There it is. I finally feel like I’ve got to that point in my life where I can shout from the top of my lungs to everyone who bothers me, loud and clear: “FU!”
I’m finally at that stage where I simply don’t give a damn anymore.
I don’t WANT everyone to like me, I don’t NEED to be in charge of everything, I don’t NEED to suffer for attention.
I’m a grown-ass woman who is done with bulls**t.
This is where you kick in.
Since this piece was inspired by your bullying and your crazy little manipulations, I suggest you take a seat and get comfortable because I’ve just started to take out my frustrations which I’ve been collecting for years.
So yes… it’s going to be a long ride.
I almost feel sorry for myself for not seeing through everything earlier.
Why almost, you ask?
Well, the reason I’m NOT sorry is that I was fed so much bullshit that I ran out of places to store it, so it eventually started hitting me on the head with an intention to make me realize what an idiot I’ve been this whole time.
I know I would have never reached this blissful stage of complete enlightenment if I’d kept the BS from everyone deep inside, suffering in silence and coping with it when no one was looking.
That’s why I’m glad it happened anyway.
Now, at least I know I gave my everything. I know I tried everything but never got any positive feedback from you.
You just kept living your life without compromise, like you were all alone in it.
You just kept being selfish regardless of all the warnings which came from one day to the next.
Now that I’ve become indifferent, it’s too late for you to fix things. There is no going back.
For the sake of this article and for the sake of people still storing frustrations inside themselves, I’m going to write as many fundamentally stupid things as I can remember and the mistakes you made which slowly drove me away from you.
I know it’s hard to face the truth but bear with me… it might do you good and help you become a better version of yourself… IT. JUST. MIGHT.
BS No. 1 – Your hidden self-loathing was not my problem
Over time, I realized that the problem wasn’t me and I shouldn’t take any more BS because I was in no way responsible for the problems coming our way (despite how hard you tried to manipulate me into thinking it WAS all my fault).
The problem was you… all along, it was you.
You hated yourself for the things you did or better said, for the things you didn’t do and you should have.
Your regrets blinded you and you never could get past them. You needed someone to take it all out on.
I was the closest living source of energy for your poisonous intentions to get attached to.
I’m aware of that now and I’m finally putting an end to it—something I should have done a long time ago.
BS No. 2 – You made me (in one word) MISERABLE
Smiling became something I did on rare occasions. Those happy wrinkles seemed to fade as I spent more time with you.
Me, a girl who was always laughing and in good spirits… I became unrecognizable.
There were occasions when I smiled but everyone who knew me well saw I was forcing it.
They all saw it—a big, fake smile to chase off curious snoopers dying to find out something new to gossip about.
In other words, slowly, you made me miserable. You turned me into a woman who was tired of life.
At the age of thirty, I was tired of life. Isn’t that just sad?
BS No. 3 – You lacked any form of support imaginable
Now I even wonder if you were jealous of me? Maybe you thought I had made it in life and you were left behind.
But if that is true and it most definitely is not, how could have I achieved the things you wanted instead of you? I could only help you get there. I couldn’t do it for you.
And you never had the balls to get up off your ass and actually do something with your life.
So after I made it, you wanted to take credit for my work. You wanted to be the reason I was successful.
The truth is I’m successful BECAUSE I had to do it all by myself.
I never could rely on you for anything—from the smallest details to bigger commitments. I guess what I want to say to you now is… thank you.
BS No.4 – Your jealousy was too much to handle
It became an obsession, really. It wasn’t cute anymore. Instead, it became horrific.
Over time, I felt like I needed to dedicate my life to you only, leaving no room for anyone else—friends or what’s even worse, family.
How could a person be jealous of the other’s mother and their perfectly healthy relationship?
Well, you managed to enter another sphere of jealousy, to cross another level and sadly, it destroyed our chance of happiness.
You lost all control and you banished me from your life, for good.
BS No.5 – Poor you, you were always the victim
Seriously, it gets old after a while. I knew exactly what your excuses would be and what lines would you use after a fight.
I knew them by heart because it was always the same old story.
You were never guilty, it was always someone else’s fault and you just happened to be there to take the blame.
It’s impossible to believe that you’re such a saint while everyone around you is faulty in a way.
It’s even more impossible to believe that everyone else is stupid and wrong, only your opinion matters and only you are right.
C’mon… seriously?! That is a load of BS listed as No. 5 on my list which I’ve put up for such a long time but even that trace of love I had for you, the familiarity and warmth I used to feel around you couldn’t justify your behavior and your claims.
Everything was just too much.
BS No.6 – Your negativity drove me insane
It was impossible to ‘Always Look on the Bright Side of Life’, as sung in ‘Monty Python’, with you by my side.
It was always about negativity. All you could talk about were some insane conspiracy theories in which every scenario ended up the same—we were all going to die horrible deaths.
You know what?! I don’t give a shit! I’m going to die anyway.
So, if God intended for me to die in a horrible, chaotic, end of the world kind of death, so be it!
I didn’t want to live my life in fear and regret something that might just happen but which you had no proof that it actually would.
Your negativity changed me every day a bit more.
That bulls**t anchored itself in the back of my mind; as you established it in my brain, I actually started to be afraid of it.
I started to believe that all of the things you said were going to happen.
BS No. 7 – You destroyed my hope of better days
I mean better days with you. Throughout the middle of our relationship, I still had hope that better days were yet to come.
Needless to say, I couldn’t have been more wrong. That hope slowly vanished as you showed absolutely no intention of changing.
Not just that you refused to change, you didn’t even notice that you had a problem. It was so much easier to blame me or anyone else.
It was so much easier to bullshit than be a man, strap on a pair and get your life in order.
There you go… This is what you got for what you served.