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This Is How I Said Yes To The Mess In My Life

This Is How I Said Yes To The Mess In My Life

I’ll tell you a little secret, but please, keep it just between us: I’m nowhere near the woman you see on Saturday night or on my Instagram profile.

You know, the one who keeps posting photos of her marvelous life? The one who always has a wide smile on her face and is apparently never in a bad mood?

Honestly, that woman has very little in common with me.

Yeah, that’s right, I’m talking about that tall, skinny blond whose selfies you keep seeing on your social media feed. I don’t know who she is as I definitely don’t look like that.

In fact, I’ve just spent years mastering the art of looking like her.

And, what about that awesome boyfriend of hers? It looks like the two of them never argue. He throws her surprises all the time and he seems to be the most romantic man in the world.

Oh, you mean that guy who forgot about my birthday last year and then bought 101 roses to try to make up for it the next day?

Just to be clear, are we still talking about the dude who makes me feel emotionally neglected most of the time?

Should we start discussing her incredible career or the way she is always surrounded by a bunch of friends?

The list can go on forever, but you get the picture. This woman’s life is apparently every little girl’s dream come true. It looks like she has it all.

Well, honey, I’m here to tell you that nothing is as it seems.

I’m a professional at faking it, trust me. In fact, I’ve spent most of my adult years trying to convince strangers that my life is perfect.

I’m not just talking about my social media profiles, I’m also referring to the phony smile that’s become a part of me. Never mind the fact that I’ve been repressing my true emotions for as long as I can remember.

Basically, I’ve been living a lie for so long that I’ve ended up believing it as well. You see, I was so hard on myself that I refused to accept anything below perfection.

Well, screw that! The truth is that my life is a huge mess and I’m finally learning to embrace it. I don’t have to be flawless to be fantastic.

Don’t get me wrong: I’m honestly grateful for all of my blessings. I’m thankful and proud of myself for all of my successes and achievements.

However, this doesn’t mean that I don’t experience failures as well. It also doesn’t mean that there aren’t days when I hate myself and would jump right out of my skin if I had the chance.

So, I’ve decided to cut the crap. I’ve decided to put a stop to these false pretenses and show the real me to the world.

I don’t look like a top runway model. My mother has never encouraged me, my job has made me reach my breaking point, my love life is falling apart, and I’m pretty sure I don’t have more than one real friend.

There are mornings when I don’t have the strength to leave my bed, there are days when I feel like the biggest loser in the world, and there are nights when I cry myself to sleep.

There are moments when my insecurities get the best of me and when my own self-doubts overwhelm me. There are days when I can’t see my worth no matter how much I try.

However, you don’t notice any of this, do you? Well, now you know. There, I said it. I’m not perfect nor will I ever be.

So, enough with being so hard on myself and criticizing myself for having the audacity to be human.

Enough with pretending that everything is okay while I’m falling apart. Enough with laughing when I would actually rather cry my eyes out.

Enough with comparing myself to others. Enough with wasting my time and energy trying to fulfill some imposed societal standard.

Most importantly: Enough with running away from the parts of me that I don’t like.

Don’t get me wrong: I didn’t come here to complain. Instead, this is me accepting and loving my true self, and I sincerely advise you to do the same.

You know what I’ve figured out? Whoever loves you truly will also love your mess and all of your imperfections. These people will care for you at your best and at your worst, no matter what.

And, what about those who don’t? Well, they should have never gotten the privilege of your presence in the first place.