Tornano sempre (ed ecco tutti i motivi per cui)

Quando si tratta di appuntamenti, credo fermamente in due cose: Dove c'è una volontà, c'è un modo per farlo. e Alla fine, tornano sempre.

E posso dirvi che ho più di un motivo per crederlo.

Alla fine, sembrano sempre tornare nella vostra vita, nella vostra casella di posta o nella vostra mente.

Perché tornano sempre? Permettetemi di riformulare: Perché tornano sempre quando tu hai voltato pagina?

Fa la regola del non contatto trasformarli in nuove specie?

Così, invece di trovare qualcun altro, si impegnano a trovare il modo di rientrare nella vostra vita almeno per una sbirciatina (perché per loro significa tutto).

In the end, they always come back. It is a phenomenon as old as the world itself. And today, we’ll list all the reasons why this happens!

The “Art” Of Taking You For Granted

The majority of ex boyfriends and ex girlfriends who eventually come back have mastered the “art” of taking you for granted beforehand.

In sintesi, uno dei motivi principali per cui gli ex diventano tali e per cui decidono di tornare è perché vi davano per scontati.

Ho volutamente messo la parola arte tra virgolette per accentuare il suo lato sarcastico e la sua potenza.

But, I’m starting to think that maybe I should’ve written pandemic instead because its outbreak is very similar to (or maybe even surpasses) the Coronavirus disease.

The stages of the “art” of taking you for granted are the following:

   – They selfishly feed off your love and don’t reciprocate or give anything in return

   – They stop working for your love but continue to expect it

   – You blindly give more and more thinking something will change

   – They leave when they notice that you’re not involved anymore / as before.

The outcomes of the “art” of dandovi per scontati sono i seguenti:

   – You ending up with severe heartbreak thinking that you did something wrong

   – You thinking about what you could have done different

   – You healing and realizing they were never even worthy of being a part of your life

   – Them coming back. 

L'accento è posto su loro. In arrivo. Indietro.

After they’ve depleted their source of unconditional love, they suddenly realize that it’s time to leave.

They don’t give a damn about how you feel, let alone about starting to make an effort instead of only expecting things from you.

L'unica cosa a cui pensano è ricevere.

E poi, tornano.

After leaving you heartbroken and devastated, they decide that it’s time to come back to their source of unconditional love, check that it’s still there, or prove you that they’ve changed and if you only give them a chance, everything will be different?

La loro comparsa all'improvviso vi lascia con 100 domande e nessuna risposta.

O forse la risposta può essere trovata nella vera ragione del loro ritorno?

15 motivi per cui tornano sempre (dopo averti spezzato il cuore)

1. They know or (somehow magically) sense that you’ve moved on

I swear to God, if this hadn’t happened to me multiple times, there’s not a chance I would ever believe it.

Dopo una recente rottura, sono rimasta confusa e incredula e tutto ciò che riuscivo a pensare era: Cosa ho fatto di male?

Back then I didn’t understand that it wasn’t me who was the problem, but my willingness to put up with everything they did to me.

Passarono giorni, settimane e mesi prima che finalmente mi ripulissi dalla loro presenza tossica e decidessi di iniziare un nuovo capitolo.

Invece di piangere guardando commedie romantiche a ripetizione, ho deciso di recuperare la mia forza, di uscire con i miei amici e di ricominciare a uscire con gli amici per il gusto di farlo.

It was right then, when I was laughing my ass off with a new guy I’d just met, that I realized I had FINALLY, ufficialmente passato ad altro e ha superato l'intera faccenda!

Non pensavo più al mio ex (nemmeno nei miei sogni) e per me tutto quello che era successo prima apparteneva al passato.

Un paio di settimane dopo, mentre stavo ricevendo la mia dose quotidiana di social media, HE texted me – my EX texted me! La prima cosa che mi è venuta in mente è stata:

How in the world does he know that I’ve moved on (because I certainly don’t remember telling him that the last time Ho parlato con lui)? How come didn’t he show up when I was in the middle of the healing process?

And since my friends haven’t told him anything, the only logical conclusion that’s left is the following:

Both women and men come back when they somehow magically sense that you’ve moved on.

I’m pretty sure all exes have this “moving on” psychic radar built into their system. So, beware of that one!

2. OR they’re testing the waters

Un altro motivo per cui tornano sempre è quello di testare le acque. Cosa significa esattamente? Provo a dimostrarlo.

The moment your ex decided to walk away, they certainly didn’t think about coming back to you ever – or at least any time soon.

Mentre voi soffrivate, loro hanno continuato a vivere la loro vita come se nulla fosse. Ma non per molto.

Perhaps they had a dream about you, perhaps they secretly saw you somewhere in town (without you even knowing it), or maybe they saw a happy picture of you on social media (if you haven’t unfollowed them, of course).

And that’s when they decided to test the waters. Curiosity is a powerful thing that can force us to do things we’ve never thought about doing before.

All of a sudden, they want to know what’s happening in your life, whether you are still single, whether you’re happy or miserable.

Vogliono sapere se hanno la possibilità di riavervi.

In the majority of cases, they don’t test the waters because they want to make sure that you’re doing just fine without them, but because they want to make sure you still NEED and WANT them.

E una volta scoperto, continuano a vivere la loro vita migliore.

Piuttosto sfigato, vero?

3. Si chiedono se hanno preso la decisione giusta

Credo che questo motivo sia il più fastidioso di tutti. (Se siete d'accordo con me, annuite).

There’s nothing more annoying in the whole world than deciding to do something only to end up questioning the validity of your decision.

Sarebbe del tutto corretto se si trattasse di comprare calzini.

So, you buy a pair of socks in a store and once you get home, you realize that maybe you shouldn’t have bought them because you don’t really like them, because you think the other sock’s looked better.

This isn’t about socks, though. It’s about someone’s heart FFS!

Here’s my question to all those wondering whether they made the right decision after they chose to leave someone: Why didn’t you think of that before???

You can’t have your cake and eat it, right?

Quindi, rivalutare le proprie decisioni quando qualcuno ha chiaramente ricominciato a vivere la propria vita è patetico, miserabile e totalmente ingiusto.

In addition, questioning one’s decisions is closely connected to regret.

It’s when an individual begins to consider all the pros and cons of their decision due to a guilty conscience and the fact that they have probably made a mistake.

But, let’s get something clear: Leaving someone is a choice, not a mistake!

4. La loro coscienza li sta corrodendo

If I’ve learned one thing during my life and from the experience of others, it’s the following:

Conscience doesn’t know age. You could be an 80 year-old legit grandpa or grandma and still feel guilty about something you did in your twenties. Yup.

They always come back because at some point they’ll start feeling guilty about something they said, dis, or thought about doing.

They’ll start thinking about every bad thing they did or said to you when you were together.

They’ll enter a phase called “labyrinth”. One moment they’ll think about how they suck(ed) because they took you for granted and didn’t deserve you.

The next moment they’ll fool themselves that it’s nothing serious and not something they should worry about.

Ma, nel profondo del loro cuore, essi stessi sapranno che i loro coscienza sporca interferisce con la loro vita quotidiana.

Once they acknowledge this, they’ll realize that they should do something about it.

They’ll decide that they should reach out to you, ask you how you feel, and apologize for everything they did to you in the hope that they will finally be at peace with themselves.

They always come back because you can’t continue living your life knowing that you ruined someone else’s. It’s the natural law of every human being.

It’s something that prevents an individual from finding their own happiness because they know they ruined someone else’s.

5. They’re single and desperate

This is when they wake up in the morning and realize they haven’t received a good morning text message from the one who used to love them.

It’s when they come home drunk and realize they’ve got no one to laugh with and share life’s funny circumstances with.

It’s when they realize they’re single and desperate for love, affection, or just sex.

The worst thing about breakups is the sudden realization that you’re all alone for the first time in a while.

Alcune persone lo affrontano bene, mentre altre non riescono a smettere di pensare al proprio ex (anche se sono state loro a iniziare la rottura).

Still, this is not a valid excuse to start violating an ex’s privacy. Being desperate because you’re single is definitely not a valid excuse for anything, let alone booty calls or drunk calls.

It takes a real man or woman to say what they really mean when they’re in a sober state.

Ci vuole una persona vera per raggiungere qualcuno del proprio passato quando il suo sangue non è saturo di alcol.

Vedi anche: 8 motivi per cui gli uomini scompaiono e poi cercano di tornare

6. O sentono davvero la vostra mancanza

O forse non si sentono soli o disperati, ma sentono davvero la vostra mancanza.

They can’t stop thinking about all the good memories of you two together, the way you talk, walk, think…

Ogni cosa gli ricorda te. Quando vedono qualcosa che prendevate in giro, immaginano immediatamente le vostre buffe espressioni facciali.

There’s a chance they’ve kept all the gifts and things you gave them and now every time they look at them, they instantly evoke memories of you.

Sometimes they come back because they truly, genuinely miss you. They can’t help thinking about you 24/7 even though they’re trying to distract themselves.

So, they decide to wait for a few days to see whether this “miss you” phase will end.

But, that usually doesn’t happen, so the urge to text you or call you starts to grow stronger.

Quando finalmente trovano il coraggio di contattarvi, di solito iniziano la conversazione con qualcosa di simile: Ehi, I’ve been thinking about you a lot…

E la prima cosa che probabilmente vi verrà in mente è: Stronzate! To them, their message is perfectly normal, but to you it’s one of the most confusing things you’ve ever heard.

It’s hard to believe that a person who walked away from you will all of a sudden change their game.

It’s hard to believe that they would ever tell you that they missed you, but sometimes it’s the truth!

7. O vogliono vedere se vi mancano quanto loro mancano a voi.

Or perhaps they just want to see if you miss them the way they miss you. These types of people are insecure about the whole “missing you” thing and that’s why they first need the green light from you.

They first want to make sure you miss them the way they miss you and until they know, they won’t react.

I guess you’re now wondering why would someone do that?

Ci sono alcuni motivi:

   -Vi mancano davvero e vogliono che anche voi sentiate la loro mancanza.

   -Vogliono vedere se hanno ancora una possibilità.

   -They have no intention of doing anything about it, but they’re just curious.

Sometimes it’s really hard to differentiate between these three, but there are some things that might help you. Pay attention to the way they text you or talk to you.

Vi fanno molte domande personali (soprattutto sulla vostra vita sentimentale)?

Vi parlano della vostra relazione passata e vi ricordano i bei momenti trascorsi insieme?

If yes, then you know they’re trying to figure out whether you still care about them (because they definitely care about you).

They’re probably waiting for the green light from you because they’re too afraid to express their feelings for you.

Vedi anche: Come fare in modo che il vostro ex senta la vostra mancanza: 10 modi semplici per farlo

8. They realize that the grass isn’t greener on the other side

Multiple times I’ve witnessed partners leaving because they’re convinced there’s something better out there.

Questo è noto come il ‘Grass is Greener’ syndrome.

It’s when you think that there is something better out there to what you already have.

It’s when you fear that you’re missing something. This syndrome is omnipresent in almost every section of our lives and it’s really toxic.

So, when they decided to leave their partner, they were thrilled and excited about entering the world of “better”.

Erano ottimisti sulla possibilità di trovare una persona perfetta o migliore del loro precedente partner.

And then, they realized that the grass isn’t greener on the other side after all. They realized that every single person they met had their own flaws and that no one is perfect.

So, the pursuit of perfection (the greener grass) results in disappointment and that’s when they decide to come back.

All'improvviso, si rendono conto di ciò che hanno già avuto e iniziano a lamentarsi come bambini.

Alla fine, tornano sempre indietro. Tornano quando si rendono conto che per tutto questo tempo hanno dato per scontato il loro partner.

Quando si renderanno conto che l'erba è uguale dappertutto e che basta aprire gli occhi per vederla.

9. They’re testing your boundaries

Sometimes they come back just to test your boundaries. They’re curious about how you’ll react to their presence out of blue.

They want to know whether you’ll still dance to their tune or whether you’ll be interested in welcoming them back.

Whatever the reason, testing someone’s boundaries is always a tricky thing (not to say dangerous).

It’s about being an intruder on someone who probably got over them a long time ago. It’s about shamelessly teasing the other person only to see how far they will go.

Perché qualcuno dovrebbe farlo?

Because they’re bored, because they can’t accept the fact that the other person moved on, because they want to reunite?

Or they’re doing it just because they can. They’re testing your boundaries because they enjoy observing your reactions to their initiations.

They’re testing you to see whether you’re the same person who would do anything for them no matter what.

Well, are you? Hmm…

10. They’re jealous

In today’s modern world, it has never been easier to become jealous of someone you want to forget or you still have feelings for.

Basta guardare Facebook, Instagram o Snapchat. Tornano sempre quando vedono che potresti essere felice con qualcun altro.

That the person you’re laughing within a picture might be someone new in your life (someone better than them?).

Questa sindrome da gelosia da social media è capitata di recente a una mia amica.

She posted a picture with her new friend (and boy, he’s good looking) and the next day her ex texted her. Yup!

Era curioso della sua vita sentimentale e cercava di capire se fosse ancora single.

It was an out of blue check-in she definitely didn’t expect any time soon.

They always come back when they’re jealous. When they realize that you’re no longer waiting for them to return but building your own ship and cruising.

Quando si rendono conto che qualcuno potrebbe trattarvi come meritate!

Vedi anche: Come far ingelosire il vostro ex: 13 modi sicuri per avere successo

11. Vogliono l'inseguimento (riservato specificamente agli uomini)

Un'altra cosa in cui credo fermamente è la seguente: Gli uomini AMANO la caccia! Vivono per la caccia, lodano la caccia, muoiono per la caccia.

The moment they’re born, this chase button activates and it becomes a part of every aspect of their life.

To help you understand this phenomenon better here’s my humble explanation: So, let’s say you meet a guy in a bar.

He’s attractive, handsome, a good looking guy, right? Also, his personality is addictive and you can’t help yourself but fall for him immediately.

But, of course, you won’t let him know this the second you meet him. Instead, you will let him chase you because that’s exactly what he wants, right?

Agli uomini: L'inseguimento è amore, l'inseguimento è vita!

E quando finalmente mostrerete qualche segno che anche voi gli piacete, lui si sentirà completo e appagato.

Why? Because he’s succeeded in winning you which is the ultimate goal of the chase.

Now, let’s say you’re in a relationship with this guy for some time. You slowly, but surely start forming your relationship routine and things are no longer as exciting as before.

And that’s when he decides to leave. And then, after some time, when you’re no longer his, he COMES BACK!

Why? Because now he’s got another opportunity to chase you!

Quando lo si vede spiegato in questo modo, sembra esilarante, vero?

But, it’s the truth. Believe it or not, many men come back just because their chase button is telling them to do so.

E questo è il mio messaggio per loro: Chase her even when she’s already yours!

12. They’re pressured by their friends and family

I always say that when you meet someone’s friends and family, you somehow end up in a relationship with them too.

After all, friends and family are an important part of everyone’s life and they can be very influential when it comes to making decisions.

They can be influential to the extent of pressuring them to reunite with their ex – you. I will repeat again: Why?

Because they probably like you a lot and they think you’re the only person that is truly good for him/her.

Perhaps they’ve realized their mistake and now they’re trying to convince them to go back to you. The pressure doesn’t stop.

They always come back. And, sometimes it’s because their friends and family are telling them to do so.

I loro collaboratori li aiutano a capire che hanno commesso un errore e che devono chiedere scusa e perdono.

And, sometimes that’s exactly what they need. A little push from the people closest to them to realize the mistake of letting you go.

13. They’re sessualmente frustrato and you’re the only one who can put them out of their misery

With you, they enjoyed steamy activities more than anything. When they left, they were hoping to find the same passion and the same fulfillment with others. But, they didn’t.

Whomever they slept with, they couldn’t reach the same level of compatibility and fulfillment as they did with you and now they’ve become sexually frustrated.

Now they’ve realized that you’re the only one who can put them out of their misery. Yup.

Vogliono provare la stessa gioia di quando erano con voi.

And that’s why they decide to text you, to call you, or to knock on your door hoping you’ll be happy to see them.

In other words, hoping that you’ll be eager to sleep with them like old times.

If you’re feeling the same way about them, then there’s nothing to lose. But, if you’re still emotionally attached to them, then you should be cautious about getting physical with them.

14. Si pentono di averti lasciato

Ah, regrets… I like to compare the feeling of regret with buying shoes.

It’s when you go to the store and you see a perfect pair of shoes but for some reason, you don’t buy them. They’re either too expensive or you think you’ll eventually find better elsewhere.

Then you go home and contemplate the shoes you didn’t buy. So, you return to the store with the intention of finally buying them only to realize that they’re gone.

Qualcun altro li ha già comprati mentre voi stavate pensando di acquistarli.

Uno scenario simile si verifica nella loro testa quando si pentono di averti lasciato.

They become aware of the fact that they won’t find someone better elsewhere. And that they might be too late if you’re already happy with someone else.

Si pentono di non averti trattato come meritavi, di non averti amato come tu hai amato loro.

They finally realize that they were selfish, ignorant, and egocentric, blah blah…They realize that they were only focused on their own happiness.

And now they want to make things right and make up for everything they’ve done wrong.

15. They know you’ll take them back (OR will you?)

And sometimes they come back just because they know you’ll take them back. They never truly left you.

Nel momento in cui hanno deciso di lasciarvi, sapevano che un giorno sarebbero voluti tornare.

They took you for granted because they were convinced that they could come back into your life whenever it’s convenient.

One of my favorite sentences I’ve ever written is this one: Don’t let them wait just because you know they will!

In other words, don’t treat someone like shit just because you know they will tolerate it. There will come a day when they WON’T and it will be too late. But, as always:

It’s up to you to decide whether you should take them back or let them go!

Tornano sempre, ma bisogna sempre riprenderli?

They say that it’s much easier to deal with heartbreak the second time it happens. But, this is still not a valid reason to welcome them back into your life, right?

La decisione di riprendere o meno il vostro ex è solo vostra. Solo voi sapete come vi sentite con loro o senza di loro.

Ma ricordate una cosa: se il vostro ex vuole tornare, deve farlo di sua spontanea volontà!

Non dovreste mai costringerli a farlo, né tantomeno implorarli. Devono farlo perché lo desiderano e non perché lo vogliono fare.

DEVE e deve essere per le giuste ragioni.

Vedi anche: 20 segni inequivocabili del ritorno del vostro ex