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This Ancient Japanese Philosophy Helped Me Improve My Relationship

This Ancient Japanese Philosophy Helped Me Improve My Relationship

Everybody wants that perfect fairytale love but when things don’t go exactly as we imagined them, that can break us. After all, our lives are not produced by the Walt Disney Studios (such a shame, I know).

Whenever I came across problems with my partner I tried to seek comfort and help in my friendships (ice cream also helps) or endlessly scrolling through the internet to find someone who has dealt with a similar situation.

You’ve probably been there too. Actually, who are we kidding? You are reading this, so I’m guessing you’re already there. Anyway, after going down the rabbit hole once, I read something about this Japanese form of art that really stayed with me.

Have you ever thought all the solutions may be in ancient traditions and art? Yeah, me neither. It turns out we can actually learn a lot from it and apply their philosophy to our problems. Who knew that some ancient Japanese art could help our love life?! 

The secret hides in embracing our flaws

Kintsugi is a method used in Japan to repair broken objects, usually pottery but with nothing less than gold lacquer! If someone did this to me, I am afraid I would turn into a golden statue!

You probably wonder what’s the point of this. Well, they want to embrace flaws and the beauty of repairing something that was once broken. Now you see where I am going with this, right? Good, stay with me.

The whole Kintsugi philosophy is based on a simple term, wabi-sabi. Here’s the catch, wabi-sabi is almost like a way of living that focuses on celebrating imperfections that surround us and accepting the beauty of the breakage and repair.

Imagine the world if we all lived like that! Sure, we can try to achieve perfection (which has the same rate of success as finding a needle in a haystack) and require the same from our partner. 

But what if we tried to find peace within the fact that we can’t avoid imperfections and prevent changes? Wouldn’t life just be easier for everyone?

Perfectionism leads to stress and bad romance

No one is created to be perfect and that’s actually where all the beauty lies. Sorry to disappoint you but your love life isn’t exactly a perfect romantic movie. I know mine isn’t, that’s for sure! My love life is more like a tragic comedy. 

If you are constantly trying to change your partner and fit them into this perfect shape, you may as well buy yourself a one-way ticket to frustration and dissatisfaction. Trust me, I’ve been there, and it’s not fun!

P.S. This type of return ticket is very hard to get and quite expensive!

You don’t trust me? Well, this is actually proven by a lot of studies! It turns out that couples who strive for perfectionism in their relationship often suffer from depression. Not fun as well.

The thing is, this doesn’t only go for criticizing your partner too much, but yourself too. Well, guess what? If you go down this route, prepare yourself for a lot of conflicts due to being disappointed. 

I’ve been through the same and wanted my relationship to be the best one to ever exist. I used to criticize my partner for everything, from the way he dressed to the way he breathed air! I just wanted everything to be flawless but that’s not really possible, and quite frankly irrational!

Now, let me ask you something. Have you ever thought that you need to spice things up in the bedroom? Do you think you just need to try out some other positions? Wrong! Perfectionism doesn’t only affect your mental state but bedroom activities as well! 

Science has my back on this too! Research has shown that it can decrease the amount of intercourse but also the quality of it. I bet you will think twice next time before pressuring your partner and yourself to be flawless.

Broken doesn’t mean destined to be ugly

Picture this: you have this beautiful vase for flowers, it has been in your family for decades and has a special place in your heart. One day your dog comes in running, playing around the table and the next thing you know your vase (and your heart) broke into pieces. What would you do?

Are you going to get a broom and dustpan and just collect it all and throw it in the garbage? I think no one is that crazy. At least I hope so. If you are still thinking, the answer is a big no!

You would carefully collect all the pieces and try to stick them back together or use those pieces to create something else, maybe even more beautiful. The point is you would still cherish it, now maybe even more than before. That’s the whole logic behind the “golden repair” principle!

Even in a different shape and look it would still be valuable and tell a beautiful story about its evolution, changes, and repair. It’s the same when it comes to humans.

So, what are you waiting for? Are you just going to throw all the effort you put into your relationship or will you try to repair it and create something even better? Yeah, that’s what I thought!

Imagine your relationship as one of those craft projects you did for school as a kid. You wouldn’t give up easily even if something didn’t go well.

That’s because you wanted your project to be the best it can be and you wanted everyone to be amazed. So take some colors and glitter and sprinkle them on your relationship!

It may seem funny to compare pottery to ourselves but we are not as complicated as we think we are. If we approached other life problems like this, they wouldn’t seem so bad, would they?