Dating a married man is one of the things every girl swore she’d never do. However, life often has a way of proving us wrong.
You don’t know how exactly it happened, but you got the title of the other woman. You never planned for this to happen, and it is certainly not the fairytale kind of romance you’ve dreamt of.
As much as you try, you can’t find a way to resist the thrill this affair brings you. On the other hand, you know that dating a married man is a road to disaster.
This toxic relationship makes you feel miserable, and you can’t believe that you settled for being some guy’s second choice. Besides, you’re not proud of getting yourself into this mess, are you?
Well, having these doubts means that you’re on the right track. You just need some guidance, and this is the place to get it.
Here are some eye-opening truths about loving and dating a married man.
8 Revealing Questions To Ask Yourself When Dating A Married Man
The entire world can join forces to drag you away from this guy, but you won’t come to your senses until you see things how they are by yourself. I’m not here to give you any lectures.
Instead, I’ll just ask you to give honest answers to the following questions. I promise you – once you do, everything will be crystal clear.
See also: Do Married Men Miss Their Mistresses? 7 Reasons They Do
Is it OKAY to date a married man?
In normal circumstances, it would be absurd to even give you an answer to this question. Come on, isn’t it obvious?
However, I’m not here to judge you. Besides, it’s pretty clear that you’re having second thoughts about your relationship – otherwise, you wouldn’t be here.
There are cases when the other woman is perfectly aware of what she’s doing. She knows that she is making a huge mistake, but she simply can’t go against her heart.
These types of women are consumed by guilt. They think of themselves as the only ones responsible for the breakdown of one family.
The boyfriend’s wife is constantly in these women’s heads. The self-blame is eating them alive, but not enough to make them stop with their affair.
On the other hand, there is a type of girl who is completely guilt-free. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about.
This girl lives as if she is in a “normal” relationship. She couldn’t care less about her boyfriend’s wife. After all, he is the one who made his wife some promises and the one who is backstabbing her.
According to this point of view, the mistress holds no responsibility whatsoever. She isn’t being unfaithful and she is only chasing her own happiness.
While the first approach is all about guilt, the other one is all about self-deception. Basically, it’s dead heat as to which one is worse.
The important thing is that no matter what you think, having a romantic relationship with a married man is WRONG. I’m not telling you to stop dating him nor do I blame you for this situation, but let’s be clear with this.
Love him as much as you want or even continue dating him, but that doesn’t make it right.
Is he being honest with me?
Now that we have that sorted out, it’s time for a little bit of selfishness. After all, you’re your own priority here and that’s how things should roll.
You see, most (if not all) married men have a similar storyline. But, despite being familiar with each one of these cliche phrases, more and more girls keep falling for them.
Why? Because a married man will tell you all the right things you want to hear.
That’s why you must ask yourself if he’s being honest with you.
Look, no guy will come to you with the story that his marriage has fallen into a rut and that he is just looking for some fun.
He won’t tell you that he doesn’t plan on leaving his significant other in a million years.
In that case, every girl would just turn around and walk away. That’s why a married guy will always say that his current relationship is on the verge of a breakdown.
You’re the one he confesses his deepest, darkest secrets to. He hasn’t had an honest conversation with his wife in years and his marriage is just a piece of paper.
Or, he has already filed for divorce before you two met? But, his witch of a wife is stalling the process. She is blackmailing him or threatening to take the kids.
The examples are endless, but I’m sure you know the drill. However, there are some cases when all of this is true. They’re rare, but they do exist.
So, you know this man to the core of his being, don’t you? Well, it’s up to you to be completely honest with yourself and decide if you’ll believe him or not.
Am I his first affair?
Being unfaithful is not a big deal for some men. There are a bunch of married guys who continue living their lives as a bachelor even after saying “I do”.
They see this as a way of extramarital fun – something that revives the spark in their current relationship. But, every time their wife is about to find out about their activities, they return to their nests as if nothing happened.
Or, they just get bored with a girl they dragged along for ages. Either way, these are the men who will never change their lifestyle.
They’ll keep on jumping from one woman to another as long as they have the chance to. They’re serial adulterers, and if you fall into their trap – run for your life ASAP.
On the other hand, there are men who simply fall in love with someone else outside of their marriage. In this case, that someone else is you.
Look, I won’t justify this. It’s a well-known fact that you must end one relationship before starting anything new.
But hey, we’re all human beings made out of flesh and blood. So, whether we like it or not, these things happen.
This kind of a married guy is more likely to end his current relationship. He is aware that he has made a mistake, but living a double life is not his area of expertise.
How does he talk about his wife?
I know that you’d be the happiest person in the world if your boyfriend badmouthed his wife. That must mean that he doesn’t want to have anything to do with her, right?
Well, I can’t emphasize enough how wrong you are.
First and foremost, you don’t want him to hate her. “Why”, you must ask. Well, hatred is an emotion, isn’t it? Besides, it’s a thin line between loving and hating someone.
Besides, if he is angry or resentful – he is clearly not indifferent. In fact, this might be just a defense mechanism.
It’s quite possible that he actually cares for his wife deeply, but refuses to admit this to anyone, including himself. Either way, it’s apparent that there is still some strong passion present.
The main reason why you shouldn’t rejoice at this guy talking trash about his wife is the fact that his behavior shows what kind of a person he is.
Come on, isn’t it enough that he is going behind her back? Not only that: now, he badmouths her with his mistress to humiliate her some more.
Yes, his wife might have all these toxic traits he keeps blabbing about, but in that case, why is he still married to a person like her?
Is he a coward to tell her everything he feels and thinks of her straight in the face?
What kind of treatment can YOU expect from him in the future?
This is the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with and that fact alone deserves respect. So, be prepared for him to treat you even worse if you two grow apart.
On the other hand, you don’t want your boyfriend to talk to you about how he loves his wife either. As sick as that sounds, trust me – it happens.
The best possible version would be a man who still has some respect for his wife, despite his affair. He doesn’t blame her for the state of their marriage nor does he share the details of their past with you.
Instead, he just tells you that things aren’t working out anymore, that the true love they shared faded away or that his marriage doesn’t look the way he imagined it to be.
Does he have kids?
Kids should never be the main reason for a marriage to continue. However, nobody can tell you that they don’t make a crucial difference.
Therefore, you have to put them on a scale. It’s one thing if your boyfriend has no children with his wife.
This way, if he ends up divorcing her, there will be nothing to bond them anymore. Besides, the divorce process will be much easier and faster, especially if they have no joint assets.
Nevertheless, if they are parents, they will be co-parents for the rest of their lives.
It doesn’t matter if he marries you or someone else or if she moves on with her life – there will always be something connecting them.
I’m not saying this to scare you off nor am I talking about an emotional connection here. I just want you to be perfectly aware of what you’re getting yourself into.
This is especially true if we’re talking about younger children. When the two of them split, you can’t forbid your boyfriend from talking to his ex-wife.
They will probably get joint custody. Even though it is more likely that the kids will be living with their mother, they will still visit him.
This means that eventually, you’ll become their stepmother. Of course, this doesn’t have to happen right away, but if a man is leaving his wife for you, you two moving in together or getting married is probably the next step.
Is this the role you’re ready to take? No, you won’t have to replace their mother (nor should you ever try doing so!), but they will certainly become a part of your life.
How do you plan on handling this? How do you think you’ll deal with the fact that they’ll probably hate your guts, at least in the beginning?
Is all of this too much for you? Do you think you have what it takes to live with a man who has a family you’ll never be a part of?
Is his divorce a part of the foreseeable future?
We’ve already established the fact that married guys (read: married players) usually promise their mistresses that their divorce is about to happen. But, in most cases, this is nothing but a deception.
This is nothing but this man’s way of keeping you around. Maybe he is lying to himself as well, but the truth is that there are a lot of guys in this situation who never file for a divorce.
So please, ask yourself: is this the case with your boyfriend? Or, is his divorce a part of a foreseeable future?
Don’t lie to yourself. Let’s disregard your hopes and wishes. Instead, look at things as realistically as possible.
Take off your rose-tinted glasses and ask yourself whether your situation is moving forward in any way possible or is it stuck in a dead spot?
Has this man done anything to prove his intentions? Has he moved out of the house? Has he talked to his wife about getting a divorce? Did he start the procedure?
Or, has he done literally nothing besides lead you on and give you false promises? Does he keep on making empty excuses every time you bring the subject up?
This question might be the most important of them all. It’s the one that gives you a clear light on your relationship. It helps you understand if this forbidden romance has a future or if it is doomed to fail.
How long does this last?
I’ll be brutally honest about one thing: if you have been dating a married man for years, but he hasn’t done anything about his marital status, things will never change.
Come on, let’s be real: if he hasn’t filed for divorce throughout all these years, what makes you think that this time will be different?
I know you’ve heard a million excuses. “It’s just not the time yet”. “My wife is emotionally blackmailing me”. “Please, give me some more time”. “Wait until the kids grow a little older, so they can understand what’s going on.”
The list goes on. The excuses are changing, but your situation remains the same.
On the other hand, if you two have just started dating, you can’t expect him to leave his entire life overnight. I know it sounds harsh, but he is probably still not certain whether you’re something temporary.
Are you worthy enough for him to walk away from his family? Is this just passion or is it real love?
You both need time to get answers to these questions.
Basically, you have the best chance of ending up with this guy if you two have been together long enough to realize that this is it.
On the other hand, your relationship doesn’t last too long, so he objectively didn’t have the chance to end things in his marriage.
What does this relationship mean for me?
Until now, we’ve focused on your boyfriend’s deepest feelings and intentions. But, what about you?
What does this relationship represent for you? Is it just a casual affair or are you sure you’ve found your soulmate?
Look, I know that physical attraction can be intense. It has a way of blinding you from seeing right.
However, trust me: it’s not worth it. If you’re not sure about your emotions, let it go.
Once you sober up and the butterflies in your belly fly away, you’ll realize what you’ve done. You’ll see that you two have ruined a family for some vestigial attraction that never meant much.
On the other hand, the situation is completely different if you both know that you want to grow old together despite the circumstances.
What Are The Disadvantages Of Dating A Married Man?
It’s time to check out these shocking facts that apply to every extra-marital affair. Instead of running away from the truth, be brave enough to look it straight in the eyes!
You’ll waste years on him.
Most women spend years dating a married man. In fact, according to relationship experts, most of these relationships have no future whatsoever.
Don’t get me wrong: I’m not claiming that you two will be a part of the statistics. But, it is a possible scenario that you have to be prepared for.
The harsh truth is that it’s most likely that you’ll end up wasting years of your life on this man. This is especially devastating if you’re a younger girl who dreams of starting a family.
But, you might not get that chance if you continue seeing this man.
Are you ready to spend years in shabby hotel rooms?
Are you willing to give up some usual things, such as posting a photo with your base on social media, holding his hand in public, going on a vacation without having to hide from the entire world, or just going to a coffee shop where people might see you?
There he is, living his life as if you don’t exist. On the other hand, you put yours on hold, patiently waiting for him to choose you and make up his mind.
The New Year Eves, Valentine’s Days, Christmas Eves, holidays… He’ll always be with his wife while you’ll spend them alone.
It’s easier while you’re younger. You have your friends, but as time goes by, this will start to bother you more and more.
Look, there is nothing wrong with being alone when you’re single. In this case, you’d probably enjoy your single life and you’d know this is what you chose.
But, it is something else to be in a relationship where you’re alone, and this is exactly how these affairs look like.
What happens when your biological clock starts ticking (if you want kids of your own)? Will you blame him for stealing the best years of your life?
Well, reality check: you’ll be the only one guilty for giving it to him.
People don’t change.
I assume what you must think: He’s not like this. He is not an adulterer by nature. He did this with me only because we fell in love.
But, is this really true? How can you trust this man, even if he keeps all of his promises?
I get it: you don’t like his wife, which is perfectly natural. However, let’s look at things realistically.
This is a woman he pledged loyalty to. A woman he swore to remain next to through all the good and bad days and a woman who probably gave birth to his children.
This is a woman he built a life with and spent years next to. However, none of this prevented him from committing adultery.
He betrayed her in the worst way any woman can be betrayed. He humiliated her and crushed her hopes and dreams.
So, what exactly do you think is preventing him from doing the same thing to you? What other red flag of his potential infidelity do you need?
He says he loves you? He assures you he’ll never leave you?
Well, he gave her the same promises a million times, and he broke every one of them.
Besides, karma finds a way of paying you back. I don’t have the intention to scare you. Please know that all of this can happen to you years from now.
One day, you’ll be a married woman. How would it feel to know that your husband is having an affair?
He is probably only using you.
Yes, there are married men who fall in love with their mistresses – there is no doubt about that. However, in most cases, they’re just using them for fun.
You see, this man’s marriage is not what it used to be. The two of them aren’t in love as they were back when they were dating.
These things happen. It’s hard to keep the passion alive when you wake up next to the same person for years. This is often the case when kids come.
The wife now also becomes the mother, and whether she likes it or not, she has to pay a lot more attention to this new human being she brought to the world.
Consequently, the husband gets less attention. Or, he is not attracted to her as he used to be.
Maybe she gained some extra weight. Maybe he doesn’t see the woman he fell in love with anymore.
After all, now, she is changing diapers, has a smell of baby food in her hair or the kid pukes on her from time to time.
On the other hand, there you are. Young and stunning. You don’t nag about him not being home enough, you’re not worried about paying the bills and you don’t yell at the kids.
What else can a man wish for? Basically, you have everything he fell in love with his wife for.
So, naturally, he falls for you hard. He doesn’t care too much about your personality, and he doesn’t think of your future together.
For this man, you’re not even real. You’re just an illusion – an escape from his everyday problems and responsibilities.
After all this time, he feels young again. When he is with you, he doesn’t think about paying the mortgage or mowing the lawn – he gets to enjoy himself.
Not only that: you also fulfill all of his fantasies in the bedroom. You’re never tired nor do you suffer from headaches every few days.
You’re always dressed to impress, your hair is perfect and your make-up is spotless. It’s like he’s got himself a personal, customized doll.
However, after a while, reality hits him hard in the head. He realizes all of this has gone too far and he goes back to his wrecked home, trying to save it at all costs.
The cons outweigh the pros.
You love this man. You enjoy spending time with him and he brought joy to your life. Despite him being an adulterer, deep down, you know he is a good man.
So, these are the pros. If you look at this only, then everyone will tell you to go for it. Fight for the man of your life. All is fair in love and war, right?
Well, not really. There are some situations where you have to draw the line.
Let’s talk about the disadvantages. He might be using you. You’ll spend years waiting for a miracle that will never come.
Even if he does get a divorce, you’ll always blame yourself for tearing the family apart.
Are things any clearer now? Trust me: in the current situation, the cons almost always outweigh the pros. It’s just not worth it and you’ll figure that out on your own sooner or later.
It’ll ruin your reputation.
You don’t need to justify your actions to anyone. After all, you are not a people pleaser whose only goal is to get others’ approval.
However, I have to warn you: dating a married man might ruin your reputation in the long run. It doesn’t mean that you’re promiscuous.
Nevertheless, even when this affair ends, your potential boyfriend might look at you through it. You will also probably be judged for interfering in someone’s marriage.
Even your best friends and family members won’t support your decision. They might understand it, but deep down, they’ll be against it.
How Do You Deal With Dating A Married Man?
One thing is for sure: you should end your affair at all costs. However, if you insist on keeping up with this charade, at least follow the good advice you have been given and play your cards right.
Break things off.
If you ask me: “How do you date a married man successfully”, there is only one valid answer to this question: YOU DON’T.
Therefore, a piece of good advice is to break things off as soon as possible. I know it’s hard, but please trust me – it’s the best decision you’ll ever make.
You should at least try doing it despite all the love you might feel for him. Come on, you’re a big girl and you can do it!
Don’t get me wrong: I’m not advising you to make this move because it’s the right thing to do. Yes, your conscience should be clear and you should take the fact that this is not moral into account.
However, I’m asking you to be a little selfish here. End this affair before it ends you emotionally and mentally.
That is what the most probable outcome of your relationship is: you’ll be heartbroken beyond repair and your life will shatter into pieces.
Yes, there is a chance that things won’t end this tragically. However, this is not a risk worth taking.
Go no contact, cut all ties with this man and forget that he ever existed.
You’ll grieve over losing him – there is no doubt about that. And, I won’t lie to you: by doing this, you’ll break your own heart.
However, in this case, you have a chance of gluing it back together. In fact, that is exactly what will happen: you will heal and it will be just a part of your bitter past.
Don’t put your life on hold.
If you decide to stay in this relationship despite all of these warnings, I’ll beg you one thing: don’t put your life on hold.
You’re a mistress and your love life can’t be solved until this man makes a decision. However, that doesn’t mean that you should spend years patiently waiting for him to do it.
Always have in mind that your boyfriend is not committed to you. So, the worst thing you could allow is for him to cage you.
What exactly should you be doing? Sit in a dark room every single weekend he spends with his family?
Should you be available every time he remembers you exist? Should your entire life turn into an endless wait for this man to find time to give you some attention?
If you’re stuck in this relationship, use this time for some self-improvement. Don’t ditch your friends because he might call, don’t skip the gym because this is the only time he can come.
You see, many mistresses end up doing this without ever planning it.
Before you know it, you no longer go to the movies simply because he can’t come along, you don’t take vacations because he doesn’t want you traveling without him and you don’t invite your best friend over because your lover might march into your apartment if he gets the chance to.
Before you know it, you catch yourself falling asleep fully dressed with your phone in your hands, waiting for a phone call that never comes.
And, before you know it, you miss out on life while he is out there living his own, completely unbothered.
Give him an ultimatum.
So, you’re sure that this is the real deal. You want this man for yourself and you’ve had enough of sharing him with his wife.
Not only that: he claims he loves you as well. He keeps on promising you that he will file for a divorce.
Theoretically, you two are on the same page. However, practically, you’re stuck in the same spot for years.
In that case, give him an ultimatum. Give him a deadline until which he has to do something concrete for your future together.
Otherwise, you will leave him without the intention of ever coming back.
The most important thing here is to be serious. Don’t make empty threats that you’re not ready to go through with.
If he doesn’t do anything, you have to walk away. Don’t take him back until he keeps his promise.
Trust me: this is the only way for him to respect you. In all other cases, he’ll consider you as a fool he can play with for as long as he wants.
Don’t stand between him and his children.
Whatever you do, never stand between this man and his children. Even if he gets a divorce, he is still their father and you should never forget that.
If he happens to become a single dad, don’t turn into an evil stepmother. Don’t make him choose between you and them because you will lose.
Most importantly: don’t look at his kids through their mother. You might hate her guts, but they don’t deserve your animosity.
After all, they see you as someone who ruined their family – not the other way around. I know he made that choice, but it’s easier for them to blame you than their own father.
Don’t disrespect his wife.
When you’re dating a married man, you can’t blame his wife for him not being yours. To be straight, she shouldn’t blame you for him being unfaithful either.
However, this is what a lot of women tend to do. They fight for the men they both love and see each other as arch enemies.
Nevertheless, along the way, you both forget who the only one responsible for your miseries is: the man you love, that’s right.
So please, don’t you ever disrespect his wife. This goes for the situation when she becomes an ex as well.
Don’t think that you’ll get him to leave her if you send her proof of your relationship. Don’t meddle in their marriage, don’t insult her, and don’t badmouth her.
Of course, nobody expects you to like her. It’s reasonable that you see her as competition, but that can’t be an excuse for any kind of disrespect.
Don’t date other men.
I’d be the happiest if I could tell you to go to the dating pool. Technically, you’re a single woman and your boyfriend has no right to be jealous.
You share him with his wife, so the least he deserves is to share you with other men as well. This is the only way you’d give him a taste of his own medicine.
However, I’m here to advise you of something completely the opposite. I’m here to tell you not to date other guys while you’re dating a married man.
No, I’m not saying this out of respect for your boyfriend. I’m saying it because of you.
First of all, it would be unfair to drag someone else into this mess. The last your love triangle needs is a fourth member.
Besides, what if you meet a cute guy you end up really liking? What if you fall for him while you still love your married boyfriend?
You’ll just end up with a bunch of conflicting emotions and another problem you don’t need on your back.
If you get yourself involved in a relationship, you would be unfaithful to this new guy. So, that means that you would be practically the same as your married boyfriend.
You’d hurt an innocent person just to get back at someone who is breaking your heart. We both know that you’re better than that.
So please, put your dating life on hold until you settle your accounts.
Forget about online dating, giving false hope to that cute guy who tries to flirt, or meeting new men until your current situation gets cleared.
To Wrap Up:
I’ll be honest with you: dating a married man is a bad thing. Nevertheless, it doesn’t automatically make you a bad person.
Whatever happens with you two, be aware that you’ll regret this affair in the long run. However, this doesn’t mean that you’re doomed because of it.
Don’t let this one mistake define you. Rise from the ashes and see it as a valuable lesson instead of letting it destroy you.