Una lettera aperta dalla ragazza che ha deciso di andare avanti

So, yet another letter from an abandoned girl. But I promise you, this time it’s not a sad letter. In this letter, I won’t curse fate or my destiny or even my bad luck with men. I won’t cry my heart out.

This is a different kind of letter and it’s a different story.

La storia si svolge così:

Mi sono innamorata di un ragazzo.

I didn’t just fall for him, I was made to believe that it was mutual. There were clear and segni evidenti di attrazione.

Le scintille che si accendevano tra noi erano impossibili da perdere o da fingere. Abbiamo fatto un passo alla volta e nulla sembrava essere affrettato.

Mi ha fatto credere che stavamo andando da qualche parte.

Never for a moment did I feel like we were stuck. Our random texting was replaced with long, deep conversations and then it all moved to late-night talks about literally everything. From just casual going out to going out together, it was only the two of us running away from everyone just so we’d have time for ourselves.

Ogni passo che abbiamo fatto, ogni momento che abbiamo trascorso insieme, ogni tocco che abbiamo sentito, era una promessa silenziosa che qualcosa di migliore, più grande e più serio si stava dirigendo verso di noi.

Ero pronto per il passo successivo.

Tutto quello che abbiamo vissuto mi ha fatto sentire pronta e sicura del nostro futuro insieme. Segni vuole qualcosa di serio erano scritte dappertutto.

And honestly, I wanted it too. I thought it was finally time I stopped wandering around and committed myself to a single person. It felt cozy with him, it felt good. I could picture us together in life, holding each other’s hands as we fought all the battles destiny threw at us.

While I couldn’t have been more sure about us, he couldn’t have been more scared.

Honestly, I don’t know if it was fear of commitment or just his decision to keep his options open.

After all that we shared together, he told me how he wasn’t really ready for anything serious. He wasn’t looking for anything that he could sink his teeth into.

He wasn’t interested in anything that would demand a lot of time, effort and communication from him. He didn’t really want to be in a relationship, including with me.

La cosa che mi ha fatto più male è stato il fatto che volevo davvero tutte quelle cose da lui. Volevo una cosa seria.

I was interested in giving him my time and efforts and devoting myself to our relationship. I really wanted us to be in a place to which he said a firm ‘no’ and that’s what hurt me the most.

When he said he wasn’t interested in moving on I was caught off guard. I didn’t see that coming. There were no telltale signs, there was nothing to give me a hint of this outcome. Actually, everything I saw was directing me toward something completely opposite.

I guess I was wrong. I was so easily deceived and I let my assumptions get the best of me. The worst part is, I’d still do everything the same if I could turn back time. I can’t help it.

Honestly, I don’t like how things ended and I do wish for something different but I’m going to have to respect his decision.

Ho sperato così tanto e ho creduto così tanto in noi che ho finito per ricevere solo freddezza invece dell'amore che pensavo di meritare. Ero così presa dai miei sentimenti che non ho mai pensato che ci fosse la possibilità di un esito diverso.

Mentre io ho fatto un atto di fede per renderci ufficiali, lui si è tirato indietro. Mentre io ero pronta a far salpare la nostra nave, lui ha scelto di rimanere nel porto.

E ciò che mi colpisce di più è la sensazione che tutto ciò che avevamo vissuto prima fosse stato vano. I momenti che consideravo tra i più felici della mia vita si sono rivelati delle bugie. Lui era stato solo mi sta prendendo per i fondelli.

Non ho idea del perché ci abbia fatto vivere tutto questo solo per portarmelo via. Solo per distruggere tutto e dirmi che niente di tutto ciò era reale.

Be that as it may, I decided I’m going to move on.

I don’t want to force things. I don’t want a relationship I’ll have to beg for. I don’t want a guy if I have to beg him to choose me. And I don’t want to stay undefined either. It’s way more humiliating than I can take. And it’s more painful than moving on.

I’m choosing to love everything we should’ve been, but I’m also accepting that it won’t happen.

I’m a grown-up girl and despite the pain I’m feeling, I won’t allow it to get the best of me. Despite my desires, I know that we don’t always get the things in life that we want and that’s okay.

I’m ready to accept that life won’t give me the person I want the most. I’m accepting that we’re only going to stay an unlived dream, an opportunity that never came to see the light of day.

I’m choosing to keep in my mind all our memories but I’m accepting that there won’t be any new ones.

In other words, I’m choosing to leave us in the past. But I’m choosing to look back at the past and be grateful for all the happy moments we shared instead of looking at it with a bitter taste in my mouth.

Sometimes, the things that could’ve been and should’ve been don’t really happen.

That’s when you need to choose to search for your own happiness and find love in some other place and accept that sometimes we all sail into our lives having to leave some people behind in the harbor and choose to move on.