Let’s be honest: nobody is overjoyed that their partner has friends of the opposite sex. Even if your boyfriend’s female friends don’t represent any danger to your relationship, deep down, you can’t help but feel threatened by their presence in his life.
So, what exactly should you do about it? Should you turn into a psycho girlfriend who expects her boyfriend’s friend to stop existing just because you appeared on the scene?
Absolutely not! Instead, I have a way better solution for you: set some boyfriend female friends boundaries.
This way, both of you can have a place in your man’s life, and everyone’s role is clearly defined!
The List Of Boyfriend Female Friends Boundaries
If you want a healthy relationship, follow these rules, and you’re good to go:
1. Your relationship comes first
Whether she likes it or not, your relationship with your boyfriend always comes first, no matter what. You don’t care how long she has been in his life or what they’ve been through. It’s not okay for him to love her more than you!
You need to set some clear boundaries regarding your time together. It’s not acceptable for him to cancel your plans to hang out with his friend or to only call you when she is too busy to spend time with him.
You’re the women he chose to share his life with, and nobody should come before you. Of course, this doesn’t mean you should be selfish and demand to be the only person he spends time with.
Yes, you’re the only woman in a romantic sense for him. And you’re his priority.
However, if his female best friend needs a hand or has an emergency, don’t make a big deal about it. If he runs off and helps her, it only shows that you’re dating a good person with a kind heart.
2. No physical contact
Let’s be honest: some friends are used to a lot of physical contact. They don’t see it as a big deal – sometimes they sleep next to each other in the same bed, tease one another, she sits on his lap, and stuff like that.
Don’t get me wrong – I’m not saying that there must be anything sexual about this. Maybe they’ve been friends their entire lives and don’t see anything wrong with this kind of contact.
However, this should be a deal-breaker when it comes to boyfriend female friends boundaries. Your BF is in a committed relationship now, and this kind of behavior is not acceptable anymore.
They’re still allowed to quickly hug or kiss each other on the cheek when they greet, but anything more than that is out of the question.
I don’t care if he thinks of her as a sister – they’re not related, and he is a human being. The last thing you need is to wonder whether he’ll get a natural bodily reaction to this woman’s presence.
3. No third-wheeling
It’s one thing if you and your boyfriend hang out with his friends in a group setting from time to time. That is a great sign that he wants to make you part of his life. But even those get-togethers shouldn’t come at the expense of your one-on-one time.
However, what is not acceptable is for his female friend to be a constant third wheel during your alone time. I mean, you two are dating – this is not a polyamorous relationship!
At the risk of sounding selfish, you shouldn’t care whether she has no one to go on vacation with or that she’s celebrating New Year’s Eve by herself. I’m not saying that the three of you can never spend time together, but please don’t become her foster carer.
Besides, just because she is your boyfriend’s BFF doesn’t mean you have the desire to spend your free time with her as well.
4. No secret conversations
Ultimatums are usually not the best choice for a healthy relationship, but sometimes, you have to issue them. This is one of those cases.
Whether he likes it or not, your significant other shouldn’t be allowed to have private conversations with his friend of the opposite gender.
This might sound unreasonable to him, but let’s put it this way: let’s say that he has a lot of female friends, but he doesn’t let you read any of the conversations he has with him.
Who can guarantee that they’re all nothing but friends? I mean, he can tell you every girl he’s flirting with is his close friend.
Of course, this doesn’t mean that you’ll read every conversation they have. It is important that you have access to their communication, so you can find out everything you need to know whenever you feel like it.
5. No trips together
Whether your significant other should go on vacation with his male friends or not is debatable. However, one of the most important boyfriend female friends boundaries is that there are no trips together.
Maybe your boyfriend had a habit of traveling with a lot of female friends, but those days are over now. Yes, that includes trips in a group setting as well.
The only way these journeys might happen is if you all go together and if you’re okay traveling with his friends. Of course, you won’t agree to your BF’s female BFF traveling with you – I’m talking about the bunch of you traveling together.
What if there is an event they need to attend? No problem, you tag along.
What if they’ve already booked a trip before you issued this ultimatum or even before you two started dating? Tough break, but they’ll have to find a way to cancel it.
6. Social media boundaries
Is your boyfriend allowed to post photos with his female BFF on his social media platforms? Is it okay for her to do it?
Well, there are multiple factors that have to be taken into consideration before I can give you a proper answer.
First of all, does your boyfriend put photos with you on his social media profiles? Are all of his followers familiar with the fact that you’re his girlfriend?
If the answer is yes, you should let him post a story every once and a while with his BFF. A permanent post is allowed when there is a special occasion.
What is crucial to note here is that he can’t have more photos with her than with you. Once again, you’re the number one woman in his life.
The same goes both ways. Don’t let her post selfies with him without any explanation – it’s natural that her followers will assume he’s her boyfriend.
7. No interfering in your relationship
The biggest red flag that your BF’s friend of the opposite gender is jealous of you is the way she interferes in your relationship. You know exactly what I’m talking about: she constantly gives him “advice” that somehow never works in your favor.
She knows every little thing that happens between you two, and sometimes you wonder if you’re dating her or him. Whenever you two argue or break up, she helps him come up with comebacks and tells him how to play his cards right.
Must I even explain why this isn’t acceptable? Yes, she is his close friend, and he has the urge to share his thoughts and feelings with her, but how does this setup make you feel?
Trust me – this is one of the most significant boyfriend female friends boundaries you’ll have to impose in time. Make it clear that your private matters shouldn’t concern anyone outside of your relationship.
8. She has to respect you
Look, it would be great if you could also become friends with this girl. However, things don’t work that way always. Maybe you two have different interests or just didn’t click from the first time you met. And that’s perfectly okay.
Basically, I’m saying that she doesn’t have to like you, as long as her negative emotions don’t affect your boyfriend. However, she must respect you.
Even if she secretly hates your guts, she should keep it to herself and respect you as her friend’s girlfriend.
The same goes for all of his other friends and family members. They have to respect his choice.
However, it all depends on how your boyfriend behaves in these situations. If he lets them badmouth you or continues hanging out with them even after they’ve insulted you or tried humiliating you in any way, I’m sorry to break it to you, but then, he’s the one who doesn’t respect you.
On the other hand, if he gives you the place you deserve in his life and if he gives you the respect he should, they’ll have no other choice but follow his lead.
9. Everything is out in the open
Remember how we talked about private conversations in male-female friendships? Well, this rule applies to everything else in their relationship.
Does this mean the two of them are not allowed to have secrets? Absolutely yes – if they could affect you in any way possible.
For example, your boyfriend is not obliged to talk to you about his friend’s childhood traumas or anything similar related to her personal life. After all, let’s not forget that he is the friend she chose – you’re not. She probably wouldn’t feel comfortable having all of her secrets exposed in front of a stranger, which you are to her.
Nevertheless, if they ever liked each other or, even worse, hooked up sometime in the past, this is something you must be familiar with. There shouldn’t be secrets about the nature of their friendship: how they met, how long they’ve been friends, how close they are as friends, and so on.
You have to have all this information to get a bigger picture of their relationship and figure out whether there are some red flags you should look out for and if there’s a reason for you to be jealous of her.
10. No inside jokes
Is there anything more annoying than a girl trying to prove her dominance over a man, especially in front of that man’s girlfriend, by constantly mentioning inside jokes? Of course, she never cares to explain to you what they’re talking about – she enjoys that you feel left out.
In fact, this is the primary reason she uses these jokes: to show you that there is a part of his life you know nothing about, that she knows him better than you, and that they’re so incredibly close. She just tells him: “Hey, remember that time when we were on a beach…” and starts laughing hysterically.
Then, they proceed to talk in code, and you stand there, completely clueless about what’s going on. Are they talking about that time they hooked up? Or about an embarrassing hangover they wish you know nothing about?
Well, to avoid these situations, put a ban on inside jokes.
11. Change in their communication
Your significant other has a lot of female friends – that’s quite clear. He’s probably used to talking to them in the middle of the night or spending hours on the phone together.
Well, that has to stop! I mean, the last thing you want is to be peacefully sleeping next to your boyfriend, just to be awoken by his female friend’s drunk call in the middle of the night.
You understandably wouldn’t feel comfortable in this scenario.
Now that you’re in the picture, there is no more late-night texting and no more all-nighter phone calls.
If he is uncomfortable telling them this, just ask him not to pick up the phone after midnight. He can reply in the morning, and I’m sure that, after a while, they’ll understand that you’ve set boundaries.
The same goes for their communication in general. No more baby talk and no more compliments that are borderline flirting.
There is no need for heart emojis and stuff like that when they’re texting. Ask them both to keep their relationship as friendly as possible!
Is It Ok For A Man In A Relationship To Have Female Friends?
There is absolutely nothing wrong with a guy in a relationship having female friends, as long as he knows how to set boundaries with them. Despite what people say, men and women can be friends!
This is especially true if these girlfriends were in his life before he started his current relationship.
I mean, what should he do? Stop being friends with them every time he finds a new girlfriend and then resurface whenever he’s single again?
This wouldn’t be fair to these friends, and nobody would tolerate this kind of behavior.
Besides, no reasonable girlfriend can expect her boyfriend to delete his entire life before her just because she came along.
Of course, this goes both ways: there is nothing wrong with people who are in relationships having friends of the opposite gender.
What Do You Do When Your Boyfriend Has A Close Female Friend?
If you’re smart enough, you also become friends with this woman! Don’t worry, she doesn’t have to become your BFF overnight. After all, I sure hope that you have a life of your own that includes numerous close friendships you’ve built before your relationship.
However, it would be great if you could at least be on good terms with your BF’s friend. This way, you’ll gain better insight into what’s going on between the two of them. You won’t feel like an outsider, and you’ll have more control over their relationship.
If that’s not possible, you must ask your boyfriend to set some clear boundaries. Make sure you both agree on these boyfriend female friends boundaries instead of making it look like you’re the bad guy who is suddenly imposing all these new rules.
Either way, you shouldn’t disrespect this woman. After all, she is in your BF’s life for a reason. Of course, this doesn’t apply to situations when she is the first to show you disrespect!
Why Does My Boyfriend Have Female Friends?
Your boyfriend has female friends for the same reason he has male friends: because they match his energy, he finds them trustworthy or just enjoys spending time with them. In most cases, there is no deeper psychology hidden behind his female friendships.
It’s clear that he’s found something in each one of his good friends. Maybe he likes their loyalty, the fact that he can count on them, or they make him laugh, and he enjoys being in their company.
Just because your BF doesn’t spend all of his time with his guy friends and hangs out with women as well doesn’t mean that he has mommy issues or that he is missing something in your romantic relationship.
He’s probably been through a lot with his friends of the opposite sex, and he’s not going to ditch them just because you’re not okay with it.
How Do I Accept My Boyfriend’s Female Friends?
First and foremost, you have to stop looking at your boyfriend’s female best friend as competition. If you’ve gotten to know these girls and seen that nobody crosses the line of friendship, there is nothing to be worried about.
Think of it this way: they have been friends longer than you two have been dating. That means they’ve had plenty of time to realize whether there is something more going on between them. They’ve had the chance to grow feelings for each other and to start a relationship – if they wanted to.
However, none of this ever happened. So, why do you think they would start something when you’re in the picture? It makes no sense!
Here’s some relationship advice: If you’re smart enough, you won’t be jealous of your BF’s friends of the opposite sex. On the contrary, you’ll turn them into your friends as well.
This way, you’ll have allies in his life – I’m sure these women will give you advice or even tell you his secrets if you play your cards right.
To Wrap Up:
All of these boyfriend female friends boundaries are useful and will help you maintain a healthy relationship. However, it will all be in vain if the parties involved don’t agree with them.
What’s the point of demanding all these rules be followed if your boyfriend refuses to impose them? It’s one thing that he has a female friend. However, if he doesn’t put your relationship first and prioritizes this woman over you, you’ve got yourself a problem.
Nevertheless, even then, it’s crucial for you to remember: this woman isn’t your primary concern – your boyfriend is! He is the one who should love and respect you enough to set up clear boundaries without you having to ask him to do so!