Matrimoni infernali: Diversi tipi di mogli tossiche CLASSIFICATE

Quando avete deciso di sposarvi, tutto era perfetto. Lei era la donna dei tuoi sogni e non potevi credere che tra tutti gli uomini avesse scelto proprio te.

Tutti i tuoi amici erano gelosi di te perché avevi una donna (la tua futura moglie) che loro potevano solo sognare di avere.

Era amichevole, gentile, affettuosa e la persona più stimolante del mondo. La si poteva osservare giorno e notte senza mai annoiarsi.

Dal momento in cui l'hanno conosciuta, anche i vostri genitori si sono innamorati di lei.

Vi siete sentiti come se steste per svegliarvi ogni secondo da questo bellissimo sogno o come se foste in coma per giorni immaginando di sposarvi con questa donna straordinaria.

And then, after a few weeks/months/years, you go to sleep feeling uneasy about the fact that she’ll still be there once you wake up in the morning.

If you’re lucky enough, you will be able to even fall asleep knowing that your ‘used to be heavenly marriage’ has turned into a living hell.

She’s no longer that same wife you used to brag about in front of everyone.

Now, you’re anxious about anyone even asking you about her because they would remind you of the fact that you’re trying to forget every single day – a miserable life with a toxic wife!

Wait a minute… HOW and WHEN did your marriage turn into a nightmare?

Prima di dire (digitare) qualsiasi altra cosa, notate che questo non è un articolo sul fatto che le donne siano le uniche partner tossiche nei matrimoni.

Men can be toxic as well, and the reason why I’m not writing about them at the moment is because it would take me a decade to finish it. Just kidding (or maybe not). Either way, you’ll never know.

Where were we? Yes. So, one day, you wake up in the morning and realize that you’re no longer in the same marriage with the same person.

Your wife has become one of those toxic people that you usually avoid (if you’re lucky enough).

Al Bundy, da Married…with childrenLo capisce molto bene. Se avete una moglie assillante, probabilmente il vostro matrimonio ha molte cose in comune con quello di lui (tranne la parte delle risate).

The only time you laugh is when she’s not home and you get to hang out with your friends whose wives are as toxic as yours.

Now, let’s be honest. You didn’t just wake up in the morning one day and realize that something’s not right with your marriage.

Your marriage didn’t turn into a living hell overnight… this has been happening for SOME TIME now, but you just didn’t pay attention to it.

A toxic marriage is not something that you experience all of a sudden, but it’s a process where toxic words and habits accumulate, and lack of open and honest communication becomes your lifestyle.

Bisogna essere in due in un matrimonio (sia esso sano o tossico), quindi la vostra moglie tossica non può essere vista come un'unità separata e l'unica causa della vostra infelicità.

Both partners are responsible for what happens (or doesn’t happen) in marriage.

Il vostro matrimonio si è trasformato in un incubo nel momento in cui avete smesso di lottare per esso.

Già. Il vostro matrimonio si è trasformato in un inferno nel momento in cui vi siete detti questo: OMG I’m so sick and tired of this thing called marriage, but I can’t say this to my wife because if I do, I’ll make things even worse. Anyway, who has time to deal with marriage problems? I certainly don’t.

Let’s say that your wife feels the same way about this, so there you have it: Una ricetta per un matrimonio tossico.

Here’s something funny. I lived with my partner (now ex-partner) for two years and everything was perfect in the beginning of our life together.

Il momento le cose hanno iniziato ad andare male è stato quando ho iniziato a criticarlo per certe cose, come i piatti non lavati, le tonnellate di tazze sporche lasciate dappertutto, i calzini sporchi sotto il letto, e così via.

Così, un giorno, mi sono detto: What the hell, dude? I’m not your mother. I will certainly not go around all day collecting your mugs or socks. I do my chores, you do yours.

The moment I addressed all the issues in our relationship, I officially became every guy’s nightmare – a nagging creature.

It was evident that he didn’t want to change, and I couldn’t deal with it any longer, so I stopped giving a damn about it.

Ho deciso di vivere al meglio la mia vita fino a quando le nostre strade si sono separate.

I still think about what would have happened if we had been open and honest with each other all the time, and not when things had already gone south. Hmm…

“I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.” – David Bissonette

Here’s a potential joke I just came up with: The only positive thing about being in a toxic marriage is that you’re the only one laughing out loud at husband-wife jokes not because they’re funny, but because you know how true they actually are.

Now, we could continue talking about how your marriage is a living hell and I could tell you that I understand how you’re feeling and that everything will be okay, but I won’t waste mine and your time on it because it’s boring.

This is not a story about how to deal with toxic partners, but it’s a story that serves primarily as a comic relief to every toxic marriage out there.

With all that being said, below, you’ll find the list of toxic wives and their influence on marriage explained in a sarcastic way.

Questo tipo di mogli tossiche può far rimpiangere a qualsiasi uomo di essersi sposato:

1. A crazy wife – the type of wife that makes you regret waking up in the morning.

Questo è il tipo di moglie di cui gli uomini parlano da decenni. Sono l'argomento principale di un articolo su due e il motivo per cui molti uomini diventano alcolisti con problemi di sonno.

If there’s one thing a crazy wife is exceptionally good at, it’s making you feel like it’s your fault for everything bad that has happened to her (and that is about to happen): If you didn’t talk about your stupid friends, I wouldn’t have gone to the mall and stumbled upon Karen whom you know I have hated since high school!

Dio non voglia che Karen chieda di parlare con il direttore (gli amanti dei meme capiranno questo).

Gestire una moglie pazza requires a special set of skills like admitting that you’re wrong even when you’re not, and having an extensive dictionary of trigger words to prevent putting her in “a crazy wife on steroids” mode within seconds.

2. A nagging wife – the type of wife that makes you regret not washing the dishes.

Una moglie assillante è il tipo di moglie che fa tutto nel matrimonio, mentre il marito sta seduto tutto il giorno e non fa nulla se non guardare il calcio e bere con gli amici.

A nagging wife is capable of making you feel like you’re totally incompetent and incapable of living without her commands.

A nagging wife’s special power is making you fear for your life if you don’t do what she asked you to do.

3. A selfish wife – the type of wife that keeps you locked in the house because she demands attention 24/7.

You know you’re sposato con una moglie egoista se tutto quello che fate per lei non è sufficiente. Lei vuole tutto e lo vuole ora, e il vostro compito è quello di trovare un modo per farlo accadere.

If you don’t, you’ll be the worst husband in the world and every single one of her female friends will know that about you.

Se deludete una moglie egoista, lei minaccerà di lasciarvi.

Even though this sounds like the best thing that could happen to you, you cannot pretend that you’re finally relieved. Instead, you have to beg her to stay.

4. A disrespectful wife – the type of wife that makes you feel like you’re the main cause for your unhappy marriage.

Una moglie irrispettosa’s favorite hobby is humiliating you in front of others. Her special set of skills includes avoiding listening to you or talking to you.

A disrespectful wife flirts freely with others in front of you under the excuse that you’re too boring and you never court her.

Even though you have accomplished so many things in your life, she still succeeds in making you feel less worthy. She lives for contradicting you even when she knows that she’s the one who’s wrong.

“By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.” – Socrates

Un altro aspetto positivo della relazione con una moglie tossica è la possibilità di migliorare il proprio pensiero critico.

It takes skill to deal with certain toxic situations and to pretend in front of others that you’re living your best life when, in reality, you’re actually falling apart.

Here’s my hypothesis: By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a toxic one, better luck next time.