Homens e mulheres nunca podem ser "apenas amigos" (ou podem?)

As mulheres e os homens podem ser "apenas amigos"? É possível ter uma rapariga ou um rapaz amigo sem acabar por desenvolver sentimentos românticos por eles?

Here’s something interesting, almost all of my romantic relationships started with that famous saying, “Oh, we’re just friends.”

Lembro-me perfeitamente de outras pessoas me perguntarem sobre aquele rapaz com quem eu costumava passar tanto tempo. Sempre que alguém me perguntava se estávamos juntos, eu ria-me imediatamente de uma forma sarcástica.

I felt in a way offended by others asking me such questions because I couldn’t imagine being in a romantic relationship with him – my guy best friend.

After some time, I “somehow magically” changed my opinion. Actually, I was scared of myself because I didn’t even know that those feelings existed in me until then.

Nunca tinha sonhado em apaixonar-me pelo meu melhor amigo (repeti esta frase demasiadas vezes na minha cabeça).

I wasn’t only mad at myself but at the whole universe for not giving us a chance to be “just friends” with people of the opposite gender.

But then again, I still have other guy friends with whom I haven’t fallen in love “yet.” I guess the keyword here is the word YET (or maybe not).

Is it possible for a man and a woman to be “just friends” without eventually falling for each other?

Given that this is a complex matter and there is no right or wrong answer, I’ll just express my personal opinion in the hope that this will help you find an answer or a hypothesis for yourself.

My personal opinion is that men and women can be “just friends,” but chances are that at some point, they will fall for each other.

They say that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. That cliché perfectly describes the differences between men and women.

Well, there is probably a reason why we’re so different from each other.

To understand it better, let’s list a few things (read: gender stereotypes) that are characteristic of men and women:

• Ao contrário dos homens, as mulheres gostam de falar muito.
• Ao contrário das mulheres, os homens têm dificuldade em exprimir os seus sentimentos.
• Ao contrário dos homens, as mulheres são mais sensíveis.
• Ao contrário das mulheres, os homens gostam de se gabar e de mostrar a sua força e masculinidade.

If we look closely at the above list, we can draw some logical conclusions. For example, women like to hang out with men because they don’t talk that much, which means they will listen to them.

Or men like to hang out with women because they are more sensitive, which helps them open up and be vulnerable. You see, the reason why we’re so different is that we’re supposed to complement each other.

Both men and women offer something that the other gender doesn’t. So, yes, it is not only possible to be “just friends” with the opposite sex, but it is necessary.

Todas as raparigas deviam ter um melhor amigo homem e vice-versa.

By surrounding ourselves with different types of people and people from the opposite gender, we learn new perspectives, understanding how the opposite gender functions – we are evolving.

No entanto, estas diferenças podem também atrair-nos a um nível mais profundo para o sexo oposto

Sabem tudo um sobre o outro, falam sobre os vossos medos, sonhos, têm uma extensa lista de piadas internas e sentem que ele é a única pessoa que vos compreende verdadeiramente.

But you are still “just friends” with them. Now, the question is: Durante quanto tempo?

At some point, you might find yourself re-reading their texts before going to sleep, listening to their favorite song on repeat, and fantasizing about being more than “just friends.”

A dada altura, pode começar a procurar sinais de que o teu amigo sente algo por ti (or your girl friend) while still convincing yourself that you haven’t developed romantic feelings for them.

Talvez ela ou gosta mais de si do que de um amigo, mas tem demasiado medo de o admitir. Talvez ambos sintam o mesmo, mas nenhum de vós é suficientemente corajoso para o admitir ou falar sobre isso.

You don’t want to ruin your friendship because of something more meaningful you might have in the future. Should I repeat the previous sentence?

Deixem-me dizer-vos uma coisa. A amizade é uma das relações mais poderosas de todas.

Everything stems from friendship. The greatest relationships have started with two people being “just friends,” which brings us to another hypothesis:

Being “just friends” is sometimes just a bridge to something more meaningful and larger than ourselves.

Yes, men and women can be “just friends,” but they can also be more than that. Not every friendship is bound to turn into something more meaningful (romantic), which is totally okay.

But sometimes, the reason why you were “just friends” is that you were meant to evolve and become lovers. O que acontece é que as pessoas perdem demasiado tempo a pensar e a definir as coisas.

Why aren’t we be able to do both? Why do people of the opposite gender have to be categorized as either “just friends” or lovers?

When we stop thinking about it and embrace every possible outcome of a friendship (or the lack of thereof), we’ll stop forcing this unnecessary categorization and unpopular or popular opinion.

I’m aware that by saying this, I’m directly criticizing my own story, but maybe that was my intention after all; to make a hypothesis in the title and then prove how it can be wrong.

No entanto, aprender a evitar apaixonar-se por um amigo pode (por vezes) ser um verdadeiro salva-vidas

While there’s nothing wrong with you two being more than “just friends,” still, if you for some reason don’t feel comfortable with that idea, you need to master how to avoid falling in love with your friend.

Permitam-me que comece este mini-guia por dizer que as nossas mentes são verdadeiramente magníficas. Pode treinar-se para não sentir nada por alguém, estabelecendo simplesmente algumas regras básicas:

• Definam a vossa amizade.

Always remind yourself of why you became friends in the first place. Treat your friend of the opposite gender as your family member so that you’re not tempted to think about them as a potential lover.

Mais importante ainda, continue a sair com outras pessoas e sinta-se à vontade para falar sobre outros rapazes ou raparigas sem se preocupar em fazer ciúmes ao seu amigo.

Well, your friend shouldn’t be jealous, and you shouldn’t be worrying about that in the first place.

• Estabelecer limites.

Avoid holding hands (if you don’t want to be perceived as a legit couple), avoid snuggling intimately, or kissing.

Also, try limiting time spent with them. Remember that they are not, and they should not be your only friend. You’re supposed to hang out with other people as well, go on dates, and so on.

• Passar o tempo em grupos em vez de apenas um a um.

Passar o tempo apenas com uma pessoa pode ser um hábito arriscado. Em vez disso, tente passar tempo em grupos, incluindo também os seus outros amigos.

O objetivo aqui é evitar estar demasiado concentrado neles ou estabelecer uma ligação apenas com eles.

Se o seu amigo continuar a preferir estar só a sós, não hesite em inventar desculpas. Além disso, quando estiver a passar tempo a sós, prefira locais públicos em vez do seu apartamento.

We all know what it means when someone invites you to dinner at their place. If you add wine to the equation, there you have it: From being “just friends” to lovers.

• Encontrar distracções.

If you notice that you’re catching feelings for them, it’s important to find distractions and surround yourself with other people.

Decrease the amount of time spent with them, go for a walk (without them!), draw something, watch TV shows, go for a drink with some of your friends you haven’t seen in a while.

By distracting yourself, you’ll protect yourself from developing even more feelings for them.

Still, if you notice that it is impossible to distract yourself from thinking about them, you might as well tell them how you feel (but only if you’re ready to become something more).

“A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other… Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever.” – Dave Matthews

A friendship is a promise that you’ll always be there for each other no matter what. That promise sometimes evolves into deeper feelings followed by a romantic relationship.

A guy and a girl can be “just friends” and time will show if they were meant to be something more than that.