Queres ajudar o teu amigo que tem tendências suicidas? Leia isto:

Can you please stop sharing the suicide hotline number and acting like you’re somehow going to be a martyr for mental health? Because you are not listening and you will not always be there. I’ll tell you how I know this. First of all, you don’t even know what to listen for. When a person is suicidal, they aren’t shouting it on the fucking mountain top, waiting for someone to hear them. They aren’t sending you private messages asking for help and allowing you the honour of swooping in just in time to save them from themselves. São muitas vezes retraídas, no seu próprio mundo, sozinhas, e acreditam que ninguém se importa, porque ninguém reparou sequer que elas estão retraídas e sozinhas.

Deixem-me pintar-vos um quadro, porque é assim que os suicidas se parecem. Pode começar com uma irritabilidade súbita e irracional. Pode tornar-se completamente insuportável lidar com uma pessoa, o seu comportamento torna-se cada vez mais inaceitável e, no momento em que se apercebe do problema, ela também se apercebe. É nesta altura que a pessoa precisa que a ouça. But it’s hard to listen to a person who is yelling at you for no reason, so you decide (justifiably so) that you do not need to be subjected to such inexcusable behaviour and you retreat. They start to feel ashamed, embarrassed, and guilty. They feel so guilty, in fact, that they don’t even want to face you, or anyone for that matter, out of a very legitimate fear that they will say or do something to further alienate people, thereby reinforcing their already negative self-perceptions in an extremely harmful cycle. That’s when they start to believe you are better off without them. And they stop reaching out, encontrando conforto na segurança do seu sofá. Eles retiram-se e nós retiramo-nos, aliviados por não termos de lidar com isso.

A few months go by, and maybe you start to notice that you haven’t seen or heard from your friend… you wonder for a second what’s going on, hope they are okay and go back to your life. Whatever their deal is, it isn’t seu responsabilidade. You “like” their sporadic posts on facebook—which give you little insight into their mental health—keep a safe distance, and call it a day. You scroll through your own feed, and meaning so well I’m sure, you repost and share the suicide hotline number, you say you’re always listening and you hashtag #awareness… but you didn’t hear your own friend’s cries for help. Because they didn’t sound vulnerable. They sounded angry. It’s much easier to empathize with the vulnerable, isn’t it?

So here you are, willing to listen to every “friend” you have on facebook… but in the meantime seu friend had a birthday and not only did you not reach out to do something to celebrate, but you didn’t even bother to wish them a happy birthday. I mean, after all, they’ve been pretty shitty to you so nobody would blame you. But they noticed. They noticed that quite a few people didn’t bother. Because here’s the thing—you are not the only person who is keeping their distance. Your angry friend has successfully pushed all of their friends away, not just you. And when their birthday came around and you weren’t the only person who felt they didn’t deserve your time or attention, they felt worthless, and sad, and lonely. And that’s the day your friend became suicidal. But you weren’t listening.

Por isso, se quer realmente ajudar o seu amigo, pare de partilhar apenas um número e informe-se, para que possa começar a espalhar a verdadeira consciência. Saiba o que procurar quando uma pessoa é suicida. It’s not always as obvious as the memes would have you believe. Know which services are available locally to help people in crisis, where they are and how to access them. Be willing to look past the anger you don’t understand to see the pain underneath. Look for the things you can’t see right away—sometimes the very act of looking can make all the difference to a person who has given up on themselves.

Sinais de que uma pessoa pode estar a pensar em suicídio:

People who take their lives don’t necessarily always want to die, but rather to end their pain. Don’t dismiss suicide ideation, talks, or threats as attention seeking. Se notar algum sinal de que a pessoa pode estar a pensar em fazer mal a si própria, procure ajuda
Podem tornar-se retraídas, evitando amigos próximos e familiares, perdendo o interesse em actividades e eventos sociais e ficando cada vez mais isoladas.
Um foco na morte. Algumas pessoas falam abertamente sobre o facto de quererem morrer, fixam-se no tema da morte e do morrer. Podem pesquisar formas de se suicidarem ou comprar uma arma, uma faca ou acumular comprimidos.
Mostrando sinais de desespero. The person may talk openly about the unbearable pain they are experiencing or feeling like they’re a burden to others.
Fazer planos. A pessoa pode tomar medidas para se preparar para a morte, como atualizar um testamento, doar bens, fazer limpezas maciças e purgar os pertences, e despedir-se dos outros. Alguns podem escrever um bilhete de suicídio.
Mudanças de humor e perturbações do sono. Often, the person may be depressed, anxious, sad, or angry. They also may be very irritable, moody, or aggressive. But they can suddenly turn calm once they’ve decide to go through with the suicide. Then they may sleep a lot more or a lot less than usual.
Bebe ou consome drogas. O abuso de substâncias aumenta a probabilidade de suicídio. O consumo excessivo de drogas e de álcool pode ser uma tentativa de atenuar a dor ou de se prejudicarem a si próprios.
Comportamento imprudente. A pessoa pode correr riscos perigosos, como conduzir embriagada ou ter relações sexuais de risco.

It’s great to have good intentions, but in this case it is not enough. Follow it up with information and actionable resources… you might end up seeing something that you may have otherwise missed. And that something may be the very thing that saves a life.