7 sinais de um relacionamento tumultuado (e você deve ficar?)

Quarreling with your partner is perfectly normal. But if you’re experiencing relationship problems on a regular basis, it’s time to consider that maybe you’re stuck in a tumultuous relationship.

Este tipo de relação caracteriza-se por discussões constantes, uma grave falta de confiança e um esgotamento total, em que as coisas vão de mal a pior.

If you’ve been neglecting some unresolved issues and ignoring countless red flags, this is your chance to get to the bottom of a sua relação difícil.

Experiencing emotional exhaustion on account of your partner is detrimental to your mental health. It’s also a warning sign that requires necessary changes to be made.

A relationship shouldn’t be a rollercoaster ride. It’s supposed to be your safe haven. Despite your deep connection and a terrific sex life, never ignore warning signs that something just isn’t right.

Here’s my relationship advice that aims to help you uncover the troubling signs and deal with your messy romance once and for all.

Ver também: Status de amor unilateral: 140+ Citações comoventes para corações solitários

Está numa relação tumultuosa?

1. As tuas lutas nunca têm um fim

Dá por si a discutir a mesma coisa pela milionésima vez? Será que a ideia de encerrar o assunto não passa de um sonho?

Then, I’m afraid, you’re stuck in an unhealthy pattern that can only be described as a messy romance.

Os casais com relações tumultuosas continuam a ter as mesmas discussões devido à sua falta de capacidade para encontrar uma solução. Isso contribui para uma mentalidade que o convence de que isso é normal.

But it’s not.

You’re on a rollercoaster ride that requires much more than simple dating tips. You need to figure out how long this cycle can continue before one of you is done.

It’s okay to have fights, but you also need to find a way to end them in a healthy way. Each unresolved issue leaves an invisible dent in your relationship that is slowly wreaking havoc on your mind.

It’s only a matter of time before one meaningless argument turns into an explosive, relationship-ending brawl.

2. Usa a manipulação para conseguir o que quer

It goes without saying that in a healthy romantic relationship there’s no room for manipulation.

Mas, no seu caso, tornou-se a norma. Recorre à obstrução, à defensiva, à culpabilização do seu parceiro e à manipulação para que tudo seja como você quer.

Este é um sinal clássico de uma relação difícil. Quando foi a última vez que falou com o seu parceiro e chegou a um compromisso?

Are you even aware that you’re resorting to deceitful means to get your way? Sadly, this type of behavior often becomes so regular that it’s confused for normal.

It’s not though. You should never have to play mind games with the person you share your life with.

Ver também: Isto é o que o amor altruísta realmente significa

3. É demasiado pegajoso e dependente deles

Os parceiros de relações tumultuosas desenvolvem frequentemente uma ligação de dependência entre si. Pode ser facilmente da sua parte ou mesmo vice-versa.

But it’s not healthy. Your happiness should never depend on someone else’s. Your life choices should never be based on someone else’s opinions and actions.

When you’re too clingy and depend on your partner for everything, your chances of being miserable increase exponentially.

It doesn’t matter whether you’re a 26-year-old or a 40-year-old. Finding your own ground is the only healthy way to go on through life.

Yes, your partner’s opinions and feelings matter but when it comes to how you’re feeling about yourself and your choices, nobody’s opinion should trump your own.

4. You’re emotionally shut off from your partner

When you’re used to this type of romance, it becomes all too easy to shut yourself off from your partner. More often than not, it happens completely inadvertently.

You distance yourself emotionally so as to keep yourself away from possible fights. You don’t share your pain as you’re afraid of being misunderstood.

Tudo isto leva gradualmente a um bloqueio emocional que planta a semente da incerteza e da dúvida na vossa relação.

Lentamente, mas com segurança, tornam-se dois estranhos que continuam a encontrar obstáculos intransponíveis, mas nunca uma saída.

E sabe porquê? Porque com o tempo, deixamos de comunicar sem nos apercebermos.

Esta situação torna-se uma norma tóxica e conduz a um vazio emocional que continua a separar-nos.

Já alguma vez se interrogou sobre a causa desta situação?

5. Um momento feliz faz-nos esquecer todos os momentos maus

Este é o padrão mais comum em relações tumultuosas. Porque tudo é tão incerto e instável, um momento feliz e tranquilo dá-lhe uma (falsa) sensação de alívio.

You’re willing to forget about every bad thing that has happened thanks to one moment of tranquility. It’s a textbook example of a rocky romance.

You’ve set the bar so low, that it doesn’t take much for you to believe that this is the standard for a happy romance. It’s not.

Yes, there are bad moments at times, but they should never prevail! Relationships aren’t built on rough patches.

They’re built of communication, consideration, and respect.

Experiencing a moment of happiness doesn’t erase the countless rocky roads that have been eating away at you for a significant period of time.

Ver também: Citações sobre traição amorosa: 120 frases para superar a dor

6. There’s a constant feeling of fear and uncertainty

You’re never sure of your relationship. Every time there’s an argument, you’re scared of being dumped.

In these types of relationships, it’s either one extreme or the other, but there is no in-between.

If things are good for a second, you’re over the moon and if there’s a tiny fight, you’re scared of a breakup.

But what happened to being happy, stable, and on solid ground? Your rocky romance has made you believe that you don’t deserve it.

You think that this is all you can get, which is why you’re not letting go anytime soon. But this is the exact opposite of a healthy relationship.

When you’re happy, there’s no room for doubt. You simply know your partner has your back, and vice versa.

Mas nas histórias de amor tumultuosas, estamos sempre à beira da cadeira.

Porquê? Porque nunca se sabe realmente qual é a nossa posição.

7. Queixa-se aos seus amigos sobre a sua relação

Nesta altura, mais vale começarem a cobrar-lhe. Mas, brincadeiras à parte, se a sua relação é a causa de tanto drama, procurar ajuda profissional pode não ser a pior ideia.

Unresolved issues will keep piling up for as long as you keep ignoring them. Your friends cannot offer you a satisfactory solution as it’s an internal decision.

Turning to other people as opposed to your partner means there’s a significant lack of trust and support in your relationship.

E estas duas coisas estão no centro de uma relação saudável.

Your life partner should be at the end of those conversations, not your friends. Have you ever wondered why that’s not the case?

Vale a pena salvar o seu romance rochoso?

If you’ve checked off most of the aforementioned boxes, it’s time to see if there’s anything worth saving. These questions will help you resolve your doubts.

Ver também: Amo-te porque: 150+ frases mais bonitas para ele e para ela

1. O que é que realmente gosta neles?

Esta parte ajudá-lo-á a avaliar se vale a pena salvar a sua relação. Gostas desta pessoa?

And I’m not talking about what they can do for you. I’m talking about who they are deep down.

There is no point in committing to someone you don’t even like. Do you like who they are and how they make you feel?

Esta é a primeira coisa que tem de verificar antes de avançar.

2. Continua a ser a pessoa por quem te apaixonaste?

Now that you’re aware of what a healthy relationship should resemble, can you say with certainty that they are still the person you believe is destined for you?

Será que ainda é a mesma pessoa por quem o seu coração acelerou quando se conheceram há tantos anos? Será que ainda merece o seu amor?

Know when it’s time to move on and when there’s room for growth.

3. Estar com eles é prejudicial para a sua saúde?

It’s very simple. If you can honestly say that arguing with them affects your sanity, then it’s time to reprioritize. Arguments are there to find common ground, closure, and move on.

But if every time you engage in a dispute, you feel like your mental health is suffering, ask yourself what’s left to salvage. Prioritize yourself over a relationship that has run its course. If you don’t put yourself first, who will?

Ver também: Amizade platónica: Prós e contras e 10 segredos para a fazer funcionar

4. Com que frequência se sente secretamente infeliz?

Seja sincero. Quantas vezes por dia dá por si a pensar quando é que a dor vai parar? Quantas vezes por dia tem de impedir que as lágrimas lhe escorram pela cara?

You don’t have to be strong all the time. It’s okay to admit defeat if there’s nothing left to fight for! Move on if your sad days trump your happy days.

A vida é demasiado curta para nos contentarmos com uma vida amorosa que não nos satisfaz.

5. Continua a arranjar desculpas para eles?

How often do you find yourself making excuses for their behavior? How many times have you tried to convince yourself that you’re happy with their actions?

You need to set some new rules for what’s worth tolerating.

Don’t force yourself to stay in a relationship that doesn’t encourage personal growth. Don’t stay if you’re faking happiness because it’s easier than starting over.

You have no idea how much burden you’ll rid yourself of if you choose yourself over a failed romance.

6. És feliz?

This is what it all comes down to. Don’t for one second believe that you don’t deserve happiness. Never believe that mediocre love is your destiny. Why? Because you deserve whatever you dare dream of.

Mereces aquele romance de cinema e pequenas surpresas. Mereces rir até te doer a barriga.

You deserve peace and calm. And more than anything, you deserve happiness. If you’re not happy, what’s the point?

Ver também: Como conseguir que ele a peça em casamento: 20 tácticas simples mas eficazes

Love Is Pretty Simple…

People are the ones who make it complicated. Being in a tumultuous relationship may have become your norm, but that doesn’t make it your final destination.

Don’t make yourself stay in a place that stunts your growth. Choose happiness over toxic displays of affection that keep taking away from it.

If being with your partner brings you more sadness and uncertainty than it does happiness, what’s there even to think about?

O amor deve elevar-nos e encorajar-nos. Deve melhorar-nos como seres humanos e ensinar-nos o altruísmo e a perseverança em tempos de luta. Estar num relação tóxica can’t teach you any of that. 

I’m all for fighting tooth and nail when the relationship is worth the fight but when there’s nothing left to salvage, shouldn’t you count your losses and start anew?

No fundo, provavelmente já sabe a resposta. A única questão é: está preparado para a enfrentar?

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