O meu namorado traiu-me: 21 coisas que deves e não deves fazer

O meu namorado traiu-me, o que devo fazer?

Se esta frase ou uma semelhante já lhe passou pela cabeça, sabe como esta experiência é devastadora e desoladora.

When you first find out that someone you could have sworn would do you no harm went behind your back and deliberately wounded you emotionally, you feel lost and don’t know what to do.

Tudo o que vocês tinham era uma grande e gorda mentira? Ele alguma vez te amou?

O seu namorado traidor alguma vez pensou em si enquanto o fazia? Porque é que ele o fez em primeiro lugar?

Estas e muitas outras perguntas estão a passar-lhe pela cabeça e não tem respostas.

In this state of shock, it is expected of you to make some moves that don’t look like you. You don’t know what the right thing to do is and you need guidance. Well, that’s why we’re here.

I wish that not a single woman has to read this but if you’re in a similar situation and if your boyfriend cheated on you, we’ll help you play your cards right and make the best of it all.

Here are some things you should do and the things you shouldn’t do when you’re the victim of his infidelity.

11 Things You Should And Shouldn’t Do When Ele faz batota Sobre ti

1. Ter certezas sobre o assunto

Before finding ways to deal with your partner’s infidelity, firstly, you have to be sure that it really happened.

Uma coisa é o facto de ele ter confessado que a traiu, porque, nesse caso, tudo é mais do que claro e sabe qual é a sua posição.

However, if these are your doubts only based on your gut feeling and if the sentence ‘I think my boyfriend cheated on me’ has gone through your mind, it is time to do some more investigating.

Don’t get me wrong—I’m not advising you to go all crazy and dig up all the details from his other relationships just to break your heart even more.

I’m telling you to get all the intel you can so you have all the proof you need in case your cheating boyfriend starts denying it or presenting it as much different than it actually is.

Por exemplo, se encontrou algumas mensagens de texto incriminatórias ou actividades suspeitas nos perfis das redes sociais dele, guarde as provas para mais tarde ou continue a espiá-lo até chegar ao fundo dessas mensagens de texto e ver se há algo mais escondido por detrás disso.

É preciso saber se ele tinha uma relação séria paralela ou se se tratava de um caso isolado.

Era alguém que ele estava mensagens de texto durante algum tempo ou o caso foi físico?

Sim, a traição não tem desculpa e é uma das piores coisas que se pode fazer à pessoa amada, mas há uma diferença entre o facto de ele ter tido um caso que durou algum tempo e que estava conscientemente a esconder enquanto vivia uma vida dupla e o facto de ter sido apenas um momento de fraqueza enquanto estava bêbado, o que arrependeu-se logo.

You see, it would be much easier for you to believe that this was just your imagination and that your boyfriend didn’t cheat on you at all.

Assim, se ele começar a mentir ou a acusá-la de exagerar, o seu subconsciente fá-la-á confiar nele, simplesmente porque quer apagar este episódio e continuar com a sua relação.

However, if you present him with the evidence of his infidelity, he won’t have any choice but to confess everything.

2. Aceitar

Sadly, the worst thing many women do after they realize they’ve been cheated on is pretend it didn’t happen and avoid entering the realm of recuperação de casos. 

Bem, se queres fazer tudo bem, tens de escapar a este padrão tóxico de comportamento e aceitar a dura verdade.

There is no point in trying to dig into this as deeply as possible, no point in repressing your emotions, pretending that you’re not hurt or heartbroken or acting like the entire affair didn’t happen.

Sim, é provavelmente mais fácil para si lidar com a situação desta forma agora, mas a longo prazo, esta abordagem irá trazer-lhe muitos mais problemas do que pensa.

Don’t let your boyfriend’s moves define you and remember that you are and will always be much more than a girl who got cheated on.

Nevertheless, you need to embrace it because it is the truth you can’t run away from and which won’t magically disappear if you choose to ignore it.

You can’t expect to move on or to heal unless you face reality first.

Quer queiramos quer não, temos de ter a força para o aceitar e encontrar a melhor forma de lidar com ele.

3. Confrontá-lo

Don’t give your boyfriend the silent treatment or go all passivo-agressivo on him, expecting he’ll realize you know about his infidelity.

Don’t waste your time and lose more of your patience by waiting for him to bring the subject up because that won’t happen.

This man has been able to keep a secret from you and go behind you back, so he certainly won’t start the topic by himself.

Instead, he’ll pretend to be innocent for as long as possible.

That is why you’ll be the one to put a stop to this agony and start this conversation.

Fale-lhe das suas dúvidas e espere pela sua reação e resposta.

Se o seu namorado tentar negar o caso e começar a convencê-la de que foi completamente insignificante, ataque-o com todas as provas que tiver.

Show him that you’re not a fool he can keep on playing with!

4. Don’t take it personally

After you get cheated on, you think that you’re the only one who didn’t see what was happening right in front of your eyes.

You analyze your relationship and can’t help but wonder where things went wrong and how it was possible for the two of you to get to this stage.

Well, I’m here to beg you to put an effort into not taking it so personally. First of all, trust me—you’re not alone.

Unfortunately, cheating happens all the time and there are many more women around you who have been through something similar; you just don’t know it since they chose to stay quiet about it.

Em segundo lugar, o seu namorado é um traidor e isso não tem nada a ver consigo.

A natureza traidora dele não tem qualquer correlação com a sua aparência, personalidade ou com a forma como o tratou; é um problema que ele tem e algo que tem de corrigir em si próprio.

I know you’ll probably start replaying your entire relationship back and forth in your mind. Were you not enough?

Podias ter sido mais bonita, mais inteligente, mais interessante? Devia ter reparado mais cedo que algo se estava a passar?

He probably cheated on his exes and it is very likely that he’ll continue with his behavior patterns regardless of whether he remains next to you or moves on to his next victim.

And there is absolutely nothing you can do about it; you couldn’t have prevented it and nor could you have predicted it.

5. Don’t let him put the blame on you

Quando as pessoas traem, normalmente puxam o seu parceiro para o jogo da culpa.

Em vez de assumirem toda a responsabilidade pelos seus actos horríveis, alguns homens tentam inverter a situação e fazer com que se sinta culpada por ter sido traída.

Parece ridículo, eu sei.

However, when your low self-esteem kicks in and when you feel humiliated and betrayed, it is way easier for you to be manipulated into believing that you’re guilty as well.

Don’t allow him to tell you that he did all of this because you weren’t giving him enough attention, because you refused to experiment under the sheets, because you don’t look the way you did at the beginning of your relationship, because you stopped giving him butterflies, because your relationship had fallen into a rut or something like that.

Don’t believe his empty excuses because there is absolutely no justification for what he did.

After all, if he wasn’t content with your committed relationship or if you weren’t making him happy anymore, he should have tried talking things through and put an effort into rebuilding and reviving your romance.

Depois, se nada resultasse, tinha sempre a opção de se ir embora como um cavalheiro.

No entanto, ele escolheu a pior de todas as opções; escolheu traí-la e apunhalá-la pelas costas, sem pensar duas vezes e sem se preocupar com as consequências que o seu caso poderia ter para si.

Please remember—you’re the victim here and the victim is never guilty.

Se ele teve a coragem de fazer batota, façam-no ser homem suficiente e assumir a responsabilidade pelos seus actos como um adulto.

Trust me—by accusing you for his misdeeds and engaging in these blame games, he is just trying to make things easier for himself.

Ele está apenas a tentar limpar a sua consciência e privar-se da culpa.

And you shouldn’t allow him to do that at any cost.

6. …but don’t blame the other girl either

À primeira vista, é provável que comece a amaldiçoar o dia em que nasceu a rapariga com quem o seu namorado a traiu.

You’ll aim all of your disappointment and hate toward her. This man loved you and respected you until she came along, right?

She must have seduced him into cheating and manipulated him into believing she’d give him what you couldn’t.

E estes pensamentos não são invulgares.

Afinal de contas, é muito mais fácil culpar uma rapariga qualquer de quem não se sabe nada do que perceber que passou anos ao lado de alguém que lhe faria uma coisa dessas.

It is easier to come up with different scenarios in which she’s the bad guy, while he is a naive boy who did everything by accident and didn’t know better.

Mais fácil, mas não é verdade.

Ninguém espera que se torne o melhor amigo desta mulher ou que sinta pena dela, mas alguma vez lhe passou pela cabeça que ela também é a sua vítima?

That she didn’t even know you existed? Or maybe she did but he kept lying to her?

Let’s be honest—your boyfriend probably didn’t tell her that ele ama-te very much and that he doesn’t plan on leaving you.

Even though being the third wheel to someone’s serious relationship is not something anyone should be proud of, have in mind that she is not guilty of ruining your relationship.

Se o teu homem é um batoteiroSe ele a trair, se não for com ela, será com outra pessoa.

After all, she is not the one who made any commitment toward you. She didn’t make any promises and nor did she break any vows.

Não era ela que lhe devia fidelidade e não era ela que tinha o dever de respeitar o seu amor e os sacrifícios que fez.

She is not the one who should have thought of you—he is.

7. Falar com ele honestamente

Sim, este homem causou-lhe muito mal. Partiu-te o coração e traiu a tua confiança da pior maneira possível.

I’m not justifying his actions at all but this event doesn’t nullify your entire relação de compromisso e tudo o que partilharam, tiveram e passaram antes de a infidelidade acontecer.

Este continua a ser o homem com quem tem uma história e alguém que considerava o seu melhor amigo e alma gémea até há pouco tempo.

Por isso, ambos merecem ter uma conversa honesta sobre tudo o que aconteceu.

Don’t spare him anything, tell him exactly how you feel and face him with the consequences of his actions.

You don’t have to put a brave mask on and pretend that you’re completely unharmed because that couldn’t be further from the truth.

However, don’t see yourself as a victim either (even though you are his victim) and don’t feel sorry for yourself.

Falem com sinceridade sobre tudo o que aconteceu, sobre todas as coisas que vos levaram a este terrível acontecimento.

Most importantly—talk about your plans for the future and be honest about whether it is possible to rebuild your relationship or not.

O que é que ele quer? Está a implorar-lhe que o aceite de volta ou quer acabar com tudo?

8. Dar a si próprio tempo para fazer o luto

What you’ve been through is not the end of the world or the end of your life. However, it is not easy either.

A constatação de que o seu ente querido foi infiel é devastadora para todas as mulheres.

So, please don’t feel the need for some heroic acts and don’t pretend like everything is in perfect order.

Em vez disso, dê-se tempo para lamentar. Chorem e gritem se sentirem necessidade.

Se possível, tire alguns dias de férias e cancele todas as suas obrigações para poder ter algum tempo para si.

Processa tudo o que aconteceu antes de estares pronto para voltar ao mundo.

9. Faz o teu melhor para o perdoar

After the initial shock has passed and after you accept the fact that your boyfriend cheated on you, the first emotion you’ll probably have is hate.

You’ll feel repulsed by this man and you’ll curse the day he was born.

Please, don’t feel bad about it since it is completely normal and a phase all of us have gone through.

However, don’t let these negative emotions get the best of you and overwhelm your entire being either.

You see, hatred and resentment won’t do any damage to the guy who cheated you.

He won’t feel it and nor will it make him regret his decision, if he hasn’t already.

Por outro lado, vai comer-te vivo e vai partir-te ainda mais o coração.

Mudará a essência da pessoa que era e transformá-la-á numa mulher amarga, negativa e sem qualquer amor.

Por isso, por favor, encontre a força em si mesmo para eventualmente perdoar o teu namorado traidor.

Of course, your forgiveness is a process that takes time, otherwise it wouldn’t be honest.

What is important is for you to try as hard as you can, even if he doesn’t ask you to.

Remember—you’re not doing it for his sake, you’re doing it to liberate yourself of all the toxic waste he left behind.

Naturally, forgiving your boyfriend doesn’t have anything to do with whether you’ll take him back or not.

By accepting his apology (even if you didn’t get one), you’re letting go of everything bad that has happened, you’re getting rid of the emotional baggage this affair put on your shoulders and you’re minimalizing the possibility of carrying some past traumas into your future.

10. Don’t wait for closure

Como mulher traída, é perfeitamente natural que exija uma explicação do seu traidor.

You want to know all the details of his affair and most importantly—you want to know why he did all of this.

Well, I have to disappoint you and tell you that it is unlikely that you’ll ever get the answers you crave.

Não importa o que este tipo te diga, a sua explicação nunca te satisfará o suficiente.

Por outro lado, há também a possibilidade de ele transformar toda esta situação numa luta, só para evitar falar sobre o assunto.

De qualquer forma, é preciso parar de esperar pelo encerramento e é preciso seguir em frente com ou sem ele.

Even if you don’t get an apology, if you never find out exactly what happened, if he doesn’t show signs of remorse, none of it is your concern.

A sua única obrigação neste momento é ultrapassar tudo isto de uma forma saudável e sair desta situação com o mínimo de consequências possível.

After all, there is no valid explanation for cheating. He is an asshole who couldn’t keep it in his pants—simple as that.

11. Demora o tempo necessário para tomar uma decisão

It is crucial for you to have one significant thing in mind—this is your life and you’re the only one who has the right to make decisions regarding it.

At the end of the day, you’re the one who will suffer the consequences of your choices and the one who has to live with them.

So when you decide whether you’ll recuperar o seu namorado traidor or not, don’t listen to anyone.

Sim, os seus entes queridos só lhe desejam o melhor, mas não estão na sua pele e não têm nada a dizer sobre isso.

Uma coisa é decidir voltar a estar com este homem ou não, mas é completamente diferente fazer tudo isto por causa de outras pessoas.

I won’t lie to you—dumping a cheater is never a wrong choice.

Homens como ele raramente mudam e é provável que repitam o erro, mesmo que consiga ultrapassar o que ele fez desta vez.

No entanto, se acha que ele merece uma segunda oportunidade, ninguém a julgará por isso.

Just be aware you’ll both have to invest a lot of time and energy before your relationship starts functioning all over again.

Ver também: Deixar de amar depois da infidelidade: 12 maneiras fáceis de o fazer

5 coisas a fazer se decidir aceitá-lo de volta

For some people, their partner’s infidelity is not a deal breaker and they want to give their relationship another shot.

If you’re one of these people, here are the steps you should follow.

1. Don’t expect your relationship to ever be the same…

As much as you try doing so, be aware that you can’t magically erase the affair which happened.

A única coisa que pode fazer é juntar-se a si e ao seu parceiro, apanhar os cacos e tentar colá-los de novo.

Nevertheless, don’t expect things to be the way they were.

Just because you forgave him, it doesn’t mean that everything is back in order and that you’ll manage to have uma relação saudável durante a noite.

In fact, you’re up for many more fights, grudges and arguments.

No entanto, a pior coisa que pode fazer é manter todas as suas emoções engarrafadas e fingir que nada aconteceu.

Por isso, sim, a vossa relação será diferente em muitos aspectos.

After all, something clearly wasn’t right about how it worked before, otherwise the affair wouldn’t have happened, so don’t see this change as something necessarily bad.

However, it is completely up to you whether you’ll be able to make the best out of this painful situation or you’ll make things even worse and break your relationship to the point of no repair.

I won’t lie to you—very few couples succeed in doing this.

Não são muitos os que vêem este facto como um aviso final de que algo não está bem e o encaram como um ponto de viragem na sua relação.

No entanto, todos os casais são diferentes e ninguém pode dizer o que vai acontecer entre si e o seu namorado.

You can just hope for the best, since you’ve already chosen to take things in this direction.

2. … but don’t bring up the cheating constantly

Nobody expects you to ever forget what you’ve been through.

At the end of the day, you can’t order your heart to heal until it’s fully ready so don’t even try doing so.

No entanto, há uma diferença entre esquecer e perdoar. E tu escolheste a segunda opção.

Be honest about yourself—are you really ready to forgive your boyfriend for cheating on you?

Ainda o amas verdadeiramente, apesar de ele ter feito esta coisa horrível?

Do you believe that your story deserves another sequel? Are you certain that you’re not doing this just to heal your ego?

If the answers to most of these questions are negative, then it’s time to let go of every thought of reconciliation and tell this man your final goodbye.

It is pointless to try and rebuild something if you’re sure that you’ll never be able to fully forgive him and if you don’t hope you’ll manage to work things out..

On the other hand, if you think that you have the capacity to leave his affair in the past, you’ll make no progress if you continue bringing it up every time you have the chance to.

Don’t use it as an excuse for your toxic behavior and don’t see it as permission to be a bitch to your boyfriend.

Remember—he didn’t force you to let him back into your life, it was your choice.

3. Apoiar a sua decisão

E é uma escolha que deve ser apoiada a todo o custo.

Of course, this doesn’t mean that you should forgive him for another affair but changing your mind every few days is not acceptable and nor is it healthy for either of you.

So, please don’t listen to people telling you that you should have done things differently. Don’t second-guess your decision, now that you’ve already made it, and don’t think of all the what-ifs.

You’re a mature, grown woman who has the right to make her own choices so please don’t compare yourself with other girls either.

Lembrem-se que cada casal é uma história em si mesmo e tenham fé que fizeram o que estava destinado para vocês.

4. Don’t seek revenge

I’m warning you—one of the first impulses you’ll have when you find out you’ve been cheated on is to make your boyfriend pay for his affair.

Mesmo quando decide perdoar-lhe, a ideia de vingança pode ocasionalmente voltar à sua mente.

Don’t feel bad about these thoughts because it is completely natural for you to have them.

Está à procura de mecanismos de defesa e de formas de curar o seu coração partido e o seu ego.

Por isso, presume que dar a este tipo o gosto do seu próprio remédio seria o ideal.

Desta forma, os dois sentirão o mesmo e estarão em posições semelhantes. Além disso, acha que isso o ajudará a recuperar a sua dignidade.

You pay him back and he will get what he deserves for the humiliation he’s put you through. Well, let me tell you that none of this is true.

Even though I’m not some kind of pacifist, trust me that seeking revenge will get you nowhere and that it is one of the worst things you could do to your relationship, which you decided you wanted to try and recover.

Em primeiro lugar, nunca se sabe quais foram as razões que levaram o seu namorado a agir nas suas costas.

Estaria ele realmente apaixonado por essa outra mulher durante algum tempo?

Even if he wasn’t, the fact is that she attracted him enough to forget about his loyalty and commitment.

So, no matter what you do to pay him back, you’ll always have these doubts.

On the other hand, he’ll forever be aware that you didn’t cheat because you wanted to—you only did it to hurt him. Knowing that, your affairs will never have the same echoes in your relationship.

Another argument against revenge is the fact that by doing this, you’ll be the same as your boyfriend.

He’ll have succeeded in pulling you down to his level and you’ll get the label of a cheater as well, when you both know that you’re not one in the essence of your being.

Also, it is completely unnecessary to pull yet another person into your drama. You might break some other guy’s heart in the process and you of all people know how painful that is.

5. Pedir ajuda

O processo de recuperação de uma traição nunca é fácil ou de curta duração.

After some time of attempting to make things right, many couples realize that, in spite of all of their desires, they aren’t capable of doing it by themselves.

E isso não é motivo de vergonha.

De facto, procurar ajuda profissional é exatamente o que você e a sua cara-metade devem fazer se quiserem ultrapassar esta situação da forma mais saudável possível.

5 coisas a fazer se optar por seguir em frente sozinho

On the other hand, if you see this cheating as a serious deal breaker you can’t surpass (after all, the two of you weren’t in an open relationship) and you decide to romper com este tipo para sempre, há algumas coisas de que te deves lembrar:

1. Don’t rush your healing

A primeira coisa que tem de fazer se decidir seguir em frente sozinho é tomar o máximo de tempo necessário para se curar corretamente.

You’ve had a massive emotional blow and it is completely natural that you can’t get it off your shoulders in a matter of days.

So please, don’t pretend like if you’re okay when you’re not. Don’t feel embarrassed about your sadness and embrace it as a natural part of your healing process.

Most importantly—ignore everyone who is telling you that you should have gotten over this by now.

Yes, they’re right—your ex isn’t worthy of your tears but if you feel like crying, it is always better to get it out of your system than to pile it up inside of you.

Of course, you shouldn’t let your grief get the best of you but you shouldn’t rush yourself into doing something you’re not ready for just to meet other people’s expectations.

You loved this guy for a very long time and it will take you a while to forget what he’s done to you.

The point here is that you’re not only trying to fix your heartbreak, you’re also dealing with your crushed ego, low autoestimaAs inseguranças e as dúvidas em relação à sua autoestima que surgiram com esta situação.

So, healing under these circumstances is even harder than recovering from a ‘standard’ breakup. However, it can be done and I promise that you will do it!

2. Don’t jump into new relationships

Um dos maiores erros que se pode cometer é saltar imediatamente para os braços do primeiro homem que se cruza no seu caminho.

Going from one rebound relationship to the next won’t make you forget your past—it will only be toxic for your present and future.

Your best friends and family may keep telling you that it’s best to fight fire with fire but trust me, in your case, this is not the way to go.

Besides involving some new boyfriend in your drama, this relationship will make you feel more miserable and it certainly won’t help you leave your traumas behind.

You see, moving on isn’t just about finding a new boyfriend. It’s about finding yourself again before you’re ready for a nova relação.

Don’t get me wrong—I’m not saying that you should remain single forever.

Just don’t do anything you don’t truly want to do and don’t put yourself back in the dating pool until you resolve all of your issues.

3. Take it as a lesson…

Em vez de lamentar o seu passado e de o ver como a pior coisa que lhe poderia ter acontecido, tente aprender com ele.

I know it sounds like a cliché but trust me when I tell you that you ought to be grateful for the way things turned out.

After all, you got rid of a man who clearly didn’t love you enough, otherwise he wouldn’t have enganou-o.

As much as you might refuse to admit this, you two weren’t meant to be and this is actually God’s way of saving you from more misery that would come in the future, if you had stuck by his side.

Além disso, esta foi uma oportunidade para compreenderes o quão forte e poderoso és. Uma oportunidade de conhecer o seu verdadeiro eu e de ver todas as suas capacidades.

Estes acontecimentos ensinaram-lhe que nem toda a gente é quem finge ser.

It showed you that there are some bad people out there who will hurt you without a second thought and that you shouldn’t trust just anyone, even if that someone is your romantic partner.

4. … but don’t punish all men out there

However, this doesn’t mean that all men are to blame for the mistake one made.

When you’re finally ready to start dating again, don’t let this one experience burden you or convince you that you’ll never have a healthy relationship.

It is perfectly fine if you’re a little bit more careful now, that you need time to open up and that you’re picky about the ones who you let into your life.
Nevertheless, please don’t become guarded.

Don’t punish every guy who crosses your path for your ex’s sins. Yes, people cheat but not all men are the same.

Nem todos o farão passar por um desgosto de amor e nem todos são traidores.

Por favor, dêem a um tipo simpático a oportunidade de provar que estão errados.

When he comes into your life, give him an opportunity to show you that he’s different and don’t chase him away just because of your emotional baggage.

5. Concentrar-se em si próprio

O mais importante aqui é colocar toda a sua energia em si próprio.

Para começar, mesmo que volte a sair, concentre-se em fazer-se feliz.

Lembre-se do seu autoestima, understand that you’re the most important person in this world and that you don’t need anyone to complete you.

Sim, é ótimo se por acaso encontrar um homem digno do seu tempo and effort but even if you don’t, I promise you that you will make it on your own.