi portano gioia. Siate gentili e pazienti con voi stessi senza essere eccessivamente indulgenti e trascuranti. Esprimete i vostri sentimenti.
Se date priorità al rapporto con voi stessi, tutte le altre relazioni ne beneficeranno. You’ll have an easier time getting over a breakup and understanding where other people are coming from.
3. Respect each other’s needs
If your feelings regarding getting back together aren’t the same, it’s important to respect each other’s decisions. For example, if your ex wants to get back together, but you don’t want to stay in touch at all, you have no obligation to do so, and vice versa.
It’s a good idea to take some time away from each other even if you want to get back together. This will give you both un'occasione per riflettere su tutto e decidere cosa si vuole fare. La distanza potrebbe farvi cambiare idea se vedete le cose da una prospettiva diversa.
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These three rules make every relationship easier, but it’s especially beneficial when you’re in a breakup situation. Based on how you want things to go forward, there are different points to consider.
• If you’re not interested in being friends with your ex:
Se volete semplicemente che esca dalla vostra vita, il modo più efficace per gestire la situazione è quello di tagliarlo fuori completamente. Più ci si attiene a la regola del non contatto, the faster you’ll get over him.
Invece di pensare a lui, concentrarsi su se stessi and look for things that make you happy. It’s difficult, but it will get easier with time.
• If you want to stay friends:
Essere chiari e rigorosi riguardo alla propria confini è di estrema importanza. Gli esperti di relazioni raccomandano di stabilire regole e linee guida che distinguerà il vostro nuovo rapporto con l'altro da quello che avevate.
It’s important to give each other time to heal after the breakup and evitare di fare cose che sarebbero considerate romanticheCome le coccole, il sostegno emotivo o tutto ciò che vi ricorda come eravate l'uno con l'altro quando avevate una relazione sentimentale.
Vedi anche: Perché il mio ex non vuole essere amico? (Spiegazione completa)
• If you want to tornare insieme:
Tornare insieme dopo una rottura sembra facile, ma se volete rimanere insieme questa volta, dovete assolutamente volontà di entrambe le parti di far funzionare le cose.
Definire le priorità comunicazione e cercare modi per risolvere i problemi that caused the end of your relationship. Only after you’re able to start over with no resentments should you consider getting your ex back.
In conclusione
Se sentirsi ancora legati al proprio ex, knowing that he’s heartbroken is probably making you sad too. On the other hand, if you’re happy about getting rid of him and think he deserves it, it might make you happy if you notice signs he is hurting after the breakup.
Either way, your ex guy’s behavior is the key to knowing how he feels. Some of the things he’s doing because he’s hurting are surprising, some are just as you would expect. Don’t let his actions influence your feelings.
For you it’s most important to take care of yourself and let him do the same. If you want to get back together with him, it has to be mutual or you’ll be only hurting yourself. Both of you need to be willing to deal with your problems or leave things as they are.
