Quanto tempo leva para se recuperar de um abuso narcisista?

Recuperação de um trauma vínculo caused by narcissist abuse is a difficult path to tread. It’s a healing journey that takes time, effort and energy.

Mas quanto tempo é necessário para recuperar de abuso narcísico?

This is a question all victims ask themselves. There you are, struggling for months or even years but you are still not fully recovered, so it’s natural to wonder when you will finally get there.

Before anything else, you have to be aware of one thing. This is a long path toward recovery and you can’t expect any magical improvement overnight.

Em vez disso, é preciso muito tempo, esforço e energia para desfazer o impacto que o seu agressor narcisista deixou na sua saúde mental e personalidade. No entanto, isso pode ser feito com o sistema de apoio correto.

Quando se pergunta a especialistas com doutoramento quanto tempo é necessário para recuperar de um abuso narcísico, eles dir-lhe-ão que o tempo médio de que a vítima necessita para se curar é de doze a dezoito meses.

No entanto, também salientam que há certas fases que cada vítima atravessa durante o seu percurso.

Negação

You’ve heard about narcissistic and toxic people and you know that such a thing as narcissistic abuse exists out there. However, like the rest of the world, you are convinced that this can’t happen to you.

So, naturally, you deny everything you’re going through at first. You simply refuse to accept that you, of all people, have become a victim of abuso narcísico.

All the red flags are there but you keep convincing yourself that you’re not seeing them right. Maybe you’re exaggerating. Maybe your abuser is not so bad after all.

It’s possible that you’re just being too sensitive.

There is no way in hell that you’ve spent all this time with someone so toxic and essentially evil. You would have seen the signs earlier.

Os seus melhores amigos e familiares mais próximos podem estar a tentar abrir-lhe os olhos, mas nada ajuda.

Of course, the fact that your narcissist keeps on gaslighting you and making you look like the crazy one doesn’t help.

However, the thing is that this stage is good, despite the denial. It means that you’ve started reconsidering your narcissistic relationship and finally begun doubting it.

This is the start of something bigger; the start of your long and difficult healing journey. Nevertheless, this is crucial because it’s some kind of progress.

You’ve finally moved from the dead spot and you’ve stepped onto the right track.

Culpa

When you’re wondering how long does it take to recover from narcissistic abuse, you have to be aware of one thing.

This healing isn’t linear and it has its ups and downs.

You would probably expect acceptance to come right after denial. However, sadly, things don’t work in such a simple manner.

De facto, após a fase inicial, começa a sentir-se culpado. No início, culpa-se a si próprio por ter acusado o seu parceiro de ser narcisista.

Passado algum tempo, quando começa a investigar mais sobre os traços de personalidade narcisista e reconhece a maioria deles no seu parceiro, também se sente culpado.

Guilt attacks you from different directions. You can’t believe that you were so foolish to get involved with this kind of sociopata tóxico.

How come you didn’t see the signs before? How could have you been so stupid not to recognize the red flags which were so obvious?

Most importantly, how is it possible that you’ve stayed next to this person for so long? When did you lose all of your self-respect?

Como é que permitiu que o tratassem assim durante todo este tempo? Perdeste-te completamente?

These are all the questions running through your head. Instead of putting all the responsibility on your abuser because they’re the only one guilty, you do the opposite.

You see, you’ve been so brainwashed to the point that you even blame yourself for being their victim.

Pode não se aperceber agora, mas esta é também uma das suas tentativas subconscientes de os absolver de toda a culpa.

Raiva

A fase seguinte também é constituída por emoções negativas e a predominante é a raiva.

You’re still not ready to process your pain and everything you’ve been through so, it’s much easier for you to be angry; angry at your abuser, angry at yourself for choosing them and for staying with them and angry at the universe for putting you in this situation.

It’s much easier to admit that you’re angry than accept that you’re hurt and heartbroken.

Nesta altura, pode dizer-se que até odeia o seu agressor. Queres que eles passem pelas mesmas coisas que tu passaste.

Quer vingar-se. Planeia a sua vingança e a única coisa que o consegue acalmar é imaginá-lo em sofrimento emocional.

Most victims don’t actually do anything about this. However, they do think about revenge since it becomes their defense mechanism.

You assume that this is the only way to regain your confidence and dignity. The abuser has to suffer the same way you did and that’s the only way for you to stop feeling humiliated.

Acredite em mim: a raiva nunca é melhor do que a tristeza. De uma forma ou de outra, ainda sente algo pelo seu narcisista.

Besides, revenge won’t heal your broken heart. It might repair your crushed ego but that won’t magically erase all of your deeply rooted traumas.

Negociação

This is probably the last thing you expect when you’re trying to figure out how long does it take to recover from narcissistic abuse but after anger there comes a stage called bargaining.

Antes desta fase, estava determinada a fazer tudo o que estivesse ao seu alcance para magoar o seu agressor. Odiava-o e decidiu nunca mais voltar para ele.

At least, that is what you thought went on but actually, the truth is different. In fact, you’re still very much labile and the biggest proof of your instability is the fact that you slip back into hope.

It’s completely unexpected but you start to bargain with yourself about the ways to help your narcissist.

Tentamos fugir, mas a raiva inicial desapareceu e agora surge a esperança: esperança de que essa pessoa mude, esperança de que possamos ajudá-la e esperança de que o nosso A relação narcísica tem uma saída.

Pensa em todos os "e se". Pensa em todo o potencial do seu narcisista e em tudo o que ele pode vir a ser se aceitar fazer algumas pequenas alterações na sua personalidade.

It is likely that you’ll revive contact with your abuser during this time. Naturally, this doesn’t help your processo de recuperação.

What you mustn’t forget is that these toxic people are skillful manipulators and it’s expected for them to try and turn the tables.

De facto, existe a possibilidade de o agressor fazer o possível para se fazer passar por vítima.

On a conscious level, you’ll never believe them. However, deep down, you will want to let them back in in your life and therefore, you’ll have the desire to accept their excuses.

A fase de ausência de contacto

I won’t lie to you, this will probably be the most difficult stage of your marathon recovery process.

Afinal de contas, este é o primeiro movimento real que faz em direção ao seu narcisista, uma vez que todos os anteriores tiveram lugar na sua cabeça e no seu coração.

Quando quiser fugir da sua relação abusiva e se estiver a perguntar quanto tempo demora a ultrapassar o abuso narcísico, a parte mais importante é cortar todos os laços com o seu agressor e partir nenhum contacto.

Tenha em atenção que esta pessoa sofre de uma perturbação grave da personalidade narcísica, por isso esqueça a ideia de manter uma relação amigável com ela.

I won’t lie to you; there is no civilized way of doing this. You won’t be able to explain to them in a nice way that you want out and there is no ‘seeing them just once for the last time’.

Instead, you’ll just have to move as far away from them as possible. Block their social media accounts, cut ties with all of your mutual friends and it will probably be necessary to change your number.

Isto será mais difícil se tiver um relação tóxica with a narcissistic parent, a co-worker or a spouse that you’ll have to keep on co-parenting with.

Afinal de contas, é com estas pessoas que tem de manter algum tipo de contacto.

If this is a co-worker or a co-parent, please limit your communication to work or kids-related topics and don’t engage in any other conversation.

On the other hand, if we’re talking about a narcissistic parent, please forget about your family ties and guilt.

You’re an adult and you can and must cut ties with them, despite your blood connection.

De qualquer forma, a parte mais importante é ignorar o narcisista tanto quanto possível.

I know that you will probably have the urge to fight with them and call them out on their actions but trust me—that won’t get you anywhere.

You see, a narcissistic supply depends on your reaction. It doesn’t matter what kind of reaction we’re talking about; for them, it’s enough to notice that they’ve managed to get to you.

That is exactly why you have to pretend that they don’t exist. Be as boring as possible to your abuser and eventually, they’ll give up on you.

Of course, that won’t magically heal their NPD. Unfortunately, they’ll just move on to their next victim but there is nothing you can do to change that.

Voltar a levantar-se

After you’re done with the previous stage, better times are coming and you’re slowly figuring out how long does it take to heal from narcissistic abuse.

Now you’re finally free to pick yourself up from the ashes that this abuso emocional vos fez passar.

Esta é a fase em que tem de aprender a gostar de si próprio novamente. A fase em que precisa de se colocar em primeiro lugar e a fase em que se trata de recuperar a sua autoestima.

Basicamente, o que tem de fazer é voltar a capacitar-se. Trabalhar em si próprio e, mais importante ainda, manter-se o mais ocupado possível.

No, your narcissistic abuser won’t magically fade away from your mind but it’s your job to work on kicking them out of there.

A lot of victims of narcissistic abuse don’t have what it takes to go through all of this alone. Instead, they need a support system that includes help from their loved ones or from professional experts.

Please, don’t hesitate to ask for help.

You’re not weak, you’re dealing with a person who suffers from a severe narcissistic personality disorder and it is only natural that you can’t get away from their clutches by yourself.

Existem inúmeros grupos de apoio para vítimas de abuso narcísico, onde pode ouvir muitas histórias de pessoas que passaram pelos mesmos traumas que você.

This will help you see that you’re not alone. You’re surrounded by your loved ones and by others who are willing to help you.

Reconstruir a sua identidade

Uma das partes mais difíceis da recuperação do abuso narcísico é reconstruir-se a si próprio.

O seu ex narcisista A personalidade que tinhas antes de os conheceres e a ligação traumática que tinhas com eles mudaram a essência de quem és.

Por isso, agora é a altura de encontrar a pessoa que foi no passado.

I’ll be honest here; this traumatic experience will leave traces on your mental health. With time, your emotional wounds will eventually heal but the scars will remain forever.

No, this doesn’t mean that you’re broken beyond repair; I’m just trying to tell you not to hope that you will go back to being exactly the same person you were before this person marched through your life.

However, what you have to do is to rebuild a new identity, an identity that won’t be dependent on your abuser but which also won’t be the same as the one you had before them.

The hardest part is having to reinvent yourself. After all this time, you lost track of who you are. What are the things you like and don’t like about yourself?

Quais as características que são realmente suas e quais as que criou para ser mais atraente para o seu narcisista?

Verificação da realidade

Apesar do que possa pensar, durante todas estas fases, o seu agressor narcisista ainda está muito presente na sua mente e no seu coração.

Ainda há momentos em que temos vontade de desistir e em que aparecem raios de esperança de que o nosso ex narcisista possa mudar e de que ele seja as vossas almas gémeas.

No entanto, esta é a fase em que finalmente se tiram os óculos cor-de-rosa. Depois de todo este tempo, vê-se finalmente a realidade na sua verdadeira forma.

You stop making excuses for your partner’s toxic behavior. You no longer justify the narcissist abuse and you stop blaming yourself for everything that went on.

You no longer hope that they’ll become an empath or a kind person.

You understand that they suffer from a serious mental illness, that they need help and that you can’t do anything about it.

At first, this reality check is quite painful. However, as time goes on, it brings you liberation. Finally, you’re freed from this person’s chains.

You realize that their behavior patterns are not normal and that you shouldn’t expect the same treatment from everyone else in your surroundings.

If we’re talking about an ex-romantic partner you’ve been trying to escape from, this is also the time when you might start dating again.

O otimismo desperta dentro de si e, pela primeira vez, vê uma luz ao fundo do túnel.

However, I’ll have to ask you to be extremely careful when it comes to rebound relationships. You’re still extremely fragile and you could easily fall for someone’s love bombing all over again.

Aceitação e perdão

After reality hits you hard in the face, it’s time to accept and forgive and first of all, you stop looking for closure. You understand that you’ll never get the explanation you crave.

O que interessa é que não há nenhuma razão lógica para que tudo isto tenha acontecido.

At the same time, you no longer try to run away from your past. You don’t let it define you but you know there is no point in trying to escape something that is a part of you.

Mais importante ainda, compreende o significado de perdão. You don’t forget everything you experienced but you do forgive.

First and foremost, you forgive yourself for all of your wrong choices and you understand that you’re not crazy or stupid.

Foste vítima e a culpa nunca é da vítima. Aceita os seus erros, sem permitir que eles o façam duvidar da sua autoestima.

Finally, you manage to find the strength to forgive your narcissistic abuser. You don’t want them back, not even if your life depended on it, but you forgive them.

Now, you’re smart enough to know that your resentment and grudges are only harming you.

You realize that the only way to truly free yourself from this person’s impact is to let go of anger and all other negative emotions.

É então que se torna indiferente e que consegue livrar-se deles.

Lições aprendidas

When you’re wondering how long does it take to recover from narcissistic abuse, you usually forget about what comes afterward.

Esquece-se de uma coisa importante: as lições que esta relação narcísica lhe ensinou.

Only once you see that you’ve learned something from this awful experience can you tell that you’re fully recovered.

First and foremost, you’ll learn to put yourself in first place and you’ll start to worry about your own well-being and mental health.

You’ll see your self-worth, you’ll engage in self-care and you’ll learn to love yourself more than anyone else.

Also, you’ll build your self-esteem to unimaginable heights. You’ll understand that you’re your own soul mate and that you don’t actually need anyone to emotionally depend on.

Most importantly, this relationship will teach you what love is not. You’ll learn to recognize things such as bombardeamento de amorA manipulação e outras tácticas que os narcisistas utilizam para atrair as suas vítimas.

Esta experiência é dolorosa, não há dúvida. No entanto, também é valiosa, uma vez que o tornará mais forte do que nunca.