We’re all a little blinded by hormones when we first enter a relationship and we don’t see things as they really are at the beginning. We feel happy and we want to hold on to it forever. The truth is, you can’t really stay in a relationship for the same reasons you entered it.

At first, we fall for looks and attention, but as time passes, the relationship should grow. If you keep giving the same things all over again without adjusting to the needs of another person, there is the possibility that the person you’re with might get fed up with you playing the same movie on repeat.

See, I did fall for your affection. I did fall for your sweet words and compliments, and I did love the way you look at me. You had this look that would speak volumes about how much you want me. And it felt good to be wanted. But these kinds of feelings don’t last forever.

I know you want me. I know you love me. But that’s just it. And I’m sorry, at this point it’s just not enough.

You buy me flowers. You kiss me on the forehead each morning and you ask me how my day went. You remember all the important dates. I get hugs, cuddles, and your hand in my hand on a regular basis. It feels good—I swear it does.

You keep paying me compliments regarding how I look and that never changes. You tell me how pretty you think I am and how happy you are to have me beside you. You often tell how you don’t know what you did to deserve such a stunning woman. Little do you know, there was no need for you to deserve me—I chose you because I wanted you as much as you wanted me.

See also: 10 Undeniable Signs He’s TRULY, MADLY, DEEPLY in Love with You

 

Couple holding hands by the ocean

 

But….

I am afraid that’s all I am to you. Just a pretty face and nothing more.

I don’t want you to admire me for my looks. That was my birth gift—I didn’t earn it.

I want you to admire me for my intellect and how passionate I am and how my eyes shine and how my voice gets a different color when I talk about something I love. I want you to acknowledge my hard work, my dedication, to tell me you’re happy to have such a purpose-driven woman next to you. I want you to want me for who I am over what I look like.

You do all these things to show me your love, but I have a hard time seeing anything else in your look. You don’t respect my decisions. You don’t think I can make it no matter how hard I work. You think your success is more important than what I do.

You never told me how smart I am and you never backed up any of my ideas. You just cut me off without even listening to me and go deal with your issues on your own. Even when I am happy to help, you rush to somebody else for advice. You don’t do these things in a relationship.

You fail to understand that respect is a key factor that allows us to comprehend and acknowledge the ideas and decisions of the other. True respect cannot be forced and I’m not doing that, however, in most situations, people respect others due to power differentials.

See also: This is why Your Boyfriend Treats You With No Respect

A woman can be both pretty and smart, at the same time.

If you’d just give me the benefit of the doubt and listen to my advice for a change, you’d see that what I say does make sense, in fact. If you’d trust me with your problems, I’d feel more appreciated.

I don’t want you to be proud of how beautiful I am—I’d get that anywhere. Anybody can be beautiful and anybody could replace me because there are at least a billion other women who are just as beautiful as I am. I’d rather have you be proud of what kind of women you have next to yourself. I am not a trophy and I wish you’d just stop treating me like one.

I don’t want just your affection, I want your admiration as well—but not for how I look but for what I am.

I don’t want to be just a pretty face. I don’t want to be weaker than you. I want my opinion to count. I want you to actually hear what I have to say, and I want you to respect me.

I want you to scratch the surface and see what’s beneath it. Because if you don’t start respecting me, if you don’t try to see another side of me, I might just respect myself enough to walk away from you.