¿Me gusta él o la idea que tengo de él? Dé sentido a sus sentimientos

Feelings are complicated and confusing, even love. Especially love – because it can take many forms. People spend their lives looking for it and when it seems to be within reach, do everything they can to grasp it.

Pero a veces, tu imaginación es más atractiva que la realidad.

“Do I like him or the idea of him?” is the right question to ask yourself, one that will help you make sense of your feelings. Once you do, you won’t only understand how you feel about him, but you’ll understand yourself and your needs better.

¿Cómo saber si sólo te gusta la idea de alguien, if you’re with him only para satisfacer sus necesidades o si ¿de verdad te gusta? He aquí las señales infalibles que le indicarán el camino correcto.

“Do I Like Him Or The Idea Of Him?” Imagination Vs. Love

If you’re asking yourself, “Do I like him or the idea of him,” it’s safe to say that you’re having doubts about how you feel. Your feelings might be genuine, but also projection, fantasy or wishful thinking.

Estar abierto a cualquier respuesta que puedas encontrar te ayudará a comprender algo más que lo que sientes por alguien. Desarrollar la conciencia de uno mismo permite tener un relación sana con alguien que te importe de verdad y con quien puedas verte en el futuro.

Encaprichamiento vs. amor

El enamoramiento es una combinación de a strong attraction to someone you don’t know well and fantasy about what this person is like. It’s very common and happens to most people at some point in their lives.

You meet a new guy you’re physically attracted to, and your hormones go haywire. You don’t know what he’s like, so proyectas tus deseos en él y construyes una fantasía en tu imaginación.

These feelings can be so intense that it’s not rare that people who have just entered a new relationship believe that they’re in love.

But until you actually know the guy you’re dating, tus sentimientos se basan en quién te gustaría que fuera y no en quién es realmente.

A medida que lo vayas conociendo, El enamoramiento puede convertirse en sentimientos reales o, más a menudo, esfumarse. By the time the rush of the honeymoon phase wears off, you either get to know him for real and realize you like the way he truly is, or he doesn’t live up to the fantasy.

Señales de que sólo te gusta la idea de él

Sometimes, love is all in your head. Here are the telltale signs of infatuation, telling you that what you’re experiencing isn’t amor real, sino un flechazo.

• You think about him all the time. Your thoughts are focused on how perfect and dreamy he is.

• You make up imaginary situations about him and yourself in which things go exactly how you want them to.

• Your life revolves around him; you can connect everything you see or do to him.

• You feel obsessed with him.

• You feel like he’s your perfect match or that he was made for you.

• You feel a strong physical attraction to him.

• You have feelings for him even though you haven’t had many meaningful interactions or experiences with each other.

• You don’t actually know him as a person.

• You only know surface-level things about him.

• You haven’t had many or any deep conversations.

• You ignore things about him that don’t align with your fantasies, including any red flags you should be wary of.

• You reject any sign of incompatibility between you.

• You make assumptions about his feelings.

• You want to impress him.

• You over-analyze your interactions with him.

• You look for confirmation of your beliefs about him in his behavior.

• You’re disappointed if he doesn’t act as you expect him to.

¿Puede seguir funcionando vuestra relación?

Los signos enumerados anteriormente pueden parecer bastante intensos, pero it’s not necessary to experience each one to know that you’re infatuated.

For example, you might over-analyze your interactions without believing he’s your ideal partner. Things aren’t always clear-cut; sometimes, it’s just about being unsure.

The answer to the question “Do I like him or the idea of him?” lies in whether or not you want to get to know him for real.

Infatuation isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It can turn into something more if you’re ready to get to know him and accept the real person instead of the idealized image you created in your mind.

If you’re not open to knowing and accepting him for who he really is, you should consider that as an important sign that you should probably move on. If you’re willing to give him a chance, dejarse llevar de la fantasía y aceptar la realidad debe ser su primer paso.

Conocer a alguien es clave para desarrollar la intimidad, y la intimidad es la base del amor.

“Do I Like Him Or Just The Attention?” Needs Vs. Love

El sentimiento de satisfacción por satisfacer su necesidad de compañía, atención, afecto o validación puede confundirse fácilmente con el amor. Puede que pienses que te gusta o quieres a alguien porque sirve para satisfacer tus necesidades.

Una relación basada en la satisfacción de tus necesidades puede funcionar, pero nunca podrá compararse con una relación amorosa auténtica. También puedes acabar haciendo daño a la otra persona because he might feel used even if you don’t intentionally set out to use him.

Atención frente a interés

La gente ansía atención y conectar con los demás. Cuando le gustas a un chico y te presta atención, it’s easy to confuse your positive reaction with interest.

A way to test whether it’s just the attention you like is to imagine a situation where you want to do something and invite him to come along. When he accepts, are you pleased because you have someone to do it with or because you’re doing it ¿con él?

Cuando lo invitas a salir, ¿estarías igual de feliz saliendo con tu mejor amigo if he’s not available, or were you really looking forward to hanging out ¿con él? Is he not only the first person you call but the only one because it’s him in particular you want to see?

Sometimes just knowing that he’ll be available if you reach out is enough to make you think that you like him, but puede que no tenga nada que ver con él como persona.

When you like a guy, he’s not interchangeable with someone else and can’t be replaced if unavailable. If you’re interested in him, you can see yourself in a real relationship with him and picture him in your future.

Señales de que te gusta llamar la atención

Here are the signs that you’re only responding to his attention and don’t really care about what this man wants and feels.

• You communicate with him and meet with him only on your terms. You send him textos sexys cuando quieras ligar y pedir atención cuando te sientas solo.

• You don’t get particularly excited when you hear from him.

• You don’t know him on a deep level and don’t care to find out.

• You don’t feel the need to open up to him and show him what’s inside you.

• You only like superficial things about him.

• Your relationship isn’t moving forward, and you’re okay with it.

• You don’t include him in your future plans.

• You don’t see a future with him.

• You’re with him because you feel comfortable.

• You don’t hesitate to ditch him when something better comes along.

• You have dating apps installed and still browse them.

• You only contact him when you’re lonely or bored.

• You like what he does for you more than you like him.

• You get annoyed when he wants to hang out if you’re not in the mood.

• You ignore him if you have something more fun to do.

• His behavior, su lenguaje corporal y sus palabras demuestran que le gustas más que él a ti.

• You’re emotionally unavailable.

¿Deberías poner fin a esta relación?

Cualquier tipo de relación puede funcionar si todos los implicados están de acuerdo.

If you’re with him just because he’s convenient, comfortable or useful, but he wants a serious relationship with a future, it’s unfair to him. His feelings will end up getting hurt, but yours won’t be spared either. You’ll never be happy in this relationship.

Relationships you enter just to have someone’s attention can last for a long period of time. It might be enough for a while, but you’ll never feel the need to take it to the next level.

Staying in a relationship just because you’re comfortable means you would leave it if someone better came along.

Most people don’t get into a relationship with the intention of stringing the other person along. You might not even be aware that your relationship is unbalanced. Still, if you’re wondering about it, you’re probably aware of it.

Unless you’re consciously using him, it’s reasonable to assume that you don’t want to hurt his feelings. So how can you achieve that?

• If your relationship is new

If your relationship is new and you’re simply enjoying the attention, you can let him know that you’re not interested in anything serious.

When he knows where he stands, he’ll have a choice to guard his feelings and decide how much of himself he wants to invest in a relationship without a future.

El verdadero peligro es falsa esperanza e inútil perseverancia, as many men believe their feelings will eventually be returned if they don’t give up. It’s up to you to decide how to handle it if this is how he reacts.

• If you’ve been together for a while

If you’ve been together for a while, you should deal with this issue as soon as possible. Cuanto más lo alargues, más herirás sus sentimientos. Lo mejor sería mantener una conversación sincera con tu pareja actual.

Don’t try to distance yourself, don’t choose the option that’s the most painless for you and don’t try to avoid a confrontation. In a kind and warm way, dile cómo te sientes abierta y sinceramente. Háblale de tu confusión y de tu falta de intención de hacerle daño.

If your relationship ends, don’t ask him for attention again by trying to stay friends. Give him time to get over you.

¿Cómo sé si realmente me gusta?

El deseo de amar y ser amado puede causar confusión e incertidumbre. Comprender tus propios sentimientos y si realmente te gusta alguien puede ser todo un reto.

Everyone feels love in their own way, and it doesn’t always look the same. This is why it can be challenging to be sure of your feelings of love, but it’s not as difficult to figure out if you like someone.

Puede que aún no sea amor verdadero, pero tener un interés genuino por alguien es donde empieza.

Gusto vs. atención vs. enamoramiento

Some signs seem to overlap between all three, but it won’t be difficult to separate liking someone from the other options when you mira tus sentimientos como un todo.

La forma más fácil de pensar en cómo te sientes es hacerte las preguntas que siguen. Responderlas con sinceridad debería proporcionarte una conclusión.

1. ¿Sientes curiosidad por él?

¿Quiere conocerle tal y como es, lo bueno y lo malo? ¿Sientes curiosidad por las pequeñas cosas y por las cosas que él considera importantes?

Do you want to know what he’s really like and what he really likes? What about his favorite color and zodiac sign, or his dreams and hopes?

Curiosidad y ganas de conocer a alguien separa el interés del enamoramiento. Quieres descubrir quién es realmente en lugar de quedarte atrapada en tu fantasía. También demuestra que te importa y que tu interés por él va más allá de la atención que recibes de él.

Conocer a alguien es amar a alguien, the saying goes, and it’s true. Love develops from intimidad y conexiónY todo empieza por conocer a otra persona y aceptarla.

You’ll know that you like him if you want to know him.

2. ¿Quieres compartir cosas con él?

¿Quieres compartir cosas con él: los pequeños detalles de tu día y las cosas importantes? La necesidad de hablarle de ti es una de las señales más evidentes de que te gusta y va de la mano de tu curiosidad por él.

Si quieres conocerle y quieres que te conozca, tu interés está claro. You don’t see him as just a fantasy and that you’re not trying to impress him by pretending you’re someone you’re not.

Opening up and telling him the things you usually don’t tell people, sending him textos de buenos días o intentar mantener el contacto en la medida de lo posible son algunos formas de conectar con él.

El interés genuino precede a la conexión genuina, que se construye compartiendo y abriéndose. Tu deseo de conocerle y de que él te conozca a ti es una clara señal de que quieres establecer un vínculo con él.

3. ¿Qué te gusta y qué no te gusta de él?

If you’re interested in a guy, thinking of everything you like about him won’t be a problem.

List everything that comes to mind: his traits, his appearance, his behavior – anything that comes to mind. If you like him a lot, the list might end up being longer than you anticipated.

A continuación, piensa qué es lo que no te gusta de él. Esta lista puede ser más corta, pero nadie es perfecto, and there’s probably at least one thing you’re not crazy about.

El objetivo de estas preguntas es carefully think about what he’s like and how you feel about him. If you only like your idea of him, you won’t be able to know for sure what you like because you don’t really know him.

It will be even more difficult coming up with something you dislike if it’s all just a fantasy. And if the list of negatives is longer than the list of positives, that also says a lot.

4. ¿Cómo te hace sentir?

Una de las preguntas que debe hacerse es, do you feel good when you’re around him?

This doesn’t mean that he has to go out of his way to make you feel good, that he always has to be in a good mood or show you his feelings by making el primer movimiento.

La razón por la que deberías pensar en esto es para explorar tus propios sentimientos sobre estar cerca de él. ¿Sus vibraciones te hacen sentir bien o está todo en tu cabeza?

Spending time together makes you feel better about yourself when you like someone. Enjoying his company is a sign that you’re interested in him, but also that you’re developing positive feelings for him.

5. ¿Lo quieres en tu vida?

¿Te sientes decepcionada cuando te invita a salir y ya tienes planes? ¿Reorganizarías tu agenda para tener tiempo para él? ¿Estás contenta de incluirle en tu vida aunque tengas que cambiar algo?

We make time for the people and things that matter to us, and doing it doesn’t feel like a sacrifice. If you want to include him in your life and you’re happy to do so, you can be sure that you feel something for him.

When you like someone just for the attention he gives you, you won’t go out of your way to accommodate him. When it’s infatuation, you’ll only welcome him on your own terms.

Making someone a priority isn’t a problem when you really like him. Moreover, it’s easy because you want him around.

Señales de que realmente te gusta

People express feelings in their own ways. If you’re the kind of person who has difficulty being affectionate, hacer cosas bonitas para tu novio puede que no sea la forma que elijas para hacerle saber que te gusta.

Del mismo modo, all of us experience feelings differently, so it’s important to try to understand how you feel. Las siguientes señales de que te gusta serán mucho más evidentes si piensas en lo que significan para ti.

• You want to know everything about him and enjoy having deep conversations with him.

• You want him to know everything about you and accept you as you are.

• You embrace his qualities and his flaws.

• You notice everything about him: something he mentions in passing, his mannerisms, his habits.

• You miss him when he’s not around.

• You’re different with him than with other people.

• You get excited when you hear from him.

• You have no problem changing your plans to be with him.

• You want to spend a lot of time together.

• You want to show him that you care.

• You feel compassion and understanding for him.

RELACIONADO: Datos sobre los enamoramientos: Todo lo que siempre quiso saber

Lo esencial

“Do I like him or the idea of him?” is a deeper question than it seems. Answering it helps you figure out how you feel about someone else, but also gives you insight into what you’re looking for.

Interesarse por alguien a causa de una fantasía que has creado o porque te presta atención nunca puede dar lugar a una relación sana. El amor es algo maravilloso que sólo puede nacer de la sinceridad.

If your feelings aren’t real, you’re cheating yourself out of feeling true love by staying in an unfulfilling relationship. After you know for sure what you’re feeling, primero debes centrarte en mejorar tu relación contigo mismo, y luego buscar a alguien que te guste por lo que es.

RELACIONADO: 10 diferencias cruciales entre el amor y el enamoramiento