You know the feeling. The one where you’re sandwiched between your old bestie giving side-eye and your partner looking like they’d rather be anywhere else. It’s awkward, it’s messy, and honestly, it’s exhausting.
Nobody tells you how complicated grown-up friendship gets when love walks in, or how easy it is for the people you care about most to start feeling like emotional luggage. I’m not here for pretty packaging.
If you’re reading this, you’re probably tired of pretending you have it all under control. You want real, raw, sometimes uncomfortable truth—maybe even relief.
Here are 19 ways to navigate the sticky, sometimes heartbreaking, sometimes hilarious intersection of friendship and romance. This isn’t a guide to keeping everyone “happy.” It’s about finding what’s true for you. Ready?
1. Say What’s Actually On Your Mind
Have you ever tried to act like everything’s fine, only to find yourself rage-cleaning your kitchen at midnight? I have. It never works. Most of us bottle up what we’re really feeling until it comes out sideways—snippy texts, weird passive-aggressive comments, or just ghosting.
Here’s the thing: your partner and your best friend can’t read your mind. They won’t know you feel ignored or jealous or just plain weird about how things have changed unless you say it—out loud, not just in your head.
It might be uncomfortable. You might cry. You might say it badly. But voicing what’s real is the only way to avoid resentment growing like black mold. Real talk breaks the spell. Try it before you explode.
2. Stop Letting Boundaries Be A Dirty Word
We treat boundaries like they’re insults or punishments—when really, they’re just instructions for how we want to be treated. Saying you need space, or that certain topics are off-limits, shouldn’t make you the villain.
Think of boundaries as your relationship user manual. They help friends and partners know how not to set off your internal fire alarm. If you feel guilty, ask yourself: would you rather have an awkward conversation now, or a broken friendship later?
People who love you won’t always get it right, but the ones worth keeping will at least try. Setting boundaries might cost you comfort in the short term, but it saves so much heartache in the end.
3. Don’t Just Schedule Time—Show Up For It
Did you ever make plans you secretly hoped would get cancelled? We all crave connection, but at times life gets crowded with work, chores, and just being tired. Here’s the real test: when you do show up, are you actually there, or scrolling Insta under the table?
It’s not about how often you see your friend or partner, but how present you are when you do. Block off the time, mute the phone, and listen—even if the story is about something you don’t care about, like her new office plant.
Consistency isn’t glamorous, but it’s love in action. Your presence is the point—not just physically, but with your whole attention. Show up like you mean it.
4. Their Needs Aren’t a Competition—But They’ll Feel Like It
Did you ever felt like you’re always choosing sides? Some weeks, it’s your best friend who needs you. Other times, your partner wants all your attention. It’s dizzying, and you’ll always feel like you’re letting someone down.
Stop pretending you can keep everyone equally happy. Needs will clash. Someone will sulk. That’s life. Instead, listen hard when someone says what they need, and get honest about what you can give.
You’re not a referee. Your job isn’t to keep score—it’s to love as best as you can, with what you have. Sometimes, that’s enough. Sometimes, it isn’t. Either way, you’re doing your best.
5. Celebrate Their Joy—Even When Yours Feels Stuck
Nothing tests a friendship like watching someone else get what you’re still waiting for. Suddenly everyone’s toasting to her new love, her job, her baby, while you’re stuck replaying the same scenes in your life.
It’s easy to act supportive and secretly resentful. But real friendship means finding a way to clap—even when your heart isn’t in it. Practice celebrating them. Say the words. Buy the card. Show up to the thing.
You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be present. At times faking it is the first step to feeling it for real.
6. Keep Some Spaces Just For Friendship
There’s something sacred about friend-only traditions. Maybe it’s your Tuesday trivia night or that annual ugly sweater party. When partners start tagging along, it shifts the air—suddenly you censor jokes or explain old stories.
Give yourself permission to keep some rituals friend-exclusive. It isn’t disloyal to your relationship; it’s loyalty to the parts of yourself that existed before. Your friendships deserve their own oxygen.
Protecting those spaces doesn’t mean you love your partner less. It means you know friendship is its own flavor—and you’re allowed to keep it that way.
7. Stay Curious About Their Feelings (Even When You’re Annoyed)
It’s so tempting to tune out when you’re busy or fed up. Your friend’s upset again. Your partner’s in a funk. You want to offer a solution or zone out. But in certain moments, the bravest thing is to just ask one more question.
Try, “What’s really bugging you about this?” instead of “You’re overreacting.” Lean in, not away. Curiosity is love’s secret weapon—it makes people feel seen, not managed.
You don’t have to fix it. You just have to listen like you actually care. Because deep down, you probably do—even on the days when it’s hard.
8. Jealousy Happens—Don’t Pretend It Doesn’t
You think you’re too grown for jealousy, until your best friend cancels on you for her new boyfriend. Or your partner gets quiet when you talk about that “one friend” too often. It stings, even if you wish it didn’t.
Don’t shame yourself for feeling jealous. It’s a sign something matters to you. Say it out loud: “I feel left behind.” “I miss how it was.” Those words hold so much truth—and power.
Ignoring jealousy won’t make it disappear. Bring it into the light. That’s where healing, and maybe a little laughter about how messy it all is, can finally start.
9. Be The Cheerleader, Not The Critic
Remember when you needed someone in your corner, no questions asked? Be that person for your friend, even if her relationship choices make you scratch your head.
It’s so easy to fall into the trap of criticizing or “just being honest.” But your friend doesn’t need advice—she needs someone to remind her she’s not alone, even as she makes mistakes.
Encouragement doesn’t mean blind approval. It’s reminding her of who she is when she forgets. So grab the popcorn, let her vent, and keep your “I told you so” to yourself—for tonight, at least.
10. Find Yourself Outside The Friendship
Friendship can become a hiding place. I lost myself once trying to be everything to everyone—friend, partner, therapist, event planner. Before I knew it, I’d forgotten what I liked outside of other people’s needs.
Carve out space for your own hobbies, dreams, and weird little obsessions. Your identity shouldn’t be a group project. The more you know yourself, the easier it is to show up authentically—everywhere.
A friend who respects your individuality is a keeper. And your partner? They fell for you, not your ability to morph into whatever anyone else needs.
11. Bend, Don’t Break When Plans Change
You planned a girls’ night for weeks. Suddenly, someone bails. Your partner’s parents come to town. The group chat explodes with excuses. It’s enough to make you want to never plan anything again.
Life’s unpredictable, especially when you’re trying to juggle multiple close relationships. Flexibility is survival. If you cling too hard to “the way it’s supposed to go,” you’ll end up resentful and drained.
Let plans shift. Laugh at the chaos when you can. What matters is not the perfect event, but the connection you keep—however imperfectly it happens.
12. Gossip Is A Shortcut To Nowhere
You want to vent. Maybe your partner did something annoying, or your friend is being ridiculous again. But let’s be honest: gossip never solves anything—it just spreads your frustration around like glitter.
Tempting as it is, resist the urge to turn private moments into dinner-table stories. It chips away at trust, and you’ll feel slimy after. Try telling the person directly what’s bugging you, even if it’s hard.
Friendship and love both need trust to grow. Don’t water them with secrets you’d be ashamed to see aired out. Everyone deserves better than that—including you.
13. Let Your Partner In (When It Feels Right)
Some moments are just for friends, but now and then, bringing your partner into the mix can build something new and good. The trick is picking the right times.
If your bestie’s birthday dinner feels sacred, protect it. But game night or a backyard barbecue? Invite your partner in, let them see the unfiltered version of you with your friends. It might feel awkward, but that’s where new stories start.
You don’t have to stage-manage everyone’s feelings. The best memories happen when you loosen your grip and let people mingle as they are.
14. Call Out The Elephant Before It Tramples You
You know when something’s wrong, but nobody wants to say it? Maybe your partner feels threatened by your bestie, or your friend thinks you’ve changed. The tension gets thicker until someone snaps or ghosts.
Be the brave one. Say, “I’m noticing this feels weird—can we talk about it?” It’s not comfortable, but letting issues fester always ends worse. Airing it out is scary, but it’s how adult relationships heal—or at least, clarify.
You don’t have to fix everything. But you do have to be honest about the elephant in the room. Most of the time, it shrinks once you name it.
15. Share Your Ugly Truths (And Hear Theirs)
Ever admit something you thought would ruin everything, only to realize it brought you closer? Vulnerability is terrifying. But the friendships and relationships that last are the ones where you can bring the messiest parts of yourself.
Tell your friend you’re scared of being replaced. Tell your partner when you feel insecure, or even a little jealous. Your ugly truths aren’t poison—they’re proof you’re real.
If you want honesty from others, you have to offer it first. People might surprise you, and if they don’t? At least you know you’re being honest with yourself.
16. Respect Their Secrets Like They’re Your Own
You know all the juicy details—her last heartbreak, his weird family drama, your partner’s biggest fears. That stuff isn’t yours to share, even as a joke.
Guard their secrets like you guard your own. Trust is fragile and nearly impossible to rebuild once it’s cracked. If you’re not sure, ask before you share.
Respecting privacy isn’t about being secretive. It’s about honoring the trust that makes close relationships possible in the first place.
17. Push Everyone To Have Their Own People
Clinginess is a slow poison. We think needing each other all the time means the friendship (or romance) is strong—until everyone starts feeling trapped.
Celebrate when your friend makes new connections, or when your partner finds a new hobby. Independence breathes life into every relationship. It’s the opposite of drifting apart; it’s making sure you each have something to bring back to the table.
Cheer people on to grow outside of you. That way, when you reconnect, there’s always something fresh, not just the same stories on repeat.
18. Give Change Time To Settle
Everything feels upside-down when your best friend gets a partner, or your own relationship changes the group vibe. It’s normal to feel left out, or even angry. But feelings don’t always last—they shift if you let them.
Give yourself and your people time to find new rhythms. Don’t rush the adjustment or demand instant comfort. At times, the only thing you can do is wait for things to make sense again.
Patience isn’t passive. It’s a choice to believe things will settle, despite not seeing the way yet. Trust the process, even when it’s messy.
19. Don’t Be Afraid To Ask For Help
From time to time, you try everything—talk it out, set boundaries, let things go—and it still feels like you’re drowning. That’s not failure. It’s reality. Relationships get complicated, and it’s okay to need backup.
If things get toxic or confusing, seeing a counselor isn’t defeat. It’s choosing sanity over stubbornness. Asking for help doesn’t mean you’re weak; it means you care enough to want better—for everyone involved.
There’s no shame in needing a referee. In certain moments, the bravest thing is admitting you can’t do it alone. Reach out before you break.