7 tipos e 13 sinais de relações pai-filha pouco saudáveis

A ligação entre um pai e uma filha deve ser algo muito especial, único, puro e forte.

Infelizmente, por vezes pode transformar-se em algo mau e tóxico.

There are so many unhealthy father-daughter relationships today and in most cases, neither father nor daughter is actually aware that their relationship isn’t good for either one of them.

O amor a mais pode ser tão prejudicial como o amor a menos. Uma pessoa extremamente uma relação próxima pode facilmente tornar-se uma relação tóxica.

It can affect a person’s well being and confidence and other relationships as much as a poor father-daughter bond.

Além disso, uma vez quebrada a saúde da relação, tanto o pai como a filha terão dificuldade em melhorar a situação.

If you want to find out what the types of unhealthy father-daughter relationships are and how to fix it, keep reading below and you’ll find out.

7 tipos de relações não saudáveis entre pai e filha

Todos nós temos alguns problemas nas nossas relações entre pais e filhos e devido a essa ligação incrivelmente forte que partilhamos, todos os problemas podem ser resolvidos.

Eis os tipos de relações pouco saudáveis entre pais e filhas e algumas dicas para as tornar novamente melhores e saudáveis.

1. O pai ausente

We have to admit that fathers have one of the most important jobs in the world—providing for their family. Still, that’s not the reason why they shouldn’t always be present in their kids’ lives.

Nothing is more important for a daughter than to have a father who’ll be present in her life, supporting her in everything she does and spending time with her.

No matter whether you are his 1-year-old or 21 year-old-daughter, he needs to understand that you’ll always need him to step up and be your dad, not just on special occasions but every day.

I’m not trying to justify them but yes, fathers have so many obligations that make them less included in their daughter’s lives but still, they need to find a way to dedicate themselves to them in-between all those obligations.

Ter um pai ausente deixa tantas consequências na sua saúde mental.

Pode resultar em alguns problemas de comportamento, dúvidas, depressão, inseguranças ou más notas na escola.

It may even affect negatively on your adult relationships or starting a romantic relationship with someone because you’ll always be kind of afraid that the other person might leave at any moment.

2. O pai abusivo

Os pais com mau feitio ou com algum tipo de dependência são mais susceptíveis de maltratar as suas filhas.

Don’t think that you shouldn’t tell anyone about it and that it’s your duty to help him first because it’s not. You’re the one who needs help.

There is no justification for any kind of violence or abuse and you shouldn’t try to justify o teu pai por ter abusado de si ou por ter feito disso a sua culpa.

Trust me, it’s never your fault.

Don’t put up with your dad’s toxic behavior just because you think you have no one to talk to because there are so many people and organizations that can help you.

Turn to someone for help. It will clear your vision. You will see whether your father’s problems can be resolved or not.

If not, please don’t work on that relationship at any cost.

Some fathers didn’t deserve to be dads. Sometimes you have to cut them off and let yourself free.

Os maus-tratos não são algo que se deva tolerar, independentemente da situação.

As consequências emocionais e físicas de uma pai abusivo para uma rapariga são terríveis e duradouros.

Podem resultar em ataques de ansiedade, depressão, baixa autoestima, ódio por todos os homens, uma perturbação da personalidade, perda do sentido de si próprio ou mesmo um problema com o consumo de substâncias.

3. O pai emocionalmente ausente

Tal como precisas que o teu pai esteja fisicamente presente na tua vida, também precisas que ele esteja emocionalmente presente.

Tens de saber que terás sempre o seu apoio emocional.

If your father never expresses his feelings for you or you feel that he’s emotionally distant, you should talk to him about that and tell him that him being so emotionally unavailable bothers you a lot.

Isso terá efeitos negativos em todas as suas relações futuras.

It’ll be hard for you to maintain any kind of relationship because you too will become emotionally distant and won’t be able to deal with your emotions in a healthy way.

Um pai presente e carinhoso é tudo o que uma filha deseja.

O teu pai é a tua rocha e tens de poder ir ter com ele para te aconselhar ou consolar sempre que precisares.

4. O pai de tipo narcisista

Um pai narcisista tenta ser o melhor em tudo o que faz, o que inclui ser pai também. Ele só quer mostrar os seus filhos.

Esse tipo de pai considera a paternidade como uma competição.

A competition of who’ll do a better job of raising their kids, whose kids will be more successful, rich or famous.

You don’t have to fulfill all of the unreasonably high expectations that your father has set for you.

If he’s always comparing you to other kids and expects you to always be better than others, you should tell him that it makes you nervous and ask him to stop doing that.

The narcissist type of father will try to manipulate you with some kinds of rewards and gifts because that’s his way to make you do what he wants you to do. Don’t fall for that.

A sua opinião é importante e deve ser importante para o seu pai também.

Diga-lhe que a sua incapacidade de estar atento aos seus pensamentos e sentimentos a incomoda muito.

If you allow your father to have complete control over your life and manipulate you with gifts, you won’t be able to ever become completely independent.

5. The father who’s an addict

A toxicodependência é um problema de toda a família, não apenas de o viciado.

Ver alguém próximo de nós que está a destruir a sua vida todos os dias e não saber como o ajudar é terrível.

É frequente os pais viciados em álcool ou drogas maltratarem física e emocionalmente os filhos ou o cônjuge, o que tem efeitos negativos sobretudo nas filhas.

If you’re the daughter of an addict, I know that you had to face many difficulties in your childhood.

A troça e a intimidação por parte de outras crianças são apenas duas dessas situações. Nenhuma rapariga merece esse tipo de infância.

You deserve to have a secure and stable life and a father who’s an addict will never be able to give it to you.

6. O pai crítico

There are some fathers who think that being critical will help their kids to achieve all their dreams and goals but that’s not how it works.

Ao criticá-lo constantemente e ao estabelecer-lhe objectivos pouco razoáveis, isso só fará com que tenha problemas de autoestima.

I know that you’ll feel bad about not fulfilling them and for disappointing your father but you shouldn’t.

The only thing that’s important is that you should never disappoint yourself.

If your father puts too much pressure on you, you’ll be mentally stressed and won’t be able to focus on your goals and it’ll result in failure.

Because of your father’s criticism, you’ll feel like you’re a complete failure and it’ll definitely change your relationship with him.

Don’t allow your father’s criticism to influence you so much as to make you doubt your self-worth.

If he can’t see how much you’re worth, then that’s his problem, not yours.

7. O pai batoteiro

Quando uma filha descobre que o pai traiu a mãe, a relação entre eles nunca mais pode ser a mesma.

Haverá sempre algum ressentimento do lado dela.

Sei que aceitar o facto de um homem que se admira ter feito algo assim é especialmente difícil para as jovens.

You just can’t accept that your parents are divorcing and you’ll never be able to fully forgive your father for hurting your mother like that.

You’ve always seen the love between your parents as a true and forever kind of love, you’ve always hoped that you’ll get to experience that kind of love one day.

No entanto, se vir que o seu pai está profundamente arrependido, deve dar-lhe a oportunidade de explicar a razão pela qual o fez.

You don’t have to forget it but you should forgive your father and work on your relationship.

Don’t think that all men are the same or be afraid to fall in love with someone just because you think that the same thing will happen to you one day.

Don’t stop believing in true love because of your father’s infidelity.

Ver também: Porque é que a minha filha crescida é tão má para mim? 9 razões possíveis

13 sinais de uma relação doentia entre um pai e uma filha

Se quiser verificar se a sua relação pai-filha é saudável ou não, basta ver estes sinais de uma relação pai-filho pouco saudável.

1. The father wants to have complete control over his daughter’s life

Yes, parents have to worry about their kids’ lives, where they go and with whom they hang out but they don’t have the right to control their lives completely.

Podem sempre dar-te alguns conselhos sobre como deves fazer algumas coisas na tua vida pessoal, mas nunca te devem obrigar a fazer algo ou tomar uma decisão em teu nome.

Eles deram-lhe a vida e trabalham arduamente para lhe proporcionar uma vida melhor e, naturalmente, deve respeitá-los e ouvir os seus conselhos.

No entanto, só tu tens o direito de decidir sobre a tua própria vida.

2. Existem alguns limites pouco claros

Definição alguns limites saudáveis é essencial para que qualquer tipo de relação funcione.

If there are some unclear boundaries in a relationship between a father and a daughter or if they don’t respect each other’s boundaries, their relationship will become toxic for sure.

The father needs to respect his daughter’s privacy. Going through her phone means that you don’t trust her and that can be very painful for your daughter.

You need to accept that your daughter is growing up and she’ll need more and more personal space and privacy.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with this because we all need our privacy.

We all have some ‘sacred place’, our personal space where we feel most comfortable and in this case, it’s probably her room.

That’s why you should never enter her room without knocking first.

3. Falta de comunicação

It’s a fact that adolescence weakens the bond between a father and a daughter.

It’s all because both of them need to have more open communication and they avoid it because they don’t feel comfortable engaging in those kinds of conversations.

Concordo que a adolescência pode ser um período bastante difícil tanto para os pais como para as filhas.

Um dos problemas mais comuns numa relação entre pai e filha é a falta de comunicação.

It’s hard to understand a teenage girl’s needs and how to communicate with them but together you’ll have to find a way to get through it and not let it affect your strong bond.

4. Expectativas irrealistas

Infelizmente, há alguns pais que criam expectativas irrealistas e pouco razoáveis para os seus filhos.

That’s how they put too much pressure on them, which causes them to be nervous or stressed.

You should have some expectations for your daughter because you know that she’s capable of achieving them but if you set some absurdly high expectations for her, it’ll harm her and your relationship with her in so many ways.

When she understands that she can’t meet those expectations, she’ll feel like she has disappointed you and it’ll affect her self-confidence.

Even when she fails to reach her goals, you always have to show that you’re proud of her no matter what.

Se ela decidir seguir outro caminho que não o sugerido por si, deve saber que tem o seu apoio.

5. The father doesn’t allow the daughter to say her opinion

Somos todos seres humanos diferentes com opiniões diferentes sobre determinadas coisas. Todos nós devemos ter o direito de dizer a nossa opinião em todas as situações.

This kind of unhealthy relationship when the father underestimates his daughter’s opinions will only result in low self-esteem for her.

She will become emotionally closed off and it’ll be hard for her to open up to anyone.

She’ll be afraid of talking about her feelings and thoughts with someone because she’ll think that they’re wrong or that other people don’t care about them.

6. Qualquer tipo de abuso emocional

A maioria dos pais são modelos para os seus filhos mas, infelizmente, há alguns pais que prejudicam os seus filhos com as suas abuso emocional constante.

The fact is that leaves some indelible consequences on their kids and their future relationships. Verbal abuse isn’t any way to raise your children.

E se a sua filha cometesse um erro? Todos nós o fazemos e as crianças aprendem melhor com os seus próprios erros.

Any kind of criticism or humiliating her won’t do any good. You have to talk to her, point out her mistakes and together find a way to fix them.

7. O pai compara a sua filha com outras crianças

Comparar a sua filha com outras crianças da escola, do bairro ou com os seus irmãos é uma das piores coisas que um pai pode fazer.

It’ll affect her self-esteem and self-worth. She might become jealous or start competing with all those other children.

We’re all good at something and you should understand that she can’t be good at all of those things you would want her to be.

You have to know that your daughter is unique and that she shouldn’t be compared to other kids.

Girls are pretty emotional and you don’t know how painful it is for her to hear (especially from you) that some other kid is better than her.

8. Críticas constantes

If you think that constantly criticizing your daughter is a good way to point out her mistakes to her or to make her progress in life, you’re wrong.

Constant criticism will only make her doubt herself. She’ll always have the feeling that she is letting you down, no matter what she does.

It’s impossible to have a good relationship with your daughter if the only thing you do is criticize her.

If she does something wrong, yes, you should point it out to her and criticize her a little but you should also encourage her to be better and criticizing her isn’t the way to do it.

Ela merece ser criticada se tiver feito algo de mau, mas também merece ser elogiada sempre que se comporta bem e faz algo de bom.

9. O pai nunca aceita a responsabilidade pelo seu próprio comportamento e culpa a filha por tudo

Não há justificação para qualquer tipo de abuso, pelo que não há justificação para abusar verbalmente da sua filha.

You can’t blame it on her and tell her that it’s her fault. If she did something bad, you could react in another way than swearing or yelling at her.

Não existe uma educação perfeita porque nós, enquanto pais, também cometemos erros.

Mas o que se passa é que sempre que cometemos um erro, temos de assumir a responsabilidade por ele e admiti-lo.

That’s a good example you’re giving to your daughter that will help her with her adult relationships.

10. O pai usa a filha como a sua principal fonte de apoio emocional

Have you ever heard of emotional parentification? That’s when a parent involves one of their kids in their problems too much.

That kid needs to hear their problems and give them advice; in other words, the child is actually doing the parent’s job.

Some fathers do exactly that with their daughters and unfortunately, they aren’t aware of the long-term negative consequences it can leave on them.

Isto acontece sobretudo quando os pais se estão a divorciar. O pai usa a filha como principal apoio e a filha está sempre a mediar entre os pais.

The daughter will feel sorry for her father and his problems and she won’t feel comfortable sharing some of her own problems with him.

She’ll be suppressing them along with her emotions, which might result in depression or stress.

11. The father doesn’t allow the daughter to become independent

You have to be aware of the fact that your daughter is growing up and that one day she’ll be an independent woman.

A única coisa normal a fazer é deixem-na abrir as asas e sair do vosso ninho.

Of course, she’ll still be your little girl and she’ll still come to visit you. Becoming independent doesn’t mean she’ll forget her father and you’ll grow apart from each other.

Every parent has a hard time letting go and realizing that their kids have become independent but if you try to keep her dependent, she might miss some great things in life because of you and you’ll regret it one day.

12. A filha tem constantemente medo de desiludir o pai

Each kid’s biggest wish is to make their parents proud of them and you should never think that just because you’ve made one mistake or didn’t manage to fulfill some of their expectations, you’ll disappoint them.

If you’re constantly afraid of disappointing your father in everything you do, you’ll feel more nervous and stressed and that will affect your relationship with him too.

Don’t only consider your father as an authority, consider him as your friend too because indeed, your parents are your true friends.

Feel free to open up to him when you think you’ve disappointed him and talk about it.

Don’t run away from your problems or try to avoid talking to your father because that would only mean that you are suppressing it all and that’s the worst thing you can do.

13. The father is always included in his daughter’s decision-making processes

You can always ask your father for advice when you need it and your father will always give you some advice if he feels you need it but it’s unhealthy for both of you to seek permission from your father every time you want to do something.

You can always consult your father before you make a decision but he shouldn’t always be included in your decision-making processes.

Some decisions you have to make alone because that’s how you’re learning to be independent.

Lembre-se que qualquer pessoa pode dar-lhe conselhos que o ajudarão a tomar uma decisão final, mas só você tem o direito de tomar essa decisão.

Becoming a father for the first time is both frightening and beautiful at the same time. You want to do a good job with your kid but it’s all new to you and you’re afraid that you’ll fail at it.

Para terminar

Infelizmente, penso que many of us aren’t even aware of the true importance of fathers and how essential that father figure is in every girl’s life.

A father’s influence in a daughter’s life is so incredibly important and unfortunately, most fathers aren’t aware of that.

They’re their daughter’s role model and they really need to ask themselves if they are really role model material.

Unhealthy father-daughter relationships always leave negative effects on every girl’s life.

That’s why it’s necessary to work on your relationships and try to be a better daughter to your father or a better father to your daughter.