The fact that you clicked on this article means that something in the communication with your partner isn’t going as expected. Not just that, but you may even be abused by the person you love. Abuse doesn’t just come in the form of physical abuse, but also in the form of verbal abuse that leaves the victims with invisible scars that are hidden from the world but still hurt to the point where it’s devastating.
The truth is that being in a verbally abusive relationship isn’t a real relationship. I know that it sounds very sad, for you have hoped that he is going to change and that it will turn into a real relationship, but unfortunately, you can only love one of you two. If you love yourself more, if you want to save yourself, you are going to walk away from it, because waiting for him to change isn’t an option. It will take too long. Your heart might not have that long before it bursts into little pieces.
People don’t realise that name-calling is a way of verbal abuse because it’s usually used in a joking manner. But when those names and words start to affect your character and make you feel uncomfortable, it is because of the fact that he knows exactly what to say in order to make you feel that way. A joking way of name-calling is something that is funny to the both of you, but if it’s only funny to him only, there’s no way it isn’t abuse. Even if he says he only meant it as a joke, don’t believe him. It wouldn’t hurt if it was a joke.
2. ‘I hate you’
When said by a person we hold very dear the words, ‘I hate you’ burn deep into your skin and they echo in your mind. You think about what have you done to deserve this kind of treatment. You think about how you can make it better. What can you do to make them stop hating you? These really aren’t the things you should be asking yourself. Why don’t you just walk away? I know that it hurts, but that’s exactly what he wants you to feel. I also know that you don’t understand it, but if he’s telling you that he hates you no matter how much you tried to make him love you, there’s no other reason for him to do it rather than to mess with your mind.
3. He knows exactly where it hurts
When you’re in an argument with him, he knows exactly what to say in order to make you feel like you’re less of a human being. He makes you question your worth and your character. If you have told him about a certain event in the past that was very painful to you, he’s always going to remind you of that event. He knows where your scars are and he’s always opening up the wounds.
4. He laughs at your feelings
Whenever you’re trying to express a genuine emotion, he brings you down and he makes you miserable. He makes you believe that your emotions aren’t valid and he constantly makes jokes about your tears. He doesn’t even allow you to talk about your emotions because all he can do is interrupt you and make you feel bad about what you’re feeling right at that moment.
I know that relationships aren’t always easy and that they are a lot of work, but if arguments are all about who yells louder, then that is not a relationship, especially a healthy one. You are being verbally abused if you can’t get to talk about your problems because of how much your partner yells at you. Arguments should be calm because only this way will you be able to find reasonable answers for your problems.
6. You are the only one apologizing
Because of the manipulative mind of an abuser, all he knows is to make you feel bad about everything. Just look back at all the fights you’ve had. Most of those fights were his fault and he was to blame for the things that went gone wrong. But all he does is guilt you into thinking that it was your fault, so you apologize – even though it’s almost never your fault.
7. He never forgives you
No matter how many times you apologize, it doesn’t matter. You are almost never forgiven. He holds grudges and he reminds you of all the times you were ‘wrong’ and all those times that made him mad for some reason.
How to walk away and save yourself
Accept the reality of the situation. Don’t walk away from the truth thinking that it was your fault all this time – because it wasn’t. It’s all the verbal abuse you’ve gone through that keeps on convincing you that it was you. If the communication in your relationship can be described through the signs of verbal abuse I have listed above, then accept the reality.
Don’t lie to people who truly care about you. He will make you feel like you shouldn’t look for someone to talk to because he knows that they will open your eyes to the whole situation. But don’t lie to anyone who’s truly interested in how you’re doing. Tell the truth. Find help. People can help you accept the reality better and they can give you the courage to walk away and save yourself.
Forgive. I know that it sounds crazy, right? But you have to forgive him and yourself. Don’t hold grudges or one day, you might turn into a version of what he currently is. Forgive him – not because he deserves it but because you do. Also, forgive yourself for falling for it. Abusive manipulators are knows for their mind games which means that it isn’t your fault and that you shouldn’t blame yourself for having fallen for what he said. You are forgiven.
Do something for yourself. Be selfish. This is the first time in a while that you have the complete freedom to be selfish. Spend all the money you want on yourself. Take yourself on a date. Take yourself on a trip. You deserve it!
Leave. Just walk away from the asshole that made you question your self-worth. Show him that you do love yourself. He doesn’t deserve you in his life and you shouldn’t even want to stay with someone like this. He might try to guilt you into thinking that you should stay by his side, but don’t fall for it. You have suffered long enough.
Delete him from your life. Block him on all your social media, so that there’s no way he can contact you. Don’t go to places where you might run into him. Just delete him from your life completely. You have a long way to go before you’re healed and it’s better he doesn’t pop up on your news feed all the time.
Give yourself time to heal. It will take quite some time. The process of healing isn’t something that comes overnight. You have to realise that it’s a whole process of rebuilding yourself. You have to rebuild your heart from the little pieces that are left. You have to be aware of your own self-worth. You have to take all the time that is needed for you to heal. Don’t rush into a new relationship and don’t be harsh on yourself. You can do this!