I’m always the one who is said to be ‘too emotional’. The one who cries when a puppy dies in a movie, the one who has a gentle heart but who is not afraid to wear it on her sleeve for the whole world to see. I’m always the one they call weak, just because I feel.
And for so long, I was ashamed of my emotions. I was ashamed of my tears and the way my voice starts shaking when I’m upset. I was ashamed because I feel. But my emotions don’t make me weak.
Just because I love wholeheartedly, it doesn’t mean I’m weak. I don’t know how to love any differently and I refuse to learn. Because, is there any sadder love than an ‘almost’ love? Is there anything more painful than being half-loved?
I refuse to put people through the pain that I’ve been through. I refuse to shut my heart down, just because it was hurt. I refuse to contain my love, just because it seems too much for others to handle. Because love is not meant to be handled; it’s meant to be admired and just felt.
Just because I let myself feel, it doesn’t mean I’m weak. I’m just as badass and fierce as anyone out there. I’m brave for embracing my emotions, for not hiding them away from the world. I’m brave for letting myself feel, because I refuse to admit that emotions make someone weak.
They’re the fire in your eyes, the warmth of your soul and the beauty of your being. They’re the light that shines on you and the rain when you need it. They’re what makes me extraordinary, what makes me who I am.
Just because I have a gentle heart, it doesn’t mean I’m weak. I never got the chance to choose what kind of a heart I was going to get, but I get to choose how I treat it. And I’m not going to hide it away just because it’s gentle. I’m not going to shut it off, because it needs love.
It needs to feel. And I finally refuse to be ashamed for having a gentle heart, because my gentle heart is what fuels the fire in me. All those crazy emotions it has are what keeps me going. All that love is what gives me strength and courage. And I refuse to let you take it away from me.
Just because I lower my walls, it doesn’t mean I’m weak. I’ve been hurt, broken and intoxicated with the words of other people. I was made to believe that I was too weak, that I was too much to handle.
So, I tried to shut down my emotions and build walls so high that nothing could get through. But inside of those walls, I was freezing to death. Inside those walls, I was all alone and the silence was deafening me. Inside those walls, I was in the dark.
Emotions can’t be shut down. They don’t come with a switch and instructions on how to use them. My emotions are the wildest part of me, something I’m proud to have. Something that’s too fierce to be tamed. Just because my walls tumbled down, it doesn’t mean I’m weak.
Just because I opened myself up to the world, doesn’t mean that your words will hurt me. Because all those emotions you said were my weakness, they’re my shield now. That crazy love is what keeps me warm, those rivers of tears are what keep me safe and that gentle heart of mine is my greatest badge of honor.
I may cry because of silly movies, I may get broken too many times because I trust everyone, I may get hurt just because I dare to believe. But that doesn’t make me weak. It makes me one hell of a warrior.