Los hombres y las mujeres nunca pueden ser "sólo amigos" (¿o sí?)

¿Pueden las mujeres y los hombres ser "sólo amigos"? ¿Es posible tener una amiga o un amigo sin llegar a tener sentimientos románticos por ellos?

Here’s something interesting, almost all of my romantic relationships started with that famous saying, “Oh, we’re just friends.”

Recuerdo perfectamente que otras personas me preguntaban por aquel chico con el que pasaba tanto tiempo. Cada vez que alguien me preguntaba si estábamos juntos, me reía inmediatamente de forma sarcástica.

I felt in a way offended by others asking me such questions because I couldn’t imagine being in a romantic relationship with him – my guy best friend.

After some time, I “somehow magically” changed my opinion. Actually, I was scared of myself because I didn’t even know that those feelings existed in me until then.

Nunca había soñado con enamorarme de mi mejor amigo (repetí esa frase demasiadas veces en mi cabeza).

I wasn’t only mad at myself but at the whole universe for not giving us a chance to be “just friends” with people of the opposite gender.

But then again, I still have other guy friends with whom I haven’t fallen in love “yet.” I guess the keyword here is the word YET (or maybe not).

Is it possible for a man and a woman to be “just friends” without eventually falling for each other?

Given that this is a complex matter and there is no right or wrong answer, I’ll just express my personal opinion in the hope that this will help you find an answer or a hypothesis for yourself.

My personal opinion is that men and women can be “just friends,” but chances are that at some point, they will fall for each other.

They say that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. That cliché perfectly describes the differences between men and women.

Well, there is probably a reason why we’re so different from each other.

To understand it better, let’s list a few things (read: gender stereotypes) that are characteristic of men and women:

• A diferencia de los hombres, a las mujeres les gusta hablar mucho.
• A diferencia de las mujeres, los hombres tienen dificultades para expresar sus sentimientos.
• A diferencia de los hombres, las mujeres son más sensibles.
• A diferencia de las mujeres, a los hombres les gusta presumir y demostrar su fuerza y masculinidad.

If we look closely at the above list, we can draw some logical conclusions. For example, women like to hang out with men because they don’t talk that much, which means they will listen to them.

Or men like to hang out with women because they are more sensitive, which helps them open up and be vulnerable. You see, the reason why we’re so different is that we’re supposed to complement each other.

Both men and women offer something that the other gender doesn’t. So, yes, it is not only possible to be “just friends” with the opposite sex, but it is necessary.

Toda chica debería tener un mejor amigo varón y viceversa.

By surrounding ourselves with different types of people and people from the opposite gender, we learn new perspectives, understanding how the opposite gender functions – we are evolving.

Sin embargo, estas diferencias también pueden atraernos a un nivel más profundo hacia el sexo opuesto

Lo sabéis todo el uno del otro, habláis de vuestros miedos, sueños, tenéis una extensa lista de chistes internos y sentís que es la única persona que os comprende de verdad.

But you are still “just friends” with them. Now, the question is: ¿Durante cuánto tiempo?

At some point, you might find yourself re-reading their texts before going to sleep, listening to their favorite song on repeat, and fantasizing about being more than “just friends.”

En algún momento, podría empezar a buscar señales de que tu amigo siente algo por ti (or your girl friend) while still convincing yourself that you haven’t developed romantic feelings for them.

Tal vez ella o le gustas más que como amiga pero le da miedo admitirlo. Puede que ambos sintáis lo mismo, pero ninguno de los dos tenga el valor suficiente para admitirlo o hablar de ello.

You don’t want to ruin your friendship because of something more meaningful you might have in the future. Should I repeat the previous sentence?

Déjame decirte una cosa. La amistad es una de las relaciones más poderosas de todas.

Everything stems from friendship. The greatest relationships have started with two people being “just friends,” which brings us to another hypothesis:

Being “just friends” is sometimes just a bridge to something more meaningful and larger than ourselves.

Yes, men and women can be “just friends,” but they can also be more than that. Not every friendship is bound to turn into something more meaningful (romantic), which is totally okay.

But sometimes, the reason why you were “just friends” is that you were meant to evolve and become lovers. La cuestión es que la gente pierde demasiado tiempo dándole vueltas y definiendo las cosas.

Why aren’t we be able to do both? Why do people of the opposite gender have to be categorized as either “just friends” or lovers?

When we stop thinking about it and embrace every possible outcome of a friendship (or the lack of thereof), we’ll stop forcing this unnecessary categorization and unpopular or popular opinion.

I’m aware that by saying this, I’m directly criticizing my own story, but maybe that was my intention after all; to make a hypothesis in the title and then prove how it can be wrong.

Sin embargo, aprender a evitar enamorarse de un amigo puede (a veces) ser un auténtico salvavidas

While there’s nothing wrong with you two being more than “just friends,” still, if you for some reason don’t feel comfortable with that idea, you need to master how to avoid falling in love with your friend.

Permíteme empezar esta miniguía diciendo que nuestras mentes son realmente magníficas. Puedes entrenarte para no contagiarte de sentimientos hacia alguien simplemente estableciendo algunas reglas básicas:

• Define tu amistad.

Always remind yourself of why you became friends in the first place. Treat your friend of the opposite gender as your family member so that you’re not tempted to think about them as a potential lover.

Y lo que es más importante, sigue saliendo con otros y siéntete libre de hablar de otros chicos o chicas sin preocuparte de poner celoso a tu amigo.

Well, your friend shouldn’t be jealous, and you shouldn’t be worrying about that in the first place.

• Pon límites.

Avoid holding hands (if you don’t want to be perceived as a legit couple), avoid snuggling intimately, or kissing.

Also, try limiting time spent with them. Remember that they are not, and they should not be your only friend. You’re supposed to hang out with other people as well, go on dates, and so on.

• Pasar tiempo en grupo en lugar de sólo uno a uno.

Pasar tiempo sólo a solas puede ser un hábito arriesgado. En lugar de eso, intenta pasar tiempo en grupo, incluyendo también a tus otros amigos.

El objetivo aquí es evitar estar demasiado centrado en ellos o establecer una conexión sólo con ellos.

Si tu amigo sigue prefiriendo pasar tiempo a solas, inventa excusas. Además, cuando pases tiempo a solas, ve a lugares públicos y no a su apartamento o al tuyo.

We all know what it means when someone invites you to dinner at their place. If you add wine to the equation, there you have it: From being “just friends” to lovers.

• Busca distracciones.

If you notice that you’re catching feelings for them, it’s important to find distractions and surround yourself with other people.

Decrease the amount of time spent with them, go for a walk (without them!), draw something, watch TV shows, go for a drink with some of your friends you haven’t seen in a while.

By distracting yourself, you’ll protect yourself from developing even more feelings for them.

Still, if you notice that it is impossible to distract yourself from thinking about them, you might as well tell them how you feel (but only if you’re ready to become something more).

“A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other… Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever.” – Dave Matthews

A friendship is a promise that you’ll always be there for each other no matter what. That promise sometimes evolves into deeper feelings followed by a romantic relationship.

A guy and a girl can be “just friends” and time will show if they were meant to be something more than that.