How do you know a man is struggling with anger management issues? Or, a better question would be, how can you help them and build a healthy relationship with them?
Don’t worry because today’s topic is exactly this, and you’ll find out absolutely everything you need to know about anger management issues. First of all, I’ll introduce you to the most obvious signs a man has anger issues, and then we’ll go through some ways you can help him.
It’s not easy to live with someone who has temper issues. Believe me, I know this well. And the worst thing is that you think your hands are tied, that you can’t do absolutely anything about it.
Except wait. Wait for him to change. However, that’s actually the worst thing you can do because waiting won’t get you anywhere. You need to stand up and fight, fight for that person to overcome their problems, and fight to protect and save the relationship you two have.
23 Clear Signs A Man Has Anger Issues
If a person starts displaying these signs below, you should consider it a huge red flag they actually have anger issues.
1. You’re aware you’re in a toxic relationship
You’re aware that his anger is making your relationship toxic, right? You know that things have become unhealthy between you, and your connection and love aren’t as strong as they were in the beginning, right?
Well, you don’t have to admit it to me – it’s enough to admit it to yourself. Don’t think that you can solve your issues by neglecting or denying them because it’s never the way.
You can keep waiting, but nothing will change, and your relationship definitely won’t improve until your man accepts the fact that he has anger issues. And, of course, until he seeks professional help and undergoes anger management therapy.
2. It’s impossible to have healthy communication with him
No matter how hard you try, do you struggle to have healthy communication with him? Does he either yell at you or not want to talk at all?
That is a surefire sign that a man has anger issues. Unfortunately, your man can’t think clearly because of these issues, and right now, he thinks he can solve everything through anger and frustration.
If you really care about him, you should keep trying to establish healthy communication with him. If you manage to do that, you’ll be able to encourage and talk him into seeing a therapist.
3. His short temper is unbearable
In the beginning, you were able to deal with it, but lately, his temper has become unbearable, right? Well, it’s simply because, in the beginning, you were still hoping it was just temporary and that it would soon end and your man would go back to who he was before.
Unfortunately, now you’re aware that it isn’t going to stop because his anger issues are just getting worse.
No matter what you do or say, you’re always bothering him, and it seems like he never stops yelling at you now. But the real question you should ask yourself isn’t how long it’s going to last but how long you plan to put up with it without doing anything at all!
4. He shows signs of low self-esteem
If a man shows signs of low self-esteem, he’s even more prone to having anger issues. In fact, anger issues may come as a result of very low self-opinion.
These men aren’t happy with themselves, and it makes them frustrated and angry. Soon, they start searching for the culprit in another person, and they begin to vent their anger at them.
5. He has destructive self-talk
He doesn’t talk bad about you, but does he have pretty bad self-talk? Does he think and always say he is the worst, the weakest, and use a bunch of other bad adjectives?
Unfortunately, this also feeds his anger issues and makes him even more frustrated.
He can’t change it because he isn’t aware he’s doing it or the effect it has on his mental health. However, you need to point out to him the damage his bad self-talk is doing to his general well-being and your relationship too.
6. He gets upset over little things
Do even the stupidest, most little things upset him? Does he always find something to pick a fight over or to blame you for? Even if he doesn’t find anything, does he bring up your past mistakes and start fights with you over them again?
It’s a clear sign your man can no longer tame his temper. He’s filled with negative feelings of anger and frustration, and he can’t keep those feelings inside anymore.
He needs to let them out somehow, and that’s why he looks for things he can start fights over. You’ll notice the relief he senses once he gets it out of his system, but you’ll also notice the weight it leaves on your mental and emotional health.
7. He starts fights over nothing
Does he always pick fights over stupid, unimportant things? Trust me, it’s not him, it’s his anger issues. Through these fights with you, he tries to vent his anger and frustration because he can’t keep it inside of him for too long.
It’s a well-known fact that people with anger issues always choose to vent their anger on the people close to them because they’re aware they can count on their forgiveness because they’re aware their venting may hurt their relationships with other people in their life.
So, this is probably why he wants to fight with you all the time.
8. He struggles with negative thoughts
Have you noticed that your man has become a pessimist all of a sudden? Does he always talks about bad things and think that the worse will happen to him, you, or both of you?
It’s because his anger issues have raised some negative thoughts. He can’t think clearly and isn’t aware that he’s only feeding these negative thoughts, which will intoxicate his life, especially his relationships with other people.
9. He shows remorse but doesn’t change
Well, what can you do with his remorse when it’s obvious that it’s false? If a man only speaks about how he’s aware that he’s hurting you with his words but doesn’t do anything to change it, it’s obvious that he’s only manipulating you and lying to you.
You need to make it clear that you’re a woman of actions and that words alone have no effect on you.
And the last thing you should do is keep falling for his false remorse and forgiving him for the same mistakes he makes. As long as you do this, he’ll keep on making these mistakes and not do anything about his anger issues.
10. He gives you the silent treatment for no reason
Does he go no contact very often and for no reason? Is it like he disappears out of your life, and you feel like he’s aware of the fact his silent treatment bothers you a lot, and he simply enjoys it?
Well, the thing is that he might disappear from your life when those anger episodes hit him, and he tries to find a way to vent it out somewhere so he doesn’t do it to you.
It can actually be a good thing because it proves that he cares about you deeply. However, at the same time, he’s hurting you with his silent treatments, and it actually tells you he’s a selfish guy who cares only about himself and his issues.
11. He keeps raising his voice at you
If he yells at you whenever you have some kind of discussion or without any reason, it’s a clear sign he has anger issues. In those moments, he simply can’t tame his temper, and he starts venting it out on you.
If you don’t deal with it immediately and put an end to it, it’ll turn into abuse sooner or later. Your “angry man” won’t stop at this, and he’ll start abusing you in a more serious way.
12. He’s become a pro at the blame-shifting game
When a man shifts the blame onto you every time he has a temper tantrum, it’s also a part of his denial process. This happens in the beginning with almost everyone who is trying to cope with their anger issues, especially men.
They simply aren’t able to accept and admit they have a problem because their ego won’t allow them to. So, they keep ignoring their issues and blaming you for your fights and their aggression and tantrums.
13. He bad-mouths you in front of others
What is the connection between his bad-mouthing you and his anger issues? Well, the connection is that he wants to make you feel bad in front of other people.
He wants to diminish your credibility with other people so no one will believe you when you say that you’re worried about your man and suspect that he might have anger issues.
14. The emotional neglect
When a man has anger issues, it makes him emotionally distant. It starts affecting almost every sphere of his life, especially his social and love life.
He becomes unable to maintain an emotional connection with other people. So, if your man starts neglecting you emotionally while having bad temper tantrums, it’s clear he has anger issues.
15. He’s isolating you from your loved ones
It’s obvious that he’s aware of his issues and wants to separate you from your loved ones so you don’t have anyone to share your problems with. That would give him time to keep venting out his anger at you.
Now, here is an important message for you… You should never allow anyone to separate you from your friends or family. And if anyone asks you to choose between them and your loved ones, you should always choose the side that isn’t making you choose any sides.
16. He makes you feel unworthy
Why is he doing this? Simply because he wants to damage your self-esteem to the point that he’ll be able to control you and your life.
It’s a manipulator’s favorite technique, and people with anger issues become professionals at manipulating others.
17. He threatens and blackmails you
When a man threatens you with something or uses someone or something he knows you care about to blackmail you, it’s also a subtle sign of anger management problems.
You now need to leave his anger issues aside and focus on dealing with the emotional blackmail. In fact, you need to put a stop to it immediately and show your man he can’t treat you that way. Well, he can try, but it’ll only make you distance yourself from him.
18. He’s become an abuser
If a man also starts abusing you physically, emotionally, or mentally while you two are arguing, it’s a very clear sign he has anger issues. These temper episodes can really make a man do things he would never do in a “normal” situation.
No matter what type of abuse we’re talking about, you should never put up with it. The first moment someone starts abusing you, you should make them part of your past forever.
The truth is, a man with temper issues can change, but an abuser will always be an abuser. They may pretend they’ve changed for a while, but sooner or later, they’ll go back to what they truly are… to being abusers and abusing those weaker than them.
19. He’s belittling others
If a man is belittling other people around him, it’s a sign he actually isn’t happy with himself. And if he does it when he’s angry, then he’s probably using it to vent his anger out on other people.
He’s making others feel less than him, which immediately increases his self-esteem (or, at least, that’s what he thinks). It can be said that his belittling of others is a kind of coping mechanism for his anger issues.
20. He isn’t tolerant
What happens when one partner isn’t tolerant at all in a relationship but, at the same time, expects the other person to have all the tolerance in the world with them and their actions?
A true rollercoaster of negative emotions happens that eventually leads to a breakup.
A healthy and successful relationship is always based on tolerance and compromise. If both sides aren’t ready to respect these two aspects, then their relationship has zero chance of succeeding.
21. His loved ones are afraid of his uncontrolled anger episodes
If you’re not the only person who is afraid of his bad temper and the uncontrolled anger episodes he is having more and more often lately, it’s a clear sign that your man needs help.
When most people in a person’s life are afraid of their temper, it can’t be that all of them are wrong. Then it’s true that this person has anger issues and should seek professional help before it’s too late.
22. He always apologizes but keeps repeating his mistakes
What does this mean? What does it mean when someone keeps apologizing over and over again but also keeps repeating their mistakes?
Of course, it means that they’re making a fool out of you. They don’t plan to change – they plan to keep making mistakes.
And they most definitely count on you and your forgiveness. They’re aware of the strong feelings you have for them, and they use them in an awful way – they’re using your feelings against you.
23. He denies the fact that he has an issue or needs help
People say that denial is the weakest defense, and this is absolutely true. If your man keeps denying he has anger issues, even though he keeps showing all the clear signs of anger management problems, the situation will be even harder to solve than you think.
You’re probably dealing with an alpha male, and it would be humiliating for their ego to accept and admit they have anger issues.
You’ll try to make them realize it in every possible way, but it won’t happen, not until they understand it’s high time to leave their ego aside and admit they really have an issue.
How Do You Calm An Angry Man? 9 Tips
Fortunately, anger issues can be overcome, especially if you have the support of your loved ones. Here are some ways you can show that support and help your special person deal with their issues and get rid of them once and for all.
1. You need to stay calm!
You should never allow yourself to answer anger with anger. That won’t get you anywhere, and you most definitely won’t solve anything that way.
You’ll only make the other person angrier, which could lead to you breaking up. If you really want to keep that person in your life and help them overcome their issues, you need to stay calm.
You need to establish a plan for their recovery and, most importantly, help them realize they really have a problem. Remain calm and have faith in the other person and their willpower.
2. Never be afraid to set boundaries
First and foremost, you need to protect your own well-being. You should never allow them and their anger to harm your emotional or mental health.
The truth is, you need to set boundaries as soon as you decide to engage in a relationship with someone. But in these situations, it’s really necessary to let that person know what your boundaries are.
3. However, try to be understanding
Understanding and compassion are two of the most significant foundations of every healthy relationship. In other words, you need to try to understand your partner because they’re going through a hard time too.
Don’t get me wrong here, though. If they cross your boundaries, you need to tell them off immediately because they won’t take you seriously otherwise.
On the flip side, if they keep crossing them and you realize they don’t plan to change their ways, you should really think about letting go of them forever.
4. Try to determine the type of anger
If you didn’t know, there are different types of anger. And for someone who is starting with their healing and anger management treatment, they first need to determine the exact type of their anger issues.
However, my advice is to seek help from a licensed therapist because they would be able to determine their type of anger faster and give them the proper therapy.
5. Also, try to determine where their anger stems from
The first step to recovery is determining the triggers of their anger. If they don’t realize where their anger stems from, they’ll never be able to deal with and overcome it.
Once they discover those triggers, they need to confront them. If it’s someone from work, they need to stand up to that person and give them a piece of their mind. If it’s a personal problem, they need to find a solution to it – they must not allow it to provoke their anger.
6. Explain to them that anger is a normal emotion…
Anger is a completely normal emotion, just like happiness and sadness. The problem occurs when someone doesn’t know how to cope with that emotion correctly.
They don’t need to run away from it or be ashamed to speak about it. We all feel angry sometimes, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that emotional state.
7. …But that they need to express it differently
You should talk to them and explain that it’s normal to feel angry. Also, tell them that they shouldn’t suppress their anger. On the contrary, they should let it out and express it in a constructive way.
In other words, they must not vent to other people. They can’t keep yelling at others because it definitely won’t make their anger go away… Actually, it may only make them even angrier.
8. Seek advice from a licensed therapist
If your loved one has anger management problems, you’ll probably try to help them in every possible way. Well, then, you should know that seeking professional help and motivating them to take anger management therapy will definitely help them most.
A licensed therapist will help them discover their triggers faster, which will be the first and biggest step to their recovery. If you want to maintain a healthy relationship with that person, this kind of intervention is absolutely necessary.
9. Consider taking a timeout
If it’s someone close to you, someone you’re in a friendly or romantic relationship with, you should both consider taking a timeout. Just go no contact for a while and let that time help you both calm down.
I’m not saying you should distance yourself from them because running away is never the way to solve your problems. You need to confront them, and in this case, you need to offer them unlimited support.
What causes anger issues in a man?
There are a few possible causes that can provoke anger issues and temper tantrums in a person. In these modern times, the most common cause of anger problems is definitely stress.
We all deal with stress on a daily basis, and unfortunately, most of us don’t know how to deal with it in a healthy way. In the beginning, we simply store it deep inside, which only makes us angrier over time.
Mental or physical health issues can also be a cause of anger management issues. Sometimes, people choose to isolate themselves from their loved ones due to their health issues, and it results in anger issues in time.
Financial issues are also a common cause of anger problems. Family problems and domestic violence may also lead to temper issues.
Can a man with anger issues change?
Of course, he can. The question is whether he really wants to, whether he is really aware of his problem. Or, most importantly, how hard he wants to overcome those issues.
If there is the will, any man can change. Especially if his loved ones are supportive, encouraging, and help him with the process of change.
In the end, a man with anger issues doesn’t really have to change. He simply needs to find a way to express his negative emotions and thoughts in a healthy way, not through anger or violence.
He needs to improve his mental health and realize the damage his anger is doing to the people around him, to those he loves. If that doesn’t make him work on self-improvement and seek help, nothing will.
If you have recognized most of these signs a man has anger issues in your man or someone close to you, you shouldn’t fall into despair immediately. Now is not the time for that.
Now, it’s time to be both mentally and emotionally stronger than ever, be there for that person, and help them overcome their issues.
You can’t keep walking on eggshells around that person and hope their anger problems will just disappear. Trust me, those kinds of issues never disappear just like that.
You need to encourage that person to seek professional help and be there for them on their journey to recovery. Make sure they know you’ll be there every step of the way and that you’ll never leave them, no matter how long or overwhelming the process becomes.