Tive saudades tuas até perceber que nunca foste minha

I always thought you were mine. I thought that you don’t want to be anybody else’s but mine. I had the feeling that you loved me and that you were actually giving me all I needed to be happy. In fact, I considered myself lucky to have someone like you in my life.

What I didn’t see was that you didn’t give me half the love I deserved. You didn’t give me the amount of love I gave to you. I had that strange feeling that something was not right, but I thought it was something that happens to all couples.

Fiquei tão cego com as tuas doces palavras, os seus jogos, and your actions that made me believe you were only mine. But the harsh truth was that you were everybody’s but mine. You gave your time and your love to women who didn’t deserve it.

Deste-o tão facilmente a todos, mas nunca mo deste a mim. Apesar de ter sido a única pessoa que te amou com todo o meu coração, nunca consegui aquilo com que sonhava.

Nunca tive esse tipo de amor vintage. Nunca tive a sensação de que me amavas e que eu era a pessoa mais importante da tua vida.

Tive sempre de procurar o teu amor e a tua atenção. Tinha de te perseguir se quisesse que estivesses comigo. Mas tu gostavas desse jogo, pois era um grande impulso para o teu ego.

You enjoyed every time I was losing my mind because you were sitting with another woman and watching her like you used to watch me. In moments like that, I felt like my whole world was falling apart, but you didn’t give a damn about that.

Era satisfatório para ti, e continuavas a partir-me o coração passo a passo. Querias ver quais eram os meus limites e se acabaria por me escolher a mim própria ou se voltaria a rastejar para ti.

Gostavas de brincar comigo, com as minhas emoções, com o meu bom senso. Tu enlouquecer-mee mais tarde acusar-me-ia de ser uma rainha do drama.

You could never understand why I acted like that. You could never see how much I loved you. To be honest, you didn’t want to even try.
Isso é o quão pouco me amavas.

Enquanto eu tentava salvar o que tínhamos, tu entregaste-te a todas as mulheres com quem cruzaste nesse dia. Todas eram melhores do que eu. Todas eram mais bonitas, mais espertas e mais engraçadas.

Sabes que mais? Eu era a mais bonita, a mais inteligente e a mais divertida no passado.

Mas sabes no que me tornei depois de me teres quebrado?
I turned into a woman who doesn’t feel like dressing up and looking good because even if I did that, I wasn’t beautiful enough for you.

Because of you, I didn’t engage in conversations anymore, so people would think that I don’t know anything about your ‘affairs’ and that was the reason I didn’t not say anything.

Because of you, I stopped being the fun girl since you took all my positive energy away and left me to wonder if I was good enough. I became a living corpse. I would spend the whole day analyzing why we aren’t working out and how I can improve so you would like me more.

What I couldn’t see was that I was all you ever wanted, but you were too scared that I would be the dominant one in our relationship. You saw that I can make all my dreams come true, and you were so terrified that you wouldn’t achieve your goals and that I will be better than you.

Era um cobarde que me magoava mas não me deixava partir. E é isso que tu és agora também. Continuas a ser um pedaço de merda, mas decidi que vou ser feliz.

Tive saudades tuas, admito. Mas isso só aconteceu quando me apercebi que nunca foste meu. You were there with me physically, but you weren’t there in spirit.

All that you gave me wasn’t because you loved me. You did it to make me stay. In the end, you needed something you could name as a reason when I would say that I was leaving you.

And every time I planned to leave and start a new life, you would come and tell me that you would be lost without me, that I am the only light at the end of your tunnel, and that your life won’t have any purpose without me.

Por isso, decidi dar-te uma segunda oportunidade. E uma terceira. E uma quarta. Mas depois percebi que nem sequer estavas a tentar fazer-me ficar. Tentavas apenas por um dia, e no dia seguinte continuavas como querias.

That wasn’t something I wanted in my life. That wasn’t something I was satisfied with. So, I decided to let you go. I must admit that it isn’t easy to let go of someone you’ve loved for such a long time.

I still remember the sleepless nights I spent, thinking about you while you were probably in another woman’s bed. It took me so long, but in the end, I realized that I couldn’t miss someone who was never mine—at least not completely.

Agora, quando penso em ti, digo a mim mesmo que foste apenas uma lição Tive de aprender. Infelizmente, de uma forma dura. Mas, por tua causa, nunca deixarei que um homem me trate como tu fizeste.

Because of you, my heart is broken to pieces so small that they can’t be glued back together.

Because of you – I fell.

But because of myself – I will rise.