Motherhood is a whole lot of mess and stress.
Sure, there are many beautiful things about being a mother, but I’m here to share the ugly truths we all try to bury as deep as possible.
Every mom has her own insecurities, I know that. I honestly believe that kind of makes you a good mom because having doubts means you’re on your path to improvement.
There are some things that go through a mother’s mind a whole lot of times but she’s never even thought about sharing it with anyone.
Today, I’ve decided to share my biggest insecurities with every momma out there, hoping that it might help at least one of you.
Here goes nothing.
1. In my mind, I compare myself to the mom I think I should be
I always come out short. It seems like the mom I am is so far away from what I believe a mom should be.
I tell myself that there are some things I should be better at – be more patient, play more with my kids or something – but it seems like I never actually change.
I feel toxic for not being able to be a perfect mom to my babies. I fear that my personality will ruin theirs and cause them unnecessary weaknesses and issues that they wouldn’t have if they had a better mom.
I wish I was the smiling princess kind of mom who always has a kind word for everyone, but I’m not.
I am who I am: sarcastic, fearful, sometimes impatient and weak. I know that there are things about me that are good, but I still constantly worry that my kiddos will only remember the bad ones.
2. I’m not always confident with my parenting choices, but you gotta do something, right?
Motherhood, to me, feels like something I’m just winging rather than something I truly ever got a hold of.
With children, there isn’t enough time to think about every possible outcome of something you choose to do as their parent.
One second you might think it was a good idea to give them a juice, the next second they prove you wrong by spilling it on the sofa… The same happens when they grow up.
There’s a lot of uncertainty in raising a child and sometimes, while family and friends praise me for making such informed decisions for my child’s future, I ACTUALLY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I’M DOING.
I try to stay on top of things and make all the best choices but… the truth is, it feels like guessing and hoping to win the lottery.
There are so many unknowns and it’s incredibly stressful.
3. I desperately need time away from my kids
I get tired of playing with my kids and planning healthy meals for them.
Yes. As awful as it may sound to some of you, trying to give my children a healthy environment to grow up in is exhausting to me.
Sometimes, I just don’t want to play with them. Sometimes, I don’t even want to be close to them. I need to be alone and do grown-up stuff.
I spend a whole bunch of my time just thinking about what to cook for them that day. I wish I could just give them fast food and be done with it. I don’t, and I believe that’s what counts.
Still, it feels kind of bad to be thinking about your own children as your source of exhaustion or boredom.
But, let me tell you something…
Perfection is way overrated. Well, at least I think it is because I never truly met a perfect mom.
“There’ll always be something you’ll do wrong,” I tell myself and that’s the truth. There’s nothing you can do in life without making any mistakes and motherhood is no different.
What matters is that I adore my children. I am their biggest fan. I always root for them, as loudly as I can.
What matters is that when there’s not an atom of energy left in my body and I can barely hold my eyes open, I still find a bit more to hug them and kiss them goodnight and do my best to prepare everything they need for the following day.
What matters is that I’m teaching them to be real and honest, both to themselves and to the world.
Don’t suppress your magic and devalue yourself. Own your motherhood and remember: There’s no one to compete with but the mom you were yesterday.