19 cose che ti aprono gli occhi e che devi sapere su come uscire con un uomo sposato

Uscire con un uomo sposato is one of the things every girl swore she’d never do. However, life often has a way of proving us wrong.

You don’t know how exactly it happened, but you got the title of the other woman. You never planned for this to happen, and it is certainly not the fairytale kind of romance you’ve dreamt of.

As much as you try, you can’t find a way to resist the thrill this affair brings you. On the other hand, you know that dating a married man is a road to disaster.

This toxic relationship makes you feel miserable, and you can’t believe that you settled for being some guy’s second choice. Besides, you’re not proud of getting yourself into this mess, are you?

Well, having these doubts means that you’re on the right track. You just need some guidance, and this is the place to get it.

Ecco alcuni verità che aprono gli occhi sull'amore e la frequentazione di un uomo sposato.

8 domande rivelatrici da porsi quando si esce con un uomo sposato

The entire world can join forces to drag you away from this guy, but you won’t come to your senses until you see things how they are by yourself. I’m not here to give you any lectures.

Instead, I’ll just ask you to give honest answers to the following questions. I promise you – once you do, everything will be crystal clear.

Vedi anche: Agli uomini sposati mancano le loro amanti? 7 motivi per cui lo fanno

È giusto uscire con un uomo sposato?

In circostanze normali, sarebbe assurdo dare una risposta a questa domanda. Come on, isn’t it obvious?

However, I’m not here to judge you. Besides, it’s pretty clear that you’re having second thoughts about your relationship – otherwise, you wouldn’t be here.

Ci sono casi in cui l'altra donna is perfectly aware of what she’s doing. She knows that she is making a huge mistake, but she simply can’t go against her heart.

Questo tipo di donne è consumato dal senso di colpa. Si considerano le uniche responsabili della disgregazione di una famiglia.

The boyfriend’s wife is constantly in these women’s heads. The self-blame is eating them alive, but not enough to make them stop with their affair.

On the other hand, there is a type of girl who is completely guilt-free. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about.

This girl lives as if she is in a “normal” relationship. She couldn’t care less about her boyfriend’s wife. After all, he is the one who made his wife some promises and the one who is backstabbing her.

According to this point of view, the mistress holds no responsibility whatsoever. She isn’t being unfaithful and she is only chasing her own happiness.

While the first approach is all about guilt, the other one is all about self-deception. Basically, it’s dead heat as to which one is worse.

The important thing is that no matter what you think, having a romantic relationship with a married man is WRONG. I’m not telling you to stop dating him nor do I blame you for this situation, but let’s be clear with this.

Love him as much as you want or even continue dating him, but that doesn’t make it right.

È onesto con me?

Now that we have that sorted out, it’s time for a little bit of selfishness. After all, you’re your own priority here and that’s how things should roll.

Vedete, la maggior parte (se non tutti) gli uomini sposati hanno una storia simile. Ma, nonostante la familiarità con ognuno di questi cliché, sempre più ragazze continuano a cascarci.

Perché? Perché un uomo sposato vi dirà tutte le cose giuste che volete sentire.

That’s why you must ask yourself if he’s being honest with you.

Nessun ragazzo verrà da voi con la storia che il suo matrimonio è caduto in disgrazia e che sta solo cercando un po' di divertimento.

He won’t tell you that he doesn’t plan on leaving his significant other in a million years.

In that case, every girl would just turn around and walk away. That’s why a married guy will always say that his current relationship is on the verge of a breakdown.

You’re the one he confesses his deepest, darkest secrets to. He hasn’t had an honest conversation with his wife in years and his marriage is just a piece of paper.

Oppure ha già chiesto il divorzio prima che vi conosceste? Ma quella strega di sua moglie sta bloccando il processo. Lo ricatta o minaccia di prendersi i bambini.

The examples are endless, but I’m sure you know the drill. However, there are some cases when all of this is true. They’re rare, but they do exist.

So, you know this man to the core of his being, don’t you? Well, it’s up to you to be completely honest with yourself and decide if you’ll believe him or not.

Sono la sua prima relazione?

Essere infedele is not a big deal for some men. There are a bunch of married guys who continue living their lives as a bachelor even after saying “I do”.

They see this as a way of extramarital fun – something that revives the spark in their current relationship. But, every time their wife is about to find out about their activities, they return to their nests as if nothing happened.

Oppure, semplicemente, si annoiano di una ragazza che si sono trascinati dietro per anni. In ogni caso, questi sono gli uomini che non cambieranno mai il loro stile di vita.

They’ll keep on jumping from one woman to another as long as they have the chance to. They’re adulteri seriali, and if you fall into their trap – run for your life ASAP.

D'altra parte, ci sono uomini che semplicemente si innamorano di un'altra persona al di fuori del loro matrimonio. In questo caso, quell'altra è lei.

Look, I won’t justify this. It’s a well-known fact that you must end one relationship before starting anything new.

But hey, we’re all human beings made out of flesh and blood. So, whether we like it or not, these things happen.

Questo tipo di uomo sposato è più probabile che ponga fine alla sua attuale relazione. È consapevole di aver commesso un errore, ma vivere una doppia vita non è il suo campo.

Come parla di sua moglie?

I know that you’d be the happiest person in the world if your boyfriend badmouthed his wife. That must mean that he doesn’t want to have anything to do with her, right?

Well, I can’t emphasize enough how wrong you are.

Innanzitutto, you don’t want him to hate her. “Why”, you must ask. Well, hatred is an emotion, isn’t it? Besides, it’s a thin line between loving and hating someone.

Besides, if he is angry or resentful – he is clearly not indifferent. In fact, this might be just a defense mechanism.

It’s quite possible that he actually cares for his wife deeply, but refuses to admit this to anyone, including himself. Either way, it’s apparent that there is still some strong passion present.

Il motivo principale per cui you shouldn’t rejoice at this guy talking trash about his wife is the fact that his behavior shows what kind of a person he is.

Come on, isn’t it enough that he is going behind her back? Not only that: now, he badmouths her with his mistress to humiliate her some more.

Sì, sua moglie potrebbe avere tutti questi tratti tossici di cui continua a parlare, ma in questo caso, perché è ancora sposato con una persona come lei?

È un vigliacco a dirle tutto quello che prova e pensa di lei direttamente in faccia?

Che tipo di trattamento potete aspettarvi da lui in futuro?

Questa è la donna con cui ha voluto passare il resto della sua vita e questo fatto merita rispetto. Quindi, preparatevi a essere trattate ancora peggio se vi allontanate.

On the other hand, you don’t want your boyfriend to talk to you about how he loves his wife either. As sick as that sounds, trust me – it happens.

The best possible version would be a man who still has some respect for his wife, despite his affair. He doesn’t blame her for the state of their marriage nor does he share the details of their past with you.

Instead, he just tells you that things aren’t working out anymore, that the true love they shared faded away or that his marriage doesn’t look the way he imagined it to be.

Ha figli?

Kids should never be the main reason for a marriage to continue. However, nobody can tell you that they don’t make a crucial difference.

Therefore, you have to put them on a scale. It’s one thing if your boyfriend has no children with his wife.

In questo modo, se lui finisce per divorziare da lei, non ci sarà più nulla che li leghi. Inoltre, il processo di divorzio sarà molto più semplice e veloce, soprattutto se non hanno beni in comune.

Ciononostante, se sono genitori, saranno co-genitori per il resto della loro vita.

It doesn’t matter if he marries you or someone else or if she moves on with her life – there will always be something connecting them.

I’m not saying this to scare you off nor am I talking about an emotional connection here. I just want you to be perfectly aware of what you’re getting yourself into.

This is especially true if we’re talking about younger children. When the two of them split, you can’t forbid your boyfriend from talking to his ex-wife.

Probabilmente otterranno l'affidamento congiunto. Anche se è più probabile che i bambini vivano con la madre, andranno comunque a trovarlo.

This means that eventually, you’ll become their stepmother. Of course, this doesn’t have to happen right away, but if a man is leaving his wife for you, you two moving in together or getting married is probably the next step.

Is this the role you’re ready to take? No, you won’t have to replace their mother (nor should you ever try doing so!), but they will certainly become a part of your life.

How do you plan on handling this? How do you think you’ll deal with the fact that they’ll probably hate your guts, at least in the beginning?

Is all of this too much for you? Do you think you have what it takes to live with a man who has a family you’ll never be a part of?

Il suo divorzio fa parte del futuro prevedibile?

We’ve already established the fact that married guys (read: giocatori sposati) di solito promettono alle loro amanti che il divorzio sta per avvenire. Ma, nella maggior parte dei casi, questo non è altro che un inganno.

This is nothing but this man’s way of keeping you around. Maybe he is lying to himself as well, but the truth is that there are a lot of guys in this situation who never file for a divorce.

Quindi chiedetevi: è questo il caso del vostro ragazzo? Oppure il suo divorzio fa parte di un futuro prevedibile?

Don’t lie to yourself. Let’s disregard your hopes and wishes. Instead, look at things as realistically as possible.

Toglietevi gli occhiali rosa e chiedetevi se la vostra situazione si sta muovendo in qualsiasi modo possibile o se è bloccata in un punto morto.

Quest'uomo ha fatto qualcosa per dimostrare le sue intenzioni? Ha lasciato la casa? Ha parlato con la moglie di divorzio? Ha avviato la procedura?

Oppure non ha fatto altro che illuderti e farti false promesse? Continua a fare scuse vuote ogni volta che si solleva l'argomento?

Questa domanda potrebbe essere la più importante di tutte. It’s the one that gives you a clear light on your relationship. It helps you understand if this forbidden romance has a future or if it is doomed to fail.

Quanto tempo dura?

I’ll be brutally honest about one thing: if you have been dating a married man for years, but he hasn’t done anything about his marital status, things will never change.

Come on, let’s be real: if he hasn’t filed for divorce throughout all these years, what makes you think that this time will be different?

I know you’ve heard a million excuses. “It’s just not the time yet”. “My wife is emotionally blackmailing me”. “Please, give me some more time”. “Wait until the kids grow a little older, so they can understand what’s going on.”

L'elenco continua. Le scuse cambiano, ma la vostra situazione rimane la stessa.

On the other hand, if you two have just started dating, you can’t expect him to leave his entire life overnight. I know it sounds harsh, but he is probably still not certain whether you’re qualcosa di temporaneo.

Sei abbastanza degna di lui per allontanarsi dalla sua famiglia? È solo passione o è vero amore?

Entrambi avete bisogno di tempo per trovare una risposta a queste domande.

In pratica, avete le migliori possibilità di finire con questo ragazzo se siete stati insieme abbastanza a lungo da capire che è la volta buona.

On the other hand, your relationship doesn’t last too long, so he objectively didn’t have the chance to end things in his marriage.

Che cosa significa per me questa relazione?

Until now, we’ve focused on your boyfriend’s deepest feelings and intentions. But, what about you?

Cosa rappresenta per voi questa relazione? Si tratta solo di un rapporto occasionale o è sicuro che you’ve found your soulmate?

So che l'attrazione fisica può essere intensa. Ha un modo di accecare la vista.

However, trust me: it’s not worth it. If you’re not sure about your emotions, let it go.

Once you sober up and the butterflies in your belly fly away, you’ll realize what you’ve done. You’ll see that you two have ruined a family for some vestigial attraction that never meant much.

D'altra parte, la situazione è completamente diversa se entrambi sapete di voler invecchiare insieme nonostante le circostanze.

Quali sono gli svantaggi di uscire con un uomo sposato?

It’s time to check out these shocking facts that apply to every extra-marital affair. Invece di fuggire dalla verità, abbiate il coraggio di guardarla dritta negli occhi!

You’ll waste years on him.

La maggior parte delle donne passa anni a frequentare un uomo sposato. In realtà, secondo gli esperti di relazioni, la maggior parte di queste relazioni non ha alcun futuro.

Don’t get me wrong: I’m not claiming that you two will be a part of the statistics. But, it is a possible scenario that you have to be prepared for.

The harsh truth is that it’s most likely that you’ll end up wasting years of your life on this man. This is especially devastating if you’re a younger girl who dreams of starting a family.

Ma potrebbe non avere questa possibilità se continua a frequentare quest'uomo.

Siete pronti a trascorrere anni in camere d'albergo malandate?

Siete disposti a rinunciare ad alcune cose abituali, come postare una foto con il vostro partner sui social media, tenergli la mano in pubblico, andare in vacanza senza doversi nascondere al mondo intero o semplicemente andare in un caffè dove la gente potrebbe vedervi?

There he is, living his life as if you don’t exist. On the other hand, you put yours on hold, patiently waiting for him to choose you and make up his mind.

L'anno nuovo è un'occasione per fare il punto della situazione, Valentine’s Days, Christmas Eves, holidays… He’ll always be with his wife while you’ll spend them alone.

It’s easier while you’re younger. You have your friends, but as time goes by, this will start to bother you more and more.

Non c'è niente di male a stare da soli quando si è in un'altra situazione. you’re single. In this case, you’d probably enjoy your single life and you’d know this is what you chose.

But, it is something else to be in a relationship where you’re alone, and this is exactly how these affairs look like.

Cosa succede quando il vostro orologio biologico inizia a ticchettare (se volete dei figli vostri)? Gli rimprovererete di avervi rubato i migliori anni della vostra vita?

Well, reality check: you’ll be the only one guilty for giving it to him.

People don’t change.

I assume what you must think: He’s not like this. He is not an adulterer by nature. He did this with me only because we fell in love.

Ma è davvero così? Come si può fidarsi di quest'uomoanche se mantiene tutte le sue promesse?

I get it: you don’t like his wife, which is perfectly natural. However, let’s look at things realistically.

Questa è la donna a cui ha giurato fedeltà. Una donna a cui ha giurato di rimanere accanto in tutti i giorni belli e brutti e una donna che probabilmente ha dato alla luce i suoi figli.

Si tratta di una donna con cui ha costruito una vita e con cui ha trascorso anni accanto. Tuttavia, nulla di tutto ciò gli ha impedito di commettere adulterio.

L'ha tradita nel modo peggiore in cui una donna può essere tradita. L'ha umiliata e ha distrutto le sue speranze e i suoi sogni.

Quindi, cosa pensi che gli impedisca di fare la stessa cosa con te? Di quali altri segnali di potenziale infedeltà hai bisogno?

Dice di amarti? He assures you he’ll never leave you?

Beh, le ha fatto le stesse promesse un milione di volte e le ha disattese tutte.

Inoltre, il karma trova un modo per ripagarti. I don’t have the intention to scare you. Please know that all of this can happen to you years from now.

One day, you’ll be a married woman. How would it feel to know that your husband is having an affair?

Probabilmente ti sta solo usando.

Yes, there are married men who fall in love with their mistresses – there is no doubt about that. However, in most cases, they’re just using them for fun.

You see, this man’s marriage is not what it used to be. The two of them aren’t in love as they were back when they were dating.

These things happen. It’s hard to keep the passion alive when you wake up next to the same person for years. This is often the case when kids come.

La moglie ora diventa anche madre e, che le piaccia o no, deve prestare molta più attenzione a questo nuovo essere umano che ha messo al mondo.

Di conseguenza, il marito riceve meno attenzioni. Oppure, non è più attratto da lei come prima.

Maybe she gained some extra weight. Maybe he doesn’t see the woman he fell in love with anymore.

Dopotutto, ora sta cambiando pannolini, ha odore di pappa nei capelli o il bambino le vomita addosso di tanto in tanto.

On the other hand, there you are. Young and stunning. You don’t nag about him not being home enough, you’re not worried about paying the bills and you don’t yell at the kids.

Cos'altro può desiderare un uomo? In pratica, avete tutto ciò per cui si è innamorato di sua moglie.

So, naturally, he falls for you hard. He doesn’t care too much about your personality, and he doesn’t think of your future together.

For this man, you’re not even real. You’re just an illusion – an escape from his everyday problems and responsibilities.

After all this time, he feels young again. When he is with you, he doesn’t think about paying the mortgage or mowing the lawn – he gets to enjoy himself.

Not only that: you also fulfill all of his fantasies in the bedroom. You’re never tired nor do you suffer from headaches every few days.

You’re always dressed to impress, your hair is perfect and your make-up is spotless. It’s like he’s got himself a personal, customized doll.

Tuttavia, Dopo un po', la realtà lo colpisce duramente. Si rende conto che tutto questo è andato troppo oltre e torna alla sua casa distrutta, cercando di salvarla a tutti i costi.

I contro superano i pro.

Voi amate quest'uomo. Vi piace passare del tempo con lui e ha portato gioia nella vostra vita. Nonostante sia un adultero, nel profondo sapete che è un brav'uomo.

Quindi, questi sono i pro. Se guardate solo a questo, allora tutti vi diranno di andare avanti. Combattete per l'uomo della vostra vita. Tutto è lecito in amore e in guerra, giusto?

Beh, non proprio. Ci sono situazioni in cui è necessario tracciare un limite.

Let’s talk about the disadvantages. Potrebbe usarti. You’ll spend years waiting for a miracle that will never come.

Anche se lo fa divorziare, you’ll always blame yourself for tearing the family apart.

Le cose sono più chiare ora? Trust me: in the current situation, the cons almost always outweigh the pros. It’s just not worth it and you’ll figure that out on your own sooner or later.

It’ll ruin your reputation.

You don’t need to justify your actions to anyone. After all, you are not a people pleaser whose only goal is to get others’ approval.

However, I have to warn you: dating a married man might ruin your reputation in the long run. It doesn’t mean that you’re promiscuous.

Nevertheless, even when this affair ends, your potential boyfriend might look at you through it. You will also probably be judged for interfering in someone’s marriage.

Even your best friends and family members won’t support your decision. They might understand it, but deep down, they’ll be against it.

Come affrontare la frequentazione di un uomo sposato?

Una cosa è certa: dovete porre fine alla vostra relazione a tutti i costi. Tuttavia, se insistete a continuare con questa farsa, seguite almeno il buon consiglio che vi è stato dato e giocate bene le vostre carte.

Rompere le cose.

If you ask me: “How do you date a married man successfully”, there is only one valid answer to this question: YOU DON’T.

Pertanto, un buon consiglio è quello di rompere le cose as soon as possible. I know it’s hard, but please trust me – it’s the best decision you’ll ever make.

You should at least try doing it despite all the love you might feel for him. Come on, you’re a big girl and you can do it!

Don’t get me wrong: I’m not advising you to make this move because it’s the right thing to do. Yes, your conscience should be clear and you should take the fact that this is not moral into account.

However, I’m asking you to be a little selfish here. End this affair before it ends you emotionally and mentally.

That is what the most probable outcome of your relationship is: you’ll be heartbroken beyond repair and your life will shatter into pieces.

Yes, there is a chance that things won’t end this tragically. However, this is not a risk worth taking.

Vai nessun contattoTagliare tutti i legami con quest'uomo e dimenticare che sia mai esistito.

You’ll grieve over losing him – there is no doubt about that. And, I won’t lie to you: by doing this, you’ll break your own heart.

Tuttavia, in questo caso, avete la possibilità di ricucire il rapporto. Anzi, è proprio quello che succederà: guarirete e sarà solo una parte del vostro amaro passato.

Don’t put your life on hold.

If you decide to stay in this relationship despite all of these warnings, I’ll beg you one thing: don’t put your life on hold.

You’re a mistress and your love life can’t be solved until this man makes a decision. However, that doesn’t mean that you should spend years patiently waiting for him to do it.

Tenete sempre presente che il vostro ragazzo è non si è impegnato con voi. Quindi, la cosa peggiore che possiate permettere è che lui vi metta in gabbia.

Cosa dovresti fare esattamente? Stare seduto in una stanza buia ogni singolo weekend che trascorre con la sua famiglia?

Dovreste essere disponibili ogni volta che lui si ricorda della vostra esistenza? La vostra intera vita dovrebbe trasformarsi in un'attesa infinita che quest'uomo trovi il tempo di dedicarvi un po' di attenzione?

If you’re stuck in this relationship, use this time for some self-improvement. Don’t ditch your friends because he might call, don’t skip the gym because this is the only time he can come.

Vedete, molte amanti finiscono per farlo senza averlo mai pianificato.

Before you know it, you no longer go to the movies simply because he can’t come along, you don’t take vacations because he doesn’t want you traveling without him and you don’t invite your best friend over because your lover might march into your apartment if he gets the chance to.

Prima di accorgersene, ci si addormenta completamente vestiti con il telefono in mano, in attesa di una telefonata che non arriva mai.

E, prima che ve ne rendiate conto, vi perdete la vita mentre lui è là fuori a vivere la sua, completamente indifferente.

Dategli un ultimatum.

So, you’re sure that this is the real deal. You want this man for yourself and you’ve had enough of sharing him with his wife.

Non solo: sostiene anche di amarla. Continua a promettervi che chiederà il divorzio.

Theoretically, you two are on the same page. However, practically, you’re stuck in the same spot for years.

In questo caso, dategli un ultimatum. Dategli una scadenza entro la quale deve fare qualcosa di concreto per il vostro futuro insieme..

Altrimenti, lo lascerete senza l'intenzione di tornare.

The most important thing here is to be serious. Don’t make empty threats that you’re not ready to go through with.

If he doesn’t do anything, you have to walk away. Don’t take him back until he keeps his promise.

Trust me: this is the only way for him to respect you. In all other cases, he’ll consider you as a fool he can play with for as long as he wants.

Don’t stand between him and his children.

Qualsiasi cosa facciate, non mettetevi mai tra quest'uomo e i suoi figli. Anche se dovesse divorziare, è sempre il loro padre e non dovreste mai dimenticarlo.

Se gli capita di diventare un padre single, don’t turn into an evil stepmother. Don’t make him choose between you and them because you will lose.

Most importantly: don’t look at his kids through their mother. You might hate her guts, but they don’t deserve your animosity.

After all, they see you as someone who ruined their family – not the other way around. I know he made that choice, but it’s easier for them to blame you than their own father.

Don’t disrespect his wife.

When you’re dating a married man, you can’t blame his wife for him not being yours. To be straight, she shouldn’t blame you for him being unfaithful either.

Tuttavia, è quello che tendono a fare molte donne. Combattono per gli uomini che amano e si vedono come acerrime nemiche.

Nevertheless, along the way, you both forget who the only one responsible for your miseries is: the man you love, that’s right.

So please, don’t you ever disrespect his wife. This goes for the situation when she becomes an ex as well.

Don’t think that you’ll get him to leave her if you send her proof of your relationship. Don’t meddle in their marriage, don’t insult her, and don’t badmouth her.

Of course, nobody expects you to like her. It’s reasonable that you see her as competition, but that can’t be an excuse for any kind of disrespect.

Don’t date other men.

I’d be the happiest if I could tell you to go to the piscina per incontri. Technically, you’re a single woman and your boyfriend has no right to be jealous.

You share him with his wife, so the least he deserves is to share you with other men as well. This is the only way you’d give him a taste of his own medicine.

However, I’m here to advise you of something completely the opposite. I’m here to tell you not to date other guys while you’re dating a married man.

No, I’m not saying this out of respect for your boyfriend. I’m saying it because of you.

Prima di tutto, sarebbe ingiusto trascinare qualcun altro in questo pasticcio. L'ultima cosa di cui ha bisogno il vostro triangolo amoroso è un quarto membro.

E poi, cosa succede se incontrate un ragazzo carino che finisce per piacervi davvero? E se vi innamorate di lui mentre amate ancora il vostro fidanzato sposato?

You’ll just end up with a bunch of conflicting emotions and another problem you don’t need on your back.

Se vi fate coinvolgere in una relazione, sareste infedeli a questo nuovo ragazzo. Ciò significa che sareste praticamente uguali al vostro fidanzato sposato.

You’d hurt an innocent person just to get back at someone who is breaking your heart. We both know that you’re better than that.

Quindi, per favore, sospendere la vostra vita sentimentale fino a quando non avrete sistemato i vostri conti.

Dimenticatevi degli appuntamenti online, di dare false speranze a quel ragazzo carino che cerca di flirtare o di incontrare nuovi uomini finché la vostra situazione attuale non si sarà sbloccata.

Per concludere:

I’ll be honest with you: dating a married man is a bad thing. Nevertheless, it doesn’t automatically make you a bad person.

Whatever happens with you two, be aware that you’ll regret this affair in the long run. However, this doesn’t mean that you’re doomed because of it.

Don’t let this one mistake define you. Rise from the ashes and see it as a valuable lesson instead of letting it destroy you.