Recently, I had lunch with my best friend Katie. She was a bit quiet, barely touched her salad, so I couldn’t help but notice something was really bothering her. I asked if everything was ok. Then, finally, she opened up about her concerns and told me she kept wondering if everything was ok in her relationship.
– “Oftentimes I’m not sure if he’s happy how things flow between us. How can you tell?”– Katie shook her head in confusion.
– “Well I have no idea, you’re the one who should know. I don’t know him that well to be able to determine” – I shrugged my shoulders.
– “But I don’t know. Sometimes I search for clues in his facial expressions and actions, but I can never be certain if our relationship really fulfills his expectations.”
– “A few times I wasn’t sure either. I know that feeling, you become disoriented, over-analyzing. Sometimes you just give in, convinced men and women are creatures from different planets.”
– “That would explain everything – it’s only because we are the Venusians and they are Martians. Right?”
– “Well, not quite. I believe everyone, be it a man or a woman, is different as are their views on a relationship. However, every healthy relationship has some common qualities. Trust me, I’ve asked my male friends and boy did they have something to say”:
1. I’d appreciate being accepted and appreciated the way I am
Men need to feel you like them just the way they are. So don’t try to fix his flaws. He is a grown, mature man, not a child.
If you’re trying too hard to change him, maybe the two of you aren’t really a good match. You fall in love with a real person, not the perfect image created by your expectations. If you like him, be ready to embrace and accept his personality and lifestyle.
Imagine how you’d feel if he tried to change your behavior or habits. You want to be loved the way you are, right? Well, the same goes for him.
2. I want to be trusted and have an honest relationship
Honesty and trust are the key elements of a healthy relationship. Surely, those are the things that require time. So, don’t worry, when you get to know each other, trust will come naturally.
In the beginning, try to be optimistic rather than suspicious. No one wants to be questioned, stalked or put under pressure. Relationships should be a sanctuary, a source of joy and relaxation.
3. I want to speak openly and without fear
If your boyfriend has to weigh every word or must be very careful about the tone of his voice, that my dear, doesn’t sound good. Do you expect the same from your friends? Well of course not, otherwise you would have no friends.
You probably know, relationships are basically friendships with strong emotional bonds and attraction. So let your boyfriend speak without fear, and you do the same.
Feeling free to talk openly about anything will make your relationship dynamics natural and genuine.
4. I need my own time! Who doesn’t?
We all need our own time, don’t you agree? You have your unique interests and activities and they don’t necessarily include your SO.
You like occasional clubbing with your friends, or you want to visit your aunt, watch a TV show with your mom. He does too.
Separate activities will bring quality to your time together for at least one reason – you will have something to talk about.
Or, imagine you ran into each other on your night with friends, and a surprise effect wakes up those old butterflies in your stomach? It will resemble your first eye contact and you’ll start flirting. Girl, that’s gonna passion up your strings in an incredible way!
5. Well of course I need to be physically attracted to her
Physical attraction is the initial spark that brings you together. You get attracted by their looks but you fall in love with a personality.
You are aware of how important it is to shine in your man’s eyes, but physical appearance is just one of your many qualities.
If you find yourself unattractive, remember, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Trust me, even when you get up with your bed head hair, no makeup on, you are wearing your unique charm and he will love the natural version of you more than you think.
6. She needs to be loyal
Loyalty is one quality of your bond tightly related to honesty. If you two are able to be honest with each other, you will leave no room for a betrayal in any way.
You wouldn’t like him to speak behind your back with his friends or family, wouldn’t you? Or even worse – do something that would harm your relationship?
Unsurprisingly, men expect the same. Being loyal means staying fully committed to your love even when it is hard to resist different temptations.
7. I need to take things slowly
Quite reasonable I think.No one wants to make big plans the second after they meet someone, no matter how deeply in love they might be.
Enjoy the lovely moments, and let your relationship develop over time. Don’t rush things out.
The most important advice I would give you is this: always be yourself and let him be too. Treasure the moments of your relationship and walk through the days lightly.
“Katie, you must see this post I’ve found on Quora! A man, who amusingly describes himself as someone whose experience in dating is outdated, summarized it perfectly:”
“It turned out I primarily wanted someone who would be a full and mature partner in the adventure, joys, tears, and at times the grinding unpleasantness of the life experience.
But that’s just me. Many men would utterly scorn my approach, and that’s just fine.
Don’t be concerned with what some generic man wants. Be interested in who the individual man is that you relate to, and how they interact with the genuine you. From where I sit, that’s how to make the long-term magic happen.”
Read the complete thread to discover more on what different men want in a relationship.