10 sinais de que você tem uma nora tóxica e como lidar com ela

No matter how hard you try, are you struggling to build a good relationship with your daughter-in-law ? Is she rude and disrespectful all the time, and does she use every opportunity to make it clear that you aren’t welcome in her life?

If you recognize these 10 signs you have a toxic daughter-in-law , it’ll be obvious that your bad relationship isn’t because of you.

Pode, e deve, continuar a tentar ter uma melhor relação com ela, para bem do seu filho e do amor que sentem um pelo outro.

However, you shouldn’t allow her to keep disrespecting and humiliating you. After this list of signs, you’ll also find some helpful ways to deal with your daughter-in-law and put her in her place.

10 sinais de que tem uma nora tóxica

Preste muita atenção a estas 10 bandeiras vermelhas que mostram que tem uma nora tóxica. Isto pode ajudá-lo a encontrar uma forma de construir uma melhor relação com ela.

1. She makes you feel like you aren’t part of the family

She thinks that you’ll walk away if you feel like you aren’t welcome. However, it’s your job to prove her wrong.

No matter how much she tries to make you feel like you don’t belong in your son’s life anymore, you should try to show her that you are and always will be parte da família.

If you can’t work on fixing your relationship with her, focus on strengthening your relationship with your son. Sooner or later, she’ll come around and accept that you’ll never leave your son’s and her husband’s life.

2. Ela desrespeita-o constantemente

This can be very stressful, I know. I assume she does it specifically in front of other people, and that’s what bothers you most because you feel so humiliated and ashamed.

The fact is, she’ll keep doing it as long as she sees that it bothers you. Tens de compreender que o único objetivo dela é afastar-te do teu próprio filho.

É preciso estar preparado para tudo. And as much as certain things hurt you, try to behave as if you don’t notice them because that is the only thing that will make her stop mistreating you.

Of course, if she crosses the line and you simply can’t put up with her behavior anymore, then you should talk to your son about it. If he doesn’t do anything about it, you need to stand up for yourself.

3. A sua necessidade de controlo é prepotente

While they were dating, your son probably allowed her to control many things in their relationship. It’s given her the right to think that she can control absolutely everything about his life.

She wants to control his job, their vacations, their kids… Absolutely everything. Unfortunately, you can’t, and you shouldn’t do anything about it because that should be your son’s job.

You need to warn your son about her controlling behavior and hope that he’ll talk to her and ask her to change.

Se ela prometer que o vai fazer, acredite nela e dê-lhe algum tempo para o provar. No entanto, se demorar muito tempo, ou se ela continuar com o seu comportamento controlador, ignore as suas exigências e faça as coisas como quiser e encoraje o seu filho a fazer o mesmo.

4. Transferência constante de culpa

She’s also aware that you two have uma relação tóxica , and she doesn’t do anything to change that. The only thing she does all the time is put the blame for this bad relationship on you.

She wants to make you and everyone around you believe that you’re the culprit and the reason you two can’t get along. If you allow her to do that, it’ll create a huge problem between you and your son.

Presta atenção ao comportamento dela em diante de outros pessoas vs. quando estão sozinhos.

If she behaves all sweet and innocent in front of others and turns into a real devil when you two are alone, it’s clear that she’s trying to paint a different image of your relationship with other people.

5. Gaslighting é a sua técnica de manipulação favorita

She’ll do absolutely anything to harm your mental health and make you doubt your own sanity. As I said above, she’ll even try to manipulate you into thinking that it’s your fault you two can’t get along.

She’s so good at iluminação artificial that you aren’t even aware of what she is doing until it’s too late, and she’s already managed to trick you. In the eyes of your son and other family members, you’ll already be guilty for the bad relationship you two have.

And the worst thing is that you can’t do anything about it because you don’t have proof of the evil, toxic games she plays with you.

Ver também: 30 frases alarmantes de gaslighting a que deve estar atento

6. Tem traços de personalidade narcísica

In the beginning, you didn’t think about it this way because you thought she was just spoiled or overly confident.

She always wants the spotlight, and her need to be the center of attention is unbelievable. Also, it’s like she needs to be right all the time.

She’s arrogant and manipulative, and she just doesn’t seem to have any kind of empathy or consideration for other people.

In short, you’ve finally understood that your son is married to um verdadeiro narcisista disfarçado.

The whole world needs to revolve around her, and the reason she’s so disrespectful towards you is because she knows how much your son loves you, and she is afraid that you might steal her position.

7. Ela goza consigo nas redes sociais

Whenever you post a pic on social media , she always has an ironic comment. You’ve also noticed that she is trying to make fun of you on other people’s pics too.

I know it isn’t easy to put up with it all, but for the sake of your ente queridoÉ preciso ter paciência. Se isso o incomoda assim tanto, fale com o seu filho sobre o assunto e diga-lhe o quanto isso o incomoda.

If he doesn’t do anything about it, you should find a way to put an end to it. Simply hit the block button, and let her make fun of someone else. Or, find another solution but DON’T EVER descend to her level and make fun of her.

8. Está sempre a falar nas tuas costas

Your family members , friends, and even some of your neighbors have told you that she’s been talking trash about you behind your back. This is what probably hurts you most because you know you didn’t deserve it at all.

However, it shouldn’t bother you that much. O seu entes queridos know you, and they’ll never believe her lies.

They’re probably familiar with your situation, and they already know what your nora está a tentar fazer. Deve deixar que ela continue a falar mal de si, porque isso só vai dizer muito sobre o seu carácter.

9. Aparece sempre sem avisar

I know how frustrating this can be. My DIL tried to do the same thing to me. However, I showed her that it didn’t bother me, even though it really did, and once she saw she couldn’t hurt me with it, she stopped doing it.

I behaved as if I didn’t see what was going on. I tried to ignore it as much as I could and let her have her way. And you should do the same. Eventually, she’ll realize that she doesn’t gain anything from it, and she’ll change her behavior.

I showed up unannounced at their place only once, and she freaked out. Maybe that scared her, and maybe that’s another reason she stopped with those unannounced visits to our place.

10. Ela tenta virar os outros membros da família contra si

If they have kids, she’ll try to turn them, your own grandkids, against you. And she’ll also try to affect the other membros da família e criar uma barreira entre si e eles.

O facto é que a vida familiar nunca é fácil. Há muitas relações que precisam de ser alimentadas constantemente, e torna-se ainda mais difícil quando os filhos crescem e a família aumenta.

And the worst thing is when some of your in-laws don’t want to accept you as part of their family even though you’ve shown them they’ve been welcome from day one.

She probably won’t succeed in turning those other family members against you if you have a good relationship with them. So, try to ignore her and focus on maintaining good and stable relations with other people inside the family.

Como lidar com uma nora má

Of course, you should try to fix the toxic relationship you have with your daughter-in-law . However, if that isn’t possible, here are some effective ways to handle her and keep your relationship intact.

• Try to understand her reasons for treating you that way

Maybe your daughter-in-law isn’t toxic after all… Maybe she simply doesn’t like you and doesn’t want you to be part of her family.

Now, if you want that to change, you need to understand what caused that aversion from her side. Maybe you did something that hurt her in the past, and she can’t get over it.

Se se aperceber de que algumas das suas acções foram erradas, deve pedir desculpa por elas e pedir-lhe perdão. Isso deve ajudar a sua filha a deixar isso para trás e, depois, pode trabalhar na construção de uma relação saudável entre vocês os dois.

• Avoid getting into conflict with her

Lidar com uma nora difícil é do piorio. She constantly picks fights with you and tries to show you clearly that you aren’t welcome in the family anymore.

Sei que isso pode tornar-se prepotente e pode esgotar-nos emocionalmente. No entanto, tem de evitar entrar em discussões desnecessárias com ela. Não por causa dela, mas por causa do seu querido filho.

A verdade é que as tuas discussões com ela são as que mais o vão magoar. He will feel torn between you and his wife, and sooner or later, he’ll feel like he has to choose and make a decision between you, his mother, and his wife, the woman he loves.

He might be aware of his wife’s toxicity; however, she’s his partner, and he can’t give up on her. On the other hand, he won’t be able to give up on you either because, after all, you are and always will be the first woman he ever loved.

Só de pensar em ter de fazer essa terrível escolha, parte-lhe o coração.

• However, don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself

Avoiding conflict with your DIL doesn’t mean allowing her to talk badly about you in front of other people. It doesn’t mean you should allow her to treat you badly in front of your family members or at important family events .

No matter the circumstances, you should never put up with another person’s mistreatment and disrespect.

Whether it’s your loved one or son/daughter/ sister-in-law or your husband’s mother , you need to stand up for yourself and show others that you won’t allow que o tratem como um estranho .

Actually, you won’t allow them to treat you in any other way than you deserve to be treated.

If you allow them to disrespect you even once, they’ll see it as a green light to repeat it again and again. In the end, that will result in damaging your own emotional and mental health .

• Don’t let her affect your self-esteem

She’ll most definitely try. She knows that by making you doubt your confidence , she can manipulate you easier. It would allow her to shift the blame for your toxic relationship onto you.

That’s why you need to establish your own support system. Encontre alguém em quem confie e deixe-o ser o seu confidente. Fale com eles e conte-lhes tudo sobre a relação com a sua filha.

That’s the best way to protect your self-esteem . Show her that you know your worth and that no one can manipulate or play with you.

• Always be the bigger man

Na vida e em todas as situações que a vida nos proporciona, devemos tentar ser a pessoa mais importante . Não se preocupe com isso e concentre-se simplesmente nas suas prioridades.

I know that some people don’t deserve your kindness, but it’s actually the most powerful weapon you can use against them. It’ll hurt them more than revenge or insults.

• Don’t let her come between you and your partner

As relações entre sogros podem, por vezes, ser muito difíceis. Quer tenha uma má relação com a sua filha/ genro ou com a sua mãe/sogro, nunca deve permitir que eles se interponham entre si e a sua família.

Têm de se manter unidos, aconteça o que acontecer. O vosso amor tem de ser o mais forte de todos, e tem mesmo de ser incondicional e inquebrável.

Whatever you think about her or, for example, her parenting style , or her behavior towards your son, you should keep it to yourself. If you constantly speak ill about her to your son, it’ll seem like you’re trying hard to separate them.

• Set boundaries

Sempre que alguém afecta a sua paz de espírito, deve mantê-lo a uma distância segura e estabelecer limites fortes com ele. Don’t let them come too close because their toxicity may rub off on you.

Of course, you can’t behave like she doesn’t exist, but you can avoid her as much as possible. Se ela está a fazer-te passar um mau bocado por causa de redes sociais pode simplesmente bloquear ou deixar de ser amigo dela.

Para o seu próprio bem-estar, é necessário estabelecer limites com pessoas tóxicas . Caso contrário, prejudicam a sua saúde emocional e mental .

• Don’t let her toxicity poison you

When someone tries to belittle, humiliate, or disrespect you, it really starts affecting your emotional and mental health, especially if it’s someone close to you.

Sooner or later, you’ll reach a point where you want to hurt them back in the same way they’ve been hurting you almost every day. And that is precisely why you should never allow it to happen.

Se alguém se comportar mal para consigo, deixe-o mostrar-lhe a sua verdadeira face. Don’t even think about getting revenge because that’s a job for karma.

She’ll be a mother-in-law someday to another woman, and maybe that woman will treat her in the same way she’s treating you right now – that will be her karma.

• If you can’t change it, accept that she doesn’t accept you and learn to live with it

If your little ‘ monster-in-law ’ doesn’t want to work on fixing your relationship, no matter how much you try to change her opinion, you really have no other choice but to accept it.

Nesse caso, esforce-se por reforçar os laços com o seu filho. Tens de lhe mostrar que tens uma relação muito forte com o teu filho, uma relação que nada nem ninguém consegue estragar ou quebrar.

Esquece-a e tenta ignorar o pequenas coisas que ela faz para o irritar. Concentre-se apenas no seu filho e deixe o tempo seguir o seu curso no que diz respeito à relação com a sua nora.

Ver também: A melhor lista de limites para a sogra: 15 limitações

O que acontece quando se tem uma nora tóxica?

Infelizmente, a toxicidade dela começará em breve a afetar a sua própria vida e talvez até a relação que tem com o seu filho. Este tipo de cenário é quase inevitável.

She’ll be the cause of most of your conflicts with your son. E, claro, o vosso filho nunca escolherá entre vocês, porque vos ama aos dois, mas esses dois tipos de amor são muito diferentes.

She won’t consider you part of her própria família, que irá provavelmente afetar a sua relação com o seu filho.

You’ll know that it isn’t fair because you didn’t do anything to earn her rejection, but you need to understand that it isn’t your fault. No matter how much she keeps rejecting you, you shouldn’t blame yourself for it.

She’ll try very hard to stand between you and your son, her husband, and ruin your relationship. If you don’t stand up to it, she’ll eventually succeed in her intention, and both you and your son will end up hurt.

No seu todo

Reconheceu estes 10 sinais de que tem uma nora tóxica? Se sim, tenho pena de si. Esse tipo de fardo é-me tão familiar e, acredite, consigo sentir a sua dor.

We all know how strong a mother’s love is for her son, and it hurts like hell when someone comes and tries to ruin that love. No entanto, acredite em mim, o seu filho está numa situação ainda pior do que a sua.

Now, you have two choices… Either you can accept that she doesn’t like you and try to keep your relationship with her outside of the relationship with your son, or you can try very hard to get her to like and accept you.