Gosto dele ou da ideia que tenho dele? Compreender os seus sentimentos

Feelings are complicated and confusing, even love. Especially love – because it can take many forms. People spend their lives looking for it and when it seems to be within reach, do everything they can to grasp it.

Mas, por vezes, a nossa imaginação é mais apelativa do que a realidade.

“Do I like him or the idea of him?” is the right question to ask yourself, one that will help you make sense of your feelings. Once you do, you won’t only understand how you feel about him, but you’ll understand yourself and your needs better.

Como é que se pode saber se só se gosta de a ideia de alguém, if you’re with him only para ter as suas necessidades satisfeitas ou se gostas mesmo dele? Aqui estão os sinais infalíveis que o vão apontar na direção certa.

“Do I Like Him Or The Idea Of Him?” Imagination Vs. Love

If you’re asking yourself, “Do I like him or the idea of him,” it’s safe to say that you’re having doubts about how you feel. Your feelings might be genuine, but also projection, fantasy or wishful thinking.

Estar aberto a qualquer resposta que possa encontrar ajudá-lo-á a compreender mais do que apenas o que sente por alguém. O desenvolvimento do auto-conhecimento permite ter uma relação saudável com alguém de quem gostamos verdadeiramente e com quem nos vemos no futuro.

Paixão vs. amor

A paixão é uma combinação de a strong attraction to someone you don’t know well and fantasy about what this person is like. It’s very common and happens to most people at some point in their lives.

You meet a new guy you’re physically attracted to, and your hormones go haywire. You don’t know what he’s like, so projecta nele os seus desejos e constrói uma fantasia na sua imaginação.

These feelings can be so intense that it’s not rare that people who have just entered a new relationship believe that they’re in love.

But until you actually know the guy you’re dating, os seus sentimentos baseiam-se em quem gostaria que ele fosse e não em quem ele realmente é.

À medida que o fores conhecendo, A paixão pode transformar-se em sentimentos reais ou, mais frequentemente, desaparecer. By the time the rush of the honeymoon phase wears off, you either get to know him for real and realize you like the way he truly is, or he doesn’t live up to the fantasy.

Sinais de que apenas gostas da ideia dele

Sometimes, love is all in your head. Here are the telltale signs of infatuation, telling you that what you’re experiencing isn’t amor verdadeiro, mas uma paixoneta.

• You think about him all the time. Your thoughts are focused on how perfect and dreamy he is.

• You make up imaginary situations about him and yourself in which things go exactly how you want them to.

• Your life revolves around him; you can connect everything you see or do to him.

• You feel obsessed with him.

• You feel like he’s your perfect match or that he was made for you.

• You feel a strong physical attraction to him.

• You have feelings for him even though you haven’t had many meaningful interactions or experiences with each other.

• You don’t actually know him as a person.

• You only know surface-level things about him.

• You haven’t had many or any deep conversations.

• You ignore things about him that don’t align with your fantasies, including any red flags you should be wary of.

• You reject any sign of incompatibility between you.

• You make assumptions about his feelings.

• You want to impress him.

• You over-analyze your interactions with him.

• You look for confirmation of your beliefs about him in his behavior.

• You’re disappointed if he doesn’t act as you expect him to.

A vossa relação ainda pode resultar?

Os sinais listados acima podem parecer bastante intensos, mas it’s not necessary to experience each one to know that you’re infatuated.

For example, you might over-analyze your interactions without believing he’s your ideal partner. Things aren’t always clear-cut; sometimes, it’s just about being unsure.

The answer to the question “Do I like him or the idea of him?” lies in whether or not you want to get to know him for real.

Infatuation isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It can turn into something more if you’re ready to get to know him and accept the real person instead of the idealized image you created in your mind.

If you’re not open to knowing and accepting him for who he really is, you should consider that as an important sign that you should probably move on. If you’re willing to give him a chance, deixar ir da fantasia e aceitar a realidade deve ser o seu primeiro passo.

Conhecer alguém é fundamental para desenvolver a intimidade, e a intimidade é a base do amor.

“Do I Like Him Or Just The Attention?” Needs Vs. Love

O sentimento de satisfação por ter a sua necessidade de companhia, atenção, afeto ou validação pode ser facilmente confundido com amor. Podemos pensar que gostamos ou amamos uma pessoa porque ela serve o objetivo de satisfazer as nossas necessidades.

Uma relação baseada na satisfação das necessidades pode funcionar, mas nunca se compara a uma verdadeira relação amorosa. Também pode acabar por magoar a outra pessoa because he might feel used even if you don’t intentionally set out to use him.

Atenção vs. interesse

As pessoas anseiam por atenção e por se relacionarem com os outros. Quando um homem gosta de nós e nos dá atenção, it’s easy to confuse your positive reaction with interest.

A way to test whether it’s just the attention you like is to imagine a situation where you want to do something and invite him to come along. When he accepts, are you pleased because you have someone to do it with or because you’re doing it com ele?

Quando o convidasse para sair, ficaria igualmente feliz se saísse com o teu melhor amigo if he’s not available, or were you really looking forward to hanging out com ele? Is he not only the first person you call but the only one because it’s him in particular you want to see?

Sometimes just knowing that he’ll be available if you reach out is enough to make you think that you like him, but pode não ter nada a ver com ele como pessoa.

When you like a guy, he’s not interchangeable with someone else and can’t be replaced if unavailable. If you’re interested in him, you can see yourself in a real relationship with him and picture him in your future.

Sinais de que gostas da atenção

Here are the signs that you’re only responding to his attention and don’t really care about what this man wants and feels.

• You communicate with him and meet with him only on your terms. You send him textos sensuais quando se quer engatar e pedir atenção quando se sente só.

• You don’t get particularly excited when you hear from him.

• You don’t know him on a deep level and don’t care to find out.

• You don’t feel the need to open up to him and show him what’s inside you.

• You only like superficial things about him.

• Your relationship isn’t moving forward, and you’re okay with it.

• You don’t include him in your future plans.

• You don’t see a future with him.

• You’re with him because you feel comfortable.

• You don’t hesitate to ditch him when something better comes along.

• You have dating apps installed and still browse them.

• You only contact him when you’re lonely or bored.

• You like what he does for you more than you like him.

• You get annoyed when he wants to hang out if you’re not in the mood.

• You ignore him if you have something more fun to do.

• His behavior, a sua linguagem corporal e as suas palavras mostram que ele gosta mais de ti do que tu dele.

• You’re emotionally unavailable.

Deverá terminar esta relação?

Todos os tipos de relações podem funcionar se todos os envolvidos estiverem na mesma página.

If you’re with him just because he’s convenient, comfortable or useful, but he wants a serious relationship with a future, it’s unfair to him. His feelings will end up getting hurt, but yours won’t be spared either. You’ll never be happy in this relationship.

Relationships you enter just to have someone’s attention can last for a long period of time. It might be enough for a while, but you’ll never feel the need to take it to the next level.

Staying in a relationship just because you’re comfortable means you would leave it if someone better came along.

Most people don’t get into a relationship with the intention of stringing the other person along. You might not even be aware that your relationship is unbalanced. Still, if you’re wondering about it, you’re probably aware of it.

Unless you’re consciously using him, it’s reasonable to assume that you don’t want to hurt his feelings. So how can you achieve that?

• If your relationship is new

If your relationship is new and you’re simply enjoying the attention, you can let him know that you’re not interested in anything serious.

When he knows where he stands, he’ll have a choice to guard his feelings and decide how much of himself he wants to invest in a relationship without a future.

O verdadeiro perigo aqui é falsa esperança e perseverança inútil, as many men believe their feelings will eventually be returned if they don’t give up. It’s up to you to decide how to handle it if this is how he reacts.

• If you’ve been together for a while

If you’ve been together for a while, you should deal with this issue as soon as possible. Quanto mais tempo demorar, mais os sentimentos dele ficarão feridos. O melhor seria ter uma conversa honesta com o seu atual parceiro.

Don’t try to distance yourself, don’t choose the option that’s the most painless for you and don’t try to avoid a confrontation. In a kind and warm way, diga-lhe o que sente de forma aberta e sincera. Diga-lhe que está confuso e que não tem intenção de o magoar.

If your relationship ends, don’t ask him for attention again by trying to stay friends. Give him time to get over you.

Como é que eu sei se gosto mesmo dele?

O desejo de amar e ser amado pode causar confusão e incerteza. Compreender os nossos próprios sentimentos e saber se gostamos realmente de alguém pode ser um desafio.

Everyone feels love in their own way, and it doesn’t always look the same. This is why it can be challenging to be sure of your feelings of love, but it’s not as difficult to figure out if you like someone.

Pode ainda não ser amor verdadeiro, mas ter um interesse genuíno por alguém é onde tudo começa.

Gosto vs. atenção vs. paixão

Some signs seem to overlap between all three, but it won’t be difficult to separate liking someone from the other options when you olhar para os seus sentimentos como um todo.

A forma mais fácil de refletir sobre o que sente é fazer a si próprio as perguntas que se seguem. Responder-lhes honestamente deve permitir-lhe chegar a uma conclusão.

1. Tens curiosidade sobre ele?

Quer conhecê-lo tal como ele é, o bom e o mau? Tens curiosidade sobre as pequenas coisas e as coisas que ele considera importantes?

Do you want to know what he’s really like and what he really likes? What about his favorite color and zodiac sign, or his dreams and hopes?

Curiosidade e vontade de conhecer alguém separar o interesse da paixão. Quer descobrir quem ele realmente é em vez de ficar presa à sua fantasia. Também mostra que se preocupa e que o seu interesse por ele vai para além da atenção que recebe dele.

Conhecer alguém é amar alguém, the saying goes, and it’s true. Love develops from intimidade e ligaçãoE tudo começa por conhecer a outra pessoa e aceitá-la.

You’ll know that you like him if you want to know him.

2. Queres partilhar coisas com ele?

Quer partilhar coisas com ele; os pequenos detalhes do seu dia e as coisas grandes e importantes? A necessidade de lhe falar sobre si é um dos sinais mais óbvios de que gosta dele e anda de mãos dadas com a sua curiosidade sobre ele.

Se queres conhecê-lo e queres que ele te conheça, o teu interesse é claro. You don’t see him as just a fantasy and that you’re not trying to impress him by pretending you’re someone you’re not.

Opening up and telling him the things you usually don’t tell people, sending him textos de bom dia ou tentar manter-se em contacto o mais possível são algumas formas de se relacionar com ele.

O interesse genuíno precede a ligação genuína, que se constrói através da partilha e da abertura. O seu desejo de o conhecer e de ele o conhecer a si é um sinal claro de que quer criar laços com ele.

3. O que é que gosta e o que não gosta nele?

If you’re interested in a guy, thinking of everything you like about him won’t be a problem.

List everything that comes to mind: his traits, his appearance, his behavior – anything that comes to mind. If you like him a lot, the list might end up being longer than you anticipated.

A seguir, pense no que é que não gosta nele. Esta lista pode ser mais curta, mas ninguém é perfeito, and there’s probably at least one thing you’re not crazy about.

O objetivo destas perguntas é carefully think about what he’s like and how you feel about him. If you only like your idea of him, you won’t be able to know for sure what you like because you don’t really know him.

It will be even more difficult coming up with something you dislike if it’s all just a fantasy. And if the list of negatives is longer than the list of positives, that also says a lot.

4. Como é que ele te faz sentir?

Uma das perguntas que deve fazer a si próprio é, do you feel good when you’re around him?

This doesn’t mean that he has to go out of his way to make you feel good, that he always has to be in a good mood or show you his feelings by making o primeiro passo.

A razão pela qual deve pensar nisto é para explorar os seus próprios sentimentos em relação a estar com ele. A vibração dele faz-te sentir bem ou é tudo coisa da tua cabeça?

Spending time together makes you feel better about yourself when you like someone. Enjoying his company is a sign that you’re interested in him, but also that you’re developing positive feelings for him.

5. Queres que ele esteja na tua vida?

Sente-se desiludida quando ele a convida para sair e já tem planos? Reorganizaria a sua agenda para ter tempo para ele? Sente-se feliz por o incluir na sua vida, mesmo que tenha de mudar alguma coisa?

We make time for the people and things that matter to us, and doing it doesn’t feel like a sacrifice. If you want to include him in your life and you’re happy to do so, you can be sure that you feel something for him.

When you like someone just for the attention he gives you, you won’t go out of your way to accommodate him. When it’s infatuation, you’ll only welcome him on your own terms.

Making someone a priority isn’t a problem when you really like him. Moreover, it’s easy because you want him around.

Sinais de que gostas mesmo dele

People express feelings in their own ways. If you’re the kind of person who has difficulty being affectionate, fazer coisas giras para o namorado pode não ser a forma escolhida para lhe dizer que gosta dele.

Da mesma forma, all of us experience feelings differently, so it’s important to try to understand how you feel. Os seguintes sinais de que gosta dele serão muito mais evidentes se pensar no que significam para si.

• You want to know everything about him and enjoy having deep conversations with him.

• You want him to know everything about you and accept you as you are.

• You embrace his qualities and his flaws.

• You notice everything about him: something he mentions in passing, his mannerisms, his habits.

• You miss him when he’s not around.

• You’re different with him than with other people.

• You get excited when you hear from him.

• You have no problem changing your plans to be with him.

• You want to spend a lot of time together.

• You want to show him that you care.

• You feel compassion and understanding for him.

RELACIONADO: Factos sobre as paixonetas: Tudo o que sempre quiseste saber

A linha de fundo

“Do I like him or the idea of him?” is a deeper question than it seems. Answering it helps you figure out how you feel about someone else, but also gives you insight into what you’re looking for.

Estar interessado numa pessoa por causa de uma fantasia que criou ou porque ela lhe dá atenção nunca pode resultar numa relação saudável. O amor é uma coisa maravilhosa que só pode crescer a partir da sinceridade.

If your feelings aren’t real, you’re cheating yourself out of feeling true love by staying in an unfulfilling relationship. After you know for sure what you’re feeling, deve concentrar-se primeiro em melhorar a sua relação consigo próprio e depois procurar alguém de quem goste pelo que é.

RELACIONADO: 10 diferenças cruciais entre amor e paixão