A dura realidade de terminar um namoro com um narcisista (e como lidar com isso?)

Living with a narcissist is painful and exhausting. It’s a situation in which you’ve entangled yourself, and no matter how bad you want out, it’s not that easy to just leave.

But after you’ve hit rock bottom, after you were robbed of your self-esteem and self-love, you realize you have nothing else to lose. He has taken everything from you.

Por isso, decide ir-se embora. Decide voltar a tomar a sua vida nas suas próprias mãos e fazer dela o que quiser. Que bom para ti!

But the battle doesn’t end there, not for you.

This is an exciting time for you. You’ve made a big decision.

You’ve made the right decision. But the road ahead of you is full of bumps. You have to be ready to take them.

É preciso estar mental e emocionalmente preparado para o processo de cura que está prestes a acontecer.

Breakups are awful, but breaking up with a narcissist is especially hard. You’re going to have mixed feelings, and your mood will change rapidly.

In order to face the changes that are going to happen, it’s better if you know what to expect and what is waiting for you.

Here are some of the things you’re going to experience after breaking up with a narcissist.

Sente-se ansioso

Breaking up with a narcissist doesn’t have a happy end. Either he is going to discard you or you’re going to leave him, but he will keep coming back, using all kinds of tática do aspirador s para o trazer de volta.

Either way, it’s not going to be pretty.

You’re not going to be okay. Breakups are bad, especially this one.

You know you won’t get any closure ever, and you get nervous because you know he won’t leave you alone.

You know he will disturb you in some way—it doesn’t even have to include contact.

Isto enlouquece-o e obriga-o a viver ansioso, com medo do que vai acontecer a seguir.

O que fazer?

Make sure that it’s really over. Try to go no contact with him.

If it doesn’t work, just be as unappealing as you possibly can. Even if he is bothering you, once he realizes that you’re no longer interested, he’ll leave you alone.

Assim que puser as coisas nos seus devidos lugares, a ansiedade também vai diminuir. Basta dar algum tempo.

Ver também: Como fazer um narcisista sentir a sua falta: 9 maneiras secretas

You’re obsessed

You won’t let go that easily. There are a million questions you want to know the answer to.

Queres saber se ele alguma vez te amou de verdade? Preocupou-se contigo, nem que fosse um pouco? Como é que ele te pôde fazer isto? Como pôde esquecer-te tão depressa?

The ghost of your diciest relationship will haunt you because you didn’t get closure and you never will.

You will hang on to the bits of the relationship you have left because you aren’t still at ease with what happened.

O que fazer?

You’ll try to find answers to the questions that are bothering you, but eventually, you’ll let go because you’ll never understand what happened.

You are not a psycho like he is. You can’t understand how his mind works and why he did what he did.

You’re defending him

To be able to accept what has happened to you, you’ll try to rationalize his behavior.

You’ll try to find excuses for the name-calling, for the jogos mentais and the abuse you’ve experienced while you were with him.

You’ll try to give yourself a good enough reason why you stayed with him, and that’s why you’re going to make excuses for his behavior—to make that experience a less painful one.

You’ll come to the point when you start missing him, so you’ll start doing the same thing all over again.

You’ll defend him and think that maybe he wasn’t so bad after all. Don’t fall for this. It’s just your reason, trying to make it hurt a bit less.

O que fazer?

Don’t fall for the tricks your mind plays on you. The truth is, you don’t miss him; you never did.

Foste capturado pelo seu feitiço durante tanto tempo que te habituaste ao ambiente tóxico. Pensaste que era um ambiente normal para se viver.

That’s why you crave it. Ignore those feelings, and just remember all the horrible things he has done to you. If you take him back, he will do it again.

You don’t feel the excitement

When you are with a narcissist, you’re used to all the drama happening around you.

Há sempre qualquer coisa a acontecer e, agora que está finalmente em paz, sente falta de alguma coisa.

It’s a cruel thing to say, but actually, you miss your narcissist. You don’t miss him for the love or the way he treated you.

You miss him because now that he’s gone, there is no more craziness around you.

It’s all too quiet, and after dating a narcissist this may come as a surprise: You’re not used to having things in order.

O que fazer?

Encontrar algo para fazer. Encontre um passatempo. Encontre a paixão que está a faltar na sua vida.

Start doing anything that makes you happy, even if it’s the most trivial thing. It’s one step further to actually being happy.

Estás só

What happened to you is not that common. It’s not like a regular breakup.

A lot of people who have just gone through a regular breakup can relate to each other, but there aren’t a lot of people who’ve escaped narcissistic claws, so you don’t have a lot of people to relate to.

That makes you lonely like you’re the only one out there. That makes you ask questions such as: Why me? But, you’re not alone.

There are so many people around you who’ve been through the same as you and are quiet, the same as you.

O que fazer?

Join support groups, and talk about your problem. Don’t keep things to yourself because you’ll crack open.

You can’t keep those emotions inside and deal with them alone.

Fale com os seus amigos ou grupos de apoio, talvez um terapeuta. Seja o que for, escolha algo porque precisa de apoio neste momento.

Tem dúvidas

You were gaslighted in your relationship with a narcissist. You were told you’re crazy; you’re making things up.

Disseram-lhe que exagera e que é a causa de todos os problemas, ou mesmo a principal razão pela qual a relação se desfez.

Por isso, quando nos encontramos em momentos de solidão, isso leva-nos a pensar. Passamos a duvidar de nós próprios. Começamos a pensar que talvez o nosso narcisista tivesse razão.

Maybe you really overreacted to some things. Maybe you should have been more understanding. Maybe it’s your fault you broke up.

O que fazer?

Can’t you see? He is still manipulating you in your mind even though you broke up. This is just the result of all the abuse and mind games you’ve been through.

A mentalidade que ele plantou em ti continua a dar pontapés de vez em quando e alimenta-te com os pensamentos ridículos que andam na tua cabeça.

Tem vergonha

Agora que finalmente vê claramente a pessoa terrível que ele era, agora que vê todas as coisas horríveis que ele lhe fez, sente-se envergonhada por não o ter deixado mais cedo.

You feel like a fool because you didn’t leave a long time ago, but no one who was in your situation left right away.

Todos nós pensamos que podemos ajudar alguém, que podemos mudar a pessoa porque, no fundo do nosso coração, acreditamos que há algo de bom em toda a gente.

Infelizmente, não é esse o caso das pessoas que têm um distúrbio de personalidade. Elas não podem ser curadas.

They cannot be convinced to do anything different than what they’ve imagined.

O que fazer?

Just let go. It’s not your fault. His manipulations were designed to completely obliviate you.

O seu objetivo era fazer com que a sua vítima ficasse o máximo de tempo possível com a impressão de que as coisas iam melhorar.

You’re angry

Passado algum tempo, a tristeza e o sofrimento começam a desvanecer-se, e tudo se transforma em ressentimento e ódio. Canalizas a tua dor para o ódio.

You couldn’t do this while you were in a relationship, so you’re doing it now when you’re finally free to think by yourself and act the way you feel.

O que fazer?

Be angry. Let it all out because you will feel better. After some time, you’ll realize that hatred is not going to get you anywhere, and you’ll calm down.

Mas tem de ter muito cuidado para não te vingares.

É preciso saber que não há maneira de vencer um narcisista. A única maneira de magoar um homem narcisista é cortar-lhe o abastecimento.

Ignore-o completamente e torne-se indisponível.

Just don’t do something stupid in the attempt to hurt him because he will use it against you, and you’ll end up being the hurt one.