“A queerplatonic (or quasiplatonic – QPP) relationship is a relationship that is not romantic but involves a close emotional connection (platonic) beyond what most people consider friendship.”
Summarized, a queerplatonic relationship (QPR) is an intimate and intense relationship that doesn’t have characteristics of either a friendship or a romantic relationship.
It is one of the most special, strong bonds you could experience during your lifetime.
Such a relationship is asexual but it also breaks the conventions of ‘just friends’ and even if there was the possibility of sensual tension between the two, neither would ever act on it because it just seems wrong.
Being in a queerplatonic relationship means being with someone who completes you on so many levels (that you didn’t know even existed), which is simply incomparable with what you might have shared so far with your romantic partner in a romantic type of relationship.
What is a queerplatonic relationship like?
There are only a few words which can explain the feeling after you enter a queerplatonic partnership and those are…
You feel like you’ve known each other for years and you can’t imagine your life without your queerplatonic partner!
They are like a type of soulmate to you, an asexual twin-flame and you would likely never look at them in a passionate way because your relationship is so much more than that!
Both of you have sworn an emotional commitment and platonic love to one another. You’re best friends with non-romantic intentions.
You understand each other’s fears and emotions and sometimes you know what they are thinking without even asking them. You’ve formed a perfect queerplatonic partnership.
While to outsiders, a queerplatonic relationship might seem confusing (because people have this tendency to always believe that there’s something more romantic going on), this doesn’t mean that you should immediately give up on this special connection you have with each other.
If you choose to take part in romantic or non-romantic relationships, that’s your decision and no one else’s.
We’re living in the 21st century and every person has the right to make a choice of their own, so why should you make excuses for having an aromantic relationship which is both romantic and aromantic at the same time?
I know, it sounds pretty confusing but it’s real.
Do queerplatonic relationships depend on romantic orientation?
Queerplatonic, also known as quasiplatonic relationships, have no boundaries or restrictions.
Those kinds of relationships don’t look at sexual orientation and they don’t respect any so-called romantic norms. These relationships are spontaneous and pure-hearted.
The only thing important is the presence of an emotional connection and physical affection.
Queerplatonic relationships don’t depend on polygamy or monogamy either, which brings us to the mention of queerplatonic marriage.
Regardless of whether a marriage is in the form of an intimate relationship or it’s an asexual community, these people are perfectly capable to raise children and form a healthy community.
A healthy marriage doesn’t depend on romantic attraction, cuddling, holding hands or kissing in public.
In the end, marriage is based on mutual trust, communication and respect. Imagine being married to a person who has all the qualities of a best friend.
Remember that sharing a queerplatonic relationship with someone is a truly rare and amazing thing to experience and if you’re wondering if you’re in one now, check the following 15 signs that your friend or bestie is so much more than that!
15 definite signs you’re in a queerplatonic relationship
You’re excited about spending time with them
You can’t think of a single time you said yes to their plans and didn’t feel like it.
Even if you don’t feel like clubbing, you’re still excited about spending time with them because you just know that your day will get so much better the moment you see them.
When we talk about queerplatonic relationships, you don’t need romantic love to be able to feel the excitement before meeting the person you like.
Because of your special bond, you even make sure to make time especially for them and if there isn’t any time, you cancel other plans for them.
You often wonder if that was too much
When you’re together, everything feels so natural and normal.
You share your deepest thoughts and fears even in the early stages of friendship because it just feels right.
When you’re with your person, you have a feeling that you’ve found a life partner regardless of whether you are a romantic couple or not.
But once you’re on your own, you wonder if that was a little bit too much to share.
They get you when no one else does
Out of all the relationship types, this one has the most understanding.
When everyone else is looking at you like you’re crazy, they seem to get you.
You’re so connected that there are no boundaries between the two of you and sometimes it feels like you can read each other’s minds.
There’s no awkward silence – ever
It’s like you can spend hours talking and the moment you separate, you remember something you forgot to tell them.
You have so much in common and you share so many things you’re passionate about that you can discuss them for ages.
And you feel so comfortable with each other that it just feels good to tell them everything that’s on your mind, no matter how stupid, scary or messed up it sounds.
Complete silence or a lack of words is not a problem in this aromantic community because you never feel that uncomfortable silence.
It’s impossible to feel it when you’re with someone you’d trust your life with.
They get you and you’re not afraid to speak your mind because you know they won’t judge you.
You complete each other’s sentences
Sometimes it freaks you out and sometimes it just feels amazing to have someone who’s always on the same page with you.
They know exactly what you mean at all times and you even find yourself finishing each other’s sentences.
To outsiders, it seems like you developed your own language, as you talk fast and without any further explanation because you simply know what the other is thinking at that moment.
I hope you now understand that asexuality and platonic relationships can create meaningful relationships too.
It’s not all about getting into bed with somene and physical contact.
There’s slight jealousy when they’re talking about another friend
There’s nothing more painful for a queerplatonic relationship than a third person.
That is the most vulnerable point of every relationship including this one.
It’s not like you don’t want them to have any other friends besides you, it’s just that you don’t want them to talk about them in front of you.
You just feel special and when they mention someone else, that feeling goes away for a while.
But don’t worry, this one goes both ways. They’re jealous when you mention someone else too.
After all, a small dose of jealousy hasn’t harmed anyone so far.
You feel complete with them
We search our whole lives for that someone who will make us complete, for that someone who will feel like the other half of ourself.
And you can feel just that with them, in a way you can’t even feel with your own significant other.
That’s not a sign that your relationship with your partner is not good enough or that there’s something wrong with it.
Consider this as a blessing because you have found something that many of us are still looking for.
Other people voice their suspicions about your relationship
They either tell you that it’s unhealthy to be that close to someone or that there’s something more going on than friendship.
They may call you out for having a crush on each other or for ‘hiding your true emotions’.
That’s because most people don’t understand the kind of bond you share, simply because of its rarity.
Take some advice and simply ignore what everyone is telling you and go with your instincts. If you want to cuddle, then cuddle.
If you want to just talk, then talk. Do whatever your heart is telling you.
When you see their name on-screen, you get all giddy
You feel like a little schoolgirl when you see that they texted you or they’re calling you.
You are eager to see what news they have to share with you, whether it’s maybe something new you can do together or something new that happened to them since the last time you talked (and that was like, minutes ago).
It’s almost like you have a crush but then it’s not.
They already know how you feel, so there’s no need for you to explain
Instead of looking for the right words, for the best way to express how you feel, they already know.
It feels so good to have someone who knows how you feel, without even saying a single word.
And even when you’re confused and you’re not sure how you feel about something, when they put it into words, it makes sense instantly.
Everything seems better when you’re with them
Everything seems less scary and you feel like you can conquer the world when you’re together.
When you’re down, they pull you up. When you’re happy, they’re happy with you.
You don’t need expensive restaurants, clubs or pints of ice cream. You don’t need vacations or expensive trips.
You just need your bestie to make everything better and simply be by your side.
When something happens, they’re the first person who comes to mind
Whether it’s a bad or good thing, they’re the first person you think of when something happens to you.
It doesn’t matter whether it’s good or bad, you just want them nearby to share the news.
If they’re not there, you’re constantly thinking about how they would have enjoyed it, how you wished they were there.
You’re so close that you simply know how they think and what things they enjoy.
Weird nicknames
Queerplatonic relationships are based on mutual weird nicknames that you give to each other.
Whether you’re still in high school or in your late 40s, it’s a way to tell everyone ‘we’re together’.
Those nicknames mean something to both of you but to everyone else they’re just, well, weird.
For example, you’ve probably called each other a zucchini or a squish. Trust me, it gets even weirder.
You dress alike without even trying
It’s like you read each other’s minds, as you dress alike without even telling each other what you’re going to wear.
You just share the same taste in clothes, music and basically everything else, that it was only a matter of time when you would start dressing alike.
You like each other so much that you unconsciously buy things that remind you of them, which leads to having almost the exact same wardrobe as each other.
They know what you need even better than you do
Whether it’s walking around all day, clubbing all night or simply sharing silence, they know what you need at that moment, even when you don’t know it yourself.
That’s why it just feels so good to be in a queerplatonic relationship because you make each other happy so naturally and without any fuss.
You make each other happy because it makes you happy as well.
