I remember how I felt when I was sensing my boyfriend could be a love rat. I didn’t have any proof that he was unfaithful but my gut feeling was persistent and it never failed me. Something was wrong.
It turned out my tummy-brain was right – he had a five-month-long affair with his coworker. I was shocked when she called me to say that he was her man and I should just step out. Like it was a competition!?
I moved out the very same evening. When I came to my best friend’s apartment I called this woman to tell her she could have him and that she’s a fool to believe he won’t do the same to her. As I later discovered, he cheated on her too.
If you’re feeling doubtful about your partner’s fidelity and honesty this study can be helpful. It revealed what tactics cheaters rely on to hide their misdoings. The number goes up to 53 different tactics but I’ll tell you about some of the most common ones.
My cheating boyfriend did almost all of these things but I was blind to notice.
So watch for the subtle signs, you can spot them if you pay attention. Does your man…
1. Tries to act normal a bit too hard
Maintaining his usual routines is crucial for a cheater. So your man will avoid drastic changes in his behavior or appearance that could raise red flags. By keeping everything seemingly normal, he aims to keep his infidelity completely under the radar.
Now when I look back, yeah, he really put an effort to seem like nothing has changed for him. No wonder it’s hard to spot this one, he ensures everything seems just right.
2. You get attention overload
Suddenly, you’re the star of the show and the center of his world! Cheaters often shower their partners with extra love and care. Expect more affection, spontaneous gifts, and increased intimacy. It’s his way of saying, “Look over here, not over there!”
After months of feeling kinda neglected, I finally got all the attention I needed and felt sooo GOOD. I should have known it was a red flag.
3. He’s cool as a cucumber
The cheater plans his meet-ups meticulously, choosing times when he can easily justify his absence with a new hobby or activity. He maintains a calm look, hoping to avoid any questions from you.
During those times we were two of a kind, with no quarrels, no misunderstandings, and our relationship was a breeze.
4. Short and sweet affairs
When I found out he had been cheating, the first question that popped in my head was “When?” Apparently, cheaters are masters of time management.
To minimize risk, the cheater keeps his affairs brief and infrequent. These short flings help him avoid detection and maintain the illusion of fidelity in his primary relationship.
5. He’s in “stealth mode”
The cheater is a pro at planning discreet meet-ups. He chooses distant locations and uses excuses like work meetings or gym sessions to cover his tracks. He will ensure you never suspect a thing.
Yes, the gym, a few times I noticed his gymware in the laundry basket looked unused after training but I was too busy to think about the reasons.
6. A fortress made of passwords
Expect a sudden surge in password-protected devices and apps. The cheater locks down everything with new or changed passwords, ensuring his secret stays safe. Even when not in use, these devices are kept locked and out of sight.
He kept taking his phone with him everywhere, even when he went to take a shower. I used to know his passwords but then he said they need to be changed frequently for security reasons.
7. He uses secret gadgets
Burner phones and hidden email accounts are classic tools in a cheater’s toolbox. These devices and accounts allow him to communicate freely without the risk of being caught. It’s his way of keeping his double life hidden.
I didn’t find any of these but he probably had one and kept it hidden from me.
8. His affair has no digital trace
Cheater becomes a digital magician, making all traces of his affair vanish. He deletes messages, emails, and call logs, and is super cautious when using his devices around you. Silent mode and turning screens away are his go-to moves to keep secrets hidden.
I could not even come close to his devices so I can’t tell if my cheating boyfriend used this tactic, but it makes sense.
9. Relationship commitment facade
Despite his infidelity, the cheater works hard to seem fully invested in your relationship. He maintains consistent behavior, ensuring nothing seems out of the ordinary and keeping your suspicions at bay.
This is 100% true, my boyfriend was really committed and I was staggered to find out he was sleeping with someone else. He seemed so happy in our relationship.
10. There are mysterious new friends
When a new “friend” or “colleague” enters the picture, the cheater downplays your suspicions. He insists this person is just a harmless new member of his social circle, deflecting any concern about the true nature of their relationship.
He did have a couple of new “friends” and I was not suspicious about it.
11. He uses his new friends as an alibi
Cheater often uses friends to cover his absences, claiming to be with a buddy when he’s actually meeting his mistress. However, these friends are usually kept in the dark to prevent any slip-ups.
I thought it was normal for him to spend time with new friends, wouldn’t you think the same?
When you recall the hints, it all makes sense. Right? You can’t believe you failed to spot these signs.
Don’t feel bad, we are all too distracted and cheaters are playing it like pros. At least now you’ll know what behaviors you should pay attention to.
12. He suddenly loves business trips
Work-related travel becomes a convenient excuse. Cheaters will take advantage of business trips, extending them unnecessarily or fabricating them entirely to sneak away without raising suspicion.
I used to believe his work trips were legitimate, but now I realize they were a perfect cover. He even mentioned how much he “hated” traveling, yet he seemed oddly excited about these trips. Looking back, I should have questioned why he always came back with a different excuse for why I couldn’t reach him.
13. Emotional distance grows
The more involved he becomes with someone else, the less he invests emotionally in you. He starts showing less interest in your feelings, your day, or even conflicts that once mattered.
Looking back, I noticed he just stopped engaging in deeper conversations with me. It felt like he was physically present but mentally somewhere else. No matter how much I tried to reconnect, he kept slipping further away.
14. The defensive reflex kicks in
If you question him, even lightly, he reacts with intense defensiveness. He may accuse you of being paranoid or controlling, making you doubt your own instincts.
I felt guilty for even questioning his behavior. Now I know why. The more defensive he became, the more I backed off, thinking maybe I was the one overreacting. It was a clever tactic to shut me down before I got too close to the truth.
15. He suddenly works on himself
A renewed interest in fitness, skincare, or a wardrobe upgrade may indicate he’s trying to impress someone new. Cheaters often invest in self-improvement under the guise of personal growth.
He hit the gym and started dressing sharper. I thought he was doing it for me! He even bought new cologne and started using it every day—even on nights he wasn’t going out. Strange how he never cared about these things before.
16. He stops planning for the future
Cheaters live in the moment and often avoid discussions about long-term plans. If he was once eager to talk about the future but now avoids it, something may be up.
We used to dream about our future together. Then one day, those dreams just faded away. Whenever I brought up our future, he either changed the subject or said, “Let’s just enjoy the present.” It was clear he had a future in mind—it just didn’t include me.
17. His schedule becomes unpredictable
Inconsistencies in his daily routine, unexplained absences, and last-minute plan changes are common. He’s careful not to leave a clear pattern for you to track.
I never knew when he would be home. There was always an excuse. One night he’d be out late for “work drinks,” and the next, he’d be home too early, almost as if he was overcompensating. It kept me off balance, exactly as he wanted.
18. He accuses you of cheating
Projection is a classic cheater move. By accusing you of being unfaithful, he shifts the focus away from his own actions and makes you second-guess yourself.
He once said, “You’re acting weird—are you hiding something?” Now I know why. He was so convincing that I even started questioning myself. It’s the perfect way to make someone feel guilty while covering up their own misdeeds.
19. He suddenly becomes overly private
He starts locking doors, whispering on phone calls, and changing screens quickly when you walk in. It’s a clear sign he’s hiding something.
His phone was always face-down, and he started leaving the room for calls. When I asked about it, he said I was being “too nosy.” Before, we had no secrets—now, everything was off-limits. That alone should have been a big enough clue.
20. He disconnects from you emotionally
He stops engaging in deep conversations or showing empathy, creating an emotional gap between you.
I felt like I was living with a stranger. No more sweet texts, no more goodnight kisses, just silence. The love that was once overflowing had turned into cold indifference. It was like he had already moved on in his mind, even before I knew what was happening.