For a long time, I wasn’t happy. I knew that something was missing. You weren’t the same. That sparkle you had in your eyes when we talked was gone.
I couldn’t help but notice it, you changed and so did your feelings. You weren’t man enough to tell me that you’d stopped loving me.
You became so cold. I couldn’t recognize you anymore. Sometimes it seemed to me like I was dating a complete stranger. I knew it was time for me to leave.
I couldn’t. I couldn’t let you go even though, deep down I knew it was time to do so.
Every time I wanted to do it, my heart would skip a beat, like it was trying to say that it still wasn’t ready.
I couldn’t go against my heart. I knew how much love for you it had carried all these years.
Who could blame it, it didn’t know that you would break it into a million pieces.
I am the one to blame. I was so naive for trusting you and giving you my whole heart. You held my heart in your hands. In a way, I allowed you to break it.
I am so very sorry for that. I should have let you go the moment I realized that you didn’t love me in the same way. Before you broke my heart.
Now that ‘sorry’ doesn’t mean anything because the pain is here. It’s still here, it still hurts like the first day and I don’t know when it is going to stop hurting.
Honestly, sometimes I fear that it will never stop. Sometimes I’m worried about my future because what if I never gather the courage to move on?
Sometimes I have these dark thoughts that really scare the hell out of me.
Just like the thought of losing you scared me once. I thought that I wouldn’t survive if I lost you.
But I did. And I know that I will move on one day and leave you in the past. I just need time. Time to grieve. Time to heal. Time to forgive. Time to forget…
Oh, forget. Trust me, that’s all I want right now. I want to forget everything. I want to forget you, your sweet face, and all the good things you did for me because they are making me miss you.
Those things are causing me even greater pain.
I want to forget all those times you said that you would love me for the rest of your life and that nothing could separate us ever. Those words are embedded in my heart.
And most importantly, I want to forget how I feel now. All this pain and anger.
This disappointment and frustration. I want to forget everything that is preventing me from moving on.
I really thought that we were meant to last forever. Now it’s hard for me to accept the fact that our relationship ended. It’s hard to accept that you are no longer a part of my life.
I waited too long for some kind of sign from you. Something that would tell me that I was wrong and that you still loved me like you used to.
I really hoped that I was being paranoid and that it would pass and we would be happy again like we were before. That we would be crazy in love, like we were at the beginning.
That was my mistake. I should’ve listened to my inner voice. It told me that it was time to let you go.
Hell, it was shouting that I needed to save myself and the only way to do that was to let you go.
Delaying the fact that I needed to let you go didn’t change anything. In fact, it even brought me greater pain.
I believed that love is the only important thing in life. But it’s not. Self-respect is also important.
And no kind of love will ever be worth sacrificing your dignity for.
My decision to finally let you go was life-changing. I admit that it was painful and that it still hurts, but I am slowly learning to find comfort in my own pain.
I am slowly learning to continue with my life, without your love.