There are so many things you’re doing that your friends don’t understand.
They don’t seem to understand that some events are overwhelming for you and that the perfect evening for you is you with your book or your phone.
For extroverts, it’s so hard to understand that ordering something online is so much easier than going out and facing all those people or sometimes, even calling is too much for you. And there are so many other things your friends are having a hard time understanding you’re doing simply because your temperament is the way it is.
And here is a list of the most common and most confusing ones.
1. Never answering phone calls
They don’t understand that you prefer to text because that way, you have time to understand how the other person feels and you have time to think of the best answer. Over texts, you are witty, funny and incredibly empathetic, but when you are talking over the phone, stress gets the best of you, so you start stuttering and talking nonsense, while wishing you never answered that phone call in the first place.
When you are talking over the phone, you can’t see the way the other person reacted. Everything you said seems stupid or completely blunt and the whole experience is just so stressful for you that you try to avoid it any way you can.
2. Reading or working at a cafe
There is something about being surrounded by people but not having to actually talk with them. They create the perfect background noise for you because that way, you don’t feel lonely, but you don’t feel the pressure of making small talk either.
And plus, you simply love to observe people and come up with stories in your head, and this is a perfect way for you to do it.
3. When you leave parties early
You are usually the first one to leave a party, saying that you are so tired. But the thing is, you are not sleepy or exhausted. You’re just tired of talking to people or being around them.
They drain your energy in a way your extroverted friends would never understand. And while you’re at the party, you’re usually talking to one person you know and you’re comfortable with, while longing for your bed and your place where you can be yourself.
4. Being incredibly selective about with whom you spend your time
You don’t care about how many friends you have, as long as they are real and true ones. Because people drain your energy so easily, it’s completely natural that you want to spend your time with people who actually make you feel good.
And this is the only reason why you’re not a huge fan of big parties, dinners or hangouts. You prefer to keep it simple and yet meaningful.
5. When you cancel plans at the last minute
It’s hard to understand that when someone makes plans they can’t follow through. Maybe you were feeling fine when you made them, but when the day actually came around, you realized that you needed some alone time to gain your composure.
You’re not rude. You’re not trying to be a drama queen or get someone’s attention. You’re simply not feeling like leaving your home.
6. Getting lost in your thoughts all the time
For you, it’s so easy to lose focus that sometimes people tend to think you don’t care about something they’re talking about. But while they’re talking, you’re trying your best to be the best version of yourself.
That causes you to stop listening and get lost in your efforts instead. And when you’re at class, you’re already daydreaming about a better future or a simpler past. You do care, but you’re too stressed out about the right way to show it that in the end, you just don’t know how to do it.
7. When you need alone time more than others
Sensory overload happens to you more than it happens to people around you, simply because you are more sensitive than let’s say, your extrovert friends.
Crowds, noises, people and stress affect you more than they affect people around you which is why you need more alone time than they do. You don’t hate people. You don’t hate spending time with them. It’s just you need to spend time with yourself more than you do with them.
8. The way people drain your energy
Some people recharge themselves when they spend time around people. Some people enjoy the attention and some people are born to be leaders. But you care about spending your time the way it makes you feel good.
You care about spending your time with people who care about you and with people who understand that sometimes, you will drift off and sometimes, you will be over excited.
You prefer to hang out with people who understand that just because you’re distant sometimes, it doesn’t mean you don’t care about them.
With people who understand that you want to talk about deep stuff, about your future, about things that mean something to you and sometimes, you just want to share silence with them. Doing things you’re not okay with only drain you, people drain you, which is why you prefer to be alone most of the time.
9. You don’t engage in small talk
Small talk makes you nervous and anxious. You don’t know how to talk about the weather, people’s jobs or shopping. You prefer talking about deeper stuff, talking about things you are passionate about. You like talking about things that make you and the other person feel good, not drained.
10. When you recharge yourself alone
It’s hard to understand that spending one night alone to you is like going on a one-month vacation. It’s hard to understand that sometimes when you say that you have other plans, it actually means that you want to spend some time with your book or Netflix. It’s hard to understand that painting, drawing, singing or just listening to music is what you consider a perfect night—s perfect way to spend time and recharge yourself.
When people are the ones who drain your energy, the only possible way to recharge yourself is to be alone. But to someone who doesn’t get drained around people, to someone who enjoys being around people and who spends time with them to recharge themselves, it’s incredibly hard to understand that it doesn’t work that way for you.
Their lack of understanding doesn’t mean that you need to change yourself or go against yourself to make others feel good. Put yourself first because people who truly care about you will always try to understand. People who don’t, will always try to change you.