19 coisas que você deve saber sobre namorar um homem casado

Namorar um homem casado is one of the things every girl swore she’d never do. However, life often has a way of proving us wrong.

You don’t know how exactly it happened, but you got the title of the other woman. You never planned for this to happen, and it is certainly not the fairytale kind of romance you’ve dreamt of.

As much as you try, you can’t find a way to resist the thrill this affair brings you. On the other hand, you know that dating a married man is a road to disaster.

This toxic relationship makes you feel miserable, and you can’t believe that you settled for being some guy’s second choice. Besides, you’re not proud of getting yourself into this mess, are you?

Well, having these doubts means that you’re on the right track. You just need some guidance, and this is the place to get it.

Aqui estão alguns verdades que abrem os olhos sobre amar e namorar um homem casado.

8 perguntas reveladoras para fazer a si própria quando namora um homem casado

The entire world can join forces to drag you away from this guy, but you won’t come to your senses until you see things how they are by yourself. I’m not here to give you any lectures.

Instead, I’ll just ask you to give honest answers to the following questions. I promise you – once you do, everything will be crystal clear.

Ver também: Os homens casados têm saudades das suas amantes? 7 razões para isso

É correto sair com um homem casado?

Em circunstâncias normais, seria absurdo dar uma resposta a esta pergunta. Come on, isn’t it obvious?

However, I’m not here to judge you. Besides, it’s pretty clear that you’re having second thoughts about your relationship – otherwise, you wouldn’t be here.

Há casos em que a outra mulher is perfectly aware of what she’s doing. She knows that she is making a huge mistake, but she simply can’t go against her heart.

Este tipo de mulheres é consumido pela culpa. Consideram-se as únicas responsáveis pela desagregação de uma família.

The boyfriend’s wife is constantly in these women’s heads. The self-blame is eating them alive, but not enough to make them stop with their affair.

On the other hand, there is a type of girl who is completely guilt-free. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about.

This girl lives as if she is in a “normal” relationship. She couldn’t care less about her boyfriend’s wife. After all, he is the one who made his wife some promises and the one who is backstabbing her.

According to this point of view, the mistress holds no responsibility whatsoever. She isn’t being unfaithful and she is only chasing her own happiness.

While the first approach is all about guilt, the other one is all about self-deception. Basically, it’s dead heat as to which one is worse.

The important thing is that no matter what you think, having a romantic relationship with a married man is WRONG. I’m not telling you to stop dating him nor do I blame you for this situation, but let’s be clear with this.

Love him as much as you want or even continue dating him, but that doesn’t make it right.

Ele está a ser honesto comigo?

Now that we have that sorted out, it’s time for a little bit of selfishness. After all, you’re your own priority here and that’s how things should roll.

É que a maior parte dos homens casados (se não todos) tem uma história semelhante. Mas, apesar de estarem familiarizadas com cada uma destas frases clichés, cada vez mais raparigas continuam a cair nelas.

Porquê? Porque um homem casado dir-lhe-á todas as coisas certas que quer ouvir.

That’s why you must ask yourself if he’s being honest with you.

Nenhum homem virá ter consigo com a história de que o seu casamento caiu na rotina e que está apenas à procura de diversão.

He won’t tell you that he doesn’t plan on leaving his significant other in a million years.

In that case, every girl would just turn around and walk away. That’s why a married guy will always say that his current relationship is on the verge of a breakdown.

You’re the one he confesses his deepest, darkest secrets to. He hasn’t had an honest conversation with his wife in years and his marriage is just a piece of paper.

Ou ele já pediu o divórcio antes de se conhecerem? Mas a bruxa da mulher dele está a empatar o processo. Ela está a chantageá-lo ou a ameaçar levar os filhos.

The examples are endless, but I’m sure you know the drill. However, there are some cases when all of this is true. They’re rare, but they do exist.

So, you know this man to the core of his being, don’t you? Well, it’s up to you to be completely honest with yourself and decide if you’ll believe him or not.

Serei eu o seu primeiro caso?

Ser infiel is not a big deal for some men. There are a bunch of married guys who continue living their lives as a bachelor even after saying “I do”.

They see this as a way of extramarital fun – something that revives the spark in their current relationship. But, every time their wife is about to find out about their activities, they return to their nests as if nothing happened.

Ou, simplesmente, aborrecem-se com uma rapariga que arrastaram consigo durante muito tempo. Seja como for, estes são os homens que nunca mudarão o seu estilo de vida.

They’ll keep on jumping from one woman to another as long as they have the chance to. They’re adúlteros em série, and if you fall into their trap – run for your life ASAP.

Por outro lado, há homens que simplesmente se apaixonam por outra pessoa fora do seu casamento. Neste caso, essa outra pessoa é você.

Look, I won’t justify this. It’s a well-known fact that you must end one relationship before starting anything new.

But hey, we’re all human beings made out of flesh and blood. So, whether we like it or not, these things happen.

Este tipo de homem casado tem mais probabilidades de terminar a sua relação atual. Ele tem consciência de que cometeu um erro, mas viver uma vida dupla não é a sua especialidade.

Como é que ele fala da mulher?

I know that you’d be the happiest person in the world if your boyfriend badmouthed his wife. That must mean that he doesn’t want to have anything to do with her, right?

Well, I can’t emphasize enough how wrong you are.

Antes de mais nada, you don’t want him to hate her. “Why”, you must ask. Well, hatred is an emotion, isn’t it? Besides, it’s a thin line between loving and hating someone.

Besides, if he is angry or resentful – he is clearly not indifferent. In fact, this might be just a defense mechanism.

It’s quite possible that he actually cares for his wife deeply, but refuses to admit this to anyone, including himself. Either way, it’s apparent that there is still some strong passion present.

A principal razão pela qual you shouldn’t rejoice at this guy talking trash about his wife is the fact that his behavior shows what kind of a person he is.

Come on, isn’t it enough that he is going behind her back? Not only that: now, he badmouths her with his mistress to humiliate her some more.

Sim, a mulher dele pode ter todas essas características tóxicas de que ele está sempre a falar, mas, nesse caso, porque é que ele ainda está casado com uma pessoa como ela?

Será ele cobarde para lhe dizer tudo o que sente e pensa dela, diretamente na cara?

Que tipo de tratamento pode esperar dele no futuro?

Esta é a mulher com quem ele queria passar o resto da vida e só esse facto já merece respeito. Por isso, prepare-se para que ele a trate ainda pior se vocês se separarem.

On the other hand, you don’t want your boyfriend to talk to you about how he loves his wife either. As sick as that sounds, trust me – it happens.

The best possible version would be a man who still has some respect for his wife, despite his affair. He doesn’t blame her for the state of their marriage nor does he share the details of their past with you.

Instead, he just tells you that things aren’t working out anymore, that the true love they shared faded away or that his marriage doesn’t look the way he imagined it to be.

Ele tem filhos?

Kids should never be the main reason for a marriage to continue. However, nobody can tell you that they don’t make a crucial difference.

Therefore, you have to put them on a scale. It’s one thing if your boyfriend has no children with his wife.

Desta forma, se ele acabar por se divorciar dela, já não haverá nada que os una. Além disso, o processo de divórcio será muito mais fácil e rápido, especialmente se não tiverem bens comuns.

No entanto, se forem pais, serão co-pais para o resto das suas vidas.

It doesn’t matter if he marries you or someone else or if she moves on with her life – there will always be something connecting them.

I’m not saying this to scare you off nor am I talking about an emotional connection here. I just want you to be perfectly aware of what you’re getting yourself into.

This is especially true if we’re talking about younger children. When the two of them split, you can’t forbid your boyfriend from talking to his ex-wife.

Provavelmente, ficarão com a guarda conjunta. Apesar de ser mais provável que as crianças fiquem a viver com a mãe, continuarão a visitá-lo.

This means that eventually, you’ll become their stepmother. Of course, this doesn’t have to happen right away, but if a man is leaving his wife for you, you two moving in together or getting married is probably the next step.

Is this the role you’re ready to take? No, you won’t have to replace their mother (nor should you ever try doing so!), but they will certainly become a part of your life.

How do you plan on handling this? How do you think you’ll deal with the fact that they’ll probably hate your guts, at least in the beginning?

Is all of this too much for you? Do you think you have what it takes to live with a man who has a family you’ll never be a part of?

O seu divórcio faz parte do futuro previsível?

We’ve already established the fact that married guys (read: jogadores casados) costumam prometer às suas amantes que o divórcio está prestes a acontecer. Mas, na maioria dos casos, isso não passa de um engano.

This is nothing but this man’s way of keeping you around. Maybe he is lying to himself as well, but the truth is that there are a lot of guys in this situation who never file for a divorce.

Por isso, por favor, pergunte-se: é este o caso do seu namorado? Ou será que o divórcio dele faz parte de um futuro previsível?

Don’t lie to yourself. Let’s disregard your hopes and wishes. Instead, look at things as realistically as possible.

Tire os óculos cor-de-rosa e pergunte a si próprio se a sua situação está a avançar de alguma forma ou se está num ponto morto.

Este homem fez alguma coisa para provar as suas intenções? Saiu de casa? Falou com a mulher sobre o divórcio? Ele iniciou o processo?

Ou será que ele não fez literalmente mais nada para além de a enganar e de lhe fazer falsas promessas? Continua a fazer desculpas vazias sempre que se fala no assunto?

Esta pergunta pode ser a mais importante de todas. It’s the one that gives you a clear light on your relationship. It helps you understand if this forbidden romance has a future or if it is doomed to fail.

Quanto tempo é que isto dura?

I’ll be brutally honest about one thing: if you have been dating a married man for years, but he hasn’t done anything about his marital status, things will never change.

Come on, let’s be real: if he hasn’t filed for divorce throughout all these years, what makes you think that this time will be different?

I know you’ve heard a million excuses. “It’s just not the time yet”. “My wife is emotionally blackmailing me”. “Please, give me some more time”. “Wait until the kids grow a little older, so they can understand what’s going on.”

A lista continua. As desculpas estão a mudar, mas a sua situação continua a ser a mesma.

On the other hand, if you two have just started dating, you can’t expect him to leave his entire life overnight. I know it sounds harsh, but he is probably still not certain whether you’re algo temporário.

És suficientemente digna para que ele se afaste da sua família? Isto é apenas paixão ou é amor verdadeiro?

Ambos precisam de tempo para obter respostas a estas perguntas.

Basicamente, tem mais hipóteses de acabar com este homem se já estiverem juntos há tempo suficiente para perceberem que é o momento certo.

On the other hand, your relationship doesn’t last too long, so he objectively didn’t have the chance to end things in his marriage.

O que é que esta relação significa para mim?

Until now, we’ve focused on your boyfriend’s deepest feelings and intentions. But, what about you?

O que é que esta relação representa para si? É apenas um caso casual ou tens a certeza? you’ve found your soulmate?

Olha, eu sei que a atração física pode ser intensa. Tem uma maneira de nos cegar para não vermos bem.

However, trust me: it’s not worth it. If you’re not sure about your emotions, let it go.

Once you sober up and the butterflies in your belly fly away, you’ll realize what you’ve done. You’ll see that you two have ruined a family for some vestigial attraction that never meant much.

Por outro lado, a situação é completamente diferente se ambos souberem que querem envelhecer juntos apesar das circunstâncias.

Quais são as desvantagens de namorar um homem casado?

It’s time to check out these shocking facts that apply to every extra-marital affair. Em vez de fugir da verdade, seja suficientemente corajoso para a olhar diretamente nos olhos!

You’ll waste years on him.

A maioria das mulheres passa anos a namorar com um homem casado. De facto, de acordo com os especialistas em relações, a maioria destas relações não tem qualquer futuro.

Don’t get me wrong: I’m not claiming that you two will be a part of the statistics. But, it is a possible scenario that you have to be prepared for.

The harsh truth is that it’s most likely that you’ll end up wasting years of your life on this man. This is especially devastating if you’re a younger girl who dreams of starting a family.

Mas pode não ter essa oportunidade se continuar a sair com este homem.

Está pronto para passar anos em quartos de hotel degradados?

Está disposta a abdicar de algumas coisas habituais, como publicar uma fotografia com o seu filho nas redes sociais, segurar a mão dele em público, ir de férias sem ter de se esconder do mundo inteiro ou simplesmente ir a um café onde as pessoas a possam ver?

There he is, living his life as if you don’t exist. On the other hand, you put yours on hold, patiently waiting for him to choose you and make up his mind.

As vésperas do Ano Novo, Valentine’s Days, Christmas Eves, holidays… He’ll always be with his wife while you’ll spend them alone.

It’s easier while you’re younger. You have your friends, but as time goes by, this will start to bother you more and more.

Olha, não há nada de errado em estar sozinho quando you’re single. In this case, you’d probably enjoy your single life and you’d know this is what you chose.

But, it is something else to be in a relationship where you’re alone, and this is exactly how these affairs look like.

O que acontece quando o seu relógio biológico começa a contar (se quiser ter filhos)? Culpá-lo-ás por te ter roubado os melhores anos da tua vida?

Well, reality check: you’ll be the only one guilty for giving it to him.

People don’t change.

I assume what you must think: He’s not like this. He is not an adulterer by nature. He did this with me only because we fell in love.

Mas será que isto é mesmo verdade? Como é que se pode confiar neste homemMesmo que ele cumpra todas as suas promessas?

I get it: you don’t like his wife, which is perfectly natural. However, let’s look at things realistically.

Esta é uma mulher a quem ele jurou lealdade. Uma mulher a quem jurou ficar ao lado durante todos os dias bons e maus e uma mulher que provavelmente deu à luz os seus filhos.

Esta é uma mulher com quem ele construiu uma vida e passou anos ao lado. No entanto, nada disso o impediu de cometer adultério.

Ele traiu-a da pior maneira que uma mulher pode ser traída. Ele humilhou-a e esmagou as suas esperanças e sonhos.

Então, o que é que acha exatamente que o impede de lhe fazer o mesmo? De que outro sinal de alerta de potencial infidelidade precisa?

Ele diz que te ama? He assures you he’ll never leave you?

Bem, ele fez-lhe as mesmas promessas um milhão de vezes e quebrou-as todas.

Além disso, o karma encontra uma forma de nos compensar. I don’t have the intention to scare you. Please know that all of this can happen to you years from now.

One day, you’ll be a married woman. How would it feel to know that your husband is having an affair?

Provavelmente ele está apenas a usar-te.

Yes, there are married men who fall in love with their mistresses – there is no doubt about that. However, in most cases, they’re just using them for fun.

You see, this man’s marriage is not what it used to be. The two of them aren’t in love as they were back when they were dating.

These things happen. It’s hard to keep the passion alive when you wake up next to the same person for years. This is often the case when kids come.

A mulher passa agora a ser também a mãe e, quer queira quer não, tem de prestar muito mais atenção a este novo ser humano que trouxe ao mundo.

Consequentemente, o marido recebe menos atenção. Ou então, ele não se sente atraído por ela como antes.

Maybe she gained some extra weight. Maybe he doesn’t see the woman he fell in love with anymore.

Afinal, agora, está a mudar fraldas, tem um cheiro a comida de bebé no cabelo ou a criança vomita-lhe em cima de vez em quando.

On the other hand, there you are. Young and stunning. You don’t nag about him not being home enough, you’re not worried about paying the bills and you don’t yell at the kids.

Que mais pode um homem desejar? Basicamente, tem tudo aquilo por que ele se apaixonou pela sua mulher.

So, naturally, he falls for you hard. He doesn’t care too much about your personality, and he doesn’t think of your future together.

For this man, you’re not even real. You’re just an illusion – an escape from his everyday problems and responsibilities.

After all this time, he feels young again. When he is with you, he doesn’t think about paying the mortgage or mowing the lawn – he gets to enjoy himself.

Not only that: you also fulfill all of his fantasies in the bedroom. You’re never tired nor do you suffer from headaches every few days.

You’re always dressed to impress, your hair is perfect and your make-up is spotless. It’s like he’s got himself a personal, customized doll.

No entanto, Passado algum tempo, a realidade atinge-o com força na cabeça. Percebe que tudo isto foi longe demais e regressa à sua casa destruída, tentando salvá-la a todo o custo.

Os contras ultrapassam os prós.

Ama este homem. Gosta de passar tempo com ele e ele trouxe alegria à sua vida. Apesar de ele ser um adúltero, no fundo, sabe que ele é um bom homem.

Portanto, estes são os prós. Se olhar apenas para isto, toda a gente lhe dirá para ir em frente. Luta pelo homem da tua vida. Tudo é justo no amor e na guerra, certo?

Bem, nem por isso. Há algumas situações em que é preciso estabelecer limites.

Let’s talk about the disadvantages. Ele pode estar a usar-te. You’ll spend years waiting for a miracle that will never come.

Mesmo que o faça divorciar-se, you’ll always blame yourself for tearing the family apart.

As coisas estão mais claras agora? Trust me: in the current situation, the cons almost always outweigh the pros. It’s just not worth it and you’ll figure that out on your own sooner or later.

It’ll ruin your reputation.

You don’t need to justify your actions to anyone. After all, you are not a people pleaser whose only goal is to get others’ approval.

However, I have to warn you: dating a married man might ruin your reputation in the long run. It doesn’t mean that you’re promiscuous.

Nevertheless, even when this affair ends, your potential boyfriend might look at you through it. You will also probably be judged for interfering in someone’s marriage.

Even your best friends and family members won’t support your decision. They might understand it, but deep down, they’ll be against it.

Como lidar com o namoro com um homem casado?

Uma coisa é certa: deve pôr fim ao seu caso a todo o custo. No entanto, se insiste em continuar com esta farsa, pelo menos siga os bons conselhos que lhe foram dados e jogue bem as suas cartas.

Partir coisas.

If you ask me: “How do you date a married man successfully”, there is only one valid answer to this question: YOU DON’T.

Por conseguinte, um bom conselho é quebrar coisas as soon as possible. I know it’s hard, but please trust me – it’s the best decision you’ll ever make.

You should at least try doing it despite all the love you might feel for him. Come on, you’re a big girl and you can do it!

Don’t get me wrong: I’m not advising you to make this move because it’s the right thing to do. Yes, your conscience should be clear and you should take the fact that this is not moral into account.

However, I’m asking you to be a little selfish here. End this affair before it ends you emotionally and mentally.

That is what the most probable outcome of your relationship is: you’ll be heartbroken beyond repair and your life will shatter into pieces.

Yes, there is a chance that things won’t end this tragically. However, this is not a risk worth taking.

Ir nenhum contactoA partir do momento em que o homem se tornou um homem, cortou todos os laços com ele e esqueceu-se que ele existia.

You’ll grieve over losing him – there is no doubt about that. And, I won’t lie to you: by doing this, you’ll break your own heart.

No entanto, neste caso, tem a possibilidade de voltar a colá-la. De facto, é exatamente isso que vai acontecer: vai curar-se e isso será apenas uma parte do seu passado amargo.

Don’t put your life on hold.

If you decide to stay in this relationship despite all of these warnings, I’ll beg you one thing: don’t put your life on hold.

You’re a mistress and your love life can’t be solved until this man makes a decision. However, that doesn’t mean that you should spend years patiently waiting for him to do it.

Tenha sempre em mente que o seu namorado é não comprometido consigo. Por isso, o pior que podes permitir é que ele te enjaule.

O que é que devia fazer exatamente? Ficar num quarto escuro todos os fins-de-semana que ele passa com a família?

Deverá estar disponível sempre que ele se lembrar que existe? Será que toda a tua vida se deve transformar numa espera interminável para que este homem arranje tempo para te dar alguma atenção?

If you’re stuck in this relationship, use this time for some self-improvement. Don’t ditch your friends because he might call, don’t skip the gym because this is the only time he can come.

Muitas amantes acabam por fazer isto sem nunca o terem planeado.

Before you know it, you no longer go to the movies simply because he can’t come along, you don’t take vacations because he doesn’t want you traveling without him and you don’t invite your best friend over because your lover might march into your apartment if he gets the chance to.

Sem darmos por isso, damos por nós a adormecer completamente vestidos com o telemóvel nas mãos, à espera de um telefonema que nunca chega.

E, quando damos por isso, perdemos a vida enquanto ele está a viver a sua própria vida, completamente indiferente.

Faz-lhe um ultimato.

So, you’re sure that this is the real deal. You want this man for yourself and you’ve had enough of sharing him with his wife.

E não é só isso: ele diz que também a ama. Continua a prometer-lhe que vai pedir o divórcio.

Theoretically, you two are on the same page. However, practically, you’re stuck in the same spot for years.

Nesse caso, faça-lhe um ultimato. Dê-lhe um prazo até ao qual ele tem de fazer algo concreto para o vosso futuro juntos.

Caso contrário, deixá-lo-á sem a intenção de voltar.

The most important thing here is to be serious. Don’t make empty threats that you’re not ready to go through with.

If he doesn’t do anything, you have to walk away. Don’t take him back until he keeps his promise.

Trust me: this is the only way for him to respect you. In all other cases, he’ll consider you as a fool he can play with for as long as he wants.

Don’t stand between him and his children.

Faças o que fizeres, nunca te metas entre este homem e os seus filhos. Mesmo que ele se divorcie, continua a ser o pai deles e nunca se deve esquecer disso.

Se por acaso ele se tornar um pai solteiro, don’t turn into an evil stepmother. Don’t make him choose between you and them because you will lose.

Most importantly: don’t look at his kids through their mother. You might hate her guts, but they don’t deserve your animosity.

After all, they see you as someone who ruined their family – not the other way around. I know he made that choice, but it’s easier for them to blame you than their own father.

Don’t disrespect his wife.

When you’re dating a married man, you can’t blame his wife for him not being yours. To be straight, she shouldn’t blame you for him being unfaithful either.

No entanto, isto é o que muitas mulheres tendem a fazer. Lutam pelos homens que ambas amam e vêem-se como arqui-inimigas.

Nevertheless, along the way, you both forget who the only one responsible for your miseries is: the man you love, that’s right.

So please, don’t you ever disrespect his wife. This goes for the situation when she becomes an ex as well.

Don’t think that you’ll get him to leave her if you send her proof of your relationship. Don’t meddle in their marriage, don’t insult her, and don’t badmouth her.

Of course, nobody expects you to like her. It’s reasonable that you see her as competition, but that can’t be an excuse for any kind of disrespect.

Don’t date other men.

I’d be the happiest if I could tell you to go to the piscina de encontros. Technically, you’re a single woman and your boyfriend has no right to be jealous.

You share him with his wife, so the least he deserves is to share you with other men as well. This is the only way you’d give him a taste of his own medicine.

However, I’m here to advise you of something completely the opposite. I’m here to tell you not to date other guys while you’re dating a married man.

No, I’m not saying this out of respect for your boyfriend. I’m saying it because of you.

Antes de mais, seria injusto arrastar mais alguém para esta confusão. A última coisa que o vosso triângulo amoroso precisa é de um quarto membro.

Além disso, e se conheceres um rapaz giro de quem acabas por gostar mesmo? E se te apaixonares por ele enquanto ainda amas o teu namorado casado?

You’ll just end up with a bunch of conflicting emotions and another problem you don’t need on your back.

Se se envolver numa relação, estará a ser infiel a esse novo homem. Isso significa que seria praticamente igual ao seu namorado casado.

You’d hurt an innocent person just to get back at someone who is breaking your heart. We both know that you’re better than that.

Por favor, suspender a sua vida amorosa até liquidar as suas contas.

Esqueça os encontros online, dar falsas esperanças àquele rapaz giro que tenta namoriscar, ou conhecer novos homens até a sua situação atual estar resolvida.

Para terminar:

I’ll be honest with you: dating a married man is a bad thing. Nevertheless, it doesn’t automatically make you a bad person.

Whatever happens with you two, be aware that you’ll regret this affair in the long run. However, this doesn’t mean that you’re doomed because of it.

Don’t let this one mistake define you. Rise from the ashes and see it as a valuable lesson instead of letting it destroy you.