Porque é que toda a gente é tão má para mim? O problema não és tu. (Ou será que é?)
Ninguém é poupado a comportamentos maus e, se acontecerem com frequência, pode ser difícil lidar com eles. When you’re in a situation that causes you to think, “Why is everyone so mean to me?” it’s likely that things have come to a point where it’s gone too far.
Acontece com pessoas de todas as idades : o mesmo tipo de pessoas são culpadas quando um adulto é maltratado no trabalho ou quando uma criança de dez anos é vítima de bullying na escola. A situação pode tornar-se muito má na Internet – hiding behind anonymity and memes allows people to attack others in public forums , but it gets really bad in private messages onde ninguém pode ver .
Why does it happen? What makes people act in a way that hurts others? Is it your fault or is it theirs? All these questions have answers that aren’t hard to understand, but it might be hard to find compassion for the people who are mean and hurtful.
Porque é que toda a gente é tão má para mim?
There can be only two answers to this problem: it’s either you, or other people. You can tell which one it is by giving the following question some thought: é realmente todosou está a exagerar?
Every time you think, “Why is everyone so mean to me?” be honest with yourself. If it’s everyone, then you should consider the possibility that you’re the reason why people don’t like you . If it’s not everyone, but in fact a few pessoas más que encontrar, a culpa é deles.
There’s a quote that says, “If you run into an idiota de manhã, encontrou um idiota. Se se deparar com idiotas all day, you’re the idiota.” (Raylan Givens, Justificado ) Esta linha descreve perfeitamente este ponto.
If all of your interactions with other people lead to them being mean to you, there’s something about you that rubs them the wrong way. If it’s an occasional rude or pessoa má, então têm um problema.
Para chegar ao fundo da questão e perceber porque é que as pessoas são más, devem ser exploradas as duas possibilidades.
As pessoas são más para ti por causa dos seus próprios problemas
It’s far more likely that not every single person is mean to you, but that you simply run into rude and hurtful people so often that it seems they’re everywhere.
Imagine a day like this: first someone bumps into you on the street and proceeds to yell at you while you’re on your way to work. Later, your boss snaps at you when you ask them about a project deadline. To top it off, your friend ignores you when you text them to ask them to go out while you’re getting ready to leave work.
With such encounters it’s easy to forget all the kind things that happened that day: the neighbor who greeted you with a smile, the co-worker who helped you out, the family member who called to ask how you are. So the next time you think, “Everyone is so mean to me,” take a moment to remember the other side of the story.
As pessoas que são más, no entanto, são más por razões que não têm nada a ver consigo. As pessoas são más por causa dos seus próprios problemas. It’s insecurities and unhappiness that make people act rude, mean and unkind.
1. Têm uma baixa autoestima
A baixa autoestima faz com que uma pessoa duvidar do seu valor , and their unhappiness needs to be expressed somehow. Sometimes it manifests as false self-confidence that’s fragile and ready to shatter at any time.
Uma pessoa com baixo autoestima doesn’t see anything good in themselves, and they’ve convinced themselves that they are indigno de amor. Porque se sentem pouco amáveis, sentem que não devem ser amadas.
They’re afraid you won’t like them as they are anyway, so by being mean they give you something that’s easy to dislike – the mean version of themselves that deserves hate. As mean as they are to you, they’re meaner to themselves.
2. They’re plagued by insecurities
A common reason for being mean is when a person is facing something that they’re insecure about. As interacções entre as pessoas são muitas vezes influenciadas pelo facto de alguém ter frequentemente a vantagem por muito difícil que seja reconhecê-lo.
When someone who’s feeling like you’re above them in some way is mean to you, they’re trying to protect themselves. Because they’re feeling powerless and insecure about their autoestima, they’re trying to put you down before you get the chance to put them down.
3. They’re feeling inadequate
Some people who don’t like themselves can espiral de auto-aversão and have trouble in social interactions because they feel like they don’t have anything to offer. They believe others might think they’re boring and annoying, so they overcompensate by being mean.
A ansiedade em relação às interacções sociais leva-os a rebaixar as outras pessoas. Ao fazê-lo, puxam-nas para o seu próprio nível.
4. A sua educação influenciou-os
A lot of people have grown up in unhealthy environments and never learned how to act when they’re having negative emotions . If they were taught that it’s acceptable to take out your feelings on others, they might lack autoconsciência e nem sequer consideram examinar o seu comportamento.
5. They’ve suffered abuse
People who have suffered abusive behavior often perpetuate what they’ve experienced unless their feelings are dealt with. This, or anything else on this list, isn’t an excuse for behaving in a hurtful way to others, but it can give you a glimpse into porque é que algumas pessoas têm dificuldade em relacionar-se com os outros de uma forma saudável e produtiva.
6. They’ve been hurt
People are often mean to cope with their feelings. Maybe you remind them of their pain, or you’re in the wrong place at the wrong time, but their lashing out has nothing to do with you. It’s a coping mechanism to deal with dor emocional and handle damage that you don’t see.
7. A sua raiva sabe bem
Some people convince themselves that they’re right even when they aren’t and transferir a culpa para os outros . If they decide that you’re the villain, they get a feeling of superiority when they’re mean to you – if you’re awful, then they must be the good guy.
A primeira vez que agem assim, apercebem-se que gostam da sensação, por isso continuam a fazê-lo. Because they enjoy being mean, they refuse to let go of their anger and think about how they’re affecting the other person.
8. Não têm capacidade de comunicação
Ser mau pode revelar uma falta de comunicação e de competências sociais . Uma pessoa que fica zangada e má no momento em que discorda de si, provavelmente aprendeu essa forma de comunicar enquanto crescia.
Já alguma vez falou com alguém que começa a falar por cima de si com uma voz mais alta do que a sua em vez de esperar que termine? Este é outro comportamento que revela falta de capacidade de comunicação.
É especialmente fácil detetar o facto de se estar zangado por defeito quando se fala com os outros redes sociais. It’s often found among people who’ll disagree with you just for the sake of it.
9. They’re going through something
You don’t know what’s going on in someone’s life at the moment. They could be having a bad day or personal problems occupying their thoughts. They could be hungry or sleepy or worried, and too preoccupied with their own life to have any patience for others. Mau humor causada pelo stress afecta toda a gente, mas nem todos sabem como lidar com ela.
10. They’re emotionally immature
Someone who’s emocionalmente imaturo doesn’t have the ability to cope with their feelings, which can often result in acting out and trying to drag you down to their level. If you cross their path, they’ll try to make you unhappy because they’re unhappy. Para exprimir os seus sentimentos negativos, recorrem a insultos, gritos e ataques.
11. They’re feeling entitled
As pessoas com direitos pensam que lhes devemos alguma coisa. It can be your time, attention or anything else, but they can become enraged when they don’t get what they believe they deserve.
This is the kind of rude people who imagine scenarios about how a situation should go, and when you don’t act in accordance with their imagination, they react to you behaving in a way they didn’t expect with anger.
These are toxic people who don’t even realize they are the problem and they’ll blame you for ruining their day, even when you had nothing to do with it.
12. They’re trying to make themselves feel better
Quando alguém está profundamente infeliz e frustrado, tentam procurar validação arrastando as outras pessoas para o seu nível. A miséria adora companhia, por isso querem que se sinta tão mal consigo próprio como eles.
The things they don’t like most about you are the things they don’t like most about themselves, and therefore they’ll throw every ounce of hatred and vitriol that they believe they deserve at you.
13. Têm problemas de saúde mental
Depression isn’t just sadness, it’s a lack of will and it’s often accompanied by irritability and short temper. Lack of patience for people around them and anxiety make it fácil de atacar. Other mental health issues can also contribute to someone’s rude and mean behavior , such as certain personality disorders.
14. They’re taking it out on you
Muitas vezes, as pessoas que estão zangadas com alguém ou com alguma coisa recorrem a uma raiva despropositada para lidar com questões não resolvidas. Pode ser a vigésima pessoa que os irritou hoje e foi a última gota. It happens more than you think – someone made them mad, now they’re making you pay for the other person’s behavior.
15. Eles não gostam de ti por alguma razão
Sometimes people are mean because they’re angry at you specifically. You don’t have to have done anything in particular – as pessoas podem, por vezes, guardar rancor contra si pela forma como o vêem em relação a elas próprias.
Por exemplo, podem odiá-lo porque discordam de si em relação a alguns valores ou invejam-no because you have something they don’t.
You might be complaining about lack of free time because you’ve made too many plans, and they’ll resent you because they’re lonely and bored.
As pessoas são más para si por causa do seu comportamento
Se a maioria das pessoas com quem entra em contacto é rude ou má para si, é provável que you’re probably not as nice as you think. Cada um tem o seu ponto de vista e, por vezes, podemos julgar os outros com mais severidade do que nos julgamos a nós próprios.
Most of the time we value our own actions by their intent, and the others’ by their results. For example, if you accidentally spill coffee on someone, you’ll insist that it wasn’t on purpose if they get mad. If someone else spills coffee on you, you’ll be all sticky and angry and won’t care that they did it by accident.
This is how we justify things that we did but didn’t mean to do, while we still blame other people if they do the same thing. When you hold people to standards that you don’t apply to yourself, it can become easy to see yourself as a victim who is under attack by everyone.
1. You’re rude to people
Examine everything from the previous section closely to see if anything applies to you. Are you the one who’s mean in the first place for some reason? Do you have unresolved anger issues?
If you don’t like yourself, if your life is stressful or you don’t know how to cope, you might be dealing with it by being rude to people O que os leva a serem rudes e maus para si também.
2. Pareces falso
If you’re nice and everyone is mean to you, people might be thinking that your niceness is fake. Overly nice people can seem like they have an agenda and are trying to gain something by their niceness, so people might feel like you’re dishonest.
Make sure that you’re not nice because you’re trying to be liked. People can feel the lack of sincerity, and if you’re nice because you expect niceness back, you won’t get it. Em vez de ser simpático, seja bondoso.
3. You’re negative
Asking the question “Why is everyone so mean to me?” in the first place can mean that you’re a person who looks at everything in a negative way.
If you’re seeing comportamento médio e coisas más em todo o lado, é preciso tentar perceber porque é que isso acontece. If you’re pessimistic and can’t seem to find anything good around you, you might be feeling depressed or sad for some reason.
Tente mudar lentamente a forma como encara a vida e, se necessário, procure a ajuda de um profissional.
4. You’re selfish
If you’re selfish and focused only on yourself, it’s hard to notice how other people feel. Se tem tendência para culpar os outros pelos seus problemas, pode ser este o caso.
If you’re making everything about you, and judging others, their mean behavior might be a reaction to the way you treat them. Alguns sinais de que pode ser egoísta são julgar os outros por coisas que acha que tem o direito de fazer e perseguir os seus próprios desejos e necessidades à custa dos outros.
Comece a lidar com isso concentrando-se um pouco mais nos outros, em vez de precisar de ser sempre o centro das atenções.
5. You’re bossy
Se tem de ter sempre a última palavra e de ter sempre razão, as pessoas podem considerá-lo mandão. If you get upset when things don’t go your way, people might think you’re controlling e não fazer as coisas que queremos de propósito.
Ser alguém que critica, chateia e tenta controlar as outras pessoas pode fazer com que elas reajam com rudeza ou não queiram estar perto de si.
Ver também: Porque é que a minha namorada é tão má para mim (16 razões + formas de lidar com a situação)
O que devo fazer quando as pessoas estão a ser más para mim?
When people are mean to you, don’t take things personally. You can react in kind and cause an argument, but you won’t gain anything from it. Or you can get sad, but they’re not worth it.
The best thing to do when people are rude and mean to you, is to fully understand that people’s reactions to you are their problem.
1. Concentre-se na questão em causa, em vez do comportamento rude
Don’t expect people to be nice. If they turn out to be nice, that’s great. If they don’t, it’s not your problem.
When you’re in a situation where you’re forced to deal with someone who’s being mean, try to ignore their behavior until you don’t have to interact with them and then simply focus on the reason you’re there.
For example, if you need a co-worker who’s being rude to give you a file, don’t react to their rudeness, but every time they say something mean, only talk about the file you need. Don’t give them the validation they’re looking for – only deal with them for the reason you have to.
2. Don’t pay them back in kind, ser gentil
Outra forma de reagir às pessoas que são más é ser gentil com elas. Claro que sim, you don’t have to be kind to someone who’s rude to you, but the results might surprise you.
If it’s someone who’s mean because they’re not feeling good about themselves, your kindness can completely change their day around and make them reconsider the way they’re treating you.
If it’s someone who’s mean because they feel like they have the right to be mean, they’ll get confused and potentially even more angry. Se persistir na vossa bondade and completely ignore that they’re being rude, you’ll end up much less upset.
3. Afastar-se
Sometimes it’s best to simply leave the situation. If you don’t have to deal with the person who’s being mean, don’t engage them at all. Just turn around and leave and don’t give them a time of day. Sometimes it’s really not worth it.
4. Estabelecer limites
Quando alguém é habitualmente mal-educado connosco, temos de ser firmes e estabelecer limites . Let them know their behavior isn’t acceptable and tell them that you refuse to deal with it. If they cross your boundaries after you’ve let them know, don’t allow them to get away with it. Ser claro e decidido.
5. Falar
Sometimes you have to speak up and call out someone’s rudeness . Deciding when to do it and when to walk away is difficult, but keep in mind that é preciso escolher as batalhas.
If you see that speaking up only leads to more conflict, it’s better to remove yourself from the situation. When you think that you’re able to reach the other person, then you should speak up.
Porque é que é tão fácil ser mau para os outros?
O facto de se sentirem insatisfeitas com alguma coisa nas suas vidas faz com que as pessoas procurem qualquer forma de expressar a sua insatisfação. Enredar-se nos seus sentimentos pode ser muito fácil, e começa a olhar para as outras pessoas como seus inimigos.
When you’re feeling like you’ve been treated unfairly for something minor and you react with what seems to be justified anger, you feel a sense of superiority because the other person is clearly awful and you’re the one who’s right.
In this way it’s easy for your feelings of righteousness to lead you into being mean, and to feel satisfaction when you give someone what you believe they deserve. Have you ever gossiped about someone and happily listed every bad thing about them, pleased that they’re so terrible and you’re not?
A forma como as pessoas tratam os outros está relacionada com a forma como se sentem em relação a si próprias. Becoming someone who isn’t mean starts with compaixão – for others, but also for yourself. If you’ve been unkind, start by being kinder to yourself.
• Forgive yourself for your past mistakes.
• Face your fears and your flaws that make you mad when you recognize them in others.
• Don’t criticize yourself and don’t judge yourself.
• See your own anger at yourself and recognize you’re not a bad person.
• Acknowledge that some of the things that are important to you, might hold no value in someone else’s life.
• On the other hand, just because you’re not even thinking about something, doesn’t mean it’s not an issue for someone else.
To stop being mean, it’s important to consider other people’s lives and their own perspectives, which might be completely different from yours. Escolher curar e decidir ser gentil em vez de mau. Primeiro para si próprio e depois para os outros.
Ser gentil
Being mean is an easy way to cope with things that aren’t going well in someone’s life. Not everyone deals in that way, so the question, “Why is everyone so mean to me?” is something that needs some thought.
Seja honesto consigo próprio about whether it’s always the other person’s fault, or if you’re sometimes to blame for what your relationship is like. Be aware that most people are mean because they’re really mean to themselves, and decide what’s the best way for you personally to deal with it.
