A lista de verificação definitiva "Devo divorciar-me?" Lista de controlo

Writing down a “Should I get a divorce” checklist might be one of the best ways to make the right call regarding your marriage.

This way, you’ll put everything on a piece of paper, and you’ll get an impartial perspective on your situation.

Don’t worry: having second thoughts about ending your marriage is perfectly normal. You’re not sure what the right choice is, and you want to do what’s best for your entire family without rushing your decision.

Well, in that case, a “Should I get um divórcio” checklist is the thing for you. Here are the 12 crucial things you must consider before starting the divorce process.

A melhor lista de verificação de 11 pontos para o divórcio

Abuso

The first point on your checklist should definitely be abuse. You see, bad things happen between married couples and nobody’s life is all sunshine and roses.

As much as you try to avoid it, sometimes you and your spouse will get into a fight. Sometimes you’ll even exaggerate by insulting each other, which is not okay but is also not reason enough to get a divorce.

However, there is a huge difference between your spouse calling you names once then apologizing for it and them verbally abusing you. Yes, that’s also a thing.

Quando se pensa em abuso, parte-se do princípio de que a outra pessoa tem de nos bater para que as suas acções sejam classificadas como violentas.

Well, this is exactly why a lot of people remain in abusive marriages: they don’t know that someone can abuse you physically, emocionalmenteverbalmente, e de muitas outras formas.

If any kind of abuse is on your checklist, it’s an adequate indicator that your marriage is not what it should be.

Another thing I’ll ask you is to remember that no matter what is going on, this is not your fault, and you’re not to blame. Nobody has the right to abuse you, let alone the person who should love you the most.

Assuntos

A infidelidade é também uma das principais razões que levam as pessoas a um divórcio. Mais uma vez, há diferentes tipos de infidelidade.

O seu cônjuge teve um problema físico ou caso emocional? How long did it last? Maybe they didn’t actually commit adultery, but you noticed they apaixonou-se por outra pessoa.

Well, sometimes, this realization can be more painful than one night of weakness that didn’t mean anything. Either way, it depends on what hurt you the most.

However, you’re not the only one making this decision. Does your spouse want a second chance for your marriage, or are they ready to start fresh with their new partner?

Neste último caso, não tem outra hipótese senão aceitar o divórcio. Afinal, o que é que se pode fazer? Implora-lhes que te amemMesmo que tenham sido eles a ter um caso?

On the other hand, if they’re the ones asking for your forgiveness, it’s up to both of you to decide about your marriage’s future.

Acredita na sua cara-metade que se tratou de um caso isolado? Consegue olhar para o seu cônjuge da mesma forma depois desta traição? Está pronto para passar por uma recuperação de casos?

Or maybe you were the unfaithful one? In that case, the situation is pretty much the same – you two just have reversed roles.

Seja qual for a sua decisão, lembre-se de que não há vergonha em perdoar um caso or ending a marriage because of it – if that’s what you think is right.

É preciso ter consciência de que esta infidelidade teve de ser causada por algo que não estava bem no vosso casamento.

Se decidirem dar uma nova oportunidade um ao outro, têm de encontrar a fonte e curá-la antes que ela destrua realmente o vosso casamento.

Aconselhamento matrimonial

Por vezes, os casais têm dificuldade em ultrapassar os obstáculos do seu casamento. Os seus problemas conjugais parecem demasiado grandes para serem resolvidos e sentem-se incapazes de chegar a um compromisso.

It doesn’t matter if we’re talking about infidelity, their differences, or a lack of passion – at the end of the day, the point is the same: something is off.

However, they still have feelings for each other. Maybe they’ve spent too much time together to let it all go to waste just like that. Or they want to give it another try for the kid’s sake?

Nesse caso, aconselhamento matrimonial é o caminho certo a seguir.

Consultar um profissional

Todos os casais devem consultar um profissional antes de dar o passo final e iniciar o processo de divórcio.

I know what you must be thinking right now: “What could a stranger possibly know about my marriage that the two of us don’t?” Well, surprisingly, a lot.

Antes de mais, trata-se de um profissional especializado no vosso tipo de problemas. Trata-se de uma pessoa cujo trabalho consiste em ajudar os casais a encontrar um meio-termo.

Além disso, uma vez que o conselheiro matrimonial não está envolvido emocionalmente, pode analisar os seus problemas de forma mais objetiva.

They will give you a broader perspective on things, and you’ll probably start seeing your marriage in a different light once you talk to them.

This is the person who can show you the right direction – someone who knows what you should do to save your relationship and become a better husband and wife.

Aceitar conselhos dos outros

Whatever you do, don’t let anyone else interfere in your relationship. Look, I know that you’ll both ask for your friend or family’s opinion, but don’t let their attitudes guide you.

It’s one thing to talk to a trained professional who knows what they’re doing, but blindly following a third person’s lead can make things even worse.

I don’t care if you have a friend who’s been through a divorce or if your spouse’s parents are telling them what to do. Each case is unique, and the two of you are the only ones who have the right to make a decision.

Comunicação

The next point on your “Should I get a divorce” checklist is the communication between you and your spouse.

You’re an adult, and this is not your first relationship, so I don’t have to emphasize the importance of healthy communication in a marriage.

What I am interested in now is whether you and your partner ever talked things through. But I mean really talked – honestly and open-heartedly.

No, a healthy conversation isn’t yelling, holding grudges, resenting, and engaging in a blame game. Because I’m sure that’s what you two have been doing.

I am talking about sitting down alone, without the kids or anyone else interfering. I’m talking about being completely sincere and putting all the cards on the table.

É preciso esquecer a agressão passiva, o tratamento do silêncio e outras técnicas tóxicas semelhantes. Os dois precisam de dizer o que vos vai na alma antes de pedirem o divórcio.

This might sound strange, but it’s possible that your spouse is not certain about what’s been bothering you all along. Maybe they didn’t listen or didn’t want to hear your complaints at that moment.

So, now you’re on the verge of getting a divorce lawyer without ever really having a decent conversation.

Well, even if you don’t think that your marriage is worth fighting for, wouldn’t it be a pity if you ended things without speaking your mind one last time?

If nothing else, this is the least you owe to each other and to the years you’ve spent together – the least you owe to all those beautiful memories you once shared.

It’s crucial to forget about your egos during this conversation. There is no need to be pathetic either, but don’t hide your emotions from each other because this might be the last chance to express them.

Ask your spouse everything you’ve been wondering about. Clear away all of your doubts and let them answer all the questions that have been bugging you.

Yes, there is a chance that you two will decide to give it another shot after this talk. But, there is also a chance that you’ll stick to the divorce.

Even in that case, I promise you that sometime in the future, when all of this is behind you, you’ll be glad you had one last conversation. You’ll ser feliz que não ficou nada por dizer e que conseguiu encerrar o assunto.

Plano de parentalidade

It’s unbelievably difficult to go through a divorce when it’s just the two of you. Well, you can only imagine how painful it is to do it when you have children together.

Let’s get one thing straight: your kids shouldn’t be the only reason why you choose to remain in an unhappy marriage.

Nevertheless, they’re quite a significant factor in this decision and the entire process.

Whether you like it or not, your kids depend on you and your husband or wife. I’m not referring to finances here only – I’m also talking about emotional, psychological, and every other form of dependency.

No matter what’s going on between you two, you’re both their parents. Therefore, they love and want you both in their lives.

É preciso ter consciência de que a vida deles vai mudar drasticamente após o divórcio. Além disso, existe a possibilidade de isto deixar consequências na sua saúde mental se não for feito corretamente.

First of all, they won’t be living with one of their parents anymore, which is a shock enough.

They’re used to having you both present in their lives 24/7, and now, all of a sudden, they’ll only get to see their mom or dad a few times a week.

Also, there is a possibility that they’ll have to move, depending on which spouse keeps your marital home. That means they’ll have to change their entire surroundings, including their school and friends.

How old are your children? Do you think that they’re mature enough to process what’s going on?
Será que vão ver isto como a rutura de toda a sua família e do mundo que conhecem?

O que tenciona fazer em relação à custódia dos filhos? Acha que você e o seu cônjuge serão capazes de encontrar um meio-termo e chegar a um acordo que sirva melhor os vossos filhos?

Or will you have to go through a child custody battle? Will you two have what it takes to go through this painful process the adult way, or will your children’s lives become your battlefield?

Todas estas são perguntas que deve fazer a si próprio antes de apresentar o pedido de divórcio. After all, you’ve got to have a plan – you’re responsible for other human beings who are affected by your decision.

Either way, this will be a traumatic experience for them, and it’s your job to minimize the damage.

Don’t get me wrong: I’m not here to judge you for getting a divorce despite having kids – I just want you to take this situation seriously.

Amor

When you’re younger, you’re convinced that love is enough for two people to succeed together.

You feel butterflies in your belly, the other person makes you laugh, and before you know it, you can’t picture your life without them.

Então, acabam por se casar. Mais cedo ou mais tarde, apercebemo-nos de que a vida não é só arco-íris e unicórnios.

Most importantly: you realize that love is not enough for a sustainable relationship that doesn’t have compromise, respect, fidelity, healthy communication, etc.

I couldn’t agree with you more: you’re an adult who needs other things besides love to be happy and fulfilled.

But let’s not forget one thing: even though it’s not the only thing that matters, love between partners is still crucial and irreplaceable.

So, let your feelings be the next point on your “Should I get a divorce” checklist. No, this doesn’t make you an immature hopeless romantic – it means that you want to take everything into account.

A questão é: ainda existe algum amor entre si e o seu cônjuge? Ainda se amam?, despite everything bad that’s happened between you two?

O amor liga-o

If the answer is yes, will these feelings magically go away the moment you sign those divorce papers? Basically, what I want to know is whether you’re capable of killing those feelings off?

Existe a possibilidade de continuar a amá-lo, daqui a alguns anos, apesar de não estarem juntos? E vale a pena correr esse risco? A quem darás ouvidos, ao teu coração ou à tua mente?

Deixar de gostar do seu cônjuge

On the other hand, there are couples whose passion vanished ages ago and couples who are convinced that they don’t love each other anymore.

Well, I’m not here to advise you to stay in a loveless marriage. Remember: love is not enough, but it is crucial.

However, if this is the only reason why you want a divorce, ask yourself whether you’ve done everything to rekindle your love.

Look, just because you are not in love with your partner the way you were at the beginning of your romance doesn’t make you totally indifferent.

Felicidade pessoal

No final do dia, the most important thing you have to ask yourself is, “Am I happy?”

Poderia estar a viver numa mansão, com todas as suas finanças em ordem e um cônjuge que lhe traz o pequeno-almoço na cama todas as manhãs.

Pode ter um casamento aparentemente perfeito e não ter absolutamente nada de que se queixar.

But at the same time, you could be unhappy. Maybe you’ve concluded that getting married was a mistake in the first place.

Maybe you feel trapped in your relationship. Perhaps you can’t stand looking at your spouse anymore, for no specific reason.

All of this might make you feel unhappy. You can’t really explain why, but you know that you don’t want to remain married to your significant other.

E isso é perfeitamente normal. Não é preciso sentirmo-nos culpados por isto. It’s better to be honest than to keep on sleeping next to someone who makes you miserable.

If this is not a phase, and you’ve been feeling like this for a while now, be selfish enough to put your satisfaction first. Go in your pursuit of happiness!

Vida amorosa pós-divórcio

The next thing on your “Should I get a divorce” checklist is your love life afterward. Will you stay single? Or do you plan on remarrying?

É claro que nunca se pode prever o futuro, mas o que se pode fazer é examinar as duas opções.

Vida de solteiro

When you’ve been in a relationship and married for most of your adult life, it’s natural that you’re scared of being single.

Mesmo que o seu casamento fosse um desastre, pelo menos sabia que tinha sempre alguém em quem confiar.

Sabia a quem ligar primeiro em caso de emergência, tinha alguém com quem partilhar as suas responsabilidades e tarefas e tinha o seu acompanhante em eventos importantes.

Each of these things might seem irrelevant at this moment in time but trust me – once you lose them for good, you’ll sense their absence.

But this is not me telling you that you can’t make it on your own. On the contrary, this is just me preparing you for what’s coming next, so you can be strong enough to endure all those hardships.

I won’t lie to you: it will take you some time to get used to this new situation. However, I promise you that you will make it and that you will agite a sua vida de solteiro.

Reentrar na piscina dos encontros

The Earth won’t stop spinning once you sign those papers, as much as it seems that way now.

Apesar de, neste momento, isto parecer uma missão impossível, vai conseguir apaixonar-se de novo mais cedo ou mais tarde.

Don’t get me wrong: I’m not here to force you to jump into a new relationship the moment you part ways with your significant other.

No entanto, I’m asking you: how do you picture your potential relationship after a divorce? Would you only agree to be with a divorcee who’s been through the same experience as you?

Quando é que se vê mentalmente preparado para este passo? Como é que acha que o seu novo parceiro se iria encaixar na sua vida?

How will your love life impact your kids, if you have any? Are you open to the possibility of having more children, or do you think you’re done?

Situação financeira

Custo do divórcio

Wouldn’t it be great if you could just make a decision about the divorce? One of you packs your bags, leaves your house, and that’s it?

Bem, então, seria uma relação. Com efeito, a separação judicial exige procedimentos que custam dinheiro.

In the best-case scenario, you’ll just pay the legal fees. However, this is only possible if you have no real estate or share child custody.

Se conseguirem chegar a acordo sobre questões importantes, assinarem um acordo de divórcio não contestado e contratarem um mediador de divórcios, isso custar-vos-á muito menos dinheiro do que pagar a dois advogados de divórcios.

É claro que esta última opção é a mais dispendiosa, especialmente se entrar numa batalha judicial.

A vida depois do divórcio

No entanto, o pagamento do processo de divórcio deve ser a menor das suas preocupações financeiras. Em primeiro lugar, pode dar-se ao luxo de dividir ao meio todos os seus bens imóveis e o dinheiro das contas bancárias?

Se têm uma casa juntos, podem suportar todas as despesas se foi a vossa ex-mulher ou o vosso marido que a abandonou?

On the other hand, can you afford to rent a new apartment, if you don’t have personal property?
Assinaram um acordo pré-nupcial e em que termos? Têm contas de reforma conjuntas?

What about your health insurance policy and tax returns? Is your life insurance policy in your spouse’s name? Do you have a savings account only in your name?

Staying married for the money is one of the stupidest choices you can make, but regardless, you have to ask yourself whether you’re financially independent enough to walk away from your spouse.

If the answer is “no,” start getting ready! Para começar, abra uma conta poupança e comece a construir um futuro para si.

This is especially important if you’re a stay at home parent with no or poor work experience or education.
You need to acquire a certain skill and get a job as soon as possible if you don’t want to end up on the streets.

Além disso, obtenha pelo menos um cartão de crédito (e controle regularmente o seu relatório de crédito) em seu nome apenas para o ajudar no início!

Don’t forget about child support, alimony, and possibly social security benefits, which will also impact your financial situation.

Se tudo isto for demasiado complexo para o compreender, contrate um advogado especializado em direito da família para o aconselhar.

Apoio de terceiros

No matter what, I know that you’re a self-sufficient person, even though you might not think that of yourself right now.

Significa que pode ultrapassar o seu próprio processo de divórcio sozinho, independentemente das circunstâncias.

No entanto, seria ótimo ter algum apoio no início. Ter pelo menos uma pessoa em quem se possa confiar no período inicial pós-divórcio é mais do que suficiente.

Apoio emocional

I’ll be honest with you: it won’t be easy. First and foremost, you’ll go through a grieving process.

I don’t care if you’re the one who initiated the divorce or who fell out of love with your spouse – parting ways with someone you planned on spending the rest of your life with is difficult as hell.

There will be a lot of sleepless nights you’ll spend wondering if you made the right choice. Even if you ended up despising your husband or wife, there will also be moments when you’ll miss their presence.

Even if you were dying to get out of your toxic relationship, there will be times when you’ll miss being married. Surprisingly but true, sometimes you’ll even miss having someone to argue with.

Well, this is when you’ll need your loved ones’ emotional support.

You’ll need your best friend or a sibling you can call in the middle of the night, just to hear you out and to tell you that everything will be alright.

Apoio financeiro

You may need some financial support as well. Don’t worry – accepting some help from those closest to you, in the beginning, isn’t the same as begging.

It doesn’t make you incompetent – it just means that you’ve found yourself in a new situation and that you could use a hand. Nevertheless, please don’t rely on this money you get – you’ll still need a steady income.

Serviços de babysitting

Your children are your and your spouse’s responsibility. However, if they live with you, you’ll need someone on hand for them.

After all, you’re used to sharing errands and chores around the house. Now, all of a sudden, most of the responsibilities have fallen to you.

So, if your parents offer to take care of the kids while you take some time off or to get them from school, thank them and accept their help. This doesn’t make you a bad parent.

Salvar o seu casamento

The final point on your “Should I get a divorce” checklist should be the question: “Can my o casamento seja salvo?”
Haverá mais alguma coisa a fazer? Há alguma esperança? Algum raio de luz a atravessar a escuridão?

Look, you shouldn’t try gluing back together a casamento desfeito beyond repair. If you do that, you’ll just make things better temporarily.

Sooner or later, your marital problems will arise, and you and your spouse will end up divorcing one way or another. Or you’ll grow old in a toxic marriage – and you don’t know which one is worse.

However, I’m begging you not to take this decision impulsively. Don’t choose to get a divorce just because you’re angry or because you two are dealing with an issue that can be resolved.

Don’t give up on your marriage without a proper fight. Instead, put all of your efforts into trying to bring it back to life.

I’m not saying that you’ll succeed in fixing your marriage. But at least you’ll always know you did your best.

Confia em mim: you don’t want to catch yourself years from now, thinking that you could have and should have done more.

On top of everything else you’ll be dealing with, you don’t want to struggle with all the what ifs.

It’s okay for you to leave only when you are positive that your marriage is doomed to fail. Only then the guilt won’t eat you alive, and you’ll be able to move on and heal in a healthy way.

Quando devo divorciar-me?

Have you gone through all the points on the “Should I get a divorce” checklist, but you’re still not sure what to do?

Don’t worry because I’ve got you covered with these surefire sinais de que o fim do seu casamento é a coisa a fazer.

Get a divorce if…

O perdão não é uma opção

No one is perfect, so it’s no surprise that your spouse did something to hurt your feelings.

I won’t lie to you: even if you two work things out, there will always be times where they’ll do you harm, sometimes without even being aware of it.

However, there are some situations where you simply can’t forgive them, as hard as you try.

It doesn’t matter whether you were involved with a narcissist, if they were unfaithful, quebrou a sua confiança, abandoned you when you needed them the most, or didn’t meet your expectations.

The point is that YOU feel like you can’t forget what they’ve done. Deep down, you know that this event will forever remain a barrier between you two.

In that case, you have no other option but to file for a divorce. After all, you shouldn’t spend the rest of your life with someone you feel so much resentment for.

Please, don’t feel guilty for doing so. You listened to your gut and did the right thing!

You’re ready to be self-sufficient

Pode ser independente and married, but you can’t be codependent and divorced.

I’m sure you see my point: nobody is telling you to get a divorce just because you can make it on your own. But on the other hand, you MUST be self-sufficient to get a divorce.

Independência financeira

I know this sounds pretty harsh, but it is how things are, whether you like it or not. From now on, you’ll have your own household that you need to support.

If the kids are staying with you, you’ll be getting child support. If you don’t have a job and your ex-spouse is financially stable, the court will probably order them to give you spousal support as well.

No entanto, não se deve contar com uma pensão de alimentos ou qualquer tipo de apoio financeiro. Tem de ser financeiramente independente para dar este grande passo.

Então, analise os seus documentos financeiros e relatórios de crédito e veja qual é a sua situação!

Independência emocional

Another form of self-sufficiency you have to acquire is an emotional one. Forget about turning to the other side of the bed, waiting for a hug whenever you’re feeling miserable at night.

Esqueça a ideia de telefonar ao seu ex-marido ou mulher sempre que precisar de alguém para ouvir os seus problemas e ser o seu ombro para chorar.

The harsh truth is that you’re not only losing a husband or a wife, you’re also losing a friend and a family member.

If you’re ready to be self-sufficient in all of these ways – you’re good to go. If not, maybe you should work on your independence first before you leave your marriage.

There is no “we”

Being married means being a part of a union. One of the reasons you say “I do” is not to go through life alone anymore and to be a part of a two-person team.

Well, one of the signs that it’s time to file for a divorce is that there is no more “we” in your marriage. If you’ve experienced something similar, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about.

When this happens, you feel like you’re sozinho numa relação. You can’t rely on your partner, they don’t give you any emotional support, and you don’t see them as your plus one.

Eles tomam todas as decisões da vida deles sem o envolver, e você acaba por se sentir como o companheiro de quarto deles em vez do cônjuge.

Se tem filhos, sente-se como um pai solteiro. O seu cônjuge não participa na educação dos filhos, nem lhes dá atenção suficiente.

Of course, this can change in some cases – it’s just necessary for both of you to put in some extra effort. The first step is to talk things through with your loved one and tell them that this is bothering you.

If you’re both interested in bettering your marriage, you’ll both change, and you’ll become an item once again. However, if the other party doesn’t mind living like this, you have no other choice but to pack your bags.

It turns out that you’re pretty much alone either way, so why shouldn’t you be officially single?

You’ll be happier alone

It has already been established that your happiness has to come first. Of course, this doesn’t apply to the situation where you have kids because you’re responsible for their well being.

However, even then, they’re more likely to have a better quality of life next to two satisfied parents who live apart than to grow up in a toxic environment next to two unhappy caregivers.

At the end of the day, if you think that you’ll be mais feliz sozinho do que com o seu parceiro, não há muito a dizer sobre isto. Tudo é claro: a vida de solteiro é a sua busca de felicidade.

Once again, I’m not talking about a phase here. We all have times when we feel miserable and see our life as an utter disaster.

I’m talking about when you know for sure that you’re better off without this person. Neste caso, deixar o seu casamento é sair da sua zona de conforto.

No entanto, dar um salto para o desconhecido oferece-lhe, pelo menos, a possibilidade de ser feliz. Por outro lado, se continuar casado, está a privar-se desta oportunidade para sempre.

Não há mais amor

It’s one thing if a faísca desapareceu entre si e a sua cara-metade. A maioria das pessoas nunca o admitirá, mas quase todos os casais caem numa rotina e entram numa fase em que a paixão não está presente.

Esta situação deixa a possibilidade de recuperação. É preciso trabalhar a vossa ligação e dar o vosso melhor para melhorar a vossa relação.

No entanto, if you have no doubt that you’ve stopped loving your partner and that your love cannot be revived, you shouldn’t force yourself into spending the rest of your life next to that person.

This goes both ways – if you see that they’ve become indifferent, you shouldn’t implorar pelo seu amor.
Castigar-se com uma vida sem amor é uma sentença de morte, especialmente se um dos dois tem sentimentos por outra pessoa.

Your marriage can’t be saved

You’ve tried the last item on your “Should I get a divorce” checklist – you did your best to revive your marriage.

You’ve gone to marriage counseling, you and your spouse had multiple mature conversations, and you put effort into changing some things about your relationship.

Mas despite all of your attempts, now you see that your marriage cannot be saved. You gave your best and more, but your efforts weren’t fruitful.

So, what do you do? Well, you ask for a divorce because you’re left with no other option.

You’re psychologically prepared for the divorce

Finally, you should only get a divorce when you’re mentally prepared for it. Não se trata de uma decisão impulsiva e requer muito pensar demais.

That’s exactly what you’ve done: you thought things through more than once, you’ve put all the ups and downs on a scale, and you accepted the fact that parting ways is the only reasonable solution.

Estar preparado para o divórcio significa muito mais do que arranjar um emprego estável, encontrar um lugar para viver e organizar a sua vida de forma a poder lidar com tudo sozinho.

Significa também estar mentalmente preparado para isso.

It means that you’ve come to terms with the idea that you’re losing someone you thought was the love of your life and that you understand that this is the end, not a cry for attention or a warning for them to change.

It means that you know that you’ll be going through a rough patch and that you’re strong enough to handle all the emotions that will appear, but that you won’t allow them to shake your decision.

Moreover, being ready to get a divorce means that you have no second thoughts about your decision. You’re convinced this is the only right thing to do, and you plan on sticking to it forever.

Além disso, significa ser suficientemente maduro para compreender que estas coisas acontecem, em vez de ver o divórcio como uma derrota pessoal.

Ver também: 15 ideias para festas de divórcio para o capacitar e preparar para a sua nova vida

6 Dos and Don’ts Of Post-Divorce Etiquette

Your journey isn’t over once you decide to get a divorce. Instead, it only begins now for real, even though you’ve made a huge step.

Eis algumas dicas e truques para o ajudar a sobreviver ao período pós-divórcio da forma mais fácil possível.

Dar a si próprio tempo para fazer o luto

Divorciar-se significa perder provavelmente a pessoa mais importante da sua vida. Sim, they’re alive, but you’re still processing a loss.

Therefore, there is nothing shameful in grieving it. Sadly, some people simply don’t take the time to allow themselves to contemplate their sadness.

I’m not advising you to drown in it, but you need to give yourself time to grieve.

I know that you’re up to your neck in paperwork, you’re overly worried about the kids and the finances, and you’re trying to get used to your new life rhythm – especially in the first year after the divorce.

Devido a tudo isto, não tem energia para pensar no que lhe aconteceu. Deixa para mais tarde a gestão das suas emoções, porque agora tem coisas melhores para fazer.

So, what happens when that “later” arrives? Well, your deeply rooted traumas appear on the surface and, in most cases, cause serious damage to your mental health.

That’s why I’m begging you not to bury things under the carpet. Face your demons as it’s the only way to chase them away permanently.

Deixar de lado o ressentimento

Obviously, you had some rough times in your marriage – otherwise, your “Should I get a divorce” checklist wouldn’t have been completed.

However, you’re out of your relationship, and there is absolutely no point in going back to it in your head.
Easier said than done, I know. But you do have to let go of the resentment that’s been eating you alive.

It doesn’t matter if you didn’t get the apology you wanted so badly. It’s okay if you can’t forgive o mal que o seu cônjuge lhe causou. Bastará deixar tudo isso no passado.

Don’t pretend that your wounds are non-existent, but don’t pick on them constantly, either. Otherwise, they’ll never turn into scars.

Ser maduro

You’re a grown-up who’s been through a serious situation. Well, this is not the time to start acting immaturely.

I’m not saying that you necessarily have to remain friends with your ex. However, talking trash about them on social media or playing jogos mentais tóxicos não é uma opção.

Whatever you two do, please don’t be childish. After all, you spent so much time together and shared so many beautiful memories. So please, honor that if you have any respect left for each other.

Don’t allow the divorce to ruin your self-image

Being a divorcee doesn’t make you any less valuable, nor does it decrease your worth on the mercado de encontros.

I have to warn you: you’ll run into many people who’ll feel sorry for you once they hear that your marriage has failed.

You’ll have to get used to appearing at events and family gatherings on your own. You’ll meet potential girls or guys who’ll look down on your romantic history.

However, neither of these things should ruin your self-image. In fact, it’s your job not to allow this to happen.

Just because your marriage didn’t work out, it doesn’t mean that you’re not worthy.

It doesn’t mean that you’re inamável, that you’ll never find happiness, or that you’re not good enough for someone to grow old with you.

Don’t let the kids suffer

This one is probably the most significant: whatever happened between you and your spouse, the kids shouldn’t suffer the consequences of your actions or decisions.

Let’s be honest: they’ll suffer enough that their family broke apart in a way, so there is no need for you and your ex-wife or husband to make things even more difficult.

Whether you like it or not, if you have kids with someone, you two will be connected in a way for the rest of your lives. You’re still co-paisapesar de já não serem casados.

So, please, be civilized about it. Make sure your kids’ benefits always come first.

Don’t talk trash about each other and don’t compete for their attention. Instead, be united in raising your children, even if you couldn’t work as a team in other segments of your lives.

Don’t repeat your mistakes

Finally, learn from your marriage and divorce. This is not a curse – it’s a valuable and lição difícil para não repetir os seus erros.

Passado algum tempo, tente analisar o seu casamento como espetador. Veja o que correu mal com o seu ex-marido ou mulher e certifique-se de que nada de semelhante acontece nas suas relações futuras.

Considerações finais

The “Should I get a divorce” checklist is not here to tell you what to do with your life. Instead, its job is to help you and to direct you towards the right decision.

It should help you weigh all the pros and cons of your marriage. To help you see whether it’s worth saving or if it’s safe to give up on it.

Na verdade, esta lista é uma análise profunda do seu casamento. Oferece-lhe a oportunidade de o dissecar de um ponto de vista diferente para que possa fazer a escolha certa.

Façam o que fizerem, espero que tomem a melhor decisão possível para toda a vossa família. Boa sorte!