11 Limites entre namorado e amigas que devem ser respeitados

Let’s be honest: nobody is overjoyed that their partner has friends of the opposite sex. Even if your boyfriend’s female friends don’t represent any danger to your relationship, deep down, you can’t help but feel threatened by their presence in his life.

So, what exactly should you do about it? Should you turn into a psycho girlfriend who expects her boyfriend’s friend to stop existing just because you appeared on the scene?

De maneira nenhuma! Em vez disso, tenho uma solução muito melhor para si: estabeleça alguns limites para os namorados e amigas.

This way, both of you can have a place in your man’s life, and everyone’s role is clearly defined!

A lista de limites dos amigos do namorado e da namorada

If you want a healthy relationship, follow these rules, and you’re good to go:

1. A vossa relação está em primeiro lugar

Quer ela goste ou não, a sua relação com o seu namorado está sempre em primeiro lugar, aconteça o que acontecer. You don’t care how long she has been in his life or what they’ve been through. It’s not okay for que ele a ame mais do que a si!

You need to set some clear boundaries regarding your time together. It’s not acceptable for him to cancel your plans to hang out with his friend or to only call you when she is too busy to spend time with him.

You’re the women he chose to share his life with, and nobody should come before you. Of course, this doesn’t mean you should be selfish and demand to be the only person he spends time with.

Yes, you’re the only woman in a romantic sense for him. And you’re his priority.

However, if his female best friend needs a hand or has an emergency, don’t make a big deal about it. If he runs off and helps her, it only shows that you’re dating a good person with a kind heart.

2. Sem contacto físico

Let’s be honest: some friends are used to a lot of physical contact. They don’t see it as a big deal – sometimes they sleep next to each other in the same bed, tease one another, she sits on his lap, and stuff like that.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m not saying that there must be anything sexual about this. Maybe they’ve been friends their entire lives and don’t see anything wrong with this kind of contact.

No entanto, isto deve ser um fator de rutura quando se trata dos limites entre namorado e amigas. O seu namorado está agora numa relação de compromisso e este tipo de comportamento já não é aceitável.

They’re still allowed to quickly hug or kiss each other on the cheek when they greet, but anything more than that is out of the question.

I don’t care if he thinks of her as a sister – they’re not related, and he is a human being. The last thing you need is to wonder whether he’ll get a natural bodily reaction to this woman’s presence.

3. Proibição de terceira roda

It’s one thing if you and your boyfriend hang out with his friends in a group setting from time to time. That is a great sign that he wants to make you part of his life. But even those get-togethers shouldn’t come at the expense of your one-on-one time.

No entanto, o que não é aceitável é que a sua amiga seja uma constante terceira roda durante o seu tempo a sós. I mean, you two are dating – this is not a polyamorous relationship!

At the risk of sounding selfish, you shouldn’t care whether she has no one to go on vacation with or that she’s celebrating New Year’s Eve by herself. I’m not saying that the three of you can never spend time together, but please don’t become her foster carer.

Besides, just because she is your boyfriend’s BFF doesn’t mean you have the desire to spend your free time with her as well.

4. Não há conversas secretas

Os ultimatos não são normalmente a melhor escolha para um relação saudávelmas, por vezes, temos de as emitir. Este é um desses casos.

Quer ele goste ou não, o seu outra pessoa significativa shouldn’t be allowed to have conversas privadas com o seu amigo do género oposto.

This might sound unreasonable to him, but let’s put it this way: let’s say that he has a lot of female friends, but he doesn’t let you read any of the conversations he has with him.

Who can guarantee that they’re all nothing but friends? I mean, he can tell you every girl he’s flirting with is his close friend.

Of course, this doesn’t mean that you’ll read every conversation they have. It is important that you have access to their communication, so you can find out everything you need to know whenever you feel like it.

5. Não fazer viagens em conjunto

É discutível se a sua cara-metade deve ou não ir de férias com os amigos homens. No entanto, um dos limites mais importantes entre namorados e amigas é o facto de não haver viagens em conjunto.

Talvez o seu namorado tenha o hábito de viajar com uma muitas amigas mulheres, mas esses dias acabaram. Sim, isso inclui viagens num definição de grupo também.

The only way these journeys might happen is if you all go together and if you’re okay traveling with his friends. Of course, you won’t agree to your BF’s female BFF traveling with you – I’m talking about the bunch of you traveling together.

E se houver um evento a que eles têm de ir? Não há problema, pode acompanhar-nos.

What if they’ve already booked a trip before you issued this ultimatum or even before you two started dating? Tough break, but they’ll have to find a way to cancel it.

6. Limites das redes sociais

O seu namorado pode publicar fotografias com a sua melhor amiga nas redes sociais? Ela pode fazê-lo?

Bem, há vários factores que têm de ser tidos em consideração antes de lhe poder dar uma resposta adequada.

First of all, does your boyfriend put photos with you on his social media profiles? Are all of his followers familiar with the fact that you’re his girlfriend?

Se a resposta for sim, deve deixá-lo publicar uma história de vez em quando com a sua melhor amiga. É permitida uma publicação permanente quando se trata de uma ocasião especial.

What is crucial to note here is that he can’t have more photos with her than with you. Once again, you’re the number one woman in his life.

Mas o que é ainda mais importante é que a natureza da sua relação seja clara. Se ele publicar uma fotografia com ela, deve escrever um friend’s caption ou um citação de amizade e nada mais.

The same goes both ways. Don’t let her post selfies with him without any explanation – it’s natural that her followers will assume he’s her boyfriend.

7. Não interferir na vossa relação

The biggest red flag that your BF’s friend of the opposite gender is jealous of you is the way she interferes in your relationship. You know exactly what I’m talking about: she constantly gives him “advice” that somehow never works in your favor.

She knows every little thing that happens between you two, and sometimes you wonder if you’re dating her or him. Whenever you two argue or break up, she helps him come up with comebacks and tells him how to play his cards right.

Must I even explain why this isn’t acceptable? Sim, ela é sua amiga íntima e ele tem vontade de partilhar os seus pensamentos e sentimentos com ela, mas como é que esta configuração o faz sentir?

Trust me – this is one of the most significant boyfriend female friends boundaries you’ll have to impose in time. Make it clear that your private matters shouldn’t concern anyone outside of your relationship.

8. Ela tem de o respeitar

Look, it would be great if you could also become friends with this girl. However, things don’t work that way always. Maybe you two have different interests or just didn’t click from the first time you met. And that’s perfectly okay.

Basically, I’m saying that she doesn’t have to like you, as long as her negative emotions don’t affect your boyfriend. However, she must respect you.

Even if she secretly hates your guts, she should keep it to herself and respect you as her friend’s girlfriend.

O mesmo se aplica a todos os outros amigos e familiares. Eles têm de respeitar a sua escolha.

However, it all depends on how your boyfriend behaves in these situations. If he lets them badmouth you or continues hanging out with them even after they’ve insulted you or tried humiliating you in any way, I’m sorry to break it to you, but then, he’s the one who doesn’t respect you.

Por outro lado, se ele lhe der o lugar que merece na sua vida e se ele respeita-te como deve ser, they’ll have no other choice but follow his lead.

9. Tudo está à vista de todos

Lembra-se de termos falado sobre as conversas privadas nas amizades entre homens e mulheres? Bem, esta regra aplica-se a tudo o resto na relação deles.

Does this mean the two of them are not allowed to have secrets? Absolutely yes – if they could affect you in any way possible.

For example, your boyfriend is not obliged to talk to you about his friend’s childhood traumas or anything similar related to her personal life. After all, let’s not forget that he is the friend she chose – you’re not. She probably wouldn’t feel comfortable having all of her secrets exposed in front of a stranger, which you are to her.

No entanto, se alguma vez gostaram um do outro ou, pior ainda, se namoraram no passado, isto é algo com que deve estar familiarizado. Lá deveria’t be secrets about the nature of their friendship: how they met, how long they’ve been friends, how close they are as friends, and so on.

You have to have all this information to get a bigger picture of their relationship and figure out whether there are some red flags you should look out for and if there’s a reason for you to be com ciúmes dela.

10. Sem piadas internas

Is there anything more annoying than a girl trying to prove her dominance over a man, especially in front of that man’s girlfriend, by constantly mentioning inside jokes? Of course, she never cares to explain to you what they’re talking about – she enjoys that you feel left out.

In fact, this is the primary reason she uses these jokes: to show you that there is a part of his life you know nothing about, that she knows him better than you, and that they’re so incredibly close. She just tells him: “Hey, remember that time when we were on a beach…” and starts laughing hysterically.

Then, they proceed to talk in code, and you stand there, completely clueless about what’s going on. Are they talking about that time they hooked up? Or about an embarrassing hangover they wish you know nothing about?

Bem, para evitar estas situações, proíba as piadas internas.

11. Mudança na sua comunicação

Your significant other has a lot of female friends – that’s quite clear. He’s probably used to talking to them in the middle of the night or spending hours on the phone together.

Bem, isso tem de acabar! Quer dizer, a última coisa que se quer é estar a dormir tranquilamente ao lado do namorado e ser acordada pelo seu amiga’s drunk call in the middle of the night.

You understandably wouldn’t feel comfortable in this scenario.

Now that you’re in the picture, there is no more late-night texting and no more all-nighter phone calls.

If he is uncomfortable telling them this, just ask him not to pick up the phone after midnight. He can reply in the morning, and I’m sure that, after a while, they’ll understand that you’ve set boundaries.

O mesmo se aplica à comunicação em geral. Acabaram-se as conversas de bebé e os elogios que estão à beira do flirt.

There is no need for heart emojis and stuff like that when they’re texting. Ask them both to keep their relationship as friendly as possible!

É aceitável que um homem numa relação tenha amigas mulheres?

Não há absolutamente nada de errado no facto de um homem numa relação ter amigasdesde que saiba como o fazer estabelecer limites com eles. Apesar do que as pessoas dizem, os homens e as mulheres podem ser amigos!

Isto é especialmente verdade se essas namoradas fizeram parte da vida dele antes de ele começar a sua relação atual.

I mean, what should he do? Stop being friends with them every time he finds a new girlfriend and then resurface whenever he’s single again?

This wouldn’t be fair to these friends, and nobody would tolerate this kind of behavior.

Para além disso, nenhuma namorada razoável pode esperar que o seu namorado apague toda a sua vida antes dela só porque ela apareceu.

É claro que isto é válido para os dois lados: não há nada de errado no facto de as pessoas que estão numa relação terem amigos do sexo oposto.

O que fazer quando o namorado tem uma amiga íntima?

If you’re smart enough, you also become friends with this woman! Don’t worry, she doesn’t have to become your BFF overnight. After all, I sure hope that you have a life of your own that includes numerous close friendships you’ve built before your relationship.

No entanto, it would be great if you could at least be on good terms with your BF’s friend. This way, you’ll gain better insight into what’s going on between the two of them. You won’t feel like an outsider, and you’ll have more control over their relationship.

If that’s not possible, you must ask your boyfriend to set some clear boundaries. Make sure you both agree on these boyfriend female friends boundaries instead of making it look like you’re the bad guy who is suddenly imposing all these new rules.

Either way, you shouldn’t disrespect this woman. After all, she is in your BF’s life for a reason. Of course, this doesn’t apply to situations when she is the first to show you disrespect!

Porque é que o meu namorado tem amigas mulheres?

O teu namorado tem amigas pela mesma razão que ele amigos homensO que acontece é que as pessoas que ele gosta são as que têm a mesma energia que ele, porque são confiáveis ou porque gosta de passar tempo com elas. Na maioria dos casos, não existe uma psicologia mais profunda escondida por detrás das suas amizades femininas.

It’s clear that he’s found something in each one of his good friends. Maybe he likes their loyalty, the fact that he can count on them, or they make him laugh, and he enjoys being in their company.

Just because your BF doesn’t spend all of his time with his guy friends and hangs out with women as well doesn’t mean that ele tem problemas com a mamã ou que lhe falta algo na vossa relação romântica.

He’s probably been through a lot with his friends of the opposite sex, and he’s not going to ditch them just because you’re not okay with it.

How Do I Accept My Boyfriend’s Female Friends?

Antes de mais nada, you have to stop looking at your boyfriend’s melhor amiga como concorrência. If you’ve gotten to know these girls and seen that nobody crosses the line of friendship, there is nothing to be worried about.

Think of it this way: they have been friends longer than you two have been dating. That means they’ve had plenty of time to realize whether there is something more going on between them. They’ve had the chance to grow feelings for each other and to start a relationship – if they wanted to.

However, none of this ever happened. So, why do you think they would start something when you’re in the picture? It makes no sense!

Here’s some relationship advice: If you’re smart enough, you won’t be jealous of your BF’s amigos do sexo oposto. On the contrary, you’ll turn them into your friends as well.

This way, you’ll have allies in his life – I’m sure these women will give you advice or even tell you his secrets if you play your cards right.

Para terminar:

All of these boyfriend female friends boundaries are useful and will help you maintain a healthy relationship. However, it will all be in vain if the parties involved don’t agree with them.

What’s the point of demanding all these rules be followed if your boyfriend refuses to impose them? It’s one thing that he has a amiga. No entanto, se he doesn’t put your relationship first and prioritizes this woman over you, you’ve got yourself a problem.

Nevertheless, even then, it’s crucial for you to remember: this woman isn’t your primary concern – your boyfriend is! He is the one who should love and respect you enough to set up clear boundaries without you having to ask him to do so!