When you came into my life, I was so lost. I was in a dark and lonely place that I wasn’t sure how to get out of.
After being used and abused by men, I had felt unworthy of love for years. My wall was at an all-time high, and I had absolutely no intention of letting any man come along and break it down.
But through some kind of miracle, you began to sweep me off of my feet, even though I was terrified.
I warned you and I told you to stay away from me. I was too much work. But unlike all the others, you were so willing to put in any work that it took to make me yours. You pursued me.
You made me feel beautiful every single day without fail. You told me you loved me every morning and every night. You waited patiently for me and didn’t push me to do anything I didn’t want to do.
You started a spark deep inside my soul. A spark that I hadn’t seen in years. A spark that whispered, ‘You are good enough and always have been’. When I broke down at night, crying because I was so scared to be vulnerable and let you in, you just held me and told me that it would be okay and you would always be there.
But…where are you now?
I thought you were different from all the men before you. Boy, was I so wrong. You were the ultimate wolf in sheep’s clothing. You were worse than them all.
After you tore my wall down brick by brick and the last piece was gone, that’s when all hell broke loose and the games began. You had finally won some sick mental battle that I didn’t even know we were fighting. Now I was all yours to control.
Your facade was crumbling and the man you assured me you were started to disappear. Suddenly, you thought that you owned me. You ripped everything from my life, from my friends to my family, so that I would have to rely on you and only you.
The sweet I love yous slowed down, and the drunk ‘I can’t stand yous’ were constant. You brainwashed me so much that I would end up apologizing for things that YOU did.
Looking back, I did nothing wrong except try to force a man who had no heart to love me. When you left me because you ‘didn’t love me anymore; it absolutely crushed me.
What did I do to ruin us? It had to have been my fault somehow. But then I realized something… I did absolutely nothing wrong and the real problem was you never loved me in the first place.
In hindsight, I think the only thing you loved was the idea of someone who was weak enough for you to control. You prey on weakness, always have and always will. You used your words to make me fall for you. But in the end, all you did was prove that all your words were lies, all your promises were empty, and your intentions with me were never pure.
I’m not sure if you ever really wanted to be with me or you just liked the chase. You showed me the most twisted version of ‘love’ I had ever seen and left me shattered on the ground without a second thought. You broke down my wall only to destroy me.
You probably thought I would be broken and beyond repair when we ended. But guess what? My life is just beginning. That spark that you started inside of me is still there but you’re not fueling it anymore. I’m fueling it all by my damn self and I hope that it burns you.
Even though you took me through hell and back, I am thankful for you. If it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t have become who I am today. I am no longer the weak girl I was when I first met you, and I will never become her again. By tearing me down and destroying me, you ended up helping me discover a strength within myself that I didn’t know existed.
I have learned so much from you.
You taught me to not easily trust men who say all the right things. Actions do speak louder than words. You taught me how to be aware of fabricated love. A real man will never make you wonder if he truly loves you or not. You taught me to never put up with disrespect again.
The next man who speaks to me the way you did will be kicked to the curb faster than he can open his mouth to apologize. You taught me to see through the nonsense and always stick up for myself no matter what.
I will never again settle for a man like you. Thank you for showing me that I deserve so much more.
by Kassidy Jennings