O meu marido é mau para mim e isso está a arruinar lentamente o nosso casamento
“My husband is mean to me” is, unfortunately, a sentence we hear so often these days. Nada dói mais do que ser desrespeitado e maltratado pela pessoa que mais amamos e de quem mais gostamos.
Esses sentimentos são-me tão conhecidos. Já passei por tudo isso. Estava constantemente a perguntar-me porque é que o meu marido era tão mau e desrespeitoso comigo.
And you know what? No matter what I did or how much I tried, I really couldn’t find the right answer. I couldn’t understand how that good man I married had turned into such a toxic and bitter person.
I know I wasn’t always the perfect wife. I have my flaws just like all human beings do but I really tried hard to be a better spouse every single day and to make him happy.
I really tried hard to save our marriage and fortunately, my efforts paid off in the end. We went through that crisis, learned our lessons from it and left it all in the past. We’re still happily married.
Tu sabes, o pior é que começa mesmo a acreditar em todas as coisas más que ele lhe diz todos os dias.
You start thinking about how the real problem might be you. It all just makes you feel like you’re unworthy of love.
In the beginning, you are in the process of denial. Even though you’re aware of the fact that he doesn’t treat you well, you deny it because you don’t want to admit it and you’re afraid of ruining your marriage.
Then, you start comforting yourself with how it’s all a phase, one little crisis you have to go through to strengthen the bond between you and how it’ll all pass very soon.
Calas-te perante todos os insultos dele porque pensas que o teu amor o vai fazer mudar.
You constantly feel like it’s all a bad dream and how you’re going to wake up soon and find your good man, the man lying next to you, whom you fell in love with and married,.
No fim de contas, you don’t have any other option than to accept that something has changed, that your husband has changed.
You’re aware that you must act fast and try to fix your marriage while you still have time.
Porque é que o meu marido é tão mau para mim? 14 razões possíveis
O que nunca consegui perceber foi porque é que o meu marido era tão mau e desrespeitoso comigo e simpático com todos os outros. Vê-lo ser simpático com toda a gente menos comigo partia-me o coração.
Before dealing with your husband’s anger, you have to understand the reason why he is angry and being disrespectful to you all of a sudden. Here are some possible causes for his angry outbursts.
O amor que ele sentia por ti está a desaparecer
We can’t say that your husband never did love you. He probably did because he married you but there is a possibility that his feelings might have changed.
It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you at all anymore, it just means that he doesn’t love you the same way he did at the beginning of your relationship.
Há definitivamente algo diferente nas emoções dele. Se ele realmente a amasse como antes, nunca seria mau e magoaria os seus sentimentos com o seu comportamento desrespeitoso.
He doesn’t care for you at all
If he keeps mistreating you and keeps saying mean things on a daily basis, there is only one conclusion for that behavior. He doesn’t care for you, nor did he ever.
Accept the truth. This is not just one of those little marriage problems. This is huge and it won’t pass just like that. Time won’t help you to ease the pain of being mistreated, nor will your love.
Como viver uma vida feliz com um homem que é constantemente mau para si e que a magoa todos os dias, sem sequer pensar em como se poderá sentir mais tarde?
Se acha que ainda há uma pequena esperança de lutar pelo seu casamento, eu digo: vá em frente.
But the best thing would probably be to leave the man who doesn’t care about your feelings or your well-being. To leave the man who doesn’t love or deserve you.
Ele tem problemas de raiva
Is your man always up for a fight? Does he blow up at the smallest things? Does he always try to avoid talking about his angry outbursts once he’s cooled down?
If your answers to all of these questions are affirmative, you’re probably dealing with um homem que tem problemas de raiva, even though he won’t admit it, of course.
Those issues won’t pass with time if you don’t deal with them together.
Actually, anger is very contagious and it’s very easy to create a habit out of it, a habit to be angry most of the time, without any reason.
Deve lidar com esses problemas e falar com o seu parceiro sobre eles, porque podem ter muitos efeitos negativos no seu casamento e na sua família. Se um dos cônjuges tiver problemas de raiva, isso conduz a uma relação tóxica e abusiva.
Ele tem uma baixa autoestima incapacitante
Whenever we were out with our friends or at some family gatherings, I couldn’t wrap my head around why my husband was mean to me and nice to everyone else.
Mais tarde, percebi que isso se devia sobretudo às suas inseguranças e à sua surpreendente baixa autoestima.
I also understood that being angry or mean to someone is actually a sign of weakness. That it’s just a coping technique against some fears we all have.
O meu marido estava realmente a passar por crises muito graves nessa altura, tanto pessoais como profissionais.
Ele achava que eu era melhor do que ele e que merecia alguém melhor, alguém que fosse capaz de me sustentar e de realizar todos os meus sonhos.
He’s just selfish
This is probably the best and only correct answer. He’s definitely selfish because he doesn’t care how you’ll feel when he hurts you with his mean behavior.
I know it’s difficult to accept but it’s absolutely true. Why can’t you get your revenge or do such things he did to you to hurt your feelings? Precisely because of that, not to hurt someone’s feelings.
Maybe he’s even being unfaithful to you
One of the possible causes of his disrespectful behavior may also be his infidelity. Maybe he isn’t brave enough to tell you the truth.
He probably doesn’t have the guts to tell you how things really are and he actually wants to make you end your marriage by being mean to you.
You’re married so you’re in a long-term relationship with your partner, so you know him well. Do you find anything awkward in his behavior, any signs that may tell you that your partner is being unfaithful to you?
Ultimamente, ele está a ser demasiado protetor em relação ao telemóvel, fica zangado e é mau para si sempre que lhe tira o telemóvel ou notou alguma alteração nas redes sociais dele que lhe seja estranha?
Se tiver razões para duvidar da sua fidelidade, procure as pequenas coisas que possam ser provas de que o seu parceiro a está a trair.
Ele pode ser um misógino
If this is the reason why your husband is mean to you, don’t be too hard on yourself and blame yourself for not noticing it before you married him.
It’s true that misogynists are everywhere around us but it may be very difficult to spot them porque sabem como esconder esse seu lado negro até conseguirem o que querem e depois mostram a sua verdadeira face.
On the other hand, most of them aren’t even aware that they are a misogynist.
O seu ódio pelas mulheres foi provavelmente causado por algum trauma de infância ou porque uma figura feminina muito importante na sua vida os traiu e os magoou profundamente.
A sua melhor caraterística é o seu charme espirituoso, que é o isco perfeito para as mulheres. Assim que têm um alvo, fazem com que ela se apaixone por eles, começam a exprimir o seu ódio e tentar pô-la o mais miserável possível.
Ele está a passar por um momento difícil
He started getting home really late from work and he was always bringing some work projects home and working late in his home office. That was the first red flag but unfortunately, I didn’t interpret it well.
Durante todo esse tempo, pensei que ele me estava a trair. Reparei que ele andava stressado mas, mais uma vez, pensei que era a pressão de uma vida ocupada.
I’m still very sorry for doubting his fidelity but he was so mean to me and every time I asked what was happening, he avoided talking about it. You have to admit, he gave me good reasons to doubt him.
No entanto, felizmente, eu estava muitíssimo enganada. Ele dirigia uma empresa privada e, nessa altura, a sua empresa estava a passar por uma grande crise e ele estava sob uma enorme pressão e estava todo stressado por causa disso.
I will never be able to apologize enough for doubting his fidelity but on the other hand, he also made a mistake by not telling me the truth because we swore to be each other’s support in both the good and bad times.
He’s a control freak
Lidar com um marido zangado que tem a mania do controlo é muito difícil e cansativo.
It emotionally drains you because you try and try to be a better spouse for him but no matter what you do, it’s never good enough for him.
He is Mr. Always Right and every time you do something wrong, he’ll create an unnecessary drama about it and be really mean to you.
It’s the kind of man who always thinks he is smarter than you and he doesn’t care about your opinion, nor does he want to hear it from you.
He’ll cross over all of your boundaries and hurt your feelings purposely without having any second thoughts about it, just to get what he wants.
He’s just taking advantage of your kindness and your honest feelings
He knows you. He knows how you think, how you feel and how you act in specific situations. That’s why he is being so mean to you.
He is aware of the fact that you love him, maybe even more than you love yourself, and he knows that no matter what he does or says, you won’t get mad at him.
Even if you do get mad, he knows that you won’t stay angry for too long. He knows you are a good and kind woman with a big heart and that you’ll forgive him every time he disrespects you.
Bem, deve traçar um limite algures e surpreendê-lo. Por muito que gostemos de alguém, nunca devemos permitir que essa pessoa nos faça de parvos ou nos trate mal.
If he’s playing this little game with you, show him how it should be done properly.
Relacionadas: Porque é que a minha namorada é tão má para mim (16 razões + formas de lidar com a situação)
Maybe it’s actually his very weird way of seeking attention
Se o seu homem gosta de ser sempre o centro das atenções e você o negligenciou durante algum tempo, talvez esta seja a forma doentia de ele procurar a sua atenção.
I really don’t know what to say about this one. It’s a little bit creepy but also romantic and funny at the same time.
If this is the reason why your husband is being mean, then he’s so childish and spoiled too.
Of course, you shouldn’t neglect him, no matter how many other obligations you have, but still, he must understand that he can’t always be the center of your attention.
Ele tem um distúrbio de personalidade narcisista
Alguns traços que definem quase todos os narcisistas são a falta de empatia pelos outros, uma profunda necessidade de atenção e um comportamento arrogante.
If your husband is always showing a little bit of each, then I’m sorry for having to break it to you but you married a narcissist.
People like that are only focused on themselves and only they are what’s truly important. He won’t be careful with your feelings because he doesn’t give two hoots about them.
He’s an abuser
Sometimes it’s possible that you’re being abused without even noticing it. Also, many people think that there is only physical abuse and that’s untrue.
A verdade é que qualquer pessoa que diga frequentemente coisas ofensivas e maldosas ou que tente controlá-lo está a abusar de si emocionalmente.
Abusers are great manipulators. They can very easily make you think about how it’s all your fault. Isto é conhecido como abuso mental.
However, you must know that it’s never your fault. No matter what you did or said to him, he doesn’t have the right to disrespect you.
If you’re asking yourself, “Why is my husband mean to me and nice to everyone else?” the answer is simple.
It’s that abusers like to behave charming and nice in front of other people because they want to leave a good impression on the people who know you, so no one will believe you when you decide to admit you’re being abused in your relationship.
If you’re really in love with that man and you’re ready to do just about anything to improve and save your relationship, you must know that you’ll have to put enormous effort into salvar o seu casamento.
Even though there is just a little hope for an abuser to change, it’s not impossible. If your love is real and honest, it can be a great motivation for them to change.
If he starts abusing you physically too, then you definitely mustn’t put up with it and keep hoping he’ll change and that it’ll pass. You must end your marriage immediately.
Ama esse homem e será doloroso divorciar-se dele, mas seria ainda pior continuar casada com um agressor.
You’ll need time and you’ll heal and move on with your life, while your soon-to-be-ex-husband will regret losing you forever.
Talvez as suas acções recentes sejam a causa desse súbito comportamento desrespeitoso
No entanto, se o seu marido mudou de repente e está a ser mau para si, deve perguntar a si própria se fez alguma coisa que possa ter provocado esse tipo de comportamento.
Se esta é a primeira vez que o seu marido lhe diz coisas más e a desrespeita, o problema pode estar em algo que você fez.
Maybe you said or did something that really hurt his ego and I think we all know how important a man’s ego is to them.
It’s a huge part of their self-esteem and we already talked about how a man with a lower ego can sometimes be disrespectful in a relationship.
Again, I’m not saying that him mistreating and disrespecting you is your fault.
I’m just saying that you should think about your actions over the past few days and see whether you did anything that might have provoked him to be mean to you.
Ver também: 14 razões pelas quais o meu marido nunca faz nada de especial por mim
8 formas eficazes de lidar com o desrespeito dele
Lidar com um marido zangado e com os seus tormentos emocionais e mentais diários pode ser realmente doloroso e exaustivo.
No entanto, há algumas formas de lidar com isso. Ajude-o a perceber os seus problemas de raiva, ajude-o a mudar e salve o seu casamento.
It’s high time to set boundaries in your marriage
Okay, you’ve been dealing with his angry outbursts for some time now and you haven’t done anything about it because all this time, you thought he’d change.
However, now, it’s high time to put an end to it. Enough is enough. You know you don’t deserve it, so why should you keep putting up with and tolerating his toxic behavior?
Reset the boundaries in your marriage. Confront your husband about his disrespectful behavior. Tell him how it’s bothering you and how it’s slowly ruining your marriage.
Peça-lhe que coopere mais em tudo, mesmo em coisas simples como as tarefas domésticas.
Doing some simple things like that together might be fun for both of you and it’ll also strengthen the bond between you and improve your relationship.
Be open and honest with him. Don’t try to change him by yourself but demand him to change his behavior if he wants to save your marriage.
Don’t add fuel to the fire
One of the best pieces of advice I was given when I was dealing with my husband’s temperament issues was that when one partner is fire, the other one has to be water.
Isso significa que, sempre que o seu marido estiver zangado e começar a discutir consigo, deve tentar acalmar a tempestade e tentar resolver a situação de uma forma saudável.
Of course, it’s not always possible to do that. Sometimes, he really provokes you and you get angry too.
However, you should try to calm yourself in those moments as much as possible. Don’t be upset just because he’s upset or angry with you.
Se vir que algo o deixou muito aborrecido, deve afastar-se e tentar falar novamente com ele sobre o assunto quando ele se acalmar.
If you start participating in a fight, you’ll end up saying really mean things to each other and you will both later regret it but by then, it may be too late.
Tentar chegar à causa principal da sua raiva
Before you start dealing with his bad temperament issues, you first must get to the bottom of what’s causing his angry outbursts.
There’s probably a reason for it, especially if it starts happening all of a sudden. You know that he isn’t the man you married but you must find out what caused him to change so negatively.
If you can’t figure out the cause by yourself, confront him about it and ask him to tell you.
If he tells you how you’re just imagining it or keeps avoiding talking about it, seek professional help or ask your or his best friend to help you find out.
The fact is that his toxic behavior is ruining your marriage and finding out what’s making him treat you that way is the only way you’ll be able to handle it and save your marriage.
Don’t try to change him because it’s a mission impossible
A regra mais importante que tem de seguir se quiser salvar o seu casamento é que nunca deve tentar mudar o seu marido.
Pode ser direta com ele, dizer-lhe que os seus problemas de raiva estão a prejudicar o vosso casamento e pode ajudá-lo a mudar o seu comportamento, mas o mais importante é que o seu marido perceba o quanto o seu comportamento está a prejudicar o vosso casamento e esteja disposto a mudar.
This is the only way he’ll show you how much he cares for you and your marriage. And trust me, even if you try to change him, which would be a terrible mistake, you wouldn’t succeed in it.
Open up to someone about your husband’s anger issues
You don’t have to go through all of it alone. Open up to someone about the problems in your marriage. Talk to your best friend and ask them for advice.
Even though they might not give you any guidance, they’ll try to comfort you and make you feel better.
Pode até pedir ao melhor amigo dele ou a alguém em quem ele confie mais, além de si, para falar com ele e avisá-lo de como o seu comportamento tóxico está a afetar e a prejudicar o vosso casamento ou apenas para descobrir a razão das suas frequentes explosões de raiva.
Maybe he’ll listen to that person and realize it’s time for a change.
Sugerir-lhe uma terapia de controlo da raiva
You shouldn’t just accept his behavior without doing anything to help him realize he has to change.
Seja direta com o seu marido e diga-lhe que os problemas de mau temperamento dele estão a afetar negativamente o vosso casamento e as vossas vidas.
Ask him to try anger management therapy and tell him that you’ll be there for him every step of the way, supporting him and believing in him.
If he or you can’t identify his stressors, then he definitely needs professional help and this therapy will help him find the real cause of his anger issues and help him realize those negative emotions.
Tentar rir para afastar a raiva
O humor é sempre a melhor cura para tudo, por isso pode tentar. Sempre que o seu marido se zangar, tente distraí-lo com humor.
Conhece-o muito bem e deve saber o que o faz rir. Quando ele começar a discutir por causa de pequenas coisas estúpidas, no meio da conversa, conte uma piada que sabe que o vai fazer rir.
Ver também: Porque é que toda a gente é tão má para mim? O problema não és tu. (Ou será que é?)
O aconselhamento matrimonial pode ajudá-lo a salvar o seu casamento
Se ambos querem salvar ou corrigir o vosso casamento, devem tentar o aconselhamento matrimonial. Um terapeuta pode ajudar-vos a perceber os erros que estão a prejudicar o vosso casamento e ajudá-los a lidar com eles.
Esta pode ser apenas mais uma crise conjugal e, com a ajuda de um profissional, poderá ser facilmente ultrapassada.
You’ll both have to put some effort in and be ready to work on your differences and issues to overcome that crisis.
Por outro lado, também pode ser uma óptima maneira de fortalecer o seu casamento e os laços entre vocês.
Todas as crises e todos os problemas entre vocês podem ser ultrapassados se o amor entre vocês for forte e honesto e se quiserem realmente melhorar ou salvar o vosso casamento.
However, sometimes it’s impossible to tolerate specific behavior from your spouse and the best choice for both partners is to divorce.
Some things can’t be fixed or regained, after all. Lost trust and lost respect are just two of those things.
